Family Secrets

The group stood, gazing at the tree in silence for a few minutes. Kennedy turned to look at Juliette, who was carefully examining the ornaments adorning the branches. Kennedy shifted beside Eva as she watched the girl. Had Logan given her Christmas? Kennedy doubted it. She wondered how long it had been since Juliette had last had a decent holiday.

Kennedy continued to watch Juliette from the corner of her eye, on one occasion opening her mouth to speak, and then closing it again as she failed to find words to say. She felt Eva squeeze her shoulder reassuringly. Kennedy remained silent for another moment or two, and then looked over to Juliette and spoke.

"Is there anything you want us to know about you?" she asked. "Or anything you'd like to know about any of us? We want you to feel safe here, so you don't have to feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time."
 
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Juliette failed to notice Kennedy looking down at her, absorbed as she was in trying to memorize the way the colors melded on different parts of the christmas tree. The silence of the next few minutes wrapped around her like a blanket, but heavily, like if it lasted too long with people standing near her, it would start to crush her. When she looked higher to the branches she wouldn't be able to reach if she tried, she could feel the women's eyes on her, then noticed Kennedy's trying to catch hers.
Juliette blinked when she broke the quiet, but listened closely anyhow.
"Is there anything you want us to know about you?" she asked. "Or anything you'd like to know about any of us? We want you to feel safe here, so you don't have to feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time."
Juliette hesitated, considered the question, eyes down again. Fidgeting with her fingers again, she felt the seconds go by until she thought of something to ask, then worried again that it didn't quite fit the criteria they were asking for. She bit her lip, but opened her mouth at least to keep them from waiting on her any longer. "Um..your rules?" she paused, feeling like the question was unclear. "The household rules.. I guess?" She wasn't sure that made it better, but at least she'd asked.
 
Juliette's gaze dropped as Kennedy spoke to her, and the child remained silent for a moment or two, fidgeting with her hands and biting her lip. When she finally did speak, she asked for rules. Kennedy supposed that was fair. She hadn't spent time with her brother at length in over ten years, but something told her he would have made an absurdly strict parent. Kennedy had to pause herself, to think of exactly what to answer with.

"Rules..." she started. "Well, I suppose the most important one would be to be respectful of the other people in the house. You don't have to call anyone ma'am or sir, or anything like that. Just...be nice. If a door is closed, knock before you go in. Pick up after yourself if you make a mess--and if you need help cleaning it, just ask. If you need help with anything, you can always just ask. Nobody is going to bite your head off for it."

Kennedy paused again, and then added, "You're welcome to explore the house," she told Juliette. "Just be careful if you go down to the basement. Its a complete mess about ninety percent of the time, and pretty much the only reason none of us trip over anything down there anymore is because we've all memorized how to maneuver the mess." She chuckled softly. "It's mostly just costumes and fabric and such, but you could still get hurt if you fell."
 
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"Rules..." she started.
Juliette steeled herself and had to work up to courage to actually look up at them. She prepared to listen for a long while, but each one felt kind of general. There weren't that many details, no "don't ever touch the thermostat" or "you're never allowed to lock your door." They were things she would have done anyway. Well except for asking. She'd have to practice that one. Kennedy paused and Juliette kept quiet, worried that if she didn't list more it might be because she wasn't thinking of them all on the spot and that she would later break a rule she hadn't known about before.
"You're welcome to explore the house," she told Juliette. "Just be careful if you go down to the basement. Its a complete mess about ninety percent of the time, and pretty much the only reason none of us trip over anything down there anymore is because we've all memorized how to maneuver the mess." She chuckled softly. "It's mostly just costumes and fabric and such, but you could still get hurt if you fell."
Her eyebrows furrowed a little, but she gave a slow nod. That last part wasn't really a rule, but she figured she'd stay out of the basement anyway, just in case. Unless told to go down there.
But now she didn't know what else to say and realized she was kind of stuck in a corner, back toward the tree and both Eva and Kennedy blocking her way around the piano. Her stomach started hurting again. She clenched her teeth, wondered what the boys were doing and whether she was allowed to touch the fridge.
 
