IAN WHELAN <hr> <div style="float:right;margin-left:8pt;width:25%;height:25%;"><img src=http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x167/goldendercon/IanKennethWhelan.jpg></div>The aroma of roasted coffee drifted in the air and filled Ian's lungs. He sniffed. There was also the unmistakeable stench of religious zeal. Not too far away from where he stood by the counter, there was a Catholic priest. It was one of the worst ones too, fat, boisterous, wearing priestly garb and jingling with all sorts of jewelry with religious motifs. The odor and the sight was unbearable. He wanted to get in a spat with the rotund bastard, but he had been kicked out and banned from too many establishments around the campus already. Just last week, he had been "escorted" out of McDonald's by two men for "speaking out of turn in the presence of a virtuous community leader." If virtue meant being a proselytizing, hypocritical, bigoted bastard, then sure, the man was a saint. Then again, he couldn't blame the company, which had recently lost millions of dollars in a morality lawsuit filed against them by the Christian Morality Union in the United States for posting an ad that could be interpreted to support homosexuality. Everyone was on their toes around the uppity bastards. Just as he was setting his coffee down, making sure the opening in the lid of the cup was facing him, the television at the far end of the cafe cut into the hourly news broadcast. The broadcaster was a pretty young woman with a shrill voice -- it made him want to plug his ears with wool. The news was important though, and apparently, demonstrated the growing power of the religious right in the United States. It was bad enough that a Christian Morality Union had been established, but they also had a number of house representatives and congressmen and congresswomen that supported their cause. "Just yesterday, a bill introduced in February by house representative Jacob Phelps, was passed by the strongly republican congress. The bill will be handed over to the House floor early next week and is expected to reach the Senate floor, which is still largely democratic thus giving the bill its strongest opposition, within two months. The controversial bill, introduced by a direct descendant of the infamous Pastor Fred Phelps, aims to bring back anti-sodomy laws and to make homosexuality a criminal offense subject to detainment in 'correctional facilities' if a person is found guilty." A loud whoop came from the fat bastard. Fucker. "Yes! The forces of god and the morally upright have won against those abominations once again!" "A bit early in your celebrations, aren't you, Father?" thought Ian. "Yeah. I'll shove your morality right up your ass." he growled under his breath, making sure no one was there to assail him for "speaking out of turn" again. The woman continued speaking, her thin high-pitched voice making Ian grimace. "The bill is expected to pass the House without much contention, but it is the Senate that will prove the most difficult to overcome. Scientists the world over have called the bill madness and have expressed their hope to the Senate that they shut it down. The rest of the world can only hope that this clearly bigoted policy will not be allowed to be signed into law." As soon as the broadcast finished, the fat priest turned red, huffed and took off towards the exit, his numerous pieces of religious jewelry bouncing just like the jiggling of the rest of his body. It was quite comedic to look at, and Ian was smirking, just like everyone else in the cafe that had shot the priest a glare of death when he yelled out in support of the bill. Pretending to trip, Ian spilled his coffee on the priest's Bible as he passed by. Sputtering, the priest looked at Ian and then at his Bible and then back and forth a few times, mouth agape, jowls bouncing up and down each time. "Wh-wh-what HAVE YOU DONE?!" screamed the rotund man in outrage. "I am so sorry, I tripped!" said Ian, smiling wickedly. "Here's some money to pay for the damages. I'd give you more for a treadmill, but I doubt there will be one that can support you" he continued, his tone sincere but his eyes mocking. He gave the priest a $20 bill, grinning. "You'll be sorry for this!" yelled the priest, turning even redder and shoving the door open on his way out, his coffee-soaked Bible still dripping in his hands. Unfortunately, the coffee was not hot anymore. Ian smiled. He was now coffee-less, but the fat bastard's expression had been priceless. Turning to the counter to order one more coffee, he couldn't help but get his eyes captivated by the unnaturally beautiful Asian man behind the counter. He motioned to the guy, saying "I'll have a double double." While he was rummaging in his wallet, he couldn't help but say "Are you new here? I haven't seen you before." "Ian Kenneth Whelan. Stop it. You're not gay." he scolded himself. Even so, he couldn't help but glance furtively at the young man. Without waiting for a reply, he quite a bit hurriedly changed gears and asked "Can you believe those guys? You can't blame someone for being gay. That's like saying being straight is a crime..." Inside he was gawking at himself. What had gotten into him? "I'm all for the LGBT community, more power to them! They've fought this battle against the religious far longer than we have... Not that I'm gay, but you know, I'm all for taking it up the ass. It's just not my thing, you know." Realizing he was rambling, he stopped himself. "Shut the fuck up Ian, you're not making things better."