Challenge #7: The Heart

[Fluffy]

The Heart​

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, I've chosen this week's theme to be hearts. That way we aren't totally limited to the holiday being what the poem's about. You're welcome to interpret the theme how you wish, and set it to the mood of your choosing. However, if I see anyone write something obscenely hateful, I will throw my big ol' foot at their guts. :3 So yeah, keep that in mind.

As well, I've selected a poetry style for us to use. That style is called a Cinquain. This is made up of five lines, none of which rhyme with each other. The structure is as follows:

Line 1: 2 syllables
Line 2: 4 syllables
Line 3: 6 syllables
Line 4: 8 syllables
Line 5: 2 syllables

I'm excited to see what my participants can come up with. <3 Happy Hearts Day.

 

[Fluffy]

Cartwheels

Each day,
you make my heart
feel like doing cartwheels.
Please, excuse my clumsiness; I
love you.

 

[Nim]

Well, time to see how I do in Poetry! :P

My heart
It got stolen
By an amazing girl
So tell me why hers is so hard
to get?

 

[SlamifiedBuddafied]

Well now,
here we now lay
glistening bodies tied.
Who was it that said romance died?
They lied.

I realize after a few minutes I didn't use the theme of the challenge. Ahem. >.>

But I like it is the way it is.

 

[Asinis]

Heart Shaped
fingers, thumbs pressed.
In bleak cavernous love
with a cordless phone on my lap
I'll Wait.

 

[Cwolf0615]

Winter

The light
Never found you,
And you felt so alone.
We tried to thaw your heart; You were
So cold.

-----
(Hmm, well that was a bit cliche, as well as not really about love and such things.
Let's try this again.)
-----

Platonic

True love
It is not harsh,
But something between friends,
Who'll give up their lives - to prevent
an end.

----
(And.... I still don't like it. I GIVE UP, THESE CINQUAINS ARE TOO HARD.)

 

[Arcadia]

The Heart​

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, I've chosen this week's theme to be hearts. That way we aren't totally limited to the holiday being what the poem's about. You're welcome to interpret the theme how you wish, and set it to the mood of your choosing. However, if I see anyone write something obscenely hateful, I will throw my big ol' foot at their guts. :3 So yeah, keep that in mind.

As well, I've selected a poetry style for us to use. That style is called a Cinquain. This is made up of five lines, none of which rhyme with each other. The structure is as follows:

Line 1: 2 syllables
Line 2: 4 syllables
Line 3: 6 syllables
Line 4: 8 syllables
Line 5: 2 syllables

I'm excited to see what my participants can come up with. <3 Happy Hearts Day.

A series of Dark Poems, coming your way! :D

Psychosis

Bleeding

Swollen limbs, dead.

Her memories, gone now.
Psychosis is her demon always.

Gone? No.

Death's Core

Chasing.

Flee forever.

My demons' haunt me now, always.

Death's core entrapping me, cold, silent.

I fall.

 

[Arlathina]

He Stomped On Both
by Isaac James Flores

Last year,
I gave my heart
shaped box of chocolates
to the boy with eyes—almond brown—
of lies.

Note: I am glad you decided to do structured poetry this week. I have been reading some articles about the death of structured poetry in America, since free-verse has become so dominant, and I believe that these sorts of things help! In response, I have decided I really want to start writing more structured poetry.

 

[Arlathina]

I was busy yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to look at any of the other entries!

Cartwheels

Each day,
you make my heart
feel like doing cartwheels.
Please, excuse my clumsiness; I
love you.

I really like the gentility that you used here when crafting the poem. It reminds me of Sara Teasdale or Emily Dickinson, except they probably wouldn't have used such a word like cartwheels, which suggests a lot of movement and action. Their writing was much more soft than that. So, in a way, you have a volta within a cinquain. Lines 1-3 are very action-oriented, as if you yourself are doing cartwheels in front of your beloved. Lines 4-5 are the reprieve; when you suddenly stop, breathe in, and whisper, "Please excuse my clumsiness. I love you." This is how I interpreted it, and I found it to be a lovely effect.

Well now,
here we now lay
glistening bodies tied.
Who was it that said romance died?
They lied.

I realize after a few minutes I didn't use the theme of the challenge. Ahem. >.>

But I like it is the way it is.

I like this one a lot as well, but there are a few more issues with it. I liked the theme of the poem, even if I only have a vague idea as to its meaning. To me, the poem paints a scene of a couple being buried together in an act of undying romance. However, I had to dig for that meaning. I'm the sort of writer and reader who likes crisp, clear, and to-the-point writing.

Technically, this piece isn't a cinquain, since lines 3-5 all rhyme. The use of the word "now" seems a bit redundant. Especially in smaller poems like these, repeated words in such close proximity simply break up the flow. Line 2 seems a bit choppy, but you probably fix that by changing it to, "here now we lay." If not, most people will certainly read it that way anyways. Other than that, I really liked it. :)

Winter

The light
Never found you,
And you felt so alone.
We tried to thaw your heart; You were
So cold.

-----
(Hmm, well that was a bit cliche, as well as not really about love and such things.
Let's try this again.)
-----

Platonic

True love
It is not harsh,
But something between friends,
Who'll give up their lives - to prevent
an end.

----
(And.... I still don't like it. I GIVE UP, THESE CINQUAINS ARE TOO HARD.)

Don't give up! Writing structured poetry can be difficult, but if you use the forms correctly, you can create very powerful, poignant poetry. Good luck! I really liked "Winter" btw.

 

[noodle]

Heartcatcher

Her heart,
Black as the crow,
Flew away on cold wind.
It was caught in a hand of flame,
And thawed.​

 

[Doctor Jax]

His eyes
were like windows
into a heart so blue.
I offered my hand and said to him,
"You too."

 

[PoetLore]

First glance
Shy and timid
Awareness spreading fast
Heart pounding breath catching eyes fixed
New love