Does it bother you when people look for gender specific partners?

[Zachary-Sama]

Hey guys, Omega here. Please, seriously do not troll or hate on me for this, but I need to put this poll here. So more recently than ever, people are hating on me in places like the general area in the chats, as well as when they see one of my threads. I only RP with FEMALE players using FEMALE characters. Is that so wrong? I can understand if you don't want to rp with someone like me, but there's no reason to say people like me with this preference are disgusting.

It doesn't bother me when people don't want to rp with me because of my preferences. But at least hear me out. I'm heterosexual. I'm only attracted to females. Most of my Rps have sex in them, and I feel like if a man is on the other end of the rp, it wouldn't feel right to me. Now this is NOT a prejudice. I'm not saying men cannot play female characters. I, in fact, play females as secondary characters, but my females also are lesbians. I do not have an issue with other pseudo genders, but I still vastly prefer Female partners to anybody else. It's my preference, and I refuse to change it. If it means I'm less likely to find a partner, so be it. That's my burden, so nobody else should complain.

 

[SacredWarrior]

Seeing as how most roleplayers are female, I can see why someone would have a preference for female partners. Hell I feel more comfortable roleplaying with female partners than male partners honestly because I'm more used to that.

 

[Sidhe]

I'm not comfortable role-playing F/F with men, so I don't. I've had guys flip out at me before for discrimination or something or other. Maybe it is, but I have the right to choose my partners, and reject someone for any reason. I could regale them with the many reasons why I'm not comfortable, but frankly that's none of their business!

People have their preferences. I don't see the issue. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ If someone gets on your case for it, just ignore them.

 

[Hana]

Honestly, I'm not that bothered about other people's preferences so long as it's not being patronizing, discriminating, or hurtful to other people. It's your preference, you don't have to be made to feel uncomfortable about it by others. No one should try to make you feel guilty for feeling comfortable only with female partners playing female characters, unless you're demeaning or actually insulting (in your own words) male roleplayers who play female characters.

As a roleplayer, I aim to get good at playing a large variety of characters, from personality, to gender, to orientation and such. But I know to respect what another roleplayer wants from a partner, I wouldn't get mad if I was the one who first approached you when you clearly stated 'female roleplayers' only. That does limit your options, but that happens with preferences - like preferring an adept or advanced-level roleplayer, the more you narrow down your preferences, the less people there are. But if that's what you want, happy roleplaying. ^^

 

[Dipper]

I can understand why someone would, and it's totally their business. I have no preferences myself so long as my partner knows how to write.

Anyone who stresses over the fact that somebody doesn't want to play with them should probably take a break.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

Partner gender doesn't matter to me. I always search for someone willing to play male main characters. I am still working on that, and honestly do not feel comfortable playing a male character unless I know the person. That might sound weird, but I have dealt with some pretty loco OOC stuff in the past.

 

[AshlioFern]

I think it's weird, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I just ignore post with preferences like that.

 

[Diana]

It only bothers me in situations where I feel like the player is sexualizing ME the player because they care about my gender behind the screen. The player behind the screen really shouldn't matter at all, it's the character itself you are interacting with. .__. Once you want to know what my real self is, that is intruding in to real life territory and my privacy, and I find that SUPER uncool, especially in sex roleplays. I don't want my partner thinking about me like that, I am most certainly not thinking about them. o___o


I mean it's one thing if you only like playing with female players that play girls because you think only girls can really play a girl well. But the people that care because of sexual reasons is really creepy to me. D:

 

[Minibit]

As for player gender: everything @Diana said

As for character gender: it's often (but not only) because they want at least the possibility of romance, so they want the character's sexuality and gender to match or overlap. This makes sense, although it results in a huge majority of people asking for or presuming an MxF matchup, which can be frustrating if you're like me and A) don't like the idea of structuring the story to accomodate romance, and/or B) really prefer MxM and FxF pairings.
I once used an aromantic, homosexual male character in a "no romance planned" roleplay. My partner chose a straight female character, and got annoyed with me when my characters preferences were revealed even though we'd both agreed that we weren't looking for romance.
I imagine it's even more frustrating in a different way if you like to write non-binary characters.

