Cheated on...

M

Metal_Baby_Lulu

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Original poster
I want to know if any of you have had a relationship... One where you knew you loved and were in love with the other person and then it ended in being cheated on.

I want to know how you felt... How you got up again... Why aren't you bitter and hating the opposite sex (or whatever sex it was that you had dated) Does it ever get better?

I found out yesterday that my husband of four years has been cheating on me. I'm currently suffocating in anguish and I need to know there's hope. I've heard that it gets better... it gets easier. But I would like to know from some of the people I rely on the most... Ones that write about stories all the time. We've all played the lover and the one who has lost it all...

Help?
 
I'm young, and I've never been married, but I sure as hell have been cheated on. Now I'm not talking about hokey pokey crap, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years cheated on me. And to make it worse, it was with my friend. I was so angry. We had been really close, and I felt so... lied to. I questioned everything she had ever said to me. She had cheated to me when I was away in England; at my father's funeral. Nonetheless, I came home, and I overheard my friend talking about how he had (Insert Context Sensitive Curse Word here) my girlfriend. I confronted my girlfriend, and she admitted to it, and she didn't even sound resentful. She said that we were moving to slow. I was so pissed, I had explained her I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, and she had agreed that it was the mature thing to do. I thought she was a hypocrite. I was so ill-motivated, so discouraged. I got over her, and I think that if she was so immature to not even feel bad about cheating on me, than she wasn't worth it.

I guess our situations are different, since you have been together longer, and have basically pledged your lives to each other. Either way, I'd like to give you some good advice:

- If you haven't talked to your husband already, do it. Don't make it into an argument, just talk about it.
- Remember, If he doesn't really care or is dismissing the entire argument, than it isn't worth it.
 
It's really hard to talk to him without it becoming a mega fight. Since I found out we tried to talk about it before he went on to say that it was all "a hoax, a set up" to see if I was snooping on his phone. I don't believe that him and his friend from work "pretended" everything that was said. Weeks worth of messages and pictures... and the things said.... I think he's just saying that to turn the tables on me and how I'm reacting.

At first I was devastated... then I got really flipping angry... and now I'm crushed but it keeps changing.

It all gets so much more complicated since we have a three year old together.
 
This one of those situations where I'd really recommend going to see a counsellor. Its important to address any feelings your experiencing before you make any big decisions like separation or reconciliation.
 
ThE_DeAd is right, athough try and keep your child out of the arguments. Make sure she knows its okay. Kids don't need that kind of trauma...
 
I would definitely recommend a counselor, especially since the two of you have a child together.

I've been cheated on before, and was told about it from my ex's friend. He didn't have sex with anyone, but I think kissed another girl who also had feelings for him. It was a long distance relationship, and after I flipped shit about it (not gonna lie, I was extremely upset) we still stayed together. However, I will say that it wasn't really the same after that. I'd always get fleeting thoughts about what he was doing during the day, who he would be talking to and yadadada.

I am not bitter towards the opposite sex. I'm actually with someone I met from the internet as well and our relationship is working out for the better.

I find his excuse of saying it is a hoax to be complete and utter bullshit, especially since you said it's weeks worth of pictures and messages. If you can't get through the conversation without it blowing into a fight, please do see a counselor. In the meantime if it hurts too much to be around him, ask a friend or family member if you could stay at their place until things are fixed between the two of you.

Whether or not the two of you stay together is really up to the both of you.
 
He asked me to talk to him and I've always been a better writer so I wrote him a lengthy letter. He refused to read past the point of how I'm feeling.

His story has changed from the original one four times. He gets so angry when I say I don't know what to believe. He wants me to believe him now when he's been lying for so long. Ultimately the story ended in he was texting this chick just talking but the texting about relationship stuff he was texting for his married friend that is cheating on his wife who checks his phone and so my husband was being messenger boy for them to speak all the while still talking with her as well. Nothing adds up but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and told him that I wanted to talk to this so called friend.

Of course this friend said he didn't want dragged into me and my husband's problems. My husband says he's afraid I'll tell his wife whom I have never spoken to and don't even know. I told him that the only thing that could shed light and possibly save our marriage is this guy just setting all this shit straight. My husband got mad at his friend because he wouldn't admit what supposedly is the truth and told him to go to hell... Assuming that would be enough for me to believe him.

If this were all true and his friend really is the culprit and could save your marriage... Wouldn't you think if after you helped him cheat on his wife (im not too thrilled about that one either) if he didnt help you out you'd stop being their friend? Yet still he's hanging over at his house till ungodly hours of the morning. I don't know what to believe and he refuses to see a counselor.
 
If he refuses to see one, refuses to talk to you, refuses to read your letter, refuses to give you straight answers, you then have to ask, what does he want? His anger is not your fault and you should not be the target of it. Go see a counselor by yourself, and ask them about a lawyer too. Talking to both does not end the marriage, but you need options and you need to be able to protect yourself and your child from your husbands selfishness.
 
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^^^

Agreed. He's not sounding reasonable whatsoever.
 
I have never admittedly cheated on. I have my suspicions but I've never asked for the sake of my own peace of mind, even if I've suspected it. However, I am in a long distance relationship now and it does have it's strains, but we've mostly learned to talk our way through things, not out of them. It sounds like to me that your husband just wants to talk his way out of this and is getting mad you're not playing along. I whole heartedly agree you should see professionals on your own if he won't go with you. At the very least you deserve to have someone who will listen!
 
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