Cupid's Illusions

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Sweet~Taboo, Apr 8, 2010.

  1. So i usually hate to share my poems, but i got inspired and figured id give it a try. Basic poem format. I will take any opinions, i aint scurred! =}



    Stuck with duds from cupid
    Trapped in distractions
    Enlightened to feel stupid
    Hypnotized by false actions
    An illusion to the heart
    And to the mind an ease
    Love is a poisoned dart
    Brought by an emotional tease
    A heart perpetually split
    The inside hollowed out
    Small pieces left to transmit
    It's bittersweet route
    The numerous attempts failed
    To heal its despair
    Came more tears inhaled
    And one more deep tear
    Crooked smiles to the public
    Broken frowns in my head
    A body completely sick
    And a heart damn near dead
    Condensed to only lust
    And acts to see it through
    Convinced of lying trust
    Until the final adieu
    Another moment neglected
    Another cry for concern
    One heart deeply infected
    With another's cryptic burn
     
  2. Oooooo! I love it!

    I like these lines the most

    A body completely sick
    And a heart damn near dead
     
  3. Yay! Im so glad you like it! its so emo-broken hearted-lovehate and old, but one of my favorites! So THAAANKS!
     
  4. The imagery is quite vivid...I applaud your work.

    but

    I DEMAND MORE!
     
  5. Thank youuu! I will put more up eventually!
     
  6. Some stuff for you~ :3. Firstly, I noticed that you had an a-b-a-b rhyme scheme going on. You don't necessarily have to make it rhyme. I sort of noticed that the lack of punctuation and the lack of stanzas made it seem sort of post-modern in style. The description was rather vivid as Jack Shade already mentioned. Keep postin'; I want to read more!
     
  7. Thanks for the advice. I seem to be the type to do A-B-A-B, or A-A-B-B and such. I feel more comfortable writing that way. I seem to forget punctuations too! Ill definately post more, but they all seem to be in the same sense as this one. But I always apreciate advice, and help! So thanks again