Engagement Ring Discussion; Is Tradition Overrated?

[Dervish]

So, this is something that I've often wondered about and talked about in length with people I know, but I want to throw it out to a larger population to ballpark where people stand, and this is about engagement rings.

And no, I'm not getting married or thinking about it. Settle down, folks. This is purely academic.

So the traditional idea for an engagement ring is a high carat natural diamond, often several weeks' worth of salary, and this has been the norm since around the 1920s when diamond companies (which artificially increase the price of diamonds by hording them and releasing a small number each year; they really aren't as rare as you might believe) started advertisements with catchy phrases like, "Diamonds are forever" and other stuff to give the impression that if you really want to show a woman you love her and she means a lot to you, you'll plunk down a metric shitload of money for a mineral stone that's smaller than a pencil eraser. Between the engagement rings and society's pressure to have a fancy, expensive wedding with a dress that will be worn exactly once before being dumped in the closet for eternity next to your ugly Christmas sweater collection that your Aunt Petunia thoughtfully sews for you every year that you never, ever wear, tuxedo rentals for the groom, and a location that costs the GDP of a small nation to rent for a day, weddings are expensive shit, but for the sake of focus and this conversation, we're just staying focused on the rings.

Although if you really want to share your thoughts on weddings in general and how much you love the traditional stuff, and how you've been meticulously planning a wedding in a scrapbook you started in sixth grade, or how you're totally about flipping a bird to the system, then go nuts.

Bringing things back on track, however, I want to ask the ladies (although if you have y chromosomes, feel free to contribute, this is a safe place here) what they think of rings. Do you expect to get the traditional diamond ring, and does it have to cost a lot or would you be happy with something very small and modest? What about substituting the diamond with another precious gem, say like a pearl or Alexandrite or moonstone? Does the stone have to be natural, or would a lab-grown synthetic stone be perfectly acceptable? Hell, do you even care if you get a ring?

This has literally been something I've been curious about for years, so indulge me, my friends.

 

[LunaValentine]

For an engagement? I don't want no damn diamond for the engagement. You can put a diamond there for the wedding. The engagement ring would be better off something I'd like. For example Alexandrite (though the good stuff might be more expensive than diamond I dunno I don't check the prices) or Blue topaz (which can be made from treating regular topaz at a high heat).....preferably in silver as I really like silver. But even just your class ring if ya got one would do. If there's thought and it'll last I don't care that much. If you don't got much money then go with crystals. I'd rather have multiple crystals rather than a tiny, valuable diamond or gem. But Pearls are a no no. that ain't a gem and it'll get scratched far too easy.

So long story short: go for the favorite gems not diamonds for an engagement. wedding ring....consider diamond. Don't use soft gems/precious materials because they'll scratch easily. Also watch your cut/fitting because you don't wanna lose the gem, they can be harder to replace just the gem if you don't have it (can even cost more than the ring sometimes)

 

[Jorick]

I'm not a female (I know, shocking), but I have opinions (gasp!) so I'll share them.

In short, fuck engagement rings. Fuck diamonds especially, those things are a scam and they don't even look that good. If I was going to shell out tons of money for a ring I'd go for a more interesting stone like Alexandrite or Tanzanite.

However, I would never spend that much money on a piece of jewelry because I am not a fool. Thousands of dollars for a ring of metal with some pretty little rocks on it? No thanks. I'd rather pay for things that are actually useful, or at the very least fun or entertaining. A ring just sits there and does nothing, so why not just buy one that looks nice for a lesser price range? The message behind the ring should be infinitely more important than the price tag. Honestly, if I were planning on marrying a woman but she got pissy about how the ring wasn't expensive enough, that might just be a deal breaker for me. How shallow do you have to be to care about the price of a ring that much? The dollar amount paid should not relate in any way to the feelings the people have for one another, and that's the thing that should trump everything else to do with an engagement ring. If the other person is into you enough to marry you then they ought to be happy with a 25 cent plastic engagement ring because of what it signifies, because that's more important than the material value of the stupid thing.

Oops I ranted. I'll leave now.

 

[Asuras]

 

[King]

If my partner proposed with a fucking haribo ring I'd be happy because I'm getting married not because I value the ring.

If y'all get mad because ya man proposed with something but diamond then that tells me you like your dolla over your man.

Overrated x100000

 

[unanun]

Look, if a ring makes the lady happy, buy it. A ring is about as meaningful as any other material gift, but if it would make the lady happy clearly the money spent on that has more utility than on something else.

Also, many types of gemstones are indistinguishable from diamond to the naked eye.

