Do or do not?

[The Returner]

I know I have been here a few days ago with a rant but I need your folks' help again. Or more like opinion, a point of view.

Since about the age 14 I have been wanting a tattoo. Almost a decade later (now) I am still very excited by the idea. What's more, even my mum have become pro-tattoo which is an amazing news. However, my boyfriend is not fond of them. We have talked about the possibility of me getting a tattoo at great lengths and whilst he says that he is not going to tell me what to do with my body as it is my body, he also says he doesn't find tattoos attractive. If he had two of me in front of him one with a tattoo and the other without, he'd choose the one without.

It worries me. Because if I were to get a tattoo I am afraid he'd find me less attractive. I am worried he would not love me as much anymore and that the tattoo would hinder our relationship. I know it is a silly thought, because as you can say if he truly loves me he'll learn to live with it. But I just don't want to chance it you know. He quite frankly is the best that has ever happened to me in my life so far.

I even asked him if he thinks it would affect our relationship somehow and at first he said he was not sure, not until I'd get it. But today, he said it would not. I don't know. I am getting mixed messages out of him and it's confusing me. I want a tattoo so bad but I don't want it if it might hinder my relationship. But at the same time, I have been wanting this for so long that giving up on it is very upsetting.

Maybe I just want him to be as excited as I am about it but that's not going to happen? Maybe I am worried that if he doesn't like it as much as I do, I am going to regret getting a tattoo later on.

Bottom line is, I'd like to know your opinion whether or not I should chance getting a tattoo and see if this relationship would last through it.

 

[Space Cowboy]

Ultimately this is your decision, based on what you know and feel. Whatever I say, is just what I feel and perceive due to passion and personal beliefs. Take it all with a grain of salt (or less!).


I'm glad he said that bit about how it being your body and in the end, your decision. If he hadn't, I'd have been angry. >:C I'm such a huge proponent of self-determination and self-rights. I feel that, even if detrimental, you should be able to do whatever you want to your own body so long as it doesn't impact anyone else directly. What I mean is, even if you wanted to do heroin, do it-- so long as you do it from your own home, are in no danger to others on the road, are in no position to assault others, etc., etc.. I could care less of the emotional damage you cause yourself and others; SELF-DETERMINATION! WOO!

But when I say that, what I'm really saying to this particular scenario is: WHO CARES IF HE DOESN'T LIKE IT?! It's not his body, it's not his choice. You're getting this tattoo because you want it, because you like them and find them beautiful, not because he does. How would you take it if he was pressuring you into getting a tattoo or piercing because HE liked them, and wanted you in them? You wouldn't do it just because he said so, right? What if he only found you attractive as this hair colour, or in this particular style, and was passive-aggressive about you styling yourself in such a way?

So, why let his preference hinder what you find attractive in any way?

Of course, it is true we want to accommodate our lover and partner. We want to be attractive to them. But it's not like you're shaving your head, getting a full-body spray tan, or getting sleeves. You're getting a bit of ink, your first tatt, somewhere that's probably fairly conservative. It may be the only tattoo you get!

And, I hate to be THAT GUY and say this, but Jeezum Crowe... If the building falls at the first sneeze, it was probably a shitty building to begin with.


Anyways, sorry for a semi-rant there. I just get so Ants in the Pants when I hear someone try to stifle someone elses rights and choices.

 

[Esmeray]

I think if it was a tattoo that held a very special meaning to yourself or the both of you then he would not mind as much. Have you discussed that notion with him as well? Or maybe asked him if you were to get one would he be okay with on that is more subtle?

My grandfather told me the same thing, he said that what people do with their bodies is their choice, but he says that the over the top ones and full body tats are very unappealing because as you get older it'll change and what not. After talking with him further, and telling him about the semi-colon tattoo that I want on my wrist he said "see that I'm okay with because it is subtle and holds a very significant meaning."

