Best Comebacks/Burns

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Gonzo

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We all have been in a friendly (or maybe not so friendly) back and forth with another person before, or maybe you've listened to one, and either you or someone comes up with a really good comeback/burn that leaves you thinking, "wow."

Why don't you leave some of the comebacks you've used/heard on this thread. You never know, maybe someone might need one in the future and because of this thread, they're able to shut the person they're arguing with up.

Some of the ones I've heard/used are:

"You are what you eat." In response to being called a pussy by your friends.
(This usually only works with guys, at least in my experience they do, because they're the ones who call other guys pussies.)

"Bitches follow." When someone opens the door for you and says, "Ladies first."
(Again, this is more of a guy thing, or if the person is being a condescending prick.)

So I think you get the idea. Post away!
 
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"If I wanted my comeback I'd have wiped it off your chin." In response to someone repeating me.

"Just get rid of the mirror." When someone says they saw something terrible.

"Where's the donkey?" When someone tells me to kiss their ass. Bonus points if you say you'd rather kiss the donkey than them.

"I hate echoes too." After someone says that someone said something mean to them.

"Sounds like a personal problem." After pretty much anything self berating or pitiful in general.

"Someone was mean, more breaking news at 11." In regards to someone saying someone was mean as well.

I'm the worst person at work because I've got something to say for everything. They all believe I'm a sarcastic and cynical guy. Which I am.

Also. If you can't formulate and respond with a comeback within 7 seconds you lost your chance.
 
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No media quotes?

... Uhhh...

I'm one of those people who thinks of good comebacks too late
 
Ah, let's not forget stating facts when they begin talking about a current event in the news.

Blacks in the news? "Huh, wonder why they aren't reporting on those black kids that killed an white elderly couple."

Religion? "Hey, the bible says -insert verse-, so it's okay." Usually in regards to women, slaves, or other religions. My favorite is the Bears eating kids for calling someone bald.

"Those criminals sure are going to listen to those gun control laws." When our antigun nut goes off after a local shooting.

"Damn those asshole police. Trying to uphold the law. That person must've been within his rights to struggle and try to fight back against that guy with a gun!" Whenever they bitch about the police.

I work with a very loud and racist black woman as a boss. She's too easy most of the time. The other one can't read or write at 55 and she's just as ignorant, sweet, but ignorant.
 
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I have a bad memory with these things.
So if people don't mind I'm going to start saving some of my favourites here, so I can read them over and remember them for the future.

+If I rated your post "Love" just imagine I'm replying to it with the video below, because otherwise I'll just end up spamming this video with it being appropriate so many times.

 
"Zip it, lock it, and put it in your pocket. If you can't understand it, it means shut the fuck up, because I don't care what you have to say." - My current response to practically everyone I've had to deal with today....
 
"Your mom!" lolololololololololololololol! That's a good one.
 
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Nydanna said:
I'm the queen bitch today. I can't help it. People annoy the fuck out of me, especially liars. @_@
Click to expand...
B... but. I'm not a liar... :(

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I'm terribly racist to other asians o.o

Instead of saying "do you need some aloe for that burn?" i often times say, "Do you need some ginger for that wasabi?" when addressing asian people.

Otherwise I use very cringe-y l337speak... "cheeky scrub" is fairly common in my vocabulary :3
 
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I'mma go with a proper classic from the Prime Minister of Britain and Burns, Winston Churchill.

Lady Nancy Astor: "If you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it."
 
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