 

[Dervish]

For an engagement? I don't want no damn diamond for the engagement. You can put a diamond there for the wedding. The engagement ring would be better off something I'd like. For example Alexandrite (though the good stuff might be more expensive than diamond I dunno I don't check the prices) or Blue topaz (which can be made from treating regular topaz at a high heat).....preferably in silver as I really like silver. But even just your class ring if ya got one would do. If there's thought and it'll last I don't care that much. If you don't got much money then go with crystals. I'd rather have multiple crystals rather than a tiny, valuable diamond or gem. But Pearls are a no no. that ain't a gem and it'll get scratched far too easy.

So long story short: go for the favorite gems not diamonds for an engagement. wedding ring....consider diamond. Don't use soft gems/precious materials because they'll scratch easily. Also watch your cut/fitting because you don't wanna lose the gem, they can be harder to replace just the gem if you don't have it (can even cost more than the ring sometimes)

I think a better alternative to silver is white gold, simply because it doesn't tarnish nearly as easy. The silverware I inherited and how it's taking forever to clean them after years of neglect is a pretty good testament to that.

Also, good point about the hardness of the mineral! Some stuff's softer than a tub of Cool Whip.

I am also of the opinion that organic gemstones, like pearls and ammolite count as gemstones, even if they came from a living creature as opposed to a Balrog's poop pile.

I'm not a female (I know, shocking), but I have opinions (gasp!) so I'll share them.

In short, fuck engagement rings. Fuck diamonds especially, those things are a scam and they don't even look that good. If I was going to shell out tons of money for a ring I'd go for a more interesting stone like Alexandrite or Tanzanite.

However, I would never spend that much money on a piece of jewelry because I am not a fool. Thousands of dollars for a ring of metal with some pretty little rocks on it? No thanks. I'd rather pay for things that are actually useful, or at the very least fun or entertaining. A ring just sits there and does nothing, so why not just buy one that looks nice for a lesser price range? The message behind the ring should be infinitely more important than the price tag. Honestly, if I were planning on marrying a woman but she got pissy about how the ring wasn't expensive enough, that might just be a deal breaker for me. How shallow do you have to be to care about the price of a ring that much? The dollar amount paid should not relate in any way to the feelings the people have for one another, and that's the thing that should trump everything else to do with an engagement ring. If the other person is into you enough to marry you then they ought to be happy with a 25 cent plastic engagement ring because of what it signifies, because that's more important than the material value of the stupid thing.

Oops I ranted. I'll leave now.

You'll always be a lady-man in our hearts. <3

For whatever reason, you reminded me of that episode of Archer where Cyrill is going to propose to Lana with the chocolate diamond ring. Also, apparently Alexandrite is popular with this crowd.

I have largely the same sentiments about the whole ring thing as you do, if my first post wasn't enough of a hint. I'd rather take that money I'd be saving and put it towards a down payment on a house or a kickass vacation or something. It's always a good philosophy to spend your money on experiences rather than material things.

I'm also now pretty sure you're going to propose to some woman one day with a Ring Pop.

If my partner proposed with a fucking haribo ring I'd be happy because I'm getting married not because I value the ring.

If y'all get mad because ya man proposed with something but diamond then that tells me you like your dolla over your man.

Overrated x100000

I had to look up with a Haribo ring was. I was not expecting a happy anthropomorphized Winnie the Pooh motherfucker to be staring back at me.

Diamonds are aren't a girl's best friend, that would be the battery operated boyfriend she keeps in her purse.

Look, if a ring makes the lady happy, buy it. A ring is about as meaningful as any other material gift, but if it would make the lady happy clearly the money spent on that has more utility than on something else.

Also, many types of gemstones are indistinguishable from diamond to the naked eye.

I'd actually love to line a bunch of clear stones up in a row and see how many people could guess the diamond.

 

[Jorick]

I'm also now pretty sure you're going to propose to some woman one day with a Ring Pop.

I could see myself doing that.

 

[Esmeray]

I'm also now pretty sure you're going to propose to some woman one day with a Ring Pop.

.....Well I know I'd say yes to that. Food AND sweet, hell to the yes! xD

 

[Esmeray]

Honestly though, I'd just loose the ring anyways....... so I think it is a waste. :\

 

[Midian]

So my two cents on rings; these are, of course, my personal feelings. However, I imagine there are at least a few people who might share them because I can't believe I'm so unique.

Engagement rings don't have to be showy, flashy, or horribly expensive. But I would like something durable and what I consider pretty/good looking because, hopefully, I'll be wearing it a long time and everywhere.

An engagement ring functions as carrying a part of my SO and their love/our relationship everywhere with me in something tangible I can fiddle with. A sentimental symbol of it, not necessarily a reminder of duty. I personally like to have some piece of jewelry to wear everywhere from someone I'm serious with, although I've worn everything from a claddagh to a 25cent ankh charm. I don't require a week's worth of pay or some bullshit like that, but I'd like something decent looking and durable, and that isn't usually $5.

