WRITING Divine Sin- Prologue: The Fall

Discussion in 'SHOWCASING' started by Katey, Sep 25, 2014.

  1. Divine Sin is copyright me, Katey Hanes, 2014.

    Divine Sin is a story about a son of God, Eadan, who falls in love with Satan's son. Seth. They have to deal with their disapproving fathers.

    I will strive to have diversity in this story, so if at any point I am offensive or misrepresenting an oppressed group, feel free to call me out.

    now, to the prologue! I look forward to your feedback!

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    Prologue: The Fall


    Why?

    Out of all my questions, that was the one that kept coming up. Why did he do this? Why would he cast me out? Why? And yet deep down, I knew why. Dad couldn’t handle having an “imperfect” son in Heaven with him. That’s what I was to him: imperfect- broken- a mistake. For a being that supposedly makes no mistakes, God sure makes it seem like I’m his biggest one. And all because of what? Me being gay?

    I rubbed my eyes as I sat up and looked around where I had fallen. My eyes widened as I rubbed the back of my aching head. I was in a hole- no, a crater. My falling had literally made a crater around me, as if an explosive had dropped. Dust filled the air around me, and I coughed. I had never really coughed before, since breathing wasn’t required in Heaven. But it wasn’t the coughing that I was worried about at the moment.

    My normally bright-shining golden halo was turning gray and dimming. I watched it a moment before I reached above my head to touch the now-dark ring, and at my touch, my halo dispersed into small puffs of gray smoke that quickly faded away. My coughing was soon replaced with hyperventilating as I began to panic. I didn’t think dad would take it this far. Even fallen angels keep dim halos to signify that they are still angels. But mine was gone entirely.

    I quickly turned my head to examine my wings, only to see them dimming as well. “No!” I cried out, as if that would stop them. “No! Fuck…. You can’t do this! I’m your son!” I said the last part as I looked up at the sky, crying out to my father in hopes that he would have mercy.

    But it was no use. My shiny golden wings faded into gray, then dispersed into smoke and blew away, just like my halo had.

    This can’t be happening, I thought to myself as I stared at where my halo used to be. He can’t do this. He doesn’t even go this far with fallen angels- they keep their grayed-out wings and halo. This can’t be happening. Surely he isn’t serious… “Haha dad, nice joke, but this isn’t funny!” I called out to the sky before pulling my knees to my chest as tears began to fall down my face. Tears of sadness that I was cast out of the only home I’ve ever known, anger at my dad for doing this to me, frustration at the loss of my wings and halo. How could he…damn…why? That question of why repeated through my head as I began to sob.

    What am I now? A new thought occurred to me. I’m not a fallen angel. They keep their status. I’m something less than that. Wait, I couldn’t be… No, he couldn’t have- wouldn’t have- I can’t be-

    And yet as I tears streamed down my face and pain ran through my back from the fall, I knew that I was now lower than a fallen angel. I was something that even the lowest of fallen angels were never demoted to-

    I was human.
     
  2. Wow. This is actually a really good plot, as far as I can see
     
  3. Thank you!
    He's gonna go back and explain everything in the first chapter, but I'm still trying to decide if He should start with how he came out to his dad, or how he and Seth first met.
     
  4. I'm thinking you should go with the coming out first. It sets the tone for his meeting with Seth
     
  5. Ah, but he comes out after he meets Seth.
     
  6. That so. Then start with him and Seth meeting. It works best that way