Does It Get Better?

[Sans]

I lost my fiance in a car accident a couple weeks ago. In case anyone is curious, we're gay. However, right now, I am so angry and confused. I'm not even sad and I just wanna do all sorts of stupid things. If anyone has lost someone close to them, can you tell me if it gets better. Does the feeling ever go away?

 

[An Otaku]

It probably won't mean much from a total stranger like me, but I'm sorry this happened...

I've never lost a partner before, but I have lost my best friend, to suicide. I'm not a social type in the slightest, so he was an absolute god-send for me. Showed up out of the blue one day and before long, I couldn't imagine being anywhere without him. We probably clicked like we did because he was just as messed up as me, and I loved him. But, I have personal space issues and its difficult to be with people for any length of time... Was selfish, thinking about myself and just needed to recharge I thought.

Before I knew it, I'd been away for a few months and, I don't know. He'd always had problems with his family and life, just like me, but he always felt like - though I never really processed it this way - an older brother. Someone stronger than I was. God.

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I think about him everyday and it still hurts. Flips between sad, angry, hopeless, all three, nothing at all. I hate it. People always suggest seeing a therapist, but for some reason I can't stomach the thought. Maybe it's for you, though? But, it's not always painful. I spend a lot of time thinking about when we were together, feels like I'm trapping myself in the past. But the thoughts by themselves, its kind of nice.

I'm sorry, I don't really have any serviceable advice. Nothing that changes anything.

 

[kixinorbit]

I haven't lost a lover, but I've lost a best friend and father figure-- and I've lost a loved one to suicide.

For me the answer is both yes and no.

Time helps, but time itself doesn't heal the kind of emotional hurt that comes from losing someone close to you. Getting over a loss takes a lot of work, and it's not something that is easy-- but it does get better. I'm not religious, but found that I actively had to work at getting over a lost loved one-- no one could help me get over that but me. I still miss all of the people I've lost, sometimes very badly, but I'm now able to look back fondly on my time spent with them. Not an entirely helpful message, but I found that staying busy is helpful. It's also important to grieve, but work to move on.

This might sound strange, but if you haven't, I would highly recommend you read the letter that Patton Oswalt wrote about his wife's death and the letter he wrote one year later (this April). They're posted all around, but I'm currently at work and don't have access to social media sites-- or I'd link them.

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I'm also gay, and I know that, especially now, being LGBT+ is particularly trying, especially with added loss on top. If you ever need someone to simply chat with, and if it will help prevent you from doing something you know you shouldn't, feel free to contact me on Discord (xxTripwire#2528) or send me a message.

If you feel like you might hurt yourself or someone else, please call: 1-800-273-8255.

A grief counselor might also be very helpful to you.

 

[SacredWarrior]

I'm very sorry for your loss honey :(

While I've never lost a romantic partner, I have lost many family members in my 22 years of life, including my parents so I definitely feel your pain. The feelings and pain will never completely go away. You just learn how to deal with them as time passes on. Just make sure that you handle them in a healthy way and don't do anything harmful or dangerous. If you feel the need to, go to a therapist or a counselor. Don't bottle your feelings in. Let them out. Anyone worth their salt will understand and listen :)

 

[DJFlare84]

It doesn't get better, but you will. I promise.

 

[Elle Joyner]

I am so so sorry for your loss. It sucks in the worst possible way when you lose someone you love... Literally sucks, sometimes, like you have no oxygen. And it will get harder... because grief evolves and life throws you circumstances you don't expect. But the way you get through it is to remember the person with as much positivity as possible... They loved you, and they wouldn't want you to suffer... They would want you to keep going... To heal.

One thing I've heard can help, though only time truly revives, is to write them a letter. Write everything into it... All the pain, the anger, the sadness... But the good, too. Write it all out, seal it away without bottling it up.

It doesn't necessarily get better... But it does get easier. <3 Praying for you.