DISCUSSION Day TWO: When did you first realize you were queer?

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Whether or not you had a label/name for it yet, when did you first realize you might be queer? Was there any specific moment where you thought "Yeah..Maybe"?
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Hahahaha! I was 35 when someone hit me upside the head (metaphorically).

Actually let's take a step back. In my mid twenties I was like "so I heard this term" and someone I trusted at the time made me second guess myself and I just completely ignored things for another decade. Now I celebrate every year with the Epiphany. Marked on my calendar and everything.
This is such a good question. It made me think.

Back in middle school, when I was in the wicked throws of hormonal shifting nonsense, I had many crushes, of course. I'm sure there were earlier signs and thoughts and feelings, but that's when things started branching off and I developed my first crush on another chick. Like, my first, solid, actual, crush on another female presenting person. And, realizing that really made SO MUCH stuff make SO MUCH SENSE, for me. So, at first, from that moment, I identified as bisexual.

And, fast forward to my early adult years, I realized through internet shenanigans that there was an even better term for how I experience my sexuality and that was when I started identifying as pansexual!


A few years ago, it dawned on me that I'm polyamorous. It honestly should have been obvious earlier, but I guess I just wasn't willing to let myself BE poly. On top of everything else I am? It felt selfish, somehow. It felt like too much. It felt like I was trying to be more than I am and trying to be 'special'.

This pride month actually marks the first pride where I will be openly, certainly, polyamorous. And, I will not be beating myself up for it anymore.
I was 7 when I realized I was trans. I didn't know the word for it yet but I started identifying as a boy and wanted all the boy clothes. At some point I had to switch to She/Her pronouns because that's what everyone wanted from me but eventually I was like "NO. I'M NOT HAPPY LIKE THIS." and went back to my He/Him pronouns. I wasn't very accepted growing up, but now I'm among people who love me for who I am. <3 Chosen family is the best.

As for being pan, I was in high school when I discovered that. I just...found myself not caring what people's gender was. I liked them because I liked them and I couldn't explain it until I learned the term 'pansexual' later on. I was very gender-blind then and I'm gender-blind now. xD

So back in like middle school, instead of hanging out with kids my age or doing my homework or seeing the sun. I just vibed reading fanfics and watching YouTube in bed, like a lot of the time. Like I really could've done so much better in school if I wasn't introduced to Fanfic so young, but oh well. That isn't part of this story.

Anyways, I had an inkling that I might not be Cis because how people constantly described how trans characters felt/I found a trans youtuber and yeah. So I stewed in that information for awhile and tried to come out in like 7th grade, didn't work out mostly because I was in peak hormonal time.

BUUUUUTTTT, In highschool with a lot more time to think and not so heavy on the puberty. I came out again, it was more legit this time. Went to the counselors and had my first name changed in their system and everything. Didn't make highschool easier though lol, still had lots of issues.

Fast forward again! Like 3 years ago, I realized that I'm somewhere on the Ace spectrum. Because the one or two tangible relationships I had, whenever Sex was talked about/initiated. Welllll, lets just say all the fanfic I read as a kid overhyped it imo. Didn't think much of it because at the time I was like 18-ish and had other things to worry about.

Well, Shocker the last few months I've been wobbling on the 'Am I Aro too? Or is it my lack of social interaction outside of family?' thought process. So I guess I'm putting a pin in that conversation with myself until/if I get my first job and interact with the general public more.

But I know for a fact that I'm, Transmasc and Aegosexual [It's an Ace Identity, Where you have a disconnection between the subject of arousal and yourself. Basically, you may have sexual fantasies or watch/read erotic content. You might also do some self-pleasure. But you feel little to no sexual attraction and usually don't desire to have sex with others.]
My journey has been a long one and is probably still going 😂 I've always had issues in a connecting with people on a physical and emotional sense, but I've always clearly known I am cis lady and I like men. I had several boyfriends but I really hated the physical aspect of relationships. When I learned about demisexuality I was like "oh that must be me!" and then quite a while after that I realized am actually much deeper in the Ace spectrum. I dont give two shits about sexual contact at all. It's fun to write about and think about, but I don't need it or seek it in real life at all. <3 It is just something I do for funsies as a bonding part of my relationship.

