Before the Looking Glass

[Buio]

When rue burst out laughing, Jason couldn't help but laugh too. At first out of confusion for what brought on her own outburst, and then out of that strange self-feeding feeling you get when you are laughing at yourself for laughing so hard at something that isn't especially funny, and then of course laughing even harder because of that. It was a joyful moment where the outpouring of one was fuelling the outpouring of the other. When Jason would later have time to think on the whole situation, he would conclude that they were both laughing off the last of the stress they had carried with them from Brewster. The last of the administrator;s chains. for the moment however he didn't bother with such deep thoughts. When the mutual laughing fit finally passed and they wiped tears out of their eyes.

"Y-yeah"

As the words were followed by the most angelic giggle Jason had ever heard, Rue suddenly seemed to channel the powers of a red school speedster as she dashed into the room, changed her bottom, and then sprinted off into the living room. Jason had never seen her this excited and couldn't help but smile widely at it, especially when she called him over like an excited little kid. Was this really his rue? Of course it was. There couldn't be any other girl who'd make his heart beat like that.

He didn't waste any time answering her call, following her into the living room and- stopping. What Rue hadn't noticed or hadn't paid mind to, Jason saw as clear as day. while what had just transpired in the kitchen was deffintely emotionally overwhelming, Jason would be lying if he said it hadn't affected him physically too. Her hair had smelled very nice, her skin had been very soft, her lips had been very sweet, Jason's heart was beating very fast right now. Rue was sitting in a bed, and he would be sitting in a bed, and his PJ pants were suddenly feeling... tight. curse adolescence.

"Well shit. thank god she has her eyes closed huh?"

Jason's mental reply was something along the lines of a slow, strained, high pitched whine.

"Uh, do you really want to be standing around? She could get impatient and look our way you know."

Jason's mind snapped in action, he dashed for the movie cases, picked up crusaders of the cosmos because they hadn't finished watching it the night before, put it in the player, grabbed the remote, dashed to the sofa bed, jumped under the covers, and hid everything below his waist underneath the thick quilt. He extended his arm out, pressed play, and said, perhaps a tad more loudly than necesary, "Alright, let's watch the movie!"

Jason wasn't one to brag but he's pretty sure if he had been given that kind of stimulus to move like that on a daily basis he'd have done better in red school with the supers then in black with the kinetics. That or died. Yeah probably died.

 

[Ravenbelle]

It took a few moments for Rue to hear Jason by the movie cases, but she didn't peek beforehand. With her palms over her closed eyes, she resolved to replaying their kisses, one after another in her head. They were beautiful, each more powerful than its predecessor. Rue smiled, heart skipping as she imagined his hands on her waist or he cheek...or when his arms wrapped around her from behind by the sink. She had yet to realize how she had helped him then exactly, but she was certainly not complaining. The sensations brought tingles running up her spine and heat crawling to her cheeks and chest. It was like Jason had ignited a fire in her, different than the one in her belly that raged when she thought of her friends. This one was less scalding, more warming. Loving. It made her breathe funny sometimes, but she didn't care. She quite enjoyed it all...the way he makes her feel...

Snapped out of her daydreams when Jason hopped under the covers, Rue's eyes flew open as he pointed the remote at the TV, loudly exclaiming their choice activity. Which movie did he pick? Rue watched the screen curiously and raised her eyebrows when she found it was the same one from yesterday. She blinked twice, then scooched back on the bed so she was sitting right beside him. "How far did we get in this movie?" She wondered, blue eyes trained on his beautiful emerald pair. She couldn't remember if they ever even made it to the middle of the movie last night, distracted as they were by the other..

 

[Buio]

Now that all potentially offending sights had been removed, Jason was starting to ease up a little bit. Oh wait, no, that;s not right, tense up, yes, because now he didn;t have to worry about being 'discovered' anymore, but the pretty little red-head and her sweet-smelling hair were scooched up next to him and it was making his heart beat very fast again. Though that was fine, this was a good tense, a happy tense, not a god fearing tense like he had just experienced. He was still nervous, but in a way he was getting used to being nervous around rue, and he knew that she was nervous too, which made things a little better. And he also knew that she liked him too and even liked kissing him at least almost as much as he liked kissing her, which made things a lot better. He was nervous, but also kind of.. excited.