The girl fidgeted nervously as Kennedy finished speaking, and her gaze travelled slowly over to the kitchen. "Hungry?" Kennedy asked. She realized she had no idea when Juliette had last eaten a full meal. "I'll probably get started on dinner soon. Any preferences? I'm sure I can manage something you'd like. You're welcome to a snack from the fridge if you want one."

As she spoke, Jupiter emerged from the hallway, carrying something in their arms. They had probably been in the basement, though Kennedy had neither seen or heard them go down in the first place. Hugo and Ronan emerged from behind them, Hugo making a beeline for the fridge before sliding across the hardwood floor in his socks and nearly crashing into the counter.

"There's a counter there," Kennedy stated as the boy caught himself and began rummaging in the fridge. "And we're out of bagels. You had the last one for breakfast."

Hugo huffed and closed the fridge behind him, perching on one of the kitchen chairs. "Jupiter finished their coat," he announced, looking expectantly toward his sibling, who was still clutching the multicolored bundle to their chest.

"Did you?" Eva asked Jupiter, leaning against the back of the couch as she spoke. "Well, don't keep us in suspense."

Jupiter's face reddened slightly as they unfurled the leather coat. It had started off being off-white, but had been painted over the course of several days. It bore several small, intentional burn holes in the back of it, as well as ragged burns across its hem, varying shades of brown and black slightly mingling into the eggshell white color.

"I'm not sure it's done," Jupiter said quietly, their face still red with nervousness. Jupiter was confident in most respects, but when it came to their art, they were often private and somewhat nervous. "I might add rhinestones in some places. But I think I'm done with lighting it on fire." They paused. "Also we're out of leather paint."

"I thought I could wear it next time I did a David Bowie number," Jupiter suggested. "Since it's based off the coat from the Earthling cover art."
"Aren't 80% of your performances to David Bowie songs?" Ronan teased.
"No!"
"Sounds fake, but okay," Ronan said, spinning around in the chair he had settled in.
 
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"Hungry?" Kennedy asked. She realized she had no idea when Juliette had last eaten a full meal. "I'll probably get started on dinner soon. Any preferences? I'm sure I can manage something you'd like. You're welcome to a snack from the fridge if you want one."
Juliette looked up at her aunt, a little incredulous at the offer. "Oh. Um.." she was usually the person to cook her own food and it was usually ramen. She didn't know what to ask for at all. As the boys entered the kitchen, Juliette blinked wide eyes at them. Did they have enough food for snacks? With this many people living here?
As people drifted toward the kitchen and the attention shifted away from her, Juliette felt a little relieved. She watched everyone closely, feeling slightly more comfortable approaching the fridge after Hugo did. Then she eyed Jupiter's coat when he mentioned it, listening to their conversation as she walked somewhat slowly toward the fridge, giving Eva and Kennedy ample time to interfere in case they changed their mind about the snack, since Hugo finished the bagels. How he got away with that, she didn't know. The last time she'd eaten the last of a food item in the house...well she'd learned her lesson not to.
"Jupiter finished their coat," he announced, looking expectantly toward his sibling, who was still clutching the multicolored bundle to their chest.

"Did you?" Eva asked Jupiter, leaning against the back of the couch as she spoke. "Well, don't keep us in suspense."
She paused at the counter, looking back to see the coat. It really was a work of art. As they continued the conversation, Juliette opened the fridge, careful to push a a few fingers through the sealant so it'd make less noise when the door opened. Juliette's eyes grew to the side of dinner plates. The fridge light worked. There was a pitcher of water..that didn't smell like sulfur. There was fruit and a cabinet full of vegetables! And most surprising of all, there was no beer. The only reason she didn't just stare with indecision and shock was because she was really cold with the door open. She grabbed the first thing that seemed snack-worthy (a whole bag of green grapes!) and closed the door, still a little shell-shocked. She looked at the bag closely. Nothing was even a little moldy. The little corner tab said to wash before eating, so she walked it over to the sink and took the time to quietly tear a paper towel from the roll on the counter as they talked.
"I thought I could wear it next time I did a David Bowie number," Jupiter suggested. "Since it's based off the coat from the Earthling cover art."
"Aren't 80% of your performances to David Bowie songs?" Ronan teased.
Juliette gently tore a little bushel of grapes from the big vine and reached for the faucet handle on her tiptoes.
Juliette visibly flinched, her hand tightening involuntarily around the faucet handle, which made the sink turn on a little. The stream dripped onto her purple sleeve, so she drew her hand back, trying to get her breath back to normal, hoping nobody had noticed. Calm the hell down, stupid. He wasn't even yelling at you.
"Sounds fake, but okay," Ronan said, spinning around in the chair he had settled in.
She washed the grapes with a slightly shaky hand, then turned the faucet off.
 