 

[Zachary-Sama]

It only bothers me in situations where I feel like the player is sexualizing ME the player because they care about my gender behind the screen. The player behind the screen really shouldn't matter at all, it's the character itself you are interacting with. .__. Once you want to know what my real self is, that is intruding in to real life territory and my privacy, and I find that SUPER uncool, especially in sex roleplays. I don't want my partner thinking about me like that, I am most certainly not thinking about them. o___o


I mean it's one thing if you only like playing with female players that play girls because you think only girls can really play a girl well. But the people that care because of sexual reasons is really creepy to me. D:

See it's good to see Admins and volunteers getting involved with this. I agree with you Diana. And, while I do prefer sex in RPs (Though it can only play second fiddle to the plot, and the romance behind it has to happen smoothly and not like "Here, fall in love) I do not sexualize my partners themselves. it's just that I prefer female partners over male when it comes to Rps with romance and sex. Because with my adamant heterosexuality, it feels wrong for me to have sexual Rps with male players even if the character they are using is female.

On the same end, if and when I'm ever in the mood for an adventure/rivalry/action RP, I'll be sure to accept any gender of partner.


I really do hope that my point is coming across well enough without making me sound perverted in any way.

 

[Brovo]

I admit I find it weird from the point of view of a GM. By sheer necessity you're going to be writing up people of both genders to populate your world with NPC's. Heck if the world is large enough, you'll probably need to throw in different sexuality too, or ethnicity, or whatever else floats your boat. So, the idea of telling someone "you can't write with me because you possess a vagina and/or a penis" is bizarre to me. It's genuinely alien. I cannot fathom limiting one's own imagination and number of partners in such a way. The only reasoning I can even feasibly come up with is that the person doing it, at some level, cannot separate the character from the author in some way. What should it matter if the author is in possession of sexual organs opposite those of the character which they are playing? Only the character's sexual organs should matter to you, and only to the extent of what sexuality your own character possesses if you are pursuing such a relationship as that. If you find yourself repulsed by the idea of a male playing as a female or a female playing as a male, you are demonstrating an inability to separate an author from their character. Hell, and this may even be an unpopular opinion, and I don't mean to offend anyone by saying it, but...

Trigger Warning?

It's kind of sexist and extremely childish. Like, on a disturbing level, that even I find morally questionable. Either you have a severe inability to differentiate reality from fiction, which is, uh, you know, really bad for your mental state of affairs, or you genuinely are disgusted by the idea of a male playing as a female, or a female playing as a male... Which is sexist as shit. Like...

A. You never grew out of elementary school, and are still disquieted by the mere existence of the penis and/or vagina.
B. You have a mental disorder, because you cannot differentiate a character from their author, and thus you are at some level always imaging the author instead of their character, as though they're interchangeable entities.
C. You are a sexist, because you are sincerely upset or disturbed by the idea of writing all, some, or certain scenes with another person, based solely on their gender... Which is the very definition of discrimination by sex. Assuming it's not because you find a childish discomfort with it, the only other conclusion is that you are genuinely repulsed by them... Which is profoundly sexist.

Like, there's nothing wrong with having character gender or sexuality preferences. Are you a heterosexual female? I totally get then why your own personal tastes would involve male on female or male on male pairings then. If you are however referring to the gender of the author, the only reason I can conceive of is because you cannot disassociate the author from their work, which is profoundly wrong in some way. It shouldn't matter.

I mean, for those who feel this way, now is your chance to tell me why. Tell me that I'm wrong. Tell me that it's not because the other gender genuinely disgusts you, or because you don't have some inability to differentiate author from character. Correct me. Educate me. I admit being completely baffled as to why this is even a thing, it's entirely alien to me, so please teach me.