It was a shame really. He honestly did think the movie looked interesting when he rented it and had wante dto finish it sometime today, after all they had barely gotten past the first act before kissing and eventually falling asleep the night before. But despite that whenever rue was near his thoughts became nothing but her, and a growing desire to touch her and be in contact with her more, to kiss her more times than he already had. Curse adolescence.

"How far did we get in this movie?"

Jason chuckled lightly, trying to rid himself of his nervousness simultaneously and replied. "I-I really don't know actually. Not very far haha. We got 'distracted' pretty quickly yesterday."

 

[Ravenbelle]

Even though she had expected to start one of the other movies he rented, Rue found that it didn't matter to her anymore. She was going to pay more attention to Jason than any DVD he decided to place inside the player, anyway. He was close to her, the way she wanted him and therefore pretty much all of her thoughts revolved around him.

The ones that didn't were nervous thoughts that made her hesitant to get any closer even though she wanted to cuddle with him to her hearts content.
At his mention of distraction, her cheeks went pink and she nodded, glad that she knew he was at least a little nervous too. Having been denied a lot of such affectionate contact in her life, Rue found that even though she had little experience, she wanted him to hold her. She wanted to be close to him all the time, and lived for those sweet kisses to her forehead or even brief hugs he had given her. But even if he said there was nothing to mess up, she was still slightly anxious about coming off as clingy or needy. She was dependent enough on him for emotional support that she didn't want to overwhelm him with too much snuggling. Not that she knew the standard for how much of that is appropriate in any relationship though.

Rue bit her lip and tried to get what was going on in Crusaders of the Cosmos, but instead ended up flinching at a very sudden event onscreen and gripping Jason's hand instead of the sheet. "Oh. S-" she started to apologize or pull away almost by habit, but rethought about it immediately and whispered, "nevermind" smiling shyly beside him with her hand gently holding his.

 

[Buio]

Jason had managed to eventually make himself focus on the movie, forcing himself to ignore his desires for Rue out of fear of coming off as too forward for the shy girl's tastes. He thought it would be better to act casual and at least pretend to be paying attention to the movie, but as soon as she gripped his hand he was pulled right out of it and had all of his focus centred back on the girl beside him. He felt her start to pull away and felt a spreading warmth in his chest when she caught herself and chose to keep her hand in his instead. He squeezed her hand lightly and looked over to her, swallowing and feeling his heart beat harder as he felt himself drawn to the girl beside him.

Of course, there had been several very pretty and very sexy girls at brewster, especially the higher ranked girls who could afford to do themselves up. But Jason had been pretty good at being an unnoticeable wallflower back then, so it's not like he'd ever had to deal with girls getting close to him before. Certainly not girls he liked (while he could vaguely remember having felt something similar to this before his time at brewster, this was the first time Jason could clearly remember feeling so strongly attracted to anyone) and doubly not girls who liked him too. As the seconds ticked by the sixteen year old boy felt the psycholgy books he had read fade into the ether of his mind one by one as his hormones took over his rational thought and he stopped caring very much about what was going on the screen.

"I..." he spoke. ".. don;t think I'm gonna be able to focus on the movie very much today either." Heart still pounding, Jason wanted to lean in and kiss her again, but the last remnants of his rational thoughts made him remember his fear of coming off as too forward just enough for him to maintain himself and await her response.

 

[Ravenbelle]

As much as she wanted to get wrapped up in the story onscreen, it took too much effort. Her mind was already busy blocking out all the bad stuff--and there was plenty of that, with or without the growing bottle of self-loathing she was still suppressing since she last visited the bathroom--and trying not to entertain the endless questions about what she should or shouldn't do around Jason now that he..was..her boyfriend. He squeezed her hand and the heat from her heart was threatening to creep into her cheeks again. It was all just so...new to her. In the romance department, she had no experience in real life. She only knew what she did because of the people who are her only friends sometimes: the characters in her books.They usually end up with happy endings and by now, she should have a grasp of how to earn one for herself, but her world and the world in her books are way too different for her to figure it out. Not that she deserved one anyway.

Rue vaguely remembered having a crush on a boy named Tony when her third grade teacher somehow convinced her that he only teases her because he likes her. She tried to kiss him on the cheek once, in a very very rare burst of courage, but he only pushed her to the ground and said she had cooties. She had always been a shy girl, but this experience was one of the reasons she stayed that way. She never wanted to do anything to recreate feeling so mortified while he laughed at her with his friends.
And now, while she held Jason's hand on the new bed in front of the TV, every movement was a hesitant one. Why couldn't she be like her favorite book characters? Why couldn't she be less awkward and weird? Why couldn't she just watch a movie?!