I have never heard the term aegosexual before! O_O I think that is where I lie.
My journey has been a long one and is probably still going 😂 I've always had issues in a connecting with people on a physical and emotional sense, but I've always clearly known I am cis lady and I like men. I had several boyfriends but I really hated the physical aspect of relationships. When I learned about demisexuality I was like "oh that must be me!" and then quite a while after that I realized am actually much deeper in the Ace spectrum. I dont give two shits about sexual contact at all. It's fun to write about and think about, but I don't need it or seek it in real life at all. <3 It is just something I do for funsies as a bonding part of my relationship.

I have never heard the term aegosexual before! O_O I think that is where I lie.
:00000 my lil microlabel actually was of use! Hazzah! But 10/10 agree with spicy times being fun to write about
I know I've been questioning my sexuality FOREVER (like since 5th-6th grade) and i remember coming out to one of my friends as bi then. I still identify with bi to this day, but I'm definitely am more biromantic. I genuinely have no clue on other aspects of my sexuality, demisexual and greysexual just kind of- plopped in there at some point 😂 but I definitely feel most comfortable with those labels!

when it comes to gender...that's really a doozy. I was 15 and chronically online writing fanfics when I started questioning myself. I think at first I thought i was genderfluid, then a demiboy, flipflopped between using she/her and thinking I am cis, and then I really stuck with the transmasc label using he/him for awhile. then, i went back to using she/her for awhile. around 19 I started thinking again and started using they/she, then i morphed to they/them and came out to my bf at the time (we're getting married now soon) and my friends as nonbinary :) it's been 5 years now since that day and I just feel- the most comfortable with it.
while I still do prevent feminine, nonbinary does not equate to having to be androgynous. to me, it's more of "i'm just a person. i'm jusst neutral."
Gender and sexuality are both exceptionally fluid for me.

Since it's pride, I'll use this moment to come out and say I'm probably genderfluid. I'm still most comfortable with he/him pronouns (maybe just because it's what I'm familiar with), but I've had questionable gender experiences since before I was in double digits, I just didn't really know what to do with it until one of the first time I joined a forum, and they had a male/female option and I went "this isn't right" when I tried to pick one. But then I still didn't do anything with that for years.

I was probably around 12 when I realised I was not exclusively attracted to one gender or another, and I just sort of rolled with it. It sort of just happened and there was no fanfare or strong realization or anything, I just kind of knew. And I switched between identities for a while, hitting all the big ones, but generally sticking to "bisexual", which is still the one I tell people when I'm lazy. But not long ago, I discovered the term abrosexual, which I have rather identified with since, still spending most of my time in a bi-adjecent or ace place. Romantically, I'm probably greyromantic or something, idk. I feel like I need a bit more experience to figure it out because what I want and what I think I want are kind of different.
Well this will be a fun one for me 'cause I can finally say some things here there I have never told a damned soul before (though tbf it's a pretty recent development). I think I somewhat touched on it once or twice in the site discord the past couple days, but I'm not quite sure who or what I am 🤔 Queer in some way clearly, that much I know, just not quite sure... how yet.

I could say that I'm female, born female, and I went along with it and was comfortable with it because I grew up not ever knowing that there was any other way about it, you know? I thought "Well that's just how it is". It actually wasn't until I started making all these friends on the internet and irl who are just all sorts of everything that I started actually thinking more and more about myself, but never really thought too hard into it because I had always thought pretty much "Well if I've been comfortable this way for so long maybe this is just me".
I think the real tipping point was in having one of my oldest, long time friends I've known since before high school who came out as trans just, what, last year? And that one was the one that got me thinking "Damn if it can take someone that long to discover themselves, maybe there's still some discoveries I can make".