Jupiter swatted Ronan with the coat, and Ronan laughed, quickly moving out of the way, the fabric barely brushing one of his arms as he darted past. Jupiter gathered the coat back up and slipped into it, spinning slightly as they did.

“It fits well,” Eva complimented. “You did a good job on it, especially considering it was too big for you when you bought it from the thrift store. The paint looks nice, and you did a good job taking it in.”

Jupiter beamed at the woman’s praise. “Thank you!”

Kennedy strode forward to look at the coat. “Hold your arm out,” she instructed. Jupiter obediently extended a hand with their palm facing upward. Kennedy examined the stitching for a moment or two, and then smiled. “Your stitching is miles ahead of the last time I saw you sew a whole garment. And the shoulders are fitted better too. Well done, Jupiter.”

Jupiter blushed at Kennedy’s praise, their smile growing wider. Kennedy was, and always had been, significantly more difficult to please. She was firmer, and more strict of a teacher.

“What’s for dinner?” Hugo asked loudly, speaking the loudest he had for the entire day. “Because if nobody else has an opinion, I vote for spaghetti.”

“First of all,” Jupiter said, as they took off the coat, folding the it in half lengthwise and shifting it over their forearm, “You eat spaghetti all day every day if you could, so I feel like your vote might be invalid; and second of all, let Juliette pick. You got to pick on your first night here.”

Hugo appeared unbothered by his sibling’s scolding, and he shrugged and looked back to Juliette, who was turning the faucet off. “She can pick,” he decided. “I’ll eat anything.”
 
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Juliette was glad nobody noticed her freaking out at every little thing. She shouldn't have been surprised, since she'd basically trained herself on how to go unnoticed, but she was still hypervigilant of everything now that she was in a place full of people that could decide her fate in more ways than one.

Regardless of the power they held over her, they were nice to watch from a small distance. She envied their casual way of interacting and marveled at the way the coat moved on its graceful wearer. She popped a grape into her mouth, sighing softly at the rarity of fresh fruit as she chewed and smiled slightly at Eva's compliment to Jupiter's coat.
Kennedy strode forward to look at the coat. “Hold your arm out,” she instructed. Jupiter obediently extended a hand with their palm facing upward.
Her smile dropped then, and all she heard was a constant ring in her ears. She winced, trying to rid herself of it, but the insides of her eyelids played a swift memory derived from a similar moment.
"Hold out your arm," he growled, the cigarette between his teeth making his words sound angrier. Juliette obeyed. She always obeyed.

Juliette shivered, feeling the cold spot on her sweater where the water from the sink had seeped through the fabric to the inside of her arm, where her old burn scars made her scratch sometimes.
“What’s for dinner?” Hugo asked loudly, speaking the loudest he had for the entire day
Juliette tensed, but at least the sound distracted her from the constant spiral in her head. She nibbled at another grape, subtly pulling at the skin of it with her teeth.
“Because if nobody else has an opinion, I vote for spaghetti.”

“First of all,” Jupiter said, as they took off the coat, folding the it in half lengthwise and shifting it over their forearm, “You eat spaghetti all day every day if you could, so I feel like your vote might be invalid; and second of all, let Juliette pick. You got to pick on your first night here.”
At the mention of her name her gaze shot up to Jupiter, then around to everyone else, staring at her now.
Hugo appeared unbothered by his sibling’s scolding, and he shrugged and looked back to Juliette. “She can pick,” he decided. “I’ll eat anything.”
She felt like a deer in the headlights, fretting desperately for what to say so they could stop looking at her all at once. Her lips trembled for a second that felt far too long before she forced a sound. "Um,...spaghetti is fine," she mumbled, then to make sure they wouldn't push, "I don't have any other ideas," she admitted.
 
