Bigger on the Inside (Zarko)

"They're going to want to take all of us away!" Hugo squeaked in horror, bolting out of his chair and making.a dash toward the stairs. Kennedy gently caught his arm, her eyes darkening with anger. "Nobody is getting taken away," she said. Her voice was confident, but inside she was just as fearful as the rest of them.

Ronan and Jupiter had both shrunk down in their chairs, no longer interested in eating. Eva gently put a hand on Signy's shoulder, looking towards her mother desperately. "Yeah," she said quietly. "I suppose you're right. We've got a lot of friends around here too."

"Lucy's grandmother runs a foster home," Switch said, speaking of one of his drag daughters. "And so far nobody's taken any of the foster kids away even though Lucy's around all the time. There's no reason anyone should take you away either."
 
It hadn't occurred to Djem'nii that the boys could also be in danger. "I'm sorry we're so much trouble," Signy said. She jumped at Eva's touch and spun to the source, but Eva's face was full of entreaty toward her mother, not hatred or anger for her or Elandren. Her touch was gentle, and Signy scrambled for some way to offer comfort in return. "We could...leave if you want. Go before anyone comes to take us, so they'll leave you alone..."

"Nobody is getting taken away," Kennedy said, holding Hugo back from panicked flight.

As fear spread among the children and reached Eva's pleading eyes, Halle felt her fury rise. "You're damn right," she said to Kennedy with fire in her eye. "Nobody's getting taken away from here, and nobody's leaving." she said to the kids, her face hardened with resolve. Then she turned to Elandren. "And if any of them do try to come after you or anyone in my family 'with hate and fire?' Over my dead body, but by God they're gonna have to climb over some of their own first. I've seen real war first-hand, and I ain't afraid of it.

"But it doesn't have to come to that. First thing, we see if we can get proof that your case worker is the one that sicced these guys on us, because we need to get a new case worker assigned right away, so he won't be able to file any reports." She turned to Switch. "You said Hannity was having Laura Ingraham on as his 'special guest?' We'll need to go to her show's website and see if she's got an archive of shows there, check her show for today and see if he called in. We're going to need to record this Hannity show too, so we can make response videos, and if necessary have it to use in court.

"I do a weekly podcast and I have a YouTube channel. They're mainly about dealing with mental health issues like post-traumatic stress and expanding consciousness, but until those bullies find something else to do with themselves, they'll be about this. My base of listeners is modest, but as long as there's a media spotlight on us, pretty much everything we do will go viral. I say we take this fight to them and make them wish they'd minded their own damn business."

Soundtrack:



Halle's Battle Theme:
 
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(Living for these tunes!)

Eva gently squeezed Signy's shoulder as the girl gazed up at her. "You aren't going anywhere," Eva told her. "Where would you go? You're safe here, and we'll fight to keep you here if it comes to that." She met her mother's gaze, smiling appreciatively. It seemed she had returned just when they were going to need her most.

Switch had already pulled out his phone and was tapping fervently at it. He was silent for a minute or two and then blurted "I found it!" He continued tapping at his phone for a few seconds, skipping forward until he found, what he assumed, was what they were looking for. He listened to the conversation between Laura and the man before looking back to his friends for verification.

"Dumbass," Kennedy muttered. "Did he think we wouldn't recognize his voice if we found out about it?"
"And he used your names," Jupiter piped up. "It's not like hiding his voice would've done much good. "There wasn't much of a point to hiding his own name if he was just gonna give yours out."

Eva sighed and rubbed her forehead. "God, my Facebook is probably a disaster right now." She muttered.
 
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Signy tentatively reached up to softly touch Eva's hand on her shoulder, giving her a fleeting, fragile smile. "No one...ever wanted to fight for us before..." Both girls teared up. Her other hand reached out, and Elandren's reached out to take it. They squeezed tight, struggling to keep from crying so they wouldn't be an annoyance at the dinner table.

When Switch started playing Hank's call, Elandren's expression turned to a scowl. "What does he care?! He said we're creepy. He doesn't even like us!" As she listened to the conversation it became apparent that he and the lady host were more concerned with expressing disgust for the Ladies and their "nest of queers" than any particular threat to the girls' safety. The more they talked, the more her anger grew until she was shaking with rage.

"Ow..." Signy said softly. Her sister was squeezing her hand too tight, but Signy didn't let go. Finally, Elandren couldn't take it anymore, and she leaped to her feet, knocking her chair over.