Rue bit the inside of her cheek, but watched Jason when he next spoke. His eyes and his words made her heart beat out of time again. With how many times he's done that today, she was wondering if there really was something wrong with her. Was he feeling this way too? Was he too focused on her? Is that even a possibility? She cleared her throat and hid under her bangs. "..M-me neither.."

 

[Buio]

Jason felt calmed when he finally met those deep blue eyes, like a deep need of his was finally being met. He gazed longingly at her and reached over to gently sweep a lock of hair behind her ear.

"You're really pretty. You know that?" asked Jason calmly and without really thinking about what he was saying, just feeling pulled into those beautiful blue eyes.

There was one, tiny, nagging little part of his brain that didn't forget, that knew none of this was 'real'. That this absolute dreamlike happiness he was feeling with Rue was just the product of a chemical/horomone cocktail exploding in his brain and essentially getting him high as his deeper bioloical impulses fire off for basically the first time since he was born. But as is ofte the case with people wh are high, whether through internal or external means, jason found it rather easy to ignore this nagging little voice of reason and just focus on the beautiful girl in front of him. And hey she was his girlfriend. that was kinda starting to sink in too. not fully, but he was kind of starting to grasp that she was more than something he could be happy looking at. But man she was pretty.

 

[Ravenbelle]

When she blinked up at him again, he was staring at her. She squeezed his hand and resisted the urge to hide. Being the object of attention isn't her forte, but the feeling dissipated the longer she gazed back. Rue got lost in his endless green eyes and she couldn't be more peaceful than while she was with him... so close. Her eyelids fluttered shut when his fingers brushed her skin and a tiny, blissful smile emerged due to his touch.

But then the question of beauty was voiced by such a reassuring voice. Rue blinked again, twice, opened her eyes wide and searched for sincerity. She froze, watched for a moment, then chastised herself for throwing up her walls so suddenly. Not nice. How many times had she heard those words spoken to her before? The lady in white had said them not too long ago. Shine in her head, she suspected. Rue gulped. On to the next move. Hide.

She ended up making a tiny squeaking noise before leaning her forehead on Jason's shoulder, effectively cuddling a little while concealing her expressions. Though she was completely honest in her slightly evasive response. "And you are really sweet." She squeezed his hand again before taking a breath and glancing up at him again. There was a remnant of that dreamy quality that reminded her of the sink. It seemed a very nice topic to switch to, so she shifted on the bed and turned herself around so that when she fell back onto the sheet, the top of her head was level with his knee and she was lying down to look up at him. Her hand stayed clasped in his and her knees bent casually. The spaceships on the screen were ignored when she spoke again, this time with a curious tone. "So Jason, what did I do to..help you? In the kitchen, by the sink. You thanked me, but I'm not sure what I did.." She tilted her head slightly,wondering what had made him so dreamy. And to see if she could repeat it to make him happy like that at any given moment.

 

[Buio]

Jason smiled and nuzzled her head gently when she cuddled into him and wondered what she was doing when she was repositioning herself, but them smiling softly again when she laid by his legs. He held her hand gladly and considered her next question. He looked pensive for few moments and then gave her a small smile.

"To be honest, i don't really know. I mean, it;s just kinda hard to explain. I just saw you standing there and... I saw something. It felt like an old memory suddenly resurfacing. It was hazy, but i rmember two peopel standing in the rays of the sun, hugging, well, like i went to hug you right after. I couldn't make out their faces, but i''m pretty sure you just helped me dig up another memory about my parents. So... yeah, thanks again rue." he smiled softly and squeezed her hand affectionately

 

[Ravenbelle]

Rue took note of Jason's smile when she had lied down, glad that he didn't seem opposed to her switch in position. Or to her next question. Patient in his response, she watched him consider it for a little bit, then listened closely to the next words that he granted her with a smile.

