Dirty Jokes

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Freyja, Jun 12, 2015.

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  1. Or semi-dirty.
    For a start I'll begin.

    A woman takes her dog to the vet, due to his terrible snoring. The doctor smiles and tells her that it's very common with this breed and that it can be solved by tying a ribbon around his balls.
    That evening as the woman prepares for sleep and lies down in her bed she hears the dog snoring and thus goes over to her sowing kit and takes out a pretty blue ribbon. As soon as she tie sit around the dog's balls it goes quiet and the woman can go to sleep in relieve. Sadly, later that night as her husband comes home from the bar pissed as a newt, he crawls into bed and starts snoring. The woman, woken up by this, decided to try the same method and gets a nice red ribbon from her kit to tie around her husband's balls. Again, it's quiet.
    As the man drunkenly wakes up from his slumber to take a piss, he notices the ribbon and looks at the dog.
    "I don't know what we did last night, but we got first and second place"

    Your turn little shits and one at the time.
  2. A blind man walked by the fish market. "Good morning, ladies," he said.
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  3. What's a porn star's favorite drink?

    7 Up in cider.
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  4. This isn't necessarily dirty, but it's horrible:

    Man hears his friend was in an accident, so he goes to the hospital to see him. At the hospital, he asks the Nurse "which room is he in?" The nurse responds with "Room 171, 172, and 173." The man looks startled and asks "How is he in three rooms at once?" The nurse calmly replies "He was run over by a steamroller."
  5. An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."
  6. I don't understand the difference between dirty and semi-dirty

    are we just not allowed to swear/directly name genitals?
  7. I don't get the "semi" part either so I'm just gonna share jokes of varying levels of dirtiness.

    What goes in hard and pink but comes out soft and mushy? Bubblegum. Get your mind out of the gutter.

    What's rough and hairy on the outside, soft and wet on the inside, starts with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in it? A coconut. You should be ashamed of yourself.

    What do vibrators and soybeans have in common? They're both meat substitutes.

    What does a woman and a plane have in common? They both have cockpits.

    What's the difference between a screwdriver and a politician? A screwdriver turns in screws, politicians screw interns.

    What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme.

    What sex position makes for ugly children? I don't know, ask your mom.

    What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea? The farmer shucks between fits.

    What's the difference between a woman and a pool table? On the pool table you put the balls in the hole and keep the stick out.

    What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use some lube.
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  8. A guy comes home with a duck under his arm and says:

    "This is the pig I'm fucking"

    His wife responds.

    "That's not a pig, that's a duck"

    The man replies to his wife.

    "I'm not talking to you."
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  9. Hehehehehehehe. "Semi".

    Anyway, my favourite one: What did the leper say to the prostitute?

    "Keep the tip."
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  10. ...


    Deez Nutz
  11. @Expllo would be proud of me now..

    Back to: Dirty Jokes Share on twitterShare on facebookShare on google_plusone_shareShare on stumbleuponMore Sharing Services Three horny cheerleaders decide to take their boyfriends to a hotel and get fucked. So they check in at the hotel and go to their rooms. But their parents get worried for them and go looking for them. They find the hotel and go inside. They go up into the hallway and hear their girls. From one room they hear a loud scream. They barge into the room and shout, "why are you screaming?". The cheerleader replies, "because it hurts!". Then, in the next room they here giggling, so they bust into the room and shout, "why are you giggling?". The cheerleader says, "because it tickles!". Then, the parents listen and listen, but can't hear the last girl, so they ask the other two where she is. The girls show them to the last girl's room, and kick down the door, to find the last of the girls still being fucked. Her parents ask her, "why the fuck weren't you screaming, or giggling?". The cheerleader immediately answered, "but you told me not to talk with my mouth full!"
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  12. All of your lives are semi-dirty jokes.
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