I just keep thinking back now to my childhood where I hated all things "girly" and purposely avoided literally any and all things that, you know, society figured was proper of a little girl and instead grew up quite the dirty little tomboy because I felt way more comfortable 🤣 and even now where I prefer baggy clothes that don't accentuate feminine features and I find wholly amusing when I get mistaken for a guy online in that I'm mostly just glad I don't exude femininity on the internet.
Dunno quite what it makes me, honestly, as I'm still learning a looot about all these different people with all their different flags and sexualities and genders and I wanna find mine, damn it XDD

As for sexuality, I also honestly haven't the slightest clue. Sometimes I think maybe I'm asexual because I've never been super interested in sex, but then I think, I dunno... maybe demi because if I know the person and it's someone I've come to care out, I'm very open to the option!
It was another thing, too, that I grew up believing "I am a girl so therefore I must only like boys", but maaan... there are some pretty ladies out there and a lot of other people I've seen of other genders that I think "Hey they're cute" and "If they were interested in me, I'd be up for that".
So I apparently just don't see genders, I guess? LOLL I have no idea

Just mark me as a big ass question mark at this point
Soooo like the post I just made I have no idea. My memory is probably the worst memory on the planet without actually having like dementia tbh. But my first real serious crush on someone that wasn't an internet creep was on a girl at I believe 12-13. Since then, I've really only been able to imagine my life with me ending up with a woman. I still find guys attractive, and I definitely did before that crush, but that crush kind of changed my world view. I started looking it up and stuff whenever I could (hush hush yknow) and yeah, landed on Bi and I've stuck to bi cause I fucking love the flag colours

but now that I know what demi and aegosexual are, and of course Ive known about pansexual, I have no idea anymore! aegosexual might be the closest to what I am cause I've never felt sexual attraction that much, but also I've never ever been with anyone so I have no idea whether I have that ability to be sexual with someone. Not that any of this matters, I just find it interesting and stuff. probably gonna still stick with bi cause of yeah the colours, but I am most likely something else entirely 🤷‍♂️

that's a whole 'nother confusing mess
Im pretty confident I'm whats known as genderfluid. Dusk's experience is actually similar to mine, in that I didn't really figure it out until later, and i prefer she/her over he/him, but they/them is my ultimate preference. Anyway, more to my experience, I didn't really realize until the first time i experienced dysphoria. Again, no idea when, but it was probably around 16. I met someone who was non-binary. And like my crush, it changed like everything. I didn't know that could even be a thing. They talked about sometimes experiencing dysphoria (they later turned out to be transgender I believe, but I didn't stay in contact with them, BUT) they told me about the experience. I realized i went through that too, where i looked in the mirror and just hated my body. Was upset by it. And realized it was separate than hating the fact that I was fat af. Hating myself because i was (still am) obese and hating the fact that i had a chest was different. I started questioning whether i was trans too, but then i thought back to enjoying traditionally girly things like makeup and getting dressed up all beautiful. (SAYING THAT, IF YOU ARE A MAN THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH LIKING THOSE THINGS AT ALL, THIS IS JUST MY EXPERIENCE AND EXAMPLES) Realizing that I still enjoyed flaunting what I had and 'girly' things every once in a while also having days where i had dysphoria made me so much more comfortable in the body that I'm in. Yeah, ill have days where being called he/him will give me happy fuzzies, but I am comfortable with not physically changing those aspects of me. And now, despite still hating myself for being extremely obese, i have days where i can proudly flaunt my chest and dress all pretty and sexy and not feel bad about it, while other days i wear baggy clothes and try to 'hide' it while acting more masculine. I even changed my hair style to reflect this, shaving one side while having the other side be in a cute bob of sorts. AND most days, i don't give a fuck about what I'm wearing or feeling. Im totally neutral on it.

