Corrupt-A-Wish

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Granted, but you can only move objects lighter than a blade of grass.

I wish I knew how to survive in any post-apocalyptic situation.
 
Granted, however your knowledge is taken away when said apocalypse happens

I wish I had more free time
 
Granted, 20 coupons for "Free time……. at work!" arrived at your doorstep. Gotta love being bored on the job

I wish I could swallow cold medicine without almost puking.
 
Granted. You can swallow cold medicine without puking, but you defecate yourself at random times without warning for 16 hours after you take it.

I wish I always had exact change in my pocket for whatever I'm buying at the time I need money to pay for it.
 
Granted, but for whatever reason the change is super-glued onto your pocket. so you'd have to take off your pants to purchase anything. Heh.

I wish we could switch between alternate universes and stuff.
 
Granted, however you have no control over when the switches happen, and 99% of the universes you travel through are inhabited by people who hunt humans for sport.

I wish my boyfriend wasn't leaving town on Monday
 
Your wish is granted. His new departure time is scheduled for RIGHT NOW.

I wish I could end all strife in this world.
 
Granted. All life is instantly extinquished, thereby ending all strife. Yay! :D

I wish for the previous wish to be reversed.
 
The previous wish is reversed, bringing all life back. With life, however, came strife, and so both you and the one who's wish you granted are hunted mercilessly and publicly executed on live television across the globe. People, still unsatisfied, enter a war over who should assume power again, and everyone dies again.

I wish people cared more about ending war, hunger, and homelessness than pointless things such as money.
 
Granted, but without money hunger and homelessness can never be solved.

I wish for a nice, cold pint of lager.
 
Granted. It's a very nice pint, making compliments to everyone it meets. This includes your partner, who eventually elopes with said pint. When you, in blind rage, end up smashing the pint on the floor, you end up going to jail for murder (although technically not homicide).

I wish for a brand new car.
 
You get the car of your dreams, for free! It works fine, with no drawbacks whatsoever. However, overnight, oil becomes ridiculously rare, sending the price of fuel skyrocketing hundreds of times. You are left with the amazing car, but cannot afford to run it. You are forced to sell it for scrap in order to provide heat and warmth for your family.

I wish for an uncorrupted wish.
 
Granted. Your worst enemy gets it, and uses it to make your life utterly miserable.

I wish for some edible, good-tasting, non-poisoned food.
 
Granted, but you're not hungry.

I don't wish for anything!
 
So in other words, you're wishing for nothing, correct? Granted. The universe is reduced to nothingness.

I wish to be famous.
 
Granted. You are now a renowned international criminal, wanted by hundreds of people and every major government!

I wish I could change the color of my eyes at will, to whatever color I want, as many times as I want, without going blind because of it.
 
Granted. You will for the rest of your life have a magical elf pour what feels like acid into your eyes creating any colour you wish.

I wish for a multi coloured pony that shoots rainbows out of its eyes.
 
Granted. It kills everything you love.

I wish for an obedient, nonviolent chimchar, who is loyal only to me.
 
In order to make your Chimchar nonviolent, he had to be lobotomized. He sits in a corner most of his days drooling on himself. He does love you though.

I wish for a new computer that can play all of the new games.
 
Granted; you now have a computer that can think for itself, but is secretly a decepticon, that drinks the blood of biological beings.

I wish for meerkats to rule the world.
 
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