 

[Zachary-Sama]

I admit I find it weird from the point of view of a GM. By sheer necessity you're going to be writing up people of both genders to populate your world with NPC's. Heck if the world is large enough, you'll probably need to throw in different sexuality too, or ethnicity, or whatever else floats your boat. So, the idea of telling someone "you can't write with me because you possess a vagina and/or a penis" is bizarre to me. It's genuinely alien. I cannot fathom limiting one's own imagination and number of partners in such a way. The only reasoning I can even feasibly come up with is that the person doing it, at some level, cannot separate the character from the author in some way. What should it matter if the author is in possession of sexual organs opposite those of the character which they are playing? Only the character's sexual organs should matter to you, and only to the extent of what sexuality your own character possesses if you are pursuing such a relationship as that. If you find yourself repulsed by the idea of a male playing as a female or a female playing as a male, you are demonstrating an inability to separate an author from their character. Hell, and this may even be an unpopular opinion, and I don't mean to offend anyone by saying it, but...

Trigger Warning?

It's kind of sexist and extremely childish. Like, on a disturbing level, that even I find morally questionable. Either you have a severe inability to differentiate reality from fiction, which is, uh, you know, really bad for your mental state of affairs, or you genuinely are disgusted by the idea of a male playing as a female, or a female playing as a male... Which is sexist as shit. Like...

A. You never grew out of elementary school, and are still disquieted by the mere existence of the penis and/or vagina.
B. You have a mental disorder, because you cannot differentiate a character from their author, and thus you are at some level always imaging the author instead of their character, as though they're interchangeable entities.
C. You are a sexist, because you are sincerely upset or disturbed by the idea of writing all, some, or certain scenes with another person, based solely on their gender... Which is the very definition of discrimination by sex. Assuming it's not because you find a childish discomfort with it, the only other conclusion is that you are genuinely repulsed by them... Which is profoundly sexist.

Like, there's nothing wrong with having character gender or sexuality preferences. Are you a heterosexual female? I totally get then why your own personal tastes would involve male on female or male on male pairings then. If you are however referring to the gender of the author, the only reason I can conceive of is because you cannot disassociate the author from their work, which is profoundly wrong in some way. It shouldn't matter.

I mean, for those who feel this way, now is your chance to tell me why. Tell me that I'm wrong. Tell me that it's not because the other gender genuinely disgusts you, or because you don't have some inability to differentiate author from character. Correct me. Educate me. I admit being completely baffled as to why this is even a thing, it's entirely alien to me, so please teach me.

I'm not sexist. I didn't say that a female can't play a male or vise versa. I just stated that I preferred to have female partners who play female characters. If there are male side characters that my partner has or that we both decide together that she is better fit to play that specific character as it fits with our plotline, that's different. It's not that I can't separate the author from the character, because I've full on hated someone as a person but still really enjoyed RPing with them, however it's more of a mental quirk to have a preference such as mine. I am in no way triggered by what you said but I can see why you put that in a spoiler.

However, it's my decision who I rp with. And it's everyone else's decision who they rp with. If there's a female that's perfectly fine with my preferences, or is willing to look past them, great. And while my preference has most likely restricted my ability to find partners, it hasn't stopped it. I still have several very active RPs with partners that're perfectly fine with my preferences. In fact, it doesn't matter to them how I choose my partners.

 

[Sidhe]

I mean, for those who feel this way, now is your chance to tell me why. Tell me that I'm wrong. Tell me that it's not because the other gender genuinely disgusts you, or because you don't have some inability to differentiate author from character. Correct me. Educate me. I admit being completely baffled as to why this is even a thing, it's entirely alien to me, so please teach me.

Because the great majority of men I've attempted role-playing lesbian romance with have treated it like a sexual fetish and I'm really not into that at all. Shit, a good percentage of straight men I've interacted with online have treated me being a lesbian as a sexual fetish. The kind of garbage I hear from them when they find out is just baffling ("lol, can I watch? ;)") I'm sure there are guys that don't think this way, but my past experiences have coloured my expectations. Unless I'm friends with the dude, I just don't want to take the chance.

Likewise, if a gay man wasn't comfortable role-playing m/m with a woman, I'd understand completely. There's a lot of fetishizing that comes from the opposite sex when it comes to homosexual relationships. If someone has had almost strictly poor experiences, then I think it's beyond understandable that they wouldn't want to stick their neck out for another one.

