Blind Sided and just need to vent.

[Zizikitty]

You can give advice but at this point I think it's kinda useless...

I just lost be best friend and I don't know what I did to make her so upset.

I met this person on another role playing site and we clicked right away and soon became close friends. I helped her through a really bad emotional time and she helped me through my own troubles. I'd say we were pretty open with one another, we even exchanged phone numbers. I've known her for about a year and in that time I became close with her. But... Sunday she suddenly text me as said she didn't want to write anymore, and that included with me.

This totally hit me out of the blue. I didn't know anything was wrong. She said she didn't want to talk and I couldn't get a hold of her until Wednesday. I finally talked to her and she said she was depressed and upset. Said that she was hurting and was upset because no one was there for her. I told her that was wrong and that I was there for her but she needed to talk to me. I'm not a mind reader.

I'll admit I was a little harsh because she said was severely depressed, she told me she was suicidal even. So yes I was upset that she didn't reach out. But I wasn't a complete bitch about it. I kept telling her how much our friendship meant and that I didn't want to loose her nor our threads. But she was hung up on me never asking how she was doing. I explained that the last time we talked on the phone, which wasn't long before she text me Sunday, she sounded fine! I did rant on that I didn't know she was so depressed and that she should have talked to me. I was pretty adamant about it because she told me she was suicidal. I freaked out.

The next day, Thursday (yesterday) I text her "hi how are you doing today?" you know checking on her to make sure emotionally she's okay. She replies with two word answers. Red flag goes up in my head and I prod her on it. But she doesn't say much. Then said she never planned on writing to our threads again. And explained that she wasn't happy with the way it was going.

Hold up.

I told her "Again, why didn't you tell me something was wrong? You could have told me and we could have gotten back on track" Her two word reply told me that... This had nothing to do with depression. She very well might be but to say she wasn't happy with our threads when just a few days before you were excitedly talking about it on the phone was a flat out lie. No I did something to really upset her.

And she wont tell me what I did.

I was again a little harsh because why all of the sudden is she not telling me things? I don't understand. Then she jumped on me saying "this is why I didn't say how I was this morning because I feel like your scolding me" I said "yes I am scolding you because you said you were suicidal! Scared the shit out of me! You mean a lot to me as a friend" She pretty much ended the text messaging.

I get on today and she has rearranged the group we were in, so I check it out. She left our threads there but everything else in the group is gone. I click on her so see her status and check out if she mentioned something on her page...

She has unfollowed me and put me on ignore. EDIT: Apparently it wasn't ignore but her profile doesn't allow people who she does not follows to see her page.

I have NO clue what I did to upset her so bad that she no longer wants to role play with me and didn't want me as a friend. I can guess why she put me on ignore but I don't think its right. If she really was suicidal, my worry and words (tough but with heart) were not in the wrong. I cared about her like a sister and only wanted her to communicate with me... and she does this? I hurt so fucking bad. I'm pretty sure she's got my number blocked as well. But just in case not, I did text her.

There is one thing that I think might have upset her. In one of our role plays at the very start I had a character take on a certain accent. And I OOC described it the best way I knew. Looking back on it now I realize it was in poor taste. Now this is MONTHS later that she's re-reading it and questions me about it. MONTHS LATER. I didn't even realize it was in poor taste until she said the comment hurt her. I then realize it could come off as racist.

I apologized and explained what I meant of the accent and that I meant nothing degrading nor racist about it. It was I think the next day that she said she didn't want to ever role play with me again.

This is PURE speculation because she never told me what I did. She said she was depressed but the way she's treating me... I'm not stupid nor naive. I know I hurt her... I just don't know what I did.

I'm not say who because I don't want to fight. I know I'm NOT in the wrong for caring. My tough love words were because she claimed she wanted to kill herself. But I don't even think that was the real problem.

I just wish I knew what I did.

 

[York]

Sometimes I like to think of friendships as jenga; one wrong move and the whole thing topples. Perhaps one or more events triggered a sort of "domino effect" which ended up dashing a perfectly good relationship, however, sometimes these things can resolve themselves if given time. (Keep in mind this is me speculating based on past experiences of my own, so there's a good chance it might be something else entirely.)

