Der Gefrorene Nacht

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Allegretto, Mar 12, 2016.

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  1. Der Gefrorene Nacht

    | Some horror story I wrote for a writing contest which I lost. I'm wondering how good or bad it was which is up to whoever is reading. Any critique will do I suppose. Anyways enjoy the quick read. |

    It’s December 21, late at night after a long day of torture (school), and I am freezing my ass in some car (supposedly) from the 1990s. This basically describes our situation that the Tyrant has placed us in, sitting next to me cooped up in this cauldron of frozen agony.

    Jack was on the wheel (smoking), driving us to this stupid trip and Alice was on busy texting on her phone. I took a deep sigh looking at the fog exiting my mouth. The Tyrant took a quick glance at me and kicked my leg, giving me an impish grin. I jumped up and hit my head against the roof of the tiny car.

    “Now you’ll won’t be so bothersome”, she said giving a cheerful expression while Jack (the asshole) laughed hysterically and Alice was still droning on her phone.

    I sighed softly rubbing my head “This was your (God-Forsaken), idea though.”

    “ But you agreed to it!”, she retorted.

    I laid my head against the seat, “Yeah, Yeah. Whatever.”

    She gave me another kick. “You’re always so moody Dan. Just cheer up.”

    “ Fine. I’ll cheerrrrr up”, The third kick came quickly afterwards.

    “ Oh reallllyyy.” she laughed. “Just enjoy this trip, it’s nice to get out of the city for once.”

    I gave a small smile and looked again at Cheryl. She was wearing a brownish-green coat, some slacks, red mittens, and a hat housing her large, cumbersome, (somewhat-cute) blonde hair. She stuck her tongue at me and went back to looking at the passing trees in this dark night.

    I suppose she was right, I could be a selfish asshole (realist) sometimes. Especially in this shitty weather. I calmed down after the assault the Tyrant gave me, laid down and passed out...

    I woke up to another fresh kick from the Tyrant had graciously given me. I groaned a bit and looked out the window to see we had arrived at the camp. I exited the car with Cheryl and stretched my legs out after being confined in that metal coffin. Jack and Alice followed, Jack pulled out a fresh cigarette while Alice was going through her bag for the precious charging station she had brought.

    Jack and I went to the trunk to unpack our supplies, struggling through the thick snow. We popped the trunk up and started lugging the supplies out.

    “ You reek of cigarettes.” I said while taking the tent out.

    Jack flicked my head, “And you’re obnoxious, get the supplies asshat.”, Jack carried several bags and walked to the center of the camp while I followed with one.

    After we had set things up the girls (Cheryl) started cooking the dried fish, rice, and seaweed she brought, taking clumps of snow for the water. I went out to chop some firewood for some makeshift seats (splintered frozen logs) and fuel. While Jack went to set up the tents (for the ‘adventure’ with Alice). While made my own ‘adventure’ going into the forest with a flashlight and rusty axe. Lucky me…

    I traveled to the middle of the forest to get some space from the others. After an hour of assaulting the skinniest tree I could find; I had fallen one of them down. I panted loudly after the hard-work and sat down on the stump wondering how the fuck i’m going to carry all the wood through and realized that I'm an idiot (weakling). I sighed and went back to sitting on the stump, looking at the flashlight. I sat there for a few minutes (or hours) and got tired of freezing from this weather.

    I went to the chopping the tree into small planks and stacked them against my frail chest, walking through the snow, past the trees, past this endless forest. My breath got harsher as I continued forcing me to take a break. The cold was getting worse by now my boots were frozen to my feet and I couldn’t feel my ears.

    I rested and continued walking. The snow was starting to thicken as it got harder for me to slug through it. I wonder how the others are doing Jack is probably bitching about how I didn’t bring the firewood, Alice taking the picturing or worrying about her battery, and the Tyrant burning down the tent for fuel. I grinned at the thought and carried on….

    It’s been several hours from now and I don’t know how long I am away from this fuckiing camp. I’ve already abandoned the wood and focused on getting back. The snow has turned into a storm. Freezing winds ring through the forest and the snow has reached half of my leg. I can’t feel my hands under my thick mittens and my ears and legs have become completely numb. But this goddamn snow continues to blow against my body I lugged and shove through but make no progress. I’m so fucking cold.

    This snow has reached my leg. I can barely slug my body through it only making it a few inches in a couple of minutes. As I went through the snow my flashlight dropped into the snow and before I knew it was swallowed up this storm.

    “ Fuck! FUCK! Fuck you!” I yelled out at the top of lungs to avail. It was completely dark now in the forest and I knew I was done for I am going to die in this fucking forest.

    ...After hours passed I made it out of the forest.

    The tents were gone.

    The fireplace was gone.

    The car was half buried in snow.

    Alice is on the snow lifeless and holding her precious fucking phone.

    I saw jack in the car trying to get out. I pulled out that fucker on the snow and smashed his head in the snow. Again, again his head pounded into the snow. His ‘eyes’ became mashed tissue, his teeth fell out his skull punched with holes.

    And the Tyrant?
    That was her …. Fucking ….. Idea.​
    #1 Allegretto, Mar 12, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2016
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