Kennedy sighed. "All right," she said. "Spaghetti it is, then. I'll get started." She looked over at Hugo. "I suppose you've won out after all." Looking back to Juliette, she noticed the girl had shrank away slightly at Hugo's loud proclamation. "Are you all right, Juliette?" Kennedy asked. She offered the girl a kind, reassuring smile, and then turned to rummage through one of the cabinets.

"I'm going to take this back downstairs," Jupiter said, turning back towards the basement door. Ronan had already scrambled back down the stairs, and Hugo was getting up to follow his twin. Jupiter looked back to Juliette again. "You can come too, if you like," they offered. "Once you've finished your grapes."
 
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Kennedy sighed.
Juliette clenched her jaw shut and her eyes shot to the floor. Wrong answer, disphit. Kennedy seemed slightly exasperated to start cooking. Maybe if Juliette offered to cook, they'd see her as less of a useless idiot. Unless she messed it up. She bit her lip, didn't notice Kennedy looking at her until she said something. She paid attention, snapping her gaze up again as if a sergeant had commanded her to.
"Are you all right, Juliette?" Kennedy asked. She offered the girl a kind, reassuring smile, and then turned to rummage through one of the cabinets.
Depends on your definition of all right, she thought, pushing another grape past her lips. "Mhm," she nodded. That was the easiest question to lie to because it was the one she'd been asked most frequently at her old school. It was only because of gym class that anyone had realized her home life was...abnormal.
"I'm going to take this back downstairs," Jupiter said, turning back towards the basement door. Ronan had already scrambled back down the stairs, and Hugo was getting up to follow his twin. Jupiter looked back to Juliette again. "You can come too, if you like," they offered. "Once you've finished your grapes."
Her watchful eyes returned to Jupiter and the boys, learning now where the basement door was, since she'd missed its location before. When the blond met her gaze, she kept it, still chewing, then nodded again, letting them know she'd heard. She didn't like that phrase if you like. It gave her too many ways to screw up. It wasn't a definite yes or no, it was just an invitation she never knew when to take. For now, she just hoped to make up for her hasty dinner choice. So she swallowed, turned back toward Kennedy and thought what she would say before she said it. "Do you want any help?" she asked, then huffed, annoyed with herself. "...with dinner, I mean." She'd made spaghetti before, it was pretty simple, though she hadn't ever made enough to feed more than two, if that.
 
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Kennedy turned her head to watch the teenagers descend the basement steps. "Be careful!" she cautioned. "You can move my mannequin out of the way if you want to. I don't want you bumping my coat. The glue is still wet." A small sound of acknowledgment came from one of the kids, and their footsteps faded into the basement.

"Hmm?" Kennedy asked, looking up from the pot of water she had placed on the burner as Juliette offered her help. "You're welcome to help," she answered with a smile. "I could probably use it." She went back to the fridge, in search of the meat for the sauce.

Eva drifted past them. She paused to look at Kennedy. "I'll be around if you need me," she said. "I have to go finish the flyer for the show this weekend. The bar is already upset with me for being late with it."
"Just don't use that same picture of me again," Kennedy warned. "I look a mess."
"Use that exact same picture of you?" Eva teased. "Okay, got it. Will do.

Kennedy smirked and swatted at Eva with the dishtowel she held in her hand. Eva laughed and darted out of the way before vanishing into another room.
 
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"Hmm?" Kennedy asked, looking up from the pot of water she had placed on the burner as Juliette offered her help.
Juliette gulped, unsure if she should repeat herself. She knew she talked too softly and had often been told to speak up or shut up. But Kennedy had heard her.
"You're welcome to help," she answered with a smile. "I could probably use it." She went back to the fridge, in search of the meat for the sauce.
Her shoulders relaxed a bit. She should probably figure out where all the kitchen utensils are before she has to ask too many times. Dang, she should have done that before now.
She looked up at Eva as she passed, watching the women interact, confused about how they potentially ran a bar, but didn't have alcohol in the fridge. It kind of put her on edge. No one had told her about what her aunt does for a living. But if the costumes and makeup were any indication, she was putting a theory together.
She stiffened when Kennedy hit her with the towel, then pressed her lips together, frustrated and walked toward the sink to wash her hands so she could help. She didn't know where the pasta was or how much to put in the pot, but figured she'd just wait for instructions before assuming anymore.
 
