Dear John Letter

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When her shoulder made contact with his Damien tensed up. Before that he had been fine, but the moment there was physical contact he snapped. His eyes sort of glazed over and he was thrown into a memory. It caused him to stand up suddenly, knocking his clay to the ground. At the noise he flinched and looked around trying to find the source, the person he needed to get rid of.
 
She had slipped up, forgotten. And he reacted aptly. "F-. Damien, I'm sorry. I slipped. It's okay. You're okay." She fumbled with her words, knowing they had drawn attention to themselves as the clay hit the ground. This had to be what she was warned about in school. Not getting too close, because progress is fragile and easily ruined. "You're not there anymore."
 
Damien couldn't here her, he just heard the noises around them, so many people talking. "Shut up." He growled, holding his hands over his ears. "Just shut up!" Damien yelled, trying to get a grip on himself.
 
The people surrounding them stopped and stared, going completely silent. Jess flinched, he was yelling and he either hadn't heard her or simply didn't care. His hands now covered his ears and she was on damage control, knowing they had probably managed to really mess up the atmosphere of the room. She wasn't quite sure how to bring him back, he wasn't reaching out for help.
 
He took in deep breaths and tried to do what he did when he came out of a dream. Jax wasnt there though, so it took longer for him to work it out. By the time he reopened his eyes about five minutes had gone by. Damien's eyes searched the room and all he saw were terrified faces. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." He said before walking out of the room. Damien had no right to be there, he wasnt stable.
 
Jess watched him carefully, unsure of what else to do besides wait for him to come out of this. She didn't know everything, and the only one who could help him here was himself. Soon, his eyes reopened and he was walking out of the room after he apologized. She got up a few moments after and followed, leaving a number of confused art students in her wake. They had rushed it, but this was her fault. She'd bumped him, and she knew better than to do that. "Damien, I'm sorry." She called, trying to catch up to him.
 
He heard Jess's voice, but didn't react to it at first. "It's not your fault, it's mine. I'm the one with the problems here, not you." Damien said simply, not slowing down as he walked to his car. "I just can't do things with other people, at least now we know right?" He tried to put the key in car door to unlock it, but he kept missing. Damien's hands shook and he couldn't seem to be able to fit it in.
 
"Which is totally reasonable. You can't always expect to come back from things unscathed. Active duty military included." She told him, continuing to follow him until he reached what appeared to be his vehicle. He couldn't get the key in the hole, though. His hands shook and she was torn, unsure if she should attempt to help him or just let him struggle with it. "Damien, take a few minutes to calm back down. You don't need to be driving right now." She said, posing it more as a request than a demand.
 
He shook his head. "I need to get out of here." He said, dropping his keys and hitting the side of the car with his hand. "Dammit! I can't even do something simple with these nerves. Do you see what I deal with? I could explode like that at any time. That guy in the corner that was there with his wife? I wanted to kill him when I saw him during my episode. If I hadnt closed my eyes I would have tried to choke him. Then when I try to get away from it I can't even use my own damn keys. I just can't go anywhere." He leaned against the car, his eyes closed as he tried to calm himself down again.
 
She stood there and listened, she didn't offer any advice, just let him talk. He dropped his keys, and she bent down and picked them up, glancing at him before she slid the key into the lock, figuring even if he got in his car he'd have to calm down before he managed to start it. "So maybe you need to stop running from it. You came back from it. And while you didn't have complete control, you stopped yourself from hurting someone." She paused for a moment. "Now, I'm not saying you should go back in there. In fact, it'll probably be encouraged that we don't come back. But ending on a bad note is not the way to overcome this."
 
"What if I don't want to overcome this?" Damien asked. "What if I just want to live my life in peace and by myself? Right now that seems like the best option." He took the keys from her, careful not to have too much contact with her hand, before sliding into the seat. "I'll call to apologize tomorrow and try to make up for what happened." He said simply, watching his hands, willing them to stop shaking so he could start the car up.
 
"Because eventually you won't be able to just live in peace. There's always going to be loud noises. People are going to bump into you." She told him, but didn't try to stop him from leaving. "Well, that's a start. Damien, you can't hide from a problem like this. It's gonna come back and bite you if you do." Jess said quietly, taking a step back from the car. "It's your call though. If you don't want my help, you don't have to take it. But driving away the people who care about you to have solitude instead is not going to help either."
 
Damien took in her words, but didn't process them all the way. "I just need to think. I hate when I have episodes." He said, shaking his head. "Right this minute I don't want help, but I'll probably change my mind once I'm alone with Jax. I'll call you when I do and we can meet for a session or something, I don't think I am ready to be done with them if we don't do the art lesson."
 
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