In the end, this is a hobby for me, one that I use to relax and unwind. It's not something that I treat like a serious venture of creative writing. I'm not going to try and step that far out of my comfort zone just because it might piss someone off. They don't have to role-play with me. It's not that big of a deal.

Also, one on one role-playing is pretty different from group role-playing. The dynamic between partners is different.

 

[Bread-and-Butter]

Everyone has their own preferences. I for one don't mind either way. My real interest lies in making a good story. Let them hate, don't let it stop you from finding partners of which you will.

 

[Valkyria]

From an objective writing standpoint, I have to agree with Brovo. But you've already stated that you're fine with RPing with any gender when it comes to non-sexual RPs, so that's not the problem here. It's fine to have your preferences and RP things in your comfort zone. RPing is supposed to be fun, and if it's something you do leisurely, then you can be as specific as you want.

I think some of the hate you've gotten may be because of how you refuse people. It's one thing to say "Sorry, I can't RP with you because I'm not comfortable with this and that," but another to say, "No because you're (insert gender here)". The second statement does sound borderline sexist, and on a forum where you can only communicate through text, your tone can be misunderstood and that's why some people might take offense. No one likes getting turned down or rejection in general, so keep things polite and I'm sure people will understand.

 

[Brovo]

I'm not sexist. I didn't say that a female can't play a male or vise versa. I just stated that I preferred to have female partners who play female characters.

Okay, but, why? This is what I'm trying to figure out. "It's a quirk" isn't a good enough answer to me. That's a non-answer, it's not explaining anything, if that makes any sense? You could use that as a reply to anything and it's technically true. "I like breathing." "Why?" "It's a quirk." It's not to say that you're a terrible person at all. I have no idea what goes on in your head, and that's why I'm trying to figure it out. In fact, I can probably clarify this into a question, and we can go from there.

Why does the gender of the author matter to you when the RP is sexual? Remember: I'm only here to listen. I just want to try and learn.

Because the great majority of men I've attempted role-playing lesbian romance with have treated it like a sexual fetish and I'm really not into that at all. Shit, a good percentage of straight men I've interacted with online have treated me being a lesbian as a sexual fetish. The kind of garbage I hear from them when they find out is just baffling ("lol, can I watch? ;)") I'm sure there are guys that don't think this way, but my past experiences have coloured my expectations. Unless I'm friends with the dude, I just don't want to take the chance.

I have no idea how to reply to this in a way that isn't offensive?... I mean, I can try? So, just understand that this I'm trying not to be offensive when I say this, but, I don't get it. Judging every male on the planet by the actions of a grotesque and disgusting number of them is uh... A mass generalization, and it's inherently negative, so...

It kinda... Sounds... Really bad, honestly. I mean, you just admitted that your thought process toward straight men is inherently tainted and negative. I mean I've had multiple women stalk me in my lifetime, and several betray me in some way. Should I now judge all women by that experience? Because I'd get called a sexist for doing that.

This is all too complicated for this thread, and I've wracked my brain for the past few minutes trying to think of a way to keep it on topic while asking about this, while keeping it respectful, and I can't think of a way, so, I guess I'll drop it with you. I'm sorry your experiences with straight males has been so shithouse. If it means anything, shitty people are not confined to any one gender or sexuality. They're everywhere unfortunately. Still respect you though, Opal, even if I don't get it. That hasn't changed.

THIS TOPIC IS COMPLICATED AND THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS FOR ME TO ACCIDENTALLY OFFEND PEOPLE. OH GOD.

 

[Sidhe]

I have no idea how to reply to this in a way that isn't offensive?... I mean, I can try? So, just understand that this I'm trying not to be offensive when I say this, but, I don't get it. Judging every male on the planet by the actions of a grotesque and disgusting number of them is uh... A mass generalization, and it's inherently negative, so...

It kinda... Sounds... Really bad, honestly. I mean, you just admitted that your thought process toward straight men is inherently tainted and negative. I mean I've had multiple women stalk me in my lifetime, and several betray me in some way. Should I now judge all women by that experience? Because I'd get called a sexist for doing that.