"I've been 'at the mercy of perverts,' and they talked just like you!" she shouted at the phone, then turned and ran for the stairs.

"Elandren!" Signy called, stopping her in her tracks. She hurried to Elandren and took her in her arms, stroking her hair as she held her and offered a shoulder to cry on. "It's going to be alright. It's going to be alright."
 
Kennedy had begun to tremble with anger as she listened to the call. How dare that asshole try and ruin her family? She let go of Hugo's arm finally, and the boy sank into Eva instead, looking warily at her as though he were afraid she might start screaming. Her grip tightened on her fork, which she had failed to put down before moving to grab Hugo. She could feel the metal bending slightly as she squeezed, and she slammed the utensil down onto the table beside her as the call came to its end.

Elandren shot to her feet then, shouting so loudly that Hugo bolted from the kitchen altogether and slid down behind the back of the couch, hugging his knees and trying to make himself as small as possible. Ronan dutifully followed after his twin and sat down next to him. Jupiter let out a very loud, exasperated groan before putting their head down on the table.

Kennedy followed Signy and Elandren up the stairs, stopping at the top to try and compose herself.

Reaching the girls, she knelt down to their level before speaking. "It's going to be okay," she said softly, her voice still shaky. "I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise." She stood up again and held her arms out, offering the girls a hug.
 
"Oh my God...," Halle whispered when the meaning of Elandren's words struck home. Then poor Hugo panicked and fled. While Ronan went to comfort Hugo, and Kennedy the girls, Halle felt at a loss to help. She'd only just met them, and the last time she'd tried to help Hugo, she only frightened him more. Instead, she went to her son, now daughter.

"Eri--Eva, sorry. This must be so much like Derick all over again," she said taking Eva into her arms. "But I'm here for you this time honey. I'm here for you," she said, holding her tight. "I'll always be here for you."

Sensing the presence of an adult near, Signy and Elandren partially broke their embrace and turned, huddled together and braced for an attack. But instead of taking a swing, or even looming over them and yelling, Kennedy knelt and opened her arms, offering only safety and care. The girls briefly shared a look, unsure. "What do?" Elandren whispered. Both girls understood that it was never good to be a burden on a foster parent, never good to have needs or ask for things. Elandren especially felt that the ice she walked on was always thin and cracking. But she also ached for that embrace, and couldn't stop the tears from running down her cheeks.

"We go," Signy said, tentatively moving toward Kennedy and extending an arm. With her other arm still around Elandren, she urged her sister forward even as she struggled to overcome fear that tried to push her away from Kennedy like an invisible force field. "We're sorry. We'll be good at the dinner table from now on," she offered in a pleading voice. Elandren nodded agreement, and then there was contact, and they were swept up in a motherly embrace.

If there was one thing Elandren understood from the call, it was that the people would not want her to be clinging to Kennedy, would want her to see her as a man in disguise rather than as a woman. Maybe she was supposed to be afraid that Kennedy would suddenly turn back into a man and want to touch her. Except, it didn't seem like they'd have been bothered if she was just a man in the first place. In truth, she couldn't see it, couldn't feel it, any hint of predatory manhood hidden in Kennedy. All she could feel was warmth and acceptance. And they wanted to take that away from her. Her emotional floodgates shattered, and she broke into sobs, joined shortly thereafter by her sister.
 
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I've been at the mercy of perverts, and they all talked just like you.

The sentence only fully hit Kennedy as she reached the top of the stairs, and her own memories caused her to stop.

A visit to her mother's house the year before. Bea had invited both of her children to dinner, probably in the hopes that they would manage to get along in their adulthood. How Kennedy had gone into the bathroom and failed to lock the door behind her. How her brother had waited for their mother to go back into the kitchen to excuse himself. He'd come in after her and pinned her to the floor. She'd struggled against his weight, and then gone completely still with horror as his hands made their way up her skirt, only screaming again when his hand grazed her thigh. She'd kicked and clawed wildly at him, desperate to throw him off of her.

And then their mother opened the door.

Kennedy didn't remember much detail after that. She remembered her mother helping her up off the floor, and Logan's presence in the house vanishing, and some time later, their mother drove her home. Her mother had stopped trying to get them to get along. Wherever Logan was now, Bea never spoke of him, nor did Kennedy ask about him.