But as seiji said before me, it really is up to you. I personally don't like how your boyfriend is being very wishy-washy about the issue. If I was in the position I would talk further with him about it until you got a for sure opinion on the matter. ^^;

 

[The Returner]

@Seiji thanks a lot for this. He is not trying to stifle my rights or choices, I guess it's more my fear of losing this relationship. We have already been through some rough that have convinced me that we can withstand a lot, but there is always that one extra drop in the chalice that topples it over. I am most likely going to get one, I just need to get myself ready and prepared that it will take him time to get used to it.

@Vio yeah, the tattoo has a huge significance to me as it's my zodiac and we talked about it. I even suggested that we could design a tattoo together so he'd have his input and like it at least a little bit. And I personally want it to be subtle as well, most likely feminine line work in between my shoulder blades. So yeah, it wouldn't even be in anyone's face much and it'd be quite personal. I am not going for something too big and nasty and just not appropriate for who I am or what I like. And yep, he is quite wishy washy about it because, I guess, he doesn't want to come across as restricting or negative in any way, or to upset me somehow. But like I said, I am probably going to get one and hope for the best.

 

[Hope]

Okay, so there are multiple points I want to address.

1. This is YOUR body. If you have been wanting the -same- tattoo for over a decade I'd say you really want it and should do it. Whether or not you get a tattoo should not depend on anyone's opinion other than your own. Period.

2. Worrying about whether he will lose interest in you or think you are unattractive after you get it is pointless. If he does then he is not the man for you. Sorry, but it's true. If you're talking about a lifelong, will be together till you die type of love, then should physical changes really matter? No. That kind of love goes much deeper than that.

3. Men are simple. When they say "I will not break up with you if you get a tattoo and I will still love you" you have to believe him! Most men are not like women. They don't over think things as much as we do. When they say something they usually mean it. Of course, this is just from my experience.

Bottom line, do (or not do) what you want to do for YOU, and not for anyone else.

 

[The Returner]

Thanks @Hope
You are right on all of those accounts. It's just the first few weeks after I'd get it that would be a hardship that right now I guess I am afraid of going through. I'll work my courage up ^^

 

[Space Cowboy]

Leave it to @Hope to come in and mic drop the best, most succinct of advice possible. <3

 

[Boba Fit]

I am someone that was and is still in your situation. My girlfriend does not like tats and says she will never get one. It is disappointing, cause well, they are sexy. She tried to fight me about it, and I simply said, "It is my body. I will do whatever I please with it. You have the right to express your opinion about it, but you don't have the right to tell me what I can and cannot do in regards to it."

That was when I was getting my second tat in honor of my mother beating Breast Cancer. The first tat I got, before I was in a relationship with her.

Here is my view on it.

Tattoo's are art. Art is an expression of yourself. Your tattoo's are an expression of your personality and who you are. If your boyfriend has problems with expressing who you are, even if just through tattoo's, then their may be some bigger problems down the road as that can lead to issues.

Now with that being said, the tat's I have are not massive and I only have 2. 1 decent sized one on my ribcage, and the one for my mother, On my chest over my heart.

It really depends on the size of the tattoo. My girlfriend has gotten cozy with my Tat's because she has seen them for awhile, and they aren't massive. She also knows they mean a great deal to me. I could understand her being upset and seeing me as less attractive if I showed up with a full sleeve of random things. Even if they are still my expression.


I would suggest, taking him with you to the shop, and deciding on something together, that he is ok with. Including the size. Then he will realize that it isn't bad after a bit and you can go get another one that is bigger. You don't need to completely hold off, just ween him into it. As you get more tattoo's the time, in my experience, will probably cause him to see them as just being a part of you.

My girlfriend doesn't even think about it anymore. It doesn't phase her when she sees them. She still doesn't want me to go get a sleeve, but the ones I have no longer cause her problems.

 

[The Returner]

@IamtheecchiKing Thanks. You have no idea how happy I am to read this. I mean, the situation is still kinda crappy but still hearing someone else's experience of something I'm going through is quite reassuring. We already discussed size and like you said I am planning on asking him to come with me to the shop to have his input in the design of the tat. I'll just hope for the best.