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I was a little surprised to see all the stuff about Kate that...well, wasn't mentioned anywhere in her bio. It's hinted at, and clearly picks up enough to let one know very well what was going on and what her life was like, but it's a bit of a stretch to go from "she met a guy who offered to take her in and train her" to...everything else. Lot of ground that wasn't covered, all right. It's covered pretty clearly now, but part of me did think it could have been covered a bit in her bio. Not that my opinion matters in the end, and it's a pretty good read so far.
Part of the problem is that I wrote that bio a long time ago, and about fifty percent of it was rewritten, and another part of the problem is that I got the idea for her to be trained AFTER I posted her CS and literally five minutes before I started writing.

This was more-or-less me. *Write a line* Hm.. No. *Erase a line* ...What do I do next? *Write something really bad* Gah.. *Erase the really bad writing* Seriously, brain, c'mon. I need you to help me out now. OOH! *Write a page and a half about an evil compound that suppressed her abilities to make her under their control* Should I re-write the bio now? Cause I put way too much that wasn't in there. *Realizes it's about 2 am in the morning.* Er.. Eh. I'mma go with it.


Honestly, I don't know where the ideas even come from. The problem is, If I don't go with the idea I'll spend the next half-hour trying to write something decent but I'll come down with a heavy case of writer's block because nothing makes sense than the idea that may or may not be super crazy.

Also.. there is an arch I'm messing with in my head that will later make sense about the training and the compound and everything.

What I was more or less going for was kind of a Division slash Daredevil kind of twist. (Y'know, Stick.)

Although, I may do some extra stuff later that all ties it together. I just needed to set roots down before I grew a tree.
(Thumbs up for that awesome metaphor, eh?.)
Ah. Well. I guess that makes sense as to why I didn't see the supersuit until your first IC post. That being said, you laid the roots for it in her "can build anything" skill, and I apparently didn't use all my brains to figure out that there could also be a supersuit. That's my bad. I took that more as a hand-wavey thing than a stone-cold-fact. That's what I get for reading a lot of speculative writing recently.

Hm. I need to alter the color of his suit to be different from yours. Since his was also silver.
Now to play, pin-the-tail-on-the-hex-code. And avoid silver, grey or blue. ^^
Oh, crap! I didn't even know his was silver. It was probably mentioned in his post, I'm sorry, I didn't remember. 60% of my writing is looking up google images of sci-fi stuff to get a mental image before I even start the post, because most of my writing comes from mental images/ideas and I experiment with them. And after writing the post I totally forgot to even put the image in.
 
@CookieMonster
I didn't get to read it and probably won't until tomorrow when I'm back online.
I have glanced it and it does seem as though she built it very quickly so a suit made from scratch.
I'll be able to give you an opinion later, but just by skimming here are some critiques.

1) My main problem (not really a big issue) is that your post was huge, particularly for an introductory post. It become hard to read. It's almost 3,000 words just to introduce your character.
That seems to be an indication of telling us too much information and not showing us / letting us assume. I can help with that, if you'd like. You also may be repeating yourself a bit.

2) Too many headers. Great color and use of them, but you used them too much. Headers are just used to show general location at the beginning of the scene, and a new location if some major change has happened. (It's a new concept to me too.. Im just figuring this out dont worry). The three hours/ ten minutes headers are not needed.

3) This isn't a critique but I loved pics.

GM Announcement

Here's the gist. This RP can go two ways in terms of writing.
We can write any way which we'd like, but if you would like help I can.
Am I an author? No.
But we can help each other to make the best RP we can make. So if you'd like the challenge of growth, writing and showmanship while also RPing, we can all definitely make that happen. And as a GM, I do take pride in guiding RPers into the style that I intended for the RP. It's up to you though.
Yeah, I understand the first problem. The only reason why it was that big was because I felt like if I didn't put it in right then, I wouldn't find a way to feed it in later. I honestly tried to work with the showing and not telling, but I don't know where it went wrong, if that's what you're saying.

The headers were just because I wanted to give a bit of a time skip and let the reader know it's a time skip because I didn't want to write MORE, and I also didn't want to make them have to guess that we just skipped three hours and not three minutes.

Also, what I meant for the suit was that it wasn't from scratch, she actually had a half-finished suit that she was messing around with four years ago, but never got to finish because of problems (that will be explained later).
All she really did was just finish it up and add some more parts to it. However, this will not be her ONLY suit, as it was experimental and will probably break down before the third episode. This was just a suit to break in for the meantime.
 
@CookieMonster
I didn't get to read it and probably won't until tomorrow when I'm back online.
I have glanced it and it does seem as though she built it very quickly for a suit made from scratch.
I'll be able to give you an opinion later, but just by skimming here are some critiques.

1) My main problem (not really a big issue) is that your post was huge, particularly for an introductory post. It become hard to read. It's almost 3,000 words just to introduce your character.
That seems to be an indication of telling us too much information and not showing us / letting us assume. I can help with that, if you'd like. You also may be repeating yourself a bit.

2) Too many headers. Great color and use of them, but you used them too much. Headers are just used to show general location at the beginning of the scene, and a new location if some major change has happened. (It's a new concept to me too.. Im just figuring this out dont worry). The three hours/ ten minutes headers are not needed.

3) This isn't a critique but I loved pics.

GM Announcement

Here's the gist. This RP can go two ways in terms of writing.
We can write any way which we'd like, but if you would like help I can.
Am I an author? No.
But we can help each other to make the best RP we can make. So if you'd like the challenge of growth, writing and showmanship while also RPing, we can all definitely make that happen. And as a GM, I do take pride in guiding RPers into the style that I intended for the RP. It's up to you though.
I don't mind constructive criticism
 
I stopped getting alerts for this and now I'm like super busy, so as much as I'd love to participate in this, I'm afraid I cannot. Have fun though guys! It looks awesome. :D
 
Should get a post up today, but that depends on my PC being ready.
 
Not getting alerts anymore. Anyone else experiencing this?
 
I was thinking this because my threads have gone dead.

I cant tell if noones posting or if Im not getting alerts.
 
I think it's not much activity here. I do get alerts for my threads, though.
 
It does that randomly, you have to turn off alerts then turn them back on, that's what I do anyway. Still getting alerts for this though
 
I'm getting them, but I'm only checking Iwaku once or twice a day at the moment.
 
Man, this RP feels a little...dead. Maybe time to move on IC and just round up anyone else later?
 
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