Dealbreakers

[Kagayours]

This thread: "GRR I WOULD NEVER DATE CUCK SCUM!"
"MENINIST DOGS! I WOULD NEVER LOVE SUCH DOGS!"
"I WOULD NEVER LOVE SOMEONE WHO IS DIFFERENT. DEATH TO THE ENEMIES OF THE HORDE!"

Meanwhile, in my head.
Have basic hygiene, give a shit about your own physical well being, be honest, and be compassionate toward me. Also, don't be a raging cunt.

Now if you will all excuse me, I am off to continue the most loving relationship I've ever had. With a Catholic. As an atheist.

Difference of opinions is one thing, but I really don't see what's wrong with deciding you can't date someone because of something they do/say that's going to bother you on a regular basis...?



As for me, the only big dealbreaker I can think of is not acknowledging mental illness as a real thing, especially in regards to ADHD. >_> I don't have a ton of experience with dating, but, if I were dating someone, I'd certainly want it to be someone who acknowledges my limitations and helps make things a little easier for me because of it, as opposed to someone who thinks that my diagnosis means nothing and that this is all "just in my head" and that I can snap out of it whenever I want. >_> It kind of has a big impact on my day-to-day life, and I don't think I could handle a relationship where my partner misunderstands me at such a level. I'd want someone that I can feel comfortable venting to about, say, not being able to concentrate on something and getting stressed out about it, as opposed to someone that I'd be hesitant to share these kinds of thoughts with because I know they're just going to roll their eyes and think I'm exaggerating a problem that doesn't exist. Even if they humor me about it, I just don't think I'd be comfortable knowing they don't really take me seriously.


So like

wow

I didn't realize that just wanting to be comfortable with my hypothetical significant other makes me a close-minded person who hates all differing opinions. >_>

You found love with someone who's very different than you? That's great! I'm sure I'd be open to a relationship with someone who sees things in a different way than I do, so long as they don't cross certain boundaries that would make me not at all want to be close to them. I'm glad that you and your girlfriend are happy together, but there are certain things that some people just don't find desirable in others and that they just don't see themselves being able to make work at all. And I think that's the point behind "dealbreakers", is it not?


God, people are so awful for having things that make them uncomfortable and that would be a major turn-off in a potential partner, huh??

Maybe, since this is a "judgement free zone", we should just... respect what other people don't want in a partner?? And not imply that people are shitty just for having turn-offs???

 

[Brovo]

Woah. Relax. It was a friendly piece of satire. Exaggerated to an intentional extreme for fun. I juxtaposed it to a typical stance from World of Warcraft. I'm sorry, I obviously did not satire correctly. I'm not saying that people can't have their own tastes. Why do you think I didn't quote anyone specifically and used strawmen? I wanted to evoke a laugh at a topic that pops up all the time in GD. Not tell people that they're part of a horde of giant green people who like killing humans for disagreeing with me.

Again, sorry. Never meant to offend anyone. Just meant to poke fun.

 

[AshlioFern]

Wears fur. Hunts. Hurts animals in any way. NOPE!

 

[Windsong]

Woah. Relax. It was a friendly piece of satire. Exaggerated to an intentional extreme for fun. I juxtaposed it to a typical stance from World of Warcraft. I'm sorry, I obviously did not satire correctly. I'm not saying that people can't have their own tastes. Why do you think I didn't quote anyone specifically and used strawmen? I wanted to evoke a laugh at a topic that pops up all the time in GD. Not tell people that they're part of a horde of giant green people who like killing humans for disagreeing with me.

Again, sorry. Never meant to offend anyone. Just meant to poke fun.

Sarcasm is unbecoming of you, Bro(vo).
Stick to the cold hard hammer of logic and reason.

 

[Kagayours]

Why do you think I didn't quote anyone specifically and used strawmen?

Because, instead of an all-out attack, it seemed like you were going for more of a brief, back-handed insult. (Not to say that was your intention -- that's just what it seemed like at the time.)

