bad communication

[junebug]

So, I've been able to deduce one of the main reasons why some people aren't really feeling my rp anymore- bad communication and vibes coming from other people. So, it's basically like one half of my members don't feel comfortable around the other half, so to speak. I have no idea how to handle this- I know both sides, even though I've been slowly becoming less and less involved in one half because I've also felt negative vibes and felt uncomfortable around them as well. This is not a point in time, however, to just tell these people, "I have to ask you to leave" because it'd just be out of the blue and they'd probably get onto me for it. Now, I really don't know what to do at this point. I thought about just calling it quits because it seems no one is really interested anymore because of the vibes and what not. I'd appreciate any feedback.

 

[Kagayours]

This is not a point in time, however, to just tell these people, "I have to ask you to leave" because it'd just be out of the blue and they'd probably get onto me for it.

I'd say that depends on how much of a problem these people are being...

If it's just "bad vibes" without really being able to pin down anything wrong that they've done, then like... just talk to them. Ask people what exactly has been the problem and try to figure out why certain players have been rubbing others the wrong way. The problem isn't going to be solved by calling it a mystery and giving up. You have to communicate to figure out the problem, and it can't be solved until you figure out what needs solving.

But if you have players who are definitely creating friction and preventing others from enjoying the game, then, you're perfectly within your rights as GM to ask them to leave. And if those players "get onto you" for it, and start harassing you about it? That's what the report button is for.

 

[Elle Joyner]

It's hard when people clash in RP, but one of the main things to remember and one of the best things to remind your players is that OOC and IC are always separate - I've had people that I haven't necessarily jived with on a personal level, sometimes even to no fault of anyone... we just had personalities that didn't mesh, but at the end of the day our characters are not us, and the other way round. As long as no one is being outwardly rude or disrespectful, it's just a matter of being mature enough to be able to put aside those differences and work together.

As the GM, it's your job to make this clear - I would just post a straight up announcement in the OOC that people need to put on their big-boy/girl hats and find a way to work together, or else they can see themselves politely out of the roleplay. At the end of the day, sitting silently on this is going to destroy your RP, so it's lose/lose - but at least you might get SOME cooperation if you are honest and upfront with your team and let them know that you want to continue with the RP, but without the OOC dramatics.

Communication as a GM is one of THE most crucial pieces of the puzzle. You have to be able to talk to your players - tell them what's up, tell them what's gonna happen and when within the storyline ... But you also have to be able to sometimes play into the political side of it and deal with the personalities. Remember that you are in control, effectively, of the OOC and that if people cannot get along or are causing issues and being disruptive, it is okay to tell them to beat it. If you think that it will improve the RP, or get things moving again, this might be what you need to do.

Either way, sitting on this and not saying anything at all is 100% guaranteed to kill the story.

 

[junebug]

I'd say that depends on how much of a problem these people are being...

If it's just "bad vibes" without really being able to pin down anything wrong that they've done, then like... just talk to them. Ask people what exactly has been the problem and try to figure out why certain players have been rubbing others the wrong way. The problem isn't going to be solved by calling it a mystery and giving up. You have to communicate to figure out the problem, and it can't be solved until you figure out what needs solving.

But if you have players who are definitely creating friction and preventing others from enjoying the game, then, you're perfectly within your rights as GM to ask them to leave. And if those players "get onto you" for it, and start harassing you about it? That's what the report button is for.

Well, it's not just bad vibes. I've had problems with some of these individuals in the past during the roleplay. Quite a few times actually where they were just outright aggressive because they didn't get their way and when we tried to make things better, they became fussy. I've tried to deal with them before but I've gotten backlash for it.

 

[Elle Joyner]

Well, it's not just bad vibes. I've had problems with some of these individuals in the past during the roleplay. Quite a few times actually where they were just outright aggressive because they didn't get their way and when we tried to make things better, they became fussy. I've tried to deal with them before but I've gotten backlash for it.

What I'm going to tell you is something I wish someone had told me when I first started GMing, that might have saved a lot of my RPs from unfortunate ends.

It is okay to tell people no. It is okay to ask them to withdraw from the RP. This is something that you have invested time and energy into and they have no right to push you around, just because you're nice enough to allow their behavior. If they are being disruptive, they should go. Look at it from the perspective of a boss... If you ran a company and a few of your employees came in and suddenly started telling you what to do and complaining when they didn't get what they wanted, you would give them a warning, right? If they still didn't listen after that, they would be fired.

Your RP, your Rules. It isn't too late to set a new precedent and let them know that it's no longer okay for them to behave this way. If they don't want to shape up, they can ship out. If they want to continue, that means putting 100% investment in you as a GM and respecting you and their fellow players. Otherwise, there are plenty of other RPs out there they can join.