ANYWAY that's a whole lot of rambling, i don't think I've ever even made an rp post this long XD
Scratch that, I definitely haven't XD
Theres probably more that can be said, but Ill leave it here. Once again, congratulations to those who get through my nonsense ramble XD
well... I went to a catholic boarding school and my best friend there had been send there as "punishment" by her parents.. she gave me my first orgasm (not first sex tho^^) and generally "corrupted me in the eyes of god" as the teachers and my parents would phrase it :3
in elementary school, my friends would always go, "pav, pav, isn't this guy hot" and i would go "umm.. hehe. yea!!! he's sooooo hot" *frantically stares around the room to make sure that everyone thinks i'm being normal and this is the correct way to respond even though this just looks like a person with a face*

then my best friend kissed me on the cheek and i went, "OH SHIT GIRLS CAN DO THAT???"

came out as lesbian, parents told me only men can love women so i thought i was trans for a while

went to conversion therapy to pray the gay away ((didn't work :D))

now i see myself as bi (with more of a femme-lean), cis and poly :D i am happier than ive ever been being myself
Uhh!! I think at like.. the end of 2019 start of 2020 I started to consider liking WOMEN!!! Crazy right? I didn't know being gay was a thing until 2019 and first I thought "wow, that's cool lol, I don't think IM gay…" and then that led to me thinking I'm bisexual, to thinking I'm pansexual, to thinking I'm bisexual again, and then ultimately I was like "wow… women…" and here I am.. cheers to.. uhh… 4.5 years of realization of being a lesbian! And 4 year anniversary for me and my girlfriend is coming up, too, wowzers

Aegosexuality I realized just by seeing its definition once about 2 years ago and was like "wow, that's sounds a lot a lot like me fr"

Being a demigirl took me a bit longer to realize. I've always grown up feminine and feeling feminine, but when I realized there were all these other communities of what someone could be, I started to realize I felt kinda like them! I thought I was non-binary for a bit, because what I saw that they felt, I had a partially similar feeling, too. I thought I was bigender as well once, but alas that didn't stick. Then I found the definition of being a demigirl? And it all fell into place, I saw the definition and felt "that's me, that's how I feel". I think my gender identity is the one that really settled with me and made me the most comfortable with how I identified.
(I have nothing important to contribute but I read the thread title as "When did you realize you were Queen," which made me giggle)

Been firmly into girls as early as kindergarten
It wasn't until a few years ago when my husband Fluffy came out as trans. I asked myself if that was a deal breaker for me and it really wasn't. So I figured whatever that makes me is what I am, but I also didn't care overly much. Over time I discovered that I just find some people good looking, idc what gender they were, so whatever that means, that's what I am too. I haven't bothered with labels but I guess bisexual? Fluffy says I'm likely non-binary too because of my views on myself and gender.
I think my experience was pretty simplistic, comparatively. I didn't really think of simply "boys" or "girls" when it came to romantic attraction and it solidified in high school when I had a messy relationship with a girl, but no more than messy relationships were in high school. I never really questioned being bi-romantic and was lucky to have a pretty open family of "love who you love."

The ace part.. well that took a while. Even now I think about it. I think I would put myself more in the grey-asexual slot of the larger spectrum. I have my husband, who really only falls into the poly thoughts of queer, and I'm not exactly attracted sexually nor have that much of a sex drive but I'm not sex-repulsed or of the like (most of the time, we all have our days). He's a bit more on the hypersexual side but over the years we've certainly worked it out.

Gender is something I'm.. indifferent to, for myself. I would say I can't be misgendered, not because I'm genderfluid but I'm just not - if that makes sense. Unbothered even. Heck, I have a friend that refers to me as "bingus" when I told him and it works. Dunno if there's a label for that, but I'm just me and it's really cool to learn about all the little niches and everyone's experiences.
I've known for a very long time that I was bi. I discovered being non-binary at age 11, I didn't have a word for it but I became and identified as more masculine starting then. It was a few years later that I found out I was ace. I've questioned my identity many times but I think I have a pretty good idea how I'm feeling currently.
I had a feeling I was different once I was like twelve or so. It wasn't until I was sixteen that I had the big realization of "Oh I like men AND women"

And that's how I figured out I was bi. It's taken a long while to be comfortable saying that since I dealt with some crap whenever I brought it up, but yeah!