EXERCISE Challenge #10: Somber Etheree

Discussion in 'REFINING WRITING' started by Fluffy, Mar 1, 2015.

  1. Somber Etheree


    I'd been flexible with the moods of most of my poetry challenges. This time around, I'm going to ask that you write me something gloomy. Being a melancholic person myself, I'm very interested in seeing what sort of beautiful words you can weave me.

    The style is called an etheree. It's ten lines long and it has a specific pattern for the syllables: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. The best part about this style is how you can manipulate it in a few different ways. For example, if you wanted to, you could write an etheree in reverse; 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. As well, you can have more than one verse in your poem. You could have two; that's called a double etheree. You could do three; a triple etheree. So on and so forth. I hope that this isn't too confusing. Click to the following source for further information: LINK

    And, on the subject of rhymes: no they are not required. Have fun with this crazy challenge. :P

    Etheree example (open)

    Anonymous Solitude

    to want more
    to ease her mind
    than do you or I.
    She disappears to find
    anonymous solitude.
    We look for it, but we are blind.
    Left behind, we become mere figments
    of her illusions; . . . . we call her unkind.

    Double Reverse Etheree (open)

    Blurred Vision

    Blurred is the Poet’s vision when grieving -
    Penning release, striking out against
    the pain raging inside, casting
    out the love that once stemmed from
    passion’s ink in the night.
    Driving poetry
    like a prized slave
    until limp,
    red eyed,
    and dream
    of lifeless
    limits in ink.
    Poethood of guilt,
    a sentence to be served,
    ‘til the blinded and enraged
    can make peace with the opal eye
    of passion’s night, and create poems
    to heal the heart of the grieving Bard.
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  2. I have chosen to do a double. :] This was way harder than I thought it would be.


    her old,
    grey tinted
    glasses, the world
    looked so sad and dull.
    She wondered, was Father
    Time going through a rough patch?
    Waiting for a minute to pass
    is lonelier than she cared to say.
    Even the people were moving like snails.
    Fearsome chills always scurried up her spine
    when their sunken, black eyes met with hers.
    'Twas like peering through a window,
    where she saw their ashen souls.
    Life is colorless now,
    but her dreams are not.
    She'll remember
    next time she
    shuts her
    #2 Fluffy, Mar 1, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2015
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  3. I like the double reverse, so I'll give it a shot!

    Devil's Workday

    Warm wind whips cross the ash blanketed land
    As the sky above thickens with soot.
    Howling moans and groans from afar
    Signify how lost you are
    In this world of fire.
    A skyline ablaze,
    Orange with hate,
    Is your last
    Black corruption,
    The air full of pain
    Bleeding polluted rain,
    Dirt under your clawing nails,
    The cracking of bones ever frail,
    And the scent of your eternal shame,
    These are a few of my favorite things.
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  4. Once
    I gazed
    Toward the beauty
    Of a dying faun.
    She lay in suffering
    gasping in the summer heat.
    Gradually flowing away,
    Intangible days knowing nature.
    From her yesteryear, mother, being, death.
    I sought to ease her passing, ignorance.
    Only to watch her glazing eyes, terror.
    Our souls locked for a brief moment,
    A lifetime of not wanting
    Foiled by the hubris
    Of mans creation.
    Rest now, oh faun.

    I came across an injured faun once. She lay dying on asphalt, stricken by a vehicle and the malicious summer sun. I did not have the heart to kill her, yet I did not have the heart to ease her passing.
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  5. Want

    My stronger bitter thoughts of dire burning need
    blow this fickle simple mind adrift,
    and they will plant a searing seed.
    For this craving is a bitch,
    and this itch is a curse.
    These days are slipping
    out from this grasp.
    Hate stilled
    my final
    #5 Asinis, Mar 3, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2015
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  6. This was absolutely beautiful. I couldn't help but cry when I read this. The imagery is crisp, allegorical, and extremely poignant. <3 I love this so much. Thank you.
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  7. Because I Knew You
    by Isaac James Flores

    I saw you in the rising sun, coming
    up over the grey, distant mountains.
    You picked away the settled fog,
    as you streaked across the sky;
    the fog you gathered has
    found its way to the
    chambers of my
    heart, because
    I knew
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