She stood with her arms outstretched, pulling the girls into a hug as they came toward her. "Stop apologizing," she said, keeping her arms wrapped tightly around them. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Some families have swear jars, I'm about to make a 'saying sorry unnecessarily' jar. You'll have to put a quarter in it every time you apologize for nothing." She laughed quietly as she spoke.

Switch took Eva's hand and squeezed it. He let go as Eva's mother came towards her, and drifted off into the living room to check on Ronan and Hugo. Eva wrapped her arms around her mother. "I know," Eva said quietly. "Thank you." She was silent for a moment. "We'll get through this the same way we've gotten through everything before, I know it."
 
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The girls stifled their sobs when Kennedy spoke. "But we don't have any..." Signy started with a hint of worry in her voice, when Kennedy's laugh made it seem probable that she wasn't serious about the Unnecessary Apology Jar.

"Are...are you OK?" Elandren asked. For a moment there, before their embrace, it had seemed like Kennedy was stricken, some inner pain sweeping across her face.

"I've got video and audio recording equipment in my motor home," Halle said, still holding her daughter close. "We can record reaction videos, or even live-stream our reactions as we watch, if that would be OK with Hugo," she said with a glance toward where the boy was huddled. A media circus was sure to be hell for him. "Or...we could just see if it'll blow over. My instinct is to come out fighting," she said with a bittersweet smile. "You'll probably get calls from reporters. We should figure out our media strategy, get our talking points down. And it wouldn't hurt to lawyer up." She didn't want to scare the kids, but she figured it would be good to have a letter on lawyer's letterhead shooting back the moment CPS gave any hint of knuckling under to media pressure.
 
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"Then I'll start giving you an allowance made up of only quarters specifically so you'll have quarters to put in the apology jar," Kennedy teased, giving each girl a kiss on the forehead as she finished speaking. Elandren looked up at Kennedy, asking if she was okay. Kennedy nodded reassuringly. "I'm fine," she answered. She had shaken off the memory almost immediately–or at least tried to, focusing all her attention on the twins. "Don't worry about it."

Eva looked hesitantly towards the couch. She knew the Hugo would probably rather melt into a puddle on the floor than be in the center of a media circus. She wanted this to blow over and go away, but deep down, she knew it was highly unlikely.

"It's okay," Hugo said quietly as he pulled himself to his feet. "I know it's not going to blow over. I just want to be able to stay here. And if that means getting a lawyer..." the boy trailed off and shrugged, returning to his spot at the table next to Jupiter.
 
Halle turned to Hugo and gave him a gentle smile. "Hugo dear, those people can't just 'take you away from here.' What they can do is try to get people to pressure Child Protective Services to do it, protests, petition signing, writing letters to CPS and politicians, that sort of thing. But we can do the same thing right back, pressure CPS to leave you alone. And what that man did," she said with a nod toward Switch's phone, "we could, and perhaps should, sue CPS, or maybe him if possible, for that. That is, and should be, a scandal. And we'll make it one. Nobody has any good reason to take you away from here, and we'll make sure they can't take you for bad reasons. There's more people on our side than against us. Don't worry, OK?

"And another thing. I know I'm a stranger to you, but as far as I'm concerned you're my grandson, so it's my responsibility to protect you and your family--oh, and spoil you rotten from time to time, but we'll get to that," she said with a smile. "Now...I went through some really hard times awhile ago. I have Post-Traumatic Stress, from things that happened to me in the military, and as an EMT. So, finding healing from things like that and helping others do the same is what I do now. If you like, and if it's OK with you and your parents, I would like to help you find healing for whatever causes this fear you have, and help your brothers and sisters deal with the traumas they've been through."

At the sound of Hugo's voice, the girls' eyes went wide. "Did I scare him?" Elandren whispered. "Hugo, I'm--" she started, but then looked to Kennedy. "I should apologize to him, shouldn't I?"
 
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Hugo shifted in his chair as Halle spoke to him. Of course, he knew that someone couldn't just show up and grab him. Deep down, he knew she was right. He knew there were lots of people on their side. But he also knew that there was a chance, no matter how tiny, that they might fail, that he might be taken from his family after all. The idea that he might be thrown into yet another foster family was enough to make his chest feel tight.