Anyway, sorry for getting so upset. It came across like you were implying that anyone who can't stand their SO's having certain opinions is just close-minded, and that you were claiming a moral high ground for yourself while you were at it. Which, especially given the fact that the thread is a "judgement free zone"... yeah, seemingly invalidating a lot of people's good reasons for not liking certain things in other people really rubbed me the wrong way. >_>

I appreciate the clarification. Really, I do. Any other corner of the internet, this would've immediately devolved into mud-slinging, as opposed to just calmly explaining where things got mixed up. XD So uh, sorry for the misunderstanding.

 

[Brovo]

Nah it's all good. I'm glad you spoke out about something I did. Criticism is good. I never meant to offend you, or anyone else. Just next time, to prevent the mods from having a heart attack, probably better to tackle it via private messages. @Minibit would probably appreciate that.

Same goes for everyone here. If you ever taken issue with me, just let me know privately so I can try to improve next time, without making public drama.

 

[KuroBuros The Infected]

Oh deary, um lying to and taking advantage of people. I cannot stand being lied to and I'm so small that people assume that they can take advantage of me and that is a nono

 

[Dervish]

Pulling this pony back on track, I just want to throw this out in the wild; while it's definitely good to have standards and hold onto expectations of what you expect from a partner, try to keep an open mind if you're heading out into the dating game and try not to make your standards very specific or have way too many pieces of criteria a partner has to meet. The best way to look at dating is you just want to get your foot in the door and meet someone casually the first time or two and see if you have any chemistry. I think after meeting somebody in person and finding out what they're like can make a world of difference, especially if you find that everything about said person is resonating super well with you except for maybe one or two things you might have turned them down for if you were just reading an online dating profile, for instance. You might find that the overall person is worth working past something that might be a turnoff, just food for thought.

For myself, I don't like smoking, or going out partying at clubs, or someone who's really high maintenance, or doesn't have an interest in things like camping, hiking, paintball, or other things where you're outdoors and getting dirty, and I definitely have traits I'm attracted to in a person. However, I'm willing to overlook any of those things in a potential date because of the previous paragraph. You just never know, and a part of relationships is figuring each other out to the point you're comfortable and happy.

Of course, this isn't directed at anyone in particular, but I figured I should mention that sometimes you might be passing up a really good thing if you get fixated on something that may or may not be a big deal after all.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

I could try to list more minor stuff, but people surprise you all the time. So I'm just going with the non-obvious (as in 'not attracted to you' levels obvious) but 100% deal breakers no exceptions.

1) Animal/Child Abusers: If I find you've been mistreating either you're done, period. Not just as a romantic partner but as someone I would ever bother talking to as a human being.

2) Hatred towards Mental Illness: Ignorance is fine, as long as you're willing to learn I'm more than happy to help. But if you're the kind of person who becomes elitist over it then that become's a massive insult to both myself and the majority of my friends. It is not something I will tolerate.

3) Racist/Sexist/Homophobic: Basically, if you're into dividing people up over race, sex or sexuality, rather than simply willing to treat/acknowledge people as people then we're also done. I can't justify associating myself with individuals who would demonize any individual for factors that they have no control over.

4) Someone I need to be cautious about what I say/do: This can fall under anything, not wanting me to partake in dark humour, plays certain kinds of 'games' to add drama to a relationship, or simply follows people usual social charades where I'm expected to be some sort of mind reader about what to say and when. The whole point of being in a relationship is to relax, and enjoy my time with a person. I can't do that if I'm constantly fretting about what might offend them, or what might give a mixed signal that I never get given the opportunity to clarify.

*Emphasis on social charades. So often I need to deal with people who basically play 'Game of Thrones' except at day to day socialization. Everyone making proper social plays, trying to gain respect, attention, popularity, and then forming groups to judge others behind their backs. In 22 years of interacting with people, 12 of which being in Therapy that specifically taught me socialization skills I have never been able to get that strong a grasp on all the small hidden intricacies of human interaction. If you think something about me, you tell me. You expect me to do something, you tell me. All this drama about expecting people to magically understand you, or do all the proper things required to gain your favour does nothing but breed drama. It might make a good TV show, but it should have no place in day to day life.

And that's it as far as Relationships are concerned.
However, there is an additional one when it comes into Marriage.

5) Doesn't want Kids: I want children, you're not talking me out of this. Don't even try.

