Bands That Suck At Being Iron Maiden

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Bands that suck at being Iron Maiden.

Pretty close. Listen to The Trooper a few times. Notice how much Iron Maiden kicks ass and you don't? That's because you used the wrong lyrics, wrong melodies, wrong phrasing, and accidentally forgot to sound anything like Iron Maiden.

Hilary Duff
You could be more like Iron Maiden if you looked less like this:
And more like this:

Destiny's Child
Iron Maiden's music makes me wanna kill something. Your music makes me want to kill myself. Subtle difference.

Sum 41
You would sound like them if Iron Maiden got wasted and played their instruments as loud as possible. Actually, that would rock balls. Instead, replace "got wasted" with "were members of Sum 41".

Iron Maiden likes to make each song sound a little different from all the others. Try it some time.

Ashlee Simpson
The only iron maiden you'll ever be is the kind that gets wrinkles out of clothes. Lose hope and give up.

Your music would be a pleasurable experience if I were extremely high and the volume control was turned on low and your CD was resting on a pile of condoms in my trash can.

Jeez bitch, you're only ten. Quit music now so in eight years when I seduce you, you won't be a freaking nutcase. Just look what music did to Gwen Stefani.

Gwen Stefani
It was downhill after the Don't Speak video. Nowadays Gwen wears so much makeup, she gives me a blowjob and a pot of gold appears under my balls.

Dead on. You sound exactly like Iron Maiden. Good job.
Oops, not Shakira. I meant Iron Maiden.

There are several tricks Iron Maiden uses to make their music appealing. Here are a few you lack:
- Key changes
- Chord changes
- Note changes
- Beat changes
- Tempo changes
- Volume changes
Basically, your music changes less than Napoleon Dynamite's underwear.

50 Cent

Jack Johnson
Take the estrogen IV out of your arm when you write music.

Avril Lavigne
I've never heard your music or seen you perform, but I doubt your concerts look like this:

First, hire musicians who play real instruments and know how to sing. Then when you perform, turn your microphone way down. In fact, turn it off. Then go backstage, dig your face into a pillow, and sing until your vagina explodes.

New Iron Maiden albums also suck at sounding like Iron Maiden.
I'm with Dorkness on this one.

Otherwise, good post.
You guys are haters!

Oh wait...only good song on the album.
I'm with Fel on this, I'm slightly terrified they're going the way of Metallica.
Is Iron Maiden like the wife of Iron Man?
She's in the zone, preach Ili preach.
Iliana doesn't have balls... xD
It was on Ninjapirate. Silly people.
Good, cause we don't want you catching whatever that bitch has.
That record with the tank on it was pretty awesome.
I even bought the LP-version, bitches.
Played it once....but the cover is 'uckin' huge yo!