They might not even be a decent one. He and Ronan had been shunted to more homes than he could count, and most of them had been bad. The last one was the worst. The parents had caught Ronan sneaking back in through the window after a night out in drag. To say it had gone badly was an understatement. Ronan's bruises had lasted for months, and it had taken layers upon layers of makeup to hide them all.

And then there was the worst idea of all. If they were taken away from here, CPS might not even make an effort to keep them together. He slumped down slightly at the thought, looking up at Halle as she continued to speak to him and then turning hesitantly to look at Eva as the woman offered her help.

Eva stepped forward and gently placed a hand on her son's shoulder. "It's fine with me," she murmured softly. She looked down at Hugo. "She can help you," Eva said. "Likely more than Kennedy or I can."

Hugo was silent for a moment before looking up at Halle and nodding. "Okay."

Kennedy smiled at Elandren. "It wasn't your fault," she said gently. "Hugo's always been jumpy. He was already worried, with everything going on, and yelling only tends to make him even more scared. He might appreciate the sentiment if you did apologize. He knows you aren't angry with him."
 
"I'll need to go get my motor home, it has all my equipment in it," Halle said. "If you like, Hugo, you can be in there with Ziggy and Crow while the rest of us are watching Hannity's show, because I get the idea we're all going to be yelling at the screen," she said with a grin toward Switch. She looked up to see the girls coming down the stairs with Kennedy in tow.

"I'm sorry I scared you, Hugo," Elandren said. "I didn't mean to. If it makes you feel any better...the TV people will be mostly after us, I think. At least, that social worker guy and the lady he was talking to seemed to be most upset about us being adopted here. Maybe we can find ways to keep their attention on us...like if we have to talk to reporters and stuff." She looked to Signy and received a confirming nod. Despite her efforts to reassure, there was still a hint of trepidation in her voice. The boys had been here longer, so it seemed like it would be harder for the TV people to get them taken away than her and Signy. Still, she'd seen what happened to Hugo if he got a bad enough panic attack. He could die. The TV people were only attacking because Djem'nii were brought here. So, it was the least they could do.
 
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"Maybe," Hugo said, gazing at the door as he spoke. He wasn't sure he wanted to be alone. Part of him wanted to stay and watch the show, even though he knew everyone around him would be upset. "I don't know." He looked to Halle again. "But could I meet your dogs anyway? I like dogs." He looked over at Ronan and Jupiter. "We all like dogs, actually."

He looked up as Kennedy and the girls descended the stairs. "It's okay," Hugo said, offering Elandren a small smile. "I know you didn't mean to scare me." He stepped forward and embraced both of the twins for a moment before sitting back down. "I don't want anybody to be after you either," he said. "I just want them to leave us alone."

"They'll leave us alone in time," Jupiter stated reassuringly. "It might take a bit of shit first, but eventually it'll pass."
 
The girls tensed a little as Hugo approached, but his embrace was gentle, and he didn't touch them in any of the places they didn't want to be touched. With one arm around each other, they returned his embrace with their free arms.

"They'll leave us alone in time," Jupiter stated reassuringly. "It might take a bit of shit first, but eventually it'll pass."

"Yeah," Signy agreed. "President Crazypants will do whatever to get the spotlight back, and then the reporters will all have something else to talk about. I hope... Can we meet your dogs too?"

"I'll be happy to let you all meet the dogs," Halle said, "but it will be awhile before they let you get close to them, especially Ziggy. They're Rescue dogs, and they're afraid of new people. But it would be good for them to get to know all of you." Halle checked her watch. "Hugo, I could go get my motor home, and if you want, we could try an introductory neurofeedback session. I have equipment that lets you see what your brainwaves are doing, and what's going on in the different parts of your brain. The software has games and tonal cues you can use to steer your brain activity toward a more balanced state. If you feel comfortable with the technology, and you don't want to be away from the family when they're watching the show, we could try having you hooked up to the system during the show.

"You would be able to see an anxiety attack coming before it took over, and I could try to coach you, help you shift your focus to steering your brainwaves and basically talk your brain down. Now, I haven't used the software in this specific way before--I'm pretty sure I could get sued for malpractice for subjecting my clients to Fox News!" she said with a smile. "But I think your chances of avoiding an anxiety attack would be better with the neurofeedback than without it. The safest option would be for you to be away from the 'action' in a place where you feel secure, but if you want to stick with your family and watch the show with us, I'll leave that decision up to you and your mothers."

