Corrupt a Wish

Congratulations, your highness! They love you like they love their own children. They also eat their own children. Have fun!

I wish that whenever I reached into any wallet I own now or will ever own, I would pull out exactly the right amount of money/a debit card with exactly the price for its balance, but only me, thus making my wallet useless for anybody else.
 
Granted, but the amount is ONLY for you, so you will never be able to buy anything for anyone who isn't yourself, no gifts for loved ones.

I wish that my character in DND grows out of their criminal roots and into a good person.
 
Granted, but they do so by tapping into the meta-knowledge of you, and are driven to absolute altruism due to their realizing that they don’t actually exist.

I wish it wasn’t so cold.
 
Your wish is granted but whenever it becomes too cold, it becomes too hot instead.

I wish to be able to breathe in space.
 
Granted, but you can’t breathe on Earth.

I wish that I had a cat-themed catamaran.
 
Granted, but it likes being in the water about as much as a cat does. Prepare to be scratched.

I wish I had a wish worth wishing.
 
See the post above this one.

I wish I understood how I could be attacked by a boat.
 
Granted, but the boat develops cat-like claws and rips you apart to show you just how its done.

I wish for some new violet nail polish.
 
You get new nail polish, but our genies are a little deaf so they misheard violet as violent and the nail polish is very aggressive and wants to attack you.

I wish for a puppy.
 
Aww... have your puppy then, there's nothing wrong with it at all, but your partner leaves you for not giving them enough attention anymore.

I wish the bored games section was busier.
 
The bored games section does indeed have a great increase in posts... because Iwaku as a whole has doubled in popularity, and unfortunately not one of those new users has a good thing to bring. The Bored Games section is an unholy soup of memes and poorly made games.

I wish Glyptosaurines never went extinct
 
Whatever that doesn't go extinct and destroy everything.

I wish for a Connor.
 
Granted but it gets it's self killed at every possible opportunity to and you always see it happen.

I wish my sleeping schedule was easier to maintain.
 
Granted, you are literally unable to sleep but still feel the effects of sleep deprivation

I wish for a sauce
 
Granted. You get a some bbq sauce on your shirt.

I wish I had the perfect dance partner.
 
Granted, but you're perfect partner also becomes your threatening stalker.

I wish for cute fluffy white cat.
 
Congrats, you got a cute fluffy white cat and it's also evil and wants to conquer the world and makes it so you are their pet and they the master.

I wish for a genie.
 
Here's your genie! You get three wishes, and for every wish you make, you lose one random body part. It's irreversible.

I wish it was summer.
 
It's summer and due to the rapid change in climate, the ice caps melt and the world is screwed. But hey, it's summer for the last moments.

I wish for a rhyme machine.
 
Granted, but now you can't get a job because the rhyme machine speaks for you and always speaks in rhyme which gets annoying real quick.

I wish that I could fly.