And I guess in that vein of thought, I wouldn't want to trade an engagement ring for something like a house or a vacation. I'd like something I can keep on me everywhere. I also wouldn't mind a ring that functioned as a combo wedding/engagement ring.

I think it ultimately boils down to whether people value it for sentimental reasons or don't assign any sentimental feeling to the ring. I hesitate to say either is right or wrong unless you refuse to marry someone you ostensibly love because they can't give you the one you want.

 

[Kestrel]

Personally, I feel marriage is a very expensive piece of paper telling you something you already know. So, my stance on engagement rings should be kind of obvious.

Yeah.

 

[Hellis]

If I ever decide to marry. My current "Candidate" for eternal suffering alongside my misarable self is getting a ring of blackened silver with the word "Big mistake" on it.

 

[Windsong]

Rings are overrated.

Marriage itself is overrated.

Having someone to love is not.

My wife got my great grandmother's diamond ring for the engagement because family tradition or something. I dunno. For the wedding we got titanium rings. Because other metals are just expensive because they're SHINY.

Spoiler

Her ring saved me from losing my hand when someone turned on a steel press when it was being serviced. Broke my finger yanking it out, but better than losing my arm halfway to the elbow.

Spoiler

Punched the guy with said hand and ring after it happened.

 

[Hellis]

Love is strong. Titanium is stronger

 

[Muna]

Both my engagement and wedding rings are diamond. I've never wanted, nor felt the need, for rings. I immediately wanted to return them but it would have hurt my husband's feelers.

 

[Brovo]

Depends on how much it means to my partner. Relationships are give and take, if my partner is more of a traditionalist and wants an engagement ring, I'll figure that out and reciprocate.

I mean, yes, relationship rings are overly expensive cons that don't do anything for you but act symbolically. Yet, I'm willing to bet most people who decry them are more than happy to down several bottles of literal highly-taxed poison while watching several men fondle big brown balls on national television to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars. So, basically, if you're willing to dump a few hundred on a set piece sword to hang in your living room, and not on an engagement ring that your significant other might want due to personal beliefs or traditions... I do admit questioning your reasoning. Figure things out with your SO. It's not a waste of money if it really means that much to all parties involved. As for whether it's logical or not? It isn't logical.

Neither is love.

Get past that.

 

[Falcon]

Should I ever be fortunate enough to find someone and end up married, I'd like a ring.

It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, But I'd like to be able to wear it everyday as a declaration that "Hey, I'm found this amazing guy and made a commitment to him, and him to me."
As others have said durability would mean more to me than fanciness or what stone (if any) was on it. Though since I would be wearing it everyday I'd also like it to be a type of ring that suited me ^_^

 

[Seba]

@Midian has the same line of thought as I do. The only jewelry I've ever worn for a fair amount of time has been very cheap and eventually cycled out. The only exception to this was a necklace for my confirmation (which has since disappeared in the house I hope. I hope it's the house.) and my class ring. I definitely want an engagement ring, but I want it to be something that I will wear every day for the rest of the marriage (and because I'm Catholic...). It would be a physical reminder of their devotion and also a brilliant deterrent for creeps. I don't want gaudy. I don't want diamond. Diamond is stupid and overpriced and boring. I want something that my fiancé thought about. I don't want it to cost a fortune because there's so much else that goes into life that I would rather see money of the magnitude go to. So if said fiancé was stuck on "I MUST SPEND THIS AMOUNT OF MONEY ON YOU BECAUSE TRADITION" then I would rather see it go towards a ring and something else. Otherwise? Something simple with golden metal because I'm a traditionalist that believes engagement and wedding rings should have a gold color to them even though I prefer silver jewelry normally. Maybe the metal will change... but I've definitely got time.

 

[Kagayours]

I don't like rings. I find them uncomfortable, and they often get stuck on my fingers. Hence, I almost never wear them.

Hence, don't buy me a ring. You are wasting money. @_@ I'll try wearing it to make you happy, but I will fall out of the habit very quickly. Because I don't wear rings.

But even if that wasn't the case, the dollar amount should not be that important. I mean, am I really going to be asking how much the ring's worth after some guy just proposed to me?? I think that's the last thing that would be on my mind. If engagement rings are supposed to be symbolic, then what does it matter what monetary value it has? A symbol can be anything. A symbol can be something that costs nothing but means so much more. What types of stone and metal are in that ring doesn't matter -- what matters is who gave it to me and what it means. That's how symbols work.

Also, if it's aesthetic we're talking about... diamonds don't even look that pretty imo. They might as well be well-polished glass as far as I can tell. I'd much rather have something with some color in it.