I'm a busser. I wear a black shirt and the waitresses wear white shirts with black aprons and are running around taking orders and standing by the counter, while the bussers stand off to the side. I don't have a note pad or a pen and clearly am not a waitress. But I'll go up to tables to set them up (my job entails giving people silver ware, cleaning dirty tables, giving people extra menus (we only leave one on each table, it's a seat-yourself place), bringing up stock and cleaning up at the end of the day), and they'll start to rattle off their order as I'm saying hello. I mean, it's just rude in the first place, but I am not a waitress.
And people will ask me questions about the food and I'm just.. "Does it say we have it on the menu?" "No." "Then we don't have it."
"Can I substitute the pancakes in this meal for waffles?" "Does it say you can have waffles with it?" "No." "Then you can't. You have to order a side."
We also have a refill limit on coffee. We ignore this rule for almost everybody, because if you want a third refill that's fine, we aren't going to bother adding it onto your check/the waitress hasn't noticed a busser has refilled your coffee. But there are people (regulars) that sit around ALL DAY and sometimes don't even order anything, and just keep drinking coffee. So the bussers just ignore them and the waitresses (who run the place and are annoyed that this asshole is taking up a table somebody else could be sitting at and ordering food at) will add all the extra refills onto their check... And then the customer freaks out wondering why they've got $20 worth of coffee on their check.
People will look at me while I'm bussing tables and demand that I take their order because their waitress hasn't gotten to them. Usually it's either REALLY SUPER BUSY and the person in question was the sixth person in a long line to walk in and sit down, or they've moved their fucking seat. It's a seat yourself, but people will literally sit down in one section, that waitress will prepare water for them, and then they'll get up and move somewhere else. And so their new waitress hasn't noticed they have a customer and they get upset that it took so long...
"is that the bathroom?" "Well, it says bathroom.."
People whose toddlers and infants chuck scrambled eggs and toast all over the goddamn floor.
People who spill syrup on their table and I have to clean up the giant puddle.
People who let their kids stomp all over the booths with their dirty ass shoes.
People who sneeze all over the counter.
"Can I get change for a 1? I need parking quart--" "No, we don't make change for nonpaying customers." "But it's just four quarters, I just need to fill the parking meter." "Sorry, but we don't make change for nonpaying customers, you can go to the gas station or something across the street." "But they don't make change either!" Not our problem...
"Can I get a bag for my take out?" "That'll be 10 cents." "What? It's just a bag." "It's the law."
"We are also serving lunch right now, would you like a lunch menu to look at?" "Uh.. are you still serving breakfast?" Noooo, I gave you a breakfast menu just because.
People who get up and GRAB THE COFFEE POTS AND START POURING THEMSELVES MORE COFFEE AND THEN ARGUE WITH THE WAITRESSES ABOUT IT.
"Hi I clogged the toilet."
"Do you have hash today?" "No." "Oh.. well can you ask them to make some hash?" "No."
"It's too cold in here, can you turn off the AC?" "No, the kitchen is about ninety degrees right now." "Oh, but it's really really cold." "No, we can't turn off the AC."
People who ask for extra napkins and are only satisfied when you give them a stack of like, 20 napkins that they aren't going to use.
People who FUCKING TAKE NAPKINS, SUGAR PACKETS AND JAM/JELLY WHEN THEY LEAVE.
People who fucking let their child run wild in the restaurant, or whose kids just start SCREAMING and they just sit there and keep eating their meal.
"Hi, my table is dirty..." You sat down at a table that hasn't been cleaned. The sign at the front says "please sit at a cleaned table only". It's pretty obvious that it's dirty, there are plenty of other clean tables...
Or people who hover around the table you're cleaning because they don't want anybody else to get the table. This is acceptable when it's busy, but when it's not, I either tell people to back off, or I take my time cleaning it.
People who are talking on their phone while the waitress takes their order.
We don't let groups of five+ sit at certain booths because there just isn't space. Some waitresses will let you pull a table and chair up to the booth, but in certain spaces it just creates a massive traffic jam and the waitress can't get by, the food doesn't fit on the table, etc. But people will sit here and complain and give you nasty looks when you tell them otherwise. And it's always my job to deal with it, because we let people seat themselves instead of having a hostess. "Unfortunately the tables over here can't seat five people, we'll have to move you over there and push two tables together..." "We can't sit here? We fit--look, we fit just fine." "Yes, but the plates can't all fit on the table and it makes it difficult for the waitress to serve you." "But we really wanted to sit here... *exchanging looks*" "We'll push these tables together." "But there's so much space between the seats." "Not my problem."
"My chair is rickety." Uh, talk to the owners? I'm not going to build you a new chair.
I'm so glad I'm leaving this job in a month to get a job on campus doing even more customer service.. This time, college student style.