 

[Artorias]

I'm sorry to hear that, the same thing. Not the same words, but almost the exact same thing happened to me the exact same way. I had a friend on here, she said she was depressed and had no one to talked to. I asked what was wrong and she said I was ignoring her and then I told her I wasn't and then she said I was bothering her with my questions, then she kicked me from the group, and ignored me. I know what you mean and I don't know what I did either. This happened about a month ago and I still don't know what I did.

Maybe time will heal, but I'm not sure.

 

[Zizikitty]

I think your right about the jinga thing. Because I've seen how she treats other people. One wrong thing and she shuts them out with out telling them what really upset her. I'd always say "Well did you tell them why your putting them on ignore?" and yea she usually didn't explain her anger. But I know her pattern... I'm afraid she'll hold what ever grudge she has. I doub't I'll ever know what I did. Nor do I think she'll ever talk to me again. :C

 

[York]

I think your right about the jinga thing. Because I've seen how she treats other people. One wrong thing and she shuts them out with out telling them what really upset her. I'd always say "Well did you tell them why your putting them on ignore?" and yea she usually didn't explain her anger. But I know her pattern... I'm afraid she'll hold what ever grudge she has. I doub't I'll ever know what I did. Nor do I think she'll ever talk to me again. :C

Depression is an enigma, but it effects people differently; for me I just get mad... I don't mean just subtly either, full on raging for a while before it all blows over and logical thought returns again. Though in her case, I suspect even she herself isn't quite aware of why she feels that way, it could be loneliness, it could just be the lack of social contact IRL, it could be many different things at once, but if you can somehow find the bare roots of her problems and point them out, or help her find them herself, perhaps things could be resolved better from there. Right now though, her better judgement might be clouded by that feeling, and you might have better luck talking to her after it finally passes.

 

[Zizikitty]

This is true. I hope she does finally come around to at least telling me what she was originally so upset about. Unfortunately this is all in her hands now. Unless I make another Iwaku, which I won't, and message her, she has completely cut me off. I had no way to try and contact her. I tried texting her but I'm pretty sure she has my number blocked.

 

[York]

This is true. I hope she does finally come around to at least telling me what she was originally so upset about. Unfortunately this is all in her hands now. Unless I make another Iwaku, which I won't, and message her, she has completely cut me off. I had no way to try and contact her. I tried texting her but if she put me on ignore here, I'm pretty sure she has my number blocked.

I guess so... I wish you the best of luck from here, hopefully in time, this will resolve itself...

 

[Skaði]

If I may interject...

First of all, breathe. Do not immediately blame yourself for the happenings, because it'll only make you worry more and more. I can see your need to check up on her because of the comments she made, and I commend you for it. However, as York cleverly said: friendship is like Jinga. Yet, you can still make the right moves and in this case, it might do you some good to take a step back and meditate. Take some breathing room for yourself and give her some as well. Revisit the situation later -- emotions must be running high and it is always better, always easier to address issues when there aren't emotions involved. I'd give it a week, and then see how she is. Casually greet her, and if she doesn't respond, give her time. Do not bombard her with messages, demands that she'd explain herself because it'll make her feel like she's being "scolded", or attacked.

If it isn't meant to be, then it isn't meant to be. Cherish the memories you do have and move on in your own time, there is no rush. I am sorry this happened to you and I always dislike seeing rifts in friendships. I hope that the advice people posted here will help you restore that friendship or at least encourage you that you'll be okay. :3

 

[Zizikitty]

Sorry for missing your post earlier Urdnot. It sucks not knowing what you did to upset someone.

Skaoi thank you for the good advice and kind words but I believe this situation just became unrepairable. I wish I could give her time (me as well) and try to talk to her some time later.

 

[Diana]

Well, first of all, if she is a member of Iwaku, you just posted her private business here in public for the whole world and all her friends to see. That right there is a huge breach of someone's trust and a really uncool thing to do. If any of my friends posted something this private about me in public (suicide thoughts? VERY private) I would be PISSED and probably never talk to them again. You have probably shot yourself in the foot, and if you hadn't done anything wrong before you have NOW.

Also, posting things about other members here in the Counseling forum is against site policy, but I have the feeling that the damages are already done. >>

I would recommend that you let her go and give her the space she needs!