She stayed quiet, letting him explain as best he could. It seemed like a very nice memory to regain and she was glad her actions had prompted him mind to recall it. It made her curious about his parents, what they were like. She knew he didn't remember much, but they must have been pretty great to have created such a wonderful son. She blinked, then furrowed her eyebrows as the strange idea popped up in her head again. The first instant she'd seen Shine in that hologram, she could do nothing but instantly compare her to Jason. She had said that she removed both their memories of her even meeting Rue or Jason. Could she have been related to Jason that way? Is that why so many of his memories are hazy or forgotten?

Rue shrugged in response to his second thanks, for she hadn't really known what she was doing at the time. She opened her mouth to voice the parental suspicion, but if Shine was related to him, he would have realized something about it by now, wouldn't he have? Asking about it now wouldn't really help. So she kept her mouth shut and then pushed away the thoughts of the people who created her, then gave her up a few weeks later. There's no point in wondering about them, she'll never know the answers to all the questions she has about the pair.
"I just hope I can do it again, I guess." Rue offered up a half-smile and a sweet squeeze of her little fingers again.

 

[Buio]

Jason's gentle smile remained spread over his face as he gently stroked her hand with his thumb. "You're doing it right now silly. I've never gotten to be like this with anyone before."

 

[Ravenbelle]

Jason's smile proved contagious and Rue was sure she would never get tired of this closeness with him. She loved the way it felt each time he touched her, even just a little, like his thumb over her hand. "Me neither."
There were surely many drawbacks and restrictions on their freedom in the tiny apartment, but this love felt very liberating indeed.

 

[Buio]

Jason continued to gaze dreamily at his girlfriend for a few more moments, but soon an annoyingly familiar voice in the back I Jason's mind demanded attention. Jason swallowed, looked down as he thought about his situation, his features saddening just slightly before resetting. he looked back up to rue. "Uh, rue, can I tell you something?"

 

[Ravenbelle]

Rue watched his eyes because they caught her attention more than the movie behind her. Only when he hid them from her did she find something wrong. For a moment, Jason looked...sad. Rue immediately took on a concerned expression and placed her other hand on their joined pair. If any of them should be in any sort of pain, it should certainly not be Jason. He tried to hide it, but with her experiences of emotional pain, she could see beyond most masks trying to convince her the wearer was 'fine'.
"Of course. You don't need to ask." She said, giving him a little smile of reassurance.

 

[Buio]

Jason nodded and swallowed. "Rue I..." He found his words caught in his throat and he could not say them, they dindn't sound right. another attempt.

"I.." no, again he couldn't say it, it was too... Jason caught the loop forming in his head and immediately resolved it, deciding almost subconsciously to just say everything as explicitly and clearly as possible all at once.

"Rue the fact is that I enjoy kissing and touching you very much and it makes me want to do it all the time so I wonder if you like it too and want to do it too because in that case i;d really like to keep kissing you until either of us doesn't want to anymore."

and inhale. Jason's eyes closed, Jack's opened. He looked at rue with a sour expression and rolled his eyes in exasperation. "In human speak, the boy wants to make out with you."

another switch, Jason, eyes went wide in surprise.

"Ja-" he caught himselp, pullling back his outrage and sighing out deeply, instead focusing again on rue. Well, trying to, but bostly blushing and sub consciously darting his eyes away whenever they met hers. "Well, uh... yeah, what he said." He looked up at her and offered a hesitant smile "what do you think?"

 

[Ravenbelle]

Rue watched Jason closely, growing more concerned each time he stopped himself from asking whatever it was he wanted to ask. why was he so nervous? Didn't he know that it would be extremely difficult on his part to make her reject or blame him for anything?

She kept trying to meet his eyes, but they kept darting away or hiding from her, so she just held his hand in both of hers. What next came out of his mouth was anything but expected. Her eyes went wide and her cheeks slowly grew bright red, spreading across her face and almost down to her collarbone. Again, this was all new to her and no one had ever said anything like that to her before, so she tried to say something, but nothing came out of her open mouth. So Jack cut in. She saw the shift between his personalities more clearly now and the blunt phrase spoken by alter ego made sure her face almost matched her hair color.