This is all too complicated for this thread, and I've wracked my brain for the past few minutes trying to think of a way to keep it on topic while asking about this, while keeping it respectful, and I can't think of a way, so, I guess I'll drop it with you. I'm sorry your experiences with straight males has been so shithouse. If it means anything, shitty people are not confined to any one gender or sexuality. They're everywhere unfortunately. Still respect you though, Opal, even if I don't get it. That hasn't changed.

THIS TOPIC IS COMPLICATED AND THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS FOR ME TO ACCIDENTALLY OFFEND PEOPLE. OH GOD.

Tbh I would absolutely never deny that my feelings towards straight men are not at least in some way sexist. They are. I've been working with my therapist on it, because it's not like I want to feel innate distrust towards every new man that I meet, but that's just how things are right now. I have a lot of trouble talking with men in general.

I also wouldn't fault a man who had many negative and/or traumatizing experiences with women for feeling similarly. It only becomes a problem when you start ranting about how all women/men are terrible people or are inherently weaker/more malicious/whatever because of their sex. Bad experiences are going to fuck with your mind and how you perceive things. That's human nature. What's important is that you acknowledge it, and realize that it's negative and should probably try and be fixed at some point. However, I just really don't think that I should be using a hobby that helps me calm the fuck down and escape from my troubles irl to try and overcome whatever issues I have with men. It's not the place.

It's fine if you don't understand it, too, but that doesn't mean people who have these preferences are somehow worse role-players or people. Shit happens. You don't have to understand everything someone else does, especially when it doesn't really concern you in any way.

 

[Zachary-Sama]

Okay, but, why? This is what I'm trying to figure out. "It's a quirk" isn't a good enough answer to me. That's a non-answer, it's not explaining anything, if that makes any sense? You could use that as a reply to anything and it's technically true. "I like breathing." "Why?" "It's a quirk." It's not to say that you're a terrible person at all. I have no idea what goes on in your head, and that's why I'm trying to figure it out. In fact, I can probably clarify this into a question, and we can go from there.

Why does the gender of the author matter to you when the RP is sexual? Remember: I'm only here to listen. I just want to try and learn.

Because. It's not that I'm sexualizing my partner but it makes me feel weird. I can't explain it the way a psychiatrist would, which I guess a lot of people think I should see because of my preference.

(Ferret)

 

[Brovo]

Tbh I would absolutely never deny that my feelings towards straight men are not at least in some way sexist. They are. I've been working with my therapist on it, because it's not like I want to feel innate distrust towards every new man that I meet, but that's just how things are right now. I have a lot of trouble talking with men in general.

I also wouldn't fault a man who had many negative and/or traumatizing experiences with women for feeling similarly. It only becomes a problem when you start ranting about how all women/men are terrible people or are inherently weaker/more malicious/whatever because of their sex. Bad experiences are going to fuck with your mind and how you perceive things. That's human nature. What's important is that you acknowledge it, and realize that it's negative and should probably try and be fixed at some point. However, I just really don't think that I should be using a hobby that helps me calm the fuck down and escape from my troubles irl to try and overcome whatever issues I have with men. It's not the place.

It's fine if you don't understand it, too, but that doesn't mean people who have these preferences are somehow worse role-players or people. Shit happens. You don't have to understand everything someone else does, especially when it doesn't really concern you in any way.

This was a brave and earnest response, and you opened yourself up to a frail degree with this. This is a fair response and I hadn't thought of that. I do actually get this, when put this way. Thank you. I now understand a little bit more.

I'd offer you a hug, but you probably wouldn't be comfortable with that, given you're still recovering with your therapist, so... Can I give you a ferret instead?

Because. It's not that I'm sexualizing my partner but it makes me feel weird. I can't explain it the way a psychiatrist would, which I guess a lot of people think I should see because of my preference.

Hm. Confusing. Very confusing. So your answer is ultimately "I'm not sure why either, I just feel that way."

Not quite what I was looking for, but, I'm glad you tried to help me understand anyway. Thank you.

 

[Zachary-Sama]

And here I thought the Ferret Man died. It seems you just changed your avatar.