"Oh..." Signy said, remembering something Ronan had said earlier. She turned to Kennedy and Eva. "After you showed us our room, Hugo asked us what we think of you...and when we answered, Ronan said we ought to tell you...we think you're beautiful." Elandren nodded her agreement. "We don't care what the TV people think."

"You're Ladies to us," Elandren said, her emphasis indicating a capital 'L.' "Queens of Fire and Earth," she said toward Kennedy, "and Air and Water," she said toward Eva. "To shape the form of your Becoming to match your Being in accordance with your True Will, that's Magic, the real thing." That's when it hit her that chances were quite good she sounded completely bonkers. She huddled closer to Signy, bracing herself for the others' reactions.

"She's a Druid...a Shaman," Signy said, trying to stick up for her sister but struggling in vain to find the right words.
 
Hugo turned to look at Halle as she spoke. His brow furrowed at her suggestion, and he wasn't sure he believed it would work. But, he supposed it wouldn't hurt to try it. "Okay," he said. "I want to watch the show too," He glanced back to Eva and Kennedy as he spoke. "If that's okay." As much as he might want to hide, he knew that he couldn't avoid every single thing that might scare him for the rest of his life. That, and a sense of morbid curiosity compelled him to want to watch the show with the rest of his family. He wanted to see what these people had to say.

"It's all right with me if you watch," Eva told him. "And maybe being hooked up to that system will be good for you. It might help you learn to manage your anxiety a bit better."

She turned to look at Signy as she spoke. The girl seemed hesitant to speak at first, but quickly finished her sentence. Eva's face lit up as the child spoke. "Thank you," she said softly. And then Elandren spoke up, shrinking back into her sister as she finished speaking. Kennedy looked over at Elandren.

"Sounds about right," she said. "I like the way you think, kid."

(I'm sorry it took longer than usual and that its short! I'm getting ready to move in the next few weeks and work out my hours, so I've been really busy.)
 
"OK, I'll go get my motor home and be right back," Halle said.

Elandren gave a little smile of relief that the Ladies didn't seem to think she was crazy or in need of religious conversion. Eva's mother gave her and Signy a smile as she left, offering hope that she didn't think so either. I wonder if…she might be a kind of shaman too? Elandren thought. Maybe her technology can be combined with the old ways…maybe she's an Elder! That was an electrifying thought. Elandren's knowledge, such as it was, was gleaned from library books and her own practice. But she'd never met an Elder, a Wise-Woman with many years of practice as a healer and teacher. Everything she'd read emphasized the importance of learning from the wisdom and of Grandfathers and Grandmothers, a gaping hole in her efforts as a Druid.

"Would you be more comfortable if you had Ace with you?" Signy asked Hugo. "Or would it just scare him? Elandren says it's important for us to have animal companions. They help keep us connected to the natural world, and they also have their own kind of wisdom. They're also loveable! Ace is sooo cute! We weren't really able to have animal companions before. I…sorta got to know a stray cat once, but then we got sent away to a different home," she said with sadness in her voice. "Elandren likes to talk to ravens—" She cut herself off, realizing that she'd gotten off track from thinking of ways to help Hugo. "Is there anything we can do? Elandren could do a Druid protection ritual…"

Elandren tensed. It was one thing to receive tolerance from their new foster family; it was quite another to imagine performing a ritual without it being seen as either wrong, or silly.
 
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"Ronan talks to birds," Jupiter said as Signy mentioned her sister's talking to ravens. "But then again, Ronan talks to everything." They had to step to the side to avoid Ronan's swatting at them. Hugo looked back over at the girls as they suggested him having Ace with him.
"Yes," he said softly. "I think that might help." The boy appeared skeptical at the idea of a protection ritual until Switch spoke up.

"Try it," he suggested. "It can't hurt. Besides, what if it does help?"

Hugo was silent for a moment, and then hesitantly nodded his head. "Okay," he said. He jumped as Kennedy's high pitched shout echoed from upstairs. She appeared at the top of the stairs holding a balled up towel.
"Here," Kennedy said, passing the towel to Hugo as Ace poked his head out. "I can never pick him up without him biting me." The rat wriggled his way out of the towel and up onto Hugo's shoulders.

Hugo turned to watch Halle slip back out of the front door. He looked back up to Eva and the others. "What happens on Saturiday?" he asked quietly. "People will see this Hannity show. What happens if they come to the drag show and try to ruin it?"
 
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