And then Jason came back and both teenagers were feeling awkward. Finally getting to his question, Rue heard, but took a few moments to respond. She pressed her lips together real tight and tried to think clearly beyond the nervousness and strange giddiness that came with the thought that Jason really enjoyed kissing and touching her. "I...I think.. um." She tried, but unlike Jason, she didn't have someone to step in an make things clear. Sure, she had read about couples in her books who occasionally mentioned the phrase, but she didn't know exactly how it worked. It was all kind of vague. Reading something and doing it in real life are two completely different stories. It was her turn for wandering eyes, as she found it challenging to look straight at him instead of searching for an answer on the ceiling or something. "Uh..I-I don't know what I think. I mean...I definitely enjoy kissing--and touching you too.. I just, I don't know how-- I mean, what if I'm no good at it?" She gave him a helpless, nervous look with her lower lip between her teeth.

 

[Buio]

"I just, I don't know how-- I mean, what if I'm no good at it?"

Hearing those words the tension completely disappeared from Jason's face for a second and he stared straight at rue, seeming halfway shocked before he started laughing, lightly at first but quickly growing more loud. It was really funny to him, he couldn't have said it better himself.

"ah, ah I'm sorry haha" he said, trying to calm himself.

"I'm not- it's not that I'm laughing at you haha. Ah, haha- hrm-, ah no it's just that-" he took a deep, breath, exhaled slowly to calm himself and smiled.

" I mean, I like kissing you so I want to do it some more, but like I said before you're the first girl i actually have kissed like this. So I'm really really nervous about being bad at it too. But, you know rue, if i am bad at it, and you don;t mind, there's no one I'd rather learn to be good at kissing with than you. And I can tell you right now that even if you're a bad kisser at first I'll still love every second of it because I still get to kiss my girlfriend." This 'just say everything and don't stop to think about it first' thing was terrifying. but hey, he was definitely making progress. As long as he kept looking forward Jason could do this. Probably.

 

[Ravenbelle]

There was a moment of silence, of some sort of shock to Jason. What was that about? It shouldn't come as a surprise that she tends to be bad at a lot of things. This is the worst of silence that freaks Rue out. It doesn't give away anything and bad things usually come right afterward. And for the moment, she was proven correct. Rue's eyes grew wide and apologetic while Jason laughed.


Cheeks flaming with embarrassment, she bowed her head and let go of his hand, briefly getting stuck in her 3rd grade fiasco of a crush with her lip caught near to blood between her teeth. She got the urge to hide, as she never had with Jason alone before. Why was he laughing so hard? He had never laughed at her like that and she was so confused and almost a little betrayed. With a bit of hesitation, Rue winced, then looked up at him just as he was calming himself, choking out an apology and an attempt at a reassurance. She let go of her lip so her teeth wouldn't break skin as she was calming just slightly. Jason...wouldn't laugh at her...oh who are you kidding, anyone would laugh at a pathetic idiot like you

She winced again and listened to what he had to say, desperate for an explanation. He-he wouldn't do that..

And just like that, getting everything out and admitting it honestly, Rue was feeling better. Still nervous and slightly stung, but...she could do this right? She just wanted to be closer to him. She wanted to kiss him and feel Like everything was blissful again. Rue nodded nervously and started to sit up, with a prominent blush still dusting her cheeks. Rue just looked into his eyes fir a moment, then kissed his cheek. "Okay." She whispered, with a shy smile

 

[Buio]

To say Jason was blushing would do the situation injustice. Rather, it would be more appropriate to say that his face had been a puddle of oil, and the litter red head's lips had been a spark that set it ablaze. The intellectual side of Jason was thrilled to discover he was now feeling a new feeling, harified, where one is in equal measures exalted and terrified. But as he looked into the shy, delicate girl's bright blue eyes, he knew it was his job to take care of her in all this and make her feel comfortable. He reached over and gently brushed her hair behind her ear and leaned in slowly, placing a soft, loving kiss on her lips and gently holding her nape in hand.

 

[Ravenbelle]

Jason didn't mind the kiss to his cheek, for which Rue was glad. He seemed happy and that was all she wanted. For Jason to be happy. And if kissing makes them happy, who is she to refuse? His green eyes seemed to shine again...had she done that? She placed a gently hand on his chest at the same time he reached and curled his soft fingers against the back of her neck. Cheeks dusted red, she smiled and wondered how long it had been since she smiled so often in one day. And then it didn't matter because Jason's lips met hers and she had to stop smiling so much in order to kiss him back. He was warm and sweet and perfect and she knew she didn't deserve any of his affection, but in that moment, she couldn't think of anything. Her heart was too full with love for him, Rue could swear it would burst our of her chest in order to try and join his.