Corrupt Wishing Well of Doom!

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Levusti

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Hay guise, I love this game so much yo.

Rules: The first poster makes a wish and the next poster has to grant it but corrupt it somehow, then wish for his own.

EXAMPLE
A: I wish I had some cookies to eat.

B: Granted, but those cookies have neurotoxins that kill you upon consumption. I wish I had a cat to cuddle with.

A: Granted, but the cat is dead, the beast's cold corpse festering and putrefying in your arms. I wish I....​

And so on and so forth. Let us begin.


I wish I a boyfriend D:
 
(Ah, this game- great memories. I forgot what killed it...)

Granted. He's that one dust mite on your pillow there.

I wish I was invincible.
 
Granted, but you are invincible only to dust specks smaller than 1 nanometer.

I wish I had my own car.
 
Granted, but it's poorly assembled and explodes the first time you try to drive it.

I wish I could shape-shift.
 
Granted, but you can only shift into geometric shapes like squares, triangles and dodecahedrons.

I wish for....... A SANDWICH!
 
Granted, but it's made out of your relatives.

I wish I could fly.
 
Granted, you can fly 'cause you're a fly. *swat*

I wish I never need to fart.
 
Granted. Your farts now come out your mouth.

I wish I knew what to wish for.
 
Granted, You're a Potato

I wish I wish I had a fish
 
Granted. It's up your ass.

I wish for...boobs?
 
Granted, they're on your forehead.

I wish I had enough money to buy a McDonald's Apple Pie.
 
Granted, but they stopped selling it.

I wish I could have a wish with no loopholes.
 
Granted, but there's a loophole. You COULD have a wish with no loopholes, but you didn't wish for it explicitly, so you have only the ability to wish for wishes with no loopholes.

I wish I could hold in my own farts for any length of time.
 
Granted, but the longer you hold it, the more likely you are to have something else come out with it.

I wish people stopped acting so 'happy' and 'jolly' in December. Why do they even do that, anyway? Some sort of holiday coming up?
 
Granted, Now December is national rape month, with 3 times more rapes in it's 31 days than in the other 11 months.....I hope you're happy.




I wish some people would just fuck off and die.
 
Granted, but with each death a limb is amputated without anesthesia, numbing agents, or painkillers.

I wish the fedora hat I ordered 2 months ago would arrive.
 
Granted, but you have to make it through an Indiana Jones-esque death trap to get it.

I wish for a plate of bacon.
 
Granted but it's tofu bacon.

I wish I had a pet wolfdog.
 
Granted, but it's moldy and rotten and inedible.

I wish I hadn't eaten all that spicy food--my butt is burning. D:
 
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