Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by October Knight, Dec 29, 2013.

  1. Have you ever had a breakthrough idea/feeling? Something so powerful that you are forced to change your life and the way you think/live?

    Have you ever had a life changing Epiphany?

    We're gettin' serious now, Iwaku. Tell October cause he wants to know.
  2. Life changing epiphany..
    I'll go with the latest (and hopefully very last) time I had a visit to the ER. Gonna put it all in a spoiler because Staci's gonna get all detailed in this hur reply.

    the deets (open)

    It was some time in the middle of my fall semester for Junior year of college (which is this current school year for me). In my pjs, all done with homework, I headed off to bed around 11 pm. I felt fine other than having a headache and being extremely cold. However, the temperature had said it was in the 70s for our dorm space, so there was no reason I should worry. Still, I wrapped up in my comforter and tried to go to sleep.

    Half an hour passed of laying in bed and texting my Lion Man (title used to refer to 'mi novio') and still I felt the chills all over my body. I voiced my concern to him through text while steadying my breathing, as I have learned to do from having experienced anxiety related hospital visits in the past. I was a bit fidgety, so I got up to go to the washroom and put water on my face or something. My roomie was still up as always in her room, since she stays up til late and leaves her door open always. It comforted me at nights to know she was awake as I was going to sleep - probably because I'm a big baby or something like that.

    I reached the washroom (btw, I call the bathroom washroom, don't tease) and started the faucet. The light came on bright in my eyes while suddenly everything became kind of blurry. The familiar muffle over my hearing occurred, which usually was a beginning sign that I was near to fainting, and/or something was wrong inside of me. I knew I had to keep breathing slow and deep, so I did, but the cold still took over my body. I also noticed my heart was beating irregularly fast. The frequent thumps irked me, which didn't help the process of calming myself down. I hurried out of my room, wrapped up in my sheets on my bed, and propped my feet up on a pillow in order to have my head lower than my legs. I did this so the blood flow would increase to my head, which I also learned from hospital visits.

    I felt very alone.

    I called Lion Man and told him exactly how I felt. My lips began to shake violently, my body soon followed, and I could not control the shaking going on all over me. I could barely make a clear sentence. He did not hesitate to start his car and hurry over while I was on the phone. Following his guidance, I called out to my roomie. Checking my forehead, she said I was burning up, which was stupid to me, because pft, no, I'm fucking freezing, gurl. She fetched some gatorade and I chugged as much as I could while she ran to get the RA on the floor.

    As I hugged my blanket and shook without control over my muscles, I heard the door open and saw Lion Man, roomie and two RAs coming towards me. Supporting me by wrapping my arms around their shoulders, the RAs brought me to put on my boots and put on a hoodie, so at least I wouldn't be cold outside. They supported me all the way to the elevator to go down to the entrance. It felt like my legs wouldn't work, or, at least, they wouldn't stop twitching. I made puns along the way, because that's what I do when I'm scared. I make jokes. At least I'm a corny scared person.

    I was able to walk myself slowly to the car of Lion Man's roomie, who had driven him over apparently, and slide into the backseat. I couldn't feel my face, really, or my hands, or my feet. But, I kept shivering, making myself shiver, because I knew even if it's the least effective way to warming up, it would warm me up somehow. I was confused, I was not too emotional yet, and I was just thinking how I wanted to hug my mama right then. I had Lion Man call her, since she was a few states away and would worry if she heard about this much later. It was a little after midnight by this point.

    Fast-foward to the ER room, laying in the bed, with my little hospital socks and blanket and robe thingy. Lion Man had to go back with his roomie to change out to his car, since his roomie had work in a few hours and needed sleep. Tests showed that my blood pressure was low as usual, my blood sugar was super low as usual, and that an IV would be necessary. I did a little test on my skills of standing up sitting down walking etc. and passed. And there I laid, all ruffled up from sleep and crying a bit, and shivering from just being cold, even with two warm blankets on top of me. Golden Girls watched over me on the hospital tv as I just stared at walls. It was 1:30 am.

    I was told I had a hypoglycemic attack, or something close to it. This means I was experiencing a body shock to having very low blood sugar, and basically no salt inside of me. When asked what did I eat that day, I told the doctor. When asked how much water did I drink that day, I told the doctor. Just gonna say, I drank way too much water for the amount of food I ate. Thus, nutrients left my body quickly throughout the day, and left me with the reaction at night.

    So, with my fear of needles, I was laying there with the IV pumping some nutrients into my body. Lion Man and his other roomie/our friend came back eventually and we all made small talk and laughed on about various things. They said I had to lay there until the IV bags were done. It was a little after 2 am now.

    I was full of emotions. I felt ashamed and embarrassed, I felt apologetic and stupid, I felt still scared and kind of mad. I was mad at myself, at my body, for doing this to my mom, to my Lion Man, to everyone who helped me ad that I disturbed their night of sleep. I felt awful and sick to my stomach and wished I was normal. I could see my Lion Man was tired as he smiled, and it killed me inside. I had been trying to be good, and be healthy, and then this happened. I can't even explain how much I detested myself in that moment.

    And then I just started sobbing. But it wasn't sadness anymore of any negative emotion.
    I was so happy to be conscious in that moment.. I was happy to not have fainted. I was happy to have help. I was happy I wasn't alone.

    As much as I was upset for being a nuisance, for being stupid on accident, for not realizing every nutrient counts to make my body function, I was happy to.. as dramatic as this sounds, be

    To bring it to the end, my epiphany occured as I looked at these two people in the room with me, as I looked at the IV in my arm, and felt the weak way my lungs took in air and let it out. I didn't want to ever be in this kind of place again, for all the times I have ended up there in the past three-four years. I kept crying about not being normal, well, that's in my power. It's in my power to be healthy, to be strong, to eat and feel okay, and to not over-drink water and consciously try to take care of myself.

    It was about damn time I started taking control, and keeping control.

    It's a personal victory for me to go now for 4 or some months without feeling faint, and without another hospital visit. Each day is a fight, and each day is a victory added. That means something to me. It means something to me that each little victory is another point of happiness to myself, and to those who care about me, to those I care so much for. It's also more time for myself in the future.

    So.. yeah. That was my epiphany, the most recent, significant one. And, well, it still has an effect on me for the better.~
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