 

[Elle Joyner]

And I would add... Don't sacrifice your hard work and the hard work of your more cooperative players because of a few bad eggs. There may be backlash - that's certainly likely in any situation where feelings might be hurt - but at the end of the day what is more important? Preserving the feelings of people who have done you no favors and behaved like spoiled bratty children... Or the feelings (and efforts) of people who genuinely want to continue in the RP and who respect you and the work you've put into it?

 

[junebug]

It's hard when people clash in RP, but one of the main things to remember and one of the best things to remind your players is that OOC and IC are always separate - I've had people that I haven't necessarily jived with on a personal level, sometimes even to no fault of anyone... we just had personalities that didn't mesh, but at the end of the day our characters are not us, and the other way round. As long as no one is being outwardly rude or disrespectful, it's just a matter of being mature enough to be able to put aside those differences and work together.

As the GM, it's your job to make this clear - I would just post a straight up announcement in the OOC that people need to put on their big-boy/girl hats and find a way to work together, or else they can see themselves politely out of the roleplay. At the end of the day, sitting silently on this is going to destroy your RP, so it's lose/lose - but at least you might get SOME cooperation if you are honest and upfront with your team and let them know that you want to continue with the RP, but without the OOC dramatics.

Communication as a GM is one of THE most crucial pieces of the puzzle. You have to be able to talk to your players - tell them what's up, tell them what's gonna happen and when within the storyline ... But you also have to be able to sometimes play into the political side of it and deal with the personalities. Remember that you are in control, effectively, of the OOC and that if people cannot get along or are causing issues and being disruptive, it is okay to tell them to beat it. If you think that it will improve the RP, or get things moving again, this might be what you need to do.

Either way, sitting on this and not saying anything at all is 100% guaranteed to kill the story.

I understand what you're saying and that is honestly one of the hardest things for me to do. Truly. I don't like conflict because it gets me anxious and being upfront about it drives me insane. I will try my best though.

 

[Elle Joyner]

I understand what you're saying and that is honestly one of the hardest things for me to do. Truly. I don't like conflict because it gets me anxious and being upfront about it drives me insane. I will try my best though.

OH, trust me. Conflict is my least favorite thing on the face of the planet - Even over the internet where all I have to worry about are angry words on the screen. I am a perfectionist and I cannot stand the idea of someone disliking me or being mad at me. But at the end of the day if those same people are making me and my friends miserable, is it really worth avoiding a little sting? There's also a matter of reality... No one should lose sleep over a hobby. Perspective is a beautiful thing and when you can put it into focus like that, it's easier to realize that it's not a trainwreck... it's more like a stubbed toe. They'll get over it. You'll get over it. In the end, you'll be a stronger person and stronger GM for having been honest, and your players will respect that.

 

[junebug]

OH, trust me. Conflict is my least favorite thing on the face of the planet - Even over the internet where all I have to worry about are angry words on the screen. I am a perfectionist and I cannot stand the idea of someone disliking me or being mad at me. But at the end of the day if those same people are making me and my friends miserable, is it really worth avoiding a little sting? There's also a matter of reality... No one should lose sleep over a hobby. Perspective is a beautiful thing and when you can put it into focus like that, it's easier to realize that it's not a trainwreck... it's more like a stubbed toe. They'll get over it. You'll get over it. In the end, you'll be a stronger person and stronger GM for having been honest, and your players will respect that.

How exactly would you tell someone to leave? Just say something along the lines of "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave"?

 

[Elle Joyner]

How exactly would you tell someone to leave? Just say something along the lines of "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave"?

First things first, even when confronting someone, it's always better to consider their feelings -as much as possible-

This basically just means not calling them on their crap in front of everyone. I would private message them - explain the situation and open a vein of discussion (if you think one is possible) for how they can change their behavior. If they seem responsive to this, you put them on probation until such a time as you believe they've improved.

If they DON'T seem receptive, or you are 100% sure they will not alter their behavior than you PM them to inform them that unfortunately, you are removing them from the roleplay because of a disrespectful, disruptive attitude. Don't harp on it, don't try to over explain yourself. Just speak honestly and plainly, with respect and grace. They'll probably take it horribly, but at the end of the day you don't have to read or respond to anything you don't want to...

 

[junebug]

First things first, even when confronting someone, it's always better to consider their feelings -as much as possible-

This basically just means not calling them on their crap in front of everyone. I would private message them - explain the situation and open a vein of discussion (if you think one is possible) for how they can change their behavior. If they seem responsive to this, you put them on probation until such a time as you believe they've improved.

If they DON'T seem receptive, or you are 100% sure they will not alter their behavior than you PM them to inform them that unfortunately, you are removing them from the roleplay because of a disrespectful, disruptive attitude. Don't harp on it, don't try to over explain yourself. Just speak honestly and plainly, with respect and grace. They'll probably take it horribly, but at the end of the day you don't have to read or respond to anything you don't want to...

Everything went great! Thank you so much for the help! :)

 

[Elle Joyner]

You are most welcome, and I'm so glad to hear :) Best of luck!

 

[junebug]

@Kagayours Thank you for your help, as well. :)