Kennedy glanced over her shoulder as Eva vanished down the hallway, smirking and rolling her eyes as her wife's footsteps faded away. She pulled a few boxes of spaghetti and some spices from a cabinet above the stove. "I always make a lot," she explained to Juliette as she pulled a package of ground beef from the refrigerator. "Ronan and Jupiter tend not to eat the leftovers, but Hugo devours almost all of them in like...ten minutes." She shrugged.

Hugo had always eaten like he was being starved, and when Kennedy had first met the twins, they essentially, had been. She supposed that, now, Hugo ate that way because of some subconscious fear. He, deep down, was fearful of being deprived food again. So he ate to sustain himself, to be able to go longer periods without food. And no matter how much he ate, the boy rarely, if ever, gained any weight. Part of it, was his growth having been stunted from years of abuse, and part of it was a symptom of his cystic fibrosis. Both he and Ronan were short for their ages, but Hugo was exceptionally thin, and had always suffered poor growth.

Kennedy moved the meat into a pan, slowly beginning to separate it into smaller pieces with a spatula as it began to cook. She looked to Juliette. "Any chance you want to separate the meat?" she suggested. "Or would you rather be in charge of stirring the noodles? I know some people are squeamish about uncooked meat.
 
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Juliette watched her pull a bunch of spaghetti from above the stove, memorizing the location just in case, though she wasn't sure she could reach that high without a chair. Kennedy explained the quantity and Juliette nodded again, standing a few feet away and unsure of where she should start. So she just watched, taking note of where the cooking utensils were and fidgeting with her fingers again until Kennedy turned to her.
"Any chance you want to separate the meat?" she suggested. "Or would you rather be in charge of stirring the noodles? I know some people are squeamish about uncooked meat."
She shrugged. "I can do either," It had been awhile since she'd used fresh meat though. It was kind of a novelty before. She stepped forward and took the tool she was handed, starting the task assigned with relative ease. It was weird to be in the kitchen with another person though. She was self-conscious of every movement she made, so used to being ignored all the time, or worse, paid attention to.
The heat from the stove warmed her cold fingers somewhat, and the fact that the stove was clean and that it worked as soon as it was turned on must be so convenient. If she figured out enough of where everything was, she could take note of what everyone liked and make something for them without having to be asked next time.
 
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Passing the spatula to Juliette, Kennedy produced a jar of sauce from another cabinet, setting it off to the side before depositing the noodles into the boiling water on the stove. She watched Juliette move the meat around in the pan for a moment or two, and a silence filled the room for several minutes.

Kennedy glanced toward her niece. "I'm not so bad," she said softly, mostly to Juliette but partly to herself as well. "He never liked me either. He hated me, actually. I probably wasn't really the ideal older brother for him, and he wasn't fond of me being a sister, either. It's part of why I stopped talking to him." She paused. "I'm sorry you were stuck with him for so long. I would've come to get you sooner if I'd known."
 
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Juliette glanced over her shoulder for a moment, catching a glimpse of the cabinet that Kennedy got the sauce from before they lapsed into silence. She did her job diligently, relaxing just a bit with every second that passed without a reprimand. For a tiny while, Juliette almost let herself feel comfortable in the quiet.