 

[Legens Legentis]

No tobacco or alcohol whatsoever, no matter the occasion (except church). I'm very stern with this. Thankfully I can avoid other people who are generally terrible (abusive, bigoted, adulterous, etc.). Having Gerald Ford as their favorite president is also a requirement.

 

[K3l]

Liking anime

 

[KuroBuros The Infected]

Liking anime

Whut? Liking anime is a dealbreaker ?

 

[Hana]

• Smoking. I actually do have a reason why this will be a dealbreaker for me - I have asthma and I've already had to withstand just inhaling secondhand smoke since childhood because my father doesn't get it. Or he didn't. Either way, I have weak lungs and it's seriously not doing us any favors if you insist on smoking. I'm also worried for any potential SO's health.
• Over-the-top drinking. Sure, drink to relax and unwind, and sure, you can even be a clown when you're drunk and I'll find it amusing and take care of you. But if you're a raging drunk who overdoes it, nah.

 

[K3l]

Whut? Liking anime is a dealbreaker ?

Nah, I'm just being a shit. That'll probably make me more interested, if anything.

Real answer? I guess just don't be a racist bigot with poor hygiene? You know, what I assume most people don't want in a partner. Otherwise I've grown a tolerance to quite a few things. Been with girls that drink whisky for breakfast, girls that smoke every time I hang with them, girls so stuck up they make stereotypical rich white women in movies look like a joy. I got no real dealbreakers past don't be a shitty person, or I might just be easy, I'dunno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Space Cowboy]

Liking anime

I laughed. Hard.



Another thing for me: bigotry. Can't do it.

 

[K3l]

Just thought of a legit one for me: Dry Texting.

The "wyd?" every couple minutes type of conversations. Like, you keep asking that and this chat is going to become a rice cake. Show some interest(s) bruh. Ask how my day was? Tell me about your day? Ask me a personal question? Share something personal? Tell me about yourself! Show that you want to get to know me!? Damn, tell me what you're doing how about? Guaranteed I'm doing the same thing I told you the last eight times, texting your dry ass. Sorry, this one just annoys me. A lot.

 

[LogicfromLogic]

-If you support Trump we have nothing to discuss.
-You say anything that is considered or should be considered hate speech, I might hit you with a chair (not literally but my reaction to you might be as unpleasant)

-You chew with your mouth open. I cannot stand hearing people eat but so help you god if I hear you smack, slurp, lick your lips constantly, anything like that I might either vomit or I will leave. Without warning. Sorry, its weird I know but I cannot take the sound of people eating for the most part but it's worse when I have to hear you chewing loudly or trying to breathe through your god damned mouth when you are eating.

-You never ask me any questions. If I am doing all the asking and all the conversation, then I will mark you as either a horrid narcissist or I might see you as far too quiet. Nothing wrong with quiet people, I just don't want to talk to a brick wall.

-You have a problem with someone who has a lot going on every day.

-Messy people; I can't take clutter. I can't even stand seeing socks left on the floor, I can't stand smudges as small as they are on my mirrors. A messy person would drive me insane.

-Holier-Than-Thou personalities. I am no saint and I do not want to seem like the devil to someone who thinks they are the second coming.

-No, I will not watch my motherfucking mouth. I have a cussing thing, I don't care. I don't like censoring myself.

-You like motorcycles. It's not up for discussion.

-You must be a cat person.

-Bathing is a deal breaker; you come around me smelling like you just rolled around in the city dump I might just tell you no. And not just might.

-Understanding sarcasm is key to a good relationship with anybody.

 

[govangogh]

if you're gonna lose it cuz I don't respond to your texts you aren't gonna have to text me at all anymore

 

[Astaroth]

- Doesn't like music. What the fuck, are you an alien?

- Doesn't want me to RP with anyone but them, romance/smut or otherwise. Sorry, but fuck off. (Possessive behavior like this in general, really.)

- Un-ironically utters the words "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve". (I had this happen to me on a first date once. Lol, noped right outta there.)

- Doesn't get out of my face immediately when I say not to touch me.

 

[Icy]

Just let me be little spoon from time to time and we're good.