Conversation levels

[Kitti]

Depending on what resource you read, there are usually said to be between 3 and 6 "levels" of conversation. What is in each level can vary here and there. I chose to list these out in 4 levels as it's the system that I saw that resonated best with my perception.

1: Superficial
Talking about weather, superficial form answers (how old are you? what do you work as? when is your birthday?)
This is the least invested level. You probably have this conversation with strangers.

2: Preferences
This introduces personal feelings that flesh out what would be more superficial answers. Things like "what is your favorite [--]?" and "what do you like most about [--]?" reside here.

3: Feeling + memory
How you're feeling right now, what you're thinking about, what is going on with you. Also important memories and experiences. Questions like "what do you think about me?", "what is your most embarrassing memory?", and "what's the matter?" tend to fall under this category. Answers here tend to be more vulnerable than the previous levels.

4: Core
These are topics that form the core of your beliefs and values. Political and religious ideals, fears, and dreams can all fall here, but don't have to. This category encompasses whatever falls under the umbrella of core beliefs. For many, this level is sensitive and can be hard to discuss even in friendly relationships.

What are core topics for you?
Who do you feel comfortable discussing these topics with?
What do you think about these levels?

 

[Greenie]

What are core topics for you?

I'd definitely put down religion here. Along with that, funnily enough, being part of communities like Iwaku. My closest friends and who they are.

Who do you feel comfortable discussing these topics with?

I honestly don't discuss religion unless I know the person very well, or they have some previous knowledge. As for something like roleplaying/Iwaku, etc, IRL pretty much no one, aside from the Mister. Even online, just a very small group compared to those I could potentially discuss with. As for my friends... well that I don't really talk about IRL. It's weird having online friends for some people.

What do you think about these levels?

Hmm I'm not really sure what that means?

 

[Kitti]

Hmm I'm not really sure what that means?

Do you agree with them? Do you have anything you think should be added to them, more levels, fewer?

 

[Joan]

Core topics for me are several of my beliefs and values (religion, several political beliefs, even some historical stuff). How comfortable I am discussing core topics varies depending on the group, but I generally keep them close unless given a good reason to believe people will listen because I've had some bad experiences before. Other than that...I'm honestly a bit of an open book, heh.

 

[Greenie]

Do you agree with them? Do you have anything you think should be added to them, more levels, fewer?

Ahh, thanks!

I do agree with them, although I feel two and three can be somewhat integrated as well. At least, when I converse with people, the conversations often get mixed between the two, even if I don't know them too well.

 

[Aero Blue]

What do you think of me, Kitti? ;)

um. Don't have informed opinion on the academia of conversation-levels but, otherwise: core topics for me are basically the deep, deep fears, the formulative past traumas and mistakes of my life, and certain longing dreams.

In real life, I keep most of these closed off from all except for the rare few people that I really, really love (and only a certain kind of love; I keep this stuff away from family as well. It's mostly the rare person I consider like, a soul-mate, or friends that have inadvertently discovered some aspects of myself and stuck by me/pushed me through them.)

On the other hand, I'm perfectly okay with speaking on basically all of these things through the divide and anonymity of the internet.

 

[Nemopedia]

This topic struck me in the core level. You all have unwittingly become my bestest of frands! <3

ahem

Like mentioned before core topics would be speaking of past traumas, regrets, mistakes and the likes. Some may know about the trauma, others may know of the regrets, but I can really only think of one who I feel comfortable to discuss everything with.

As for how I feel about those levels of conversation. I feel that they are a pretty accurate way of how you can divvy up my relationship(levels). I'm pretty good at striking up casual conversations that lead to nothing, but I generally either don't show interest into the preferences of another, or wish to stay out feelings, memory and the core.

 

[Kitti]

What do you think of me, Kitti? ;)

um. Don't have informed opinion on the academia of conversation-levels but, otherwise: core topics for me are basically the deep, deep fears, the formulative past traumas and mistakes of my life, and certain longing dreams.

In real life, I keep most of these closed off from all except for the rare few people that I really, really love (and only a certain kind of love; I keep this stuff away from family as well. It's mostly the rare person I consider like, a soul-mate, or friends that have inadvertently discovered some aspects of myself and stuck by me/pushed me through them.)

On the other hand, I'm perfectly okay with speaking on basically all of these things through the divide and anonymity of the internet.

> You haven't unlocked this character yet

 

[Kitti]

but I generally either don't show interest into the preferences of another, or wish to stay out feelings, memory and the core.

You mention this and I think it's interesting too, because not only do we tend to not reveal our "core" topics to other people in person, I think it's a natural tendency for most people to try to stay out of what they perceive to be core topics of other people.

I think conversation levels and corresponding trust and intimacy that comes with them is interesting because it can be really tied with how we perceive a conversation went. There have also been studies trying to see if jumping through the levels at hyperspeed makes you feel closer to someone faster... and it seems like it might?

 

[firejay1]

Interestingly enough, my core topics are probably just religion, my base insecurities, and "what do you think of me?" (from other people or to other people).

I'm very comfortable talking about myself, my past (detailed accounts of a period of depression I went through are a bit harder because I always start crying like an idiot), and my preferences, even if I'm not particularly close to whomever I'm talking to. I tend to stay away from my view of humanity and politics, but largely because it's a bit of a downer and I don't like making other people feel uncomfortable or depressed about the way I see the universe. XD I hesitate to talk about my personal world similarly because I've poured a lot of details into it and I feel bad cause I'll talk for hours about it if you let me.

These levels don't work super well for me, because I'm pretty comfortable talking about anything except for what I've listed above to basically anyone I don't actively dislike. If I talk to you a lot about a particular game or movie or series or RP or concept I like and why, it's a good indication I'm at least basically fond of you.

On the other hand, religion is something I almost never talk to anyone about outside of my family, whether or not I like someone. I'll mention that I'm Christian, because it's part of my life, but after a lot of really bad experiences with strong atheists in my middle school to college years, I just really feel deep anxiety about talking about it, partially because disagreements about it that fail to remain cordial have included attacks on my character, my personal values, or my intelligence, sometimes unintentionally and at times by people whose opinions I deeply respect and value.

Base insecurity and "what do you think of me" essentially fall into the same category, because I'm a nervous little bubble who worries that nobody likes me, and confronting that is terrifying. (I'm also terrified of other people asking me that because I hate lying to people and everyone is a mixed bag of good and bad things, and I'm never sure how someone will react to me saying so.)

 

[Draugvan]

I'd like to jump in and propose the 'meta' level conversation, where you discuss conversation itself. This could be seen as core because kind of relates to ideas such as philosophy and opinions. However I think it has a level of impact different to the other conversation styles, and can be brought up with even people you aren't necessarily close to.​

 

[Dipper]

Core topics for me would be... I don't know. I can't really distinguish between personal and nonpersonal, because I talk about these things with everyone and anyone, provided they're willing to listen. I'm a very open person. Maybe too open. But that's just me being me, I guess. I guess that kind of thing goes hand-in-hand with my very "handsy" (for lack of a better term) personality.

 

[fatalrendezvous]

Core for me is philosophy, food, music, politics, sometimes religion depending on the person.

I am willing to speak with just about anyone on these core issues, although for more polarizing things like politics or religion, I usually wait until I at least know them a little better.