Then her aunt spoke up again, standing a little too close to her after having poured the noodles into the pot on the stove eye right beside hers. Juliette returned her gaze shyly, listening with a small 'v' forming between her eyebrows before she understood what she was talking about. It felt like two fingers slowly.. pinching her airway closed. She didn't even know why ; she should be relieved that they never got along, that she might just understand things about him that she--.
"I'm sorry you were stuck with him for so long. I would've come to get you sooner if I'd known."
Juliette blinked up at her, frozen. Her first instinct was to say that it was okay, it wasn't her fault, she couldn't have known. But Juliette couldn't move. She was trapped, trembling. She had showed up at the door what felt like minutes ago thinking nothing of it, a distant relative with a temporary holding place for her. A spare bed or something. But staring up at this woman who had this lovely wife and a happy family, Juliette could only remember all. that time. hiding in her sparse room and praying not to be seen.
and all the times he--https://i.skyrock.net/4996/79904996/pics/3026560852_1_16_uAZyYAAR.gif
She wasn't prepared for this. She grasped at straws in her mind for an excuse to run.
"I. I-- need to go to the bathroom," Juliette whispered, unstuck her feet from the floor, set the spatula on the counter and quickly walked toward the hallway that led to the stairs.
 
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The girl froze as Kennedy finished speaking, and Kennedy immediately wanted to kick herself, knowing that she had said something she shouldn't have. She felt her face grow hot, and she only nodded in response, turning her attention back to the stove as the girl quickly and quietly headed up the stairs. Kennedy remained like that for several minutes, putting more attention into her cooking than was perhaps needed for a dish as simple as spaghetti.

As Juliette appeared at the top of the stairs, Eva glanced up. She had settled herself on top of her bed with her laptop, her gaze focused intently on the screen as she worked on the flyer for the weekend. Catching sight of Juliette over the top of her screen, Eva straightened up slightly and cast a worried glance at the child. "Juliette?" she asked softly. "Are you all right?"
 
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Juliette thought she'd been quiet. Even though the only thing in her head was the urge to run away. But when she stopped at the top of the steps to try to breathe again, Eva spoke to her. Juliette glanced at her for half a second, but hadn't understood a word she'd said, so she kept walking, finally finding the room she'd been assigned. There was no relief, no safe place. Her eyes flickered to
the bed Hell no
then under it too slow
the window too slow, cold
the closet. The closet.
Next thing she knew, she was pressed as hard as she could manage into the wall in the corner of the closet with the slatted, sliding doors shut.
Praying to be left alone again as she trembled and hyperventilated, and beating herself up about it all the while. Her nails left little crescent moons in her palms, trying to distract her from her thoughts too much too much too much
 
Kennedy eventually finished cooking dinner on her own. Juliette failed to return, and Kennedy decided, after a few minutes of deliberating, not to pursue her. She knew she had frightened the girl, and the last thing she wanted to do was chase her and make her even more afraid of her. She gazed down at the prepared meal, and then down the hallway to the basement door, and then up the stairs, in the direction Juliette had gone.

She portioned some of the food onto a plate and carried it up the steps, heading to Juliette's bedroom. The bedroom door was wide open, and the closet door was shut. Kennedy could hear the girl's panicked breathing behind the door. She set the plate of food on the dresser, taking a small, quiet step toward the closet.

"Juliette?" Kennedy called gently. She knocked lightly on the closet door as she spoke. "Can I come in?" She stopped and shook her head, before adding, "Dinner is ready. You...you don't have to eat at the table if you don't want to. I brought you some food. I can bring you more if you're still hungry." She took a few steps back from the closet, listening for Juliette's response.
 
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Juliette continued to try and fail to calm herself down. Only after her thoughts had driven her to the point of frustrated tears could she begin to stop shaking so much. She'd been so stupid and awful and rude and somehow still sitting here like a useless piece of shit!
Her mind had convinced her she'd be sent out of the house tomorrow morning with no visitors for the rest of the night. Logically, it was unlikely, but she was beyond logic in the dim lighting of the closet she had tucked herself into.
She heard footsteps on the stairs , then in her room. Her breathing picked up again, she fought to keep herself as quiet as she could manage, but Kennedy's voice, soft and cautious was the one that reached past the doors to her. Juliette gulped, not wanting to face the consequences of her idiotic panic. But she wasn't here to let her know when she should go.

She felt like such a baby, and that was exactly how they all treated her. It was fair, but it didn't make it any less humiliating. She wiped the tears from her face and sniffed. "I'm sorry," she croaked. She didn't even know what she was apologizing for, there were way too many things to list.
 
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