Fisher Hawkins
It was hard to admit… that he had always seen Lilah as perfect. A perfect, strong, brave person, who would never make a mistake big enough to make him question her. But she had, and so had he.. And it wasn't his right to judge her for what she had done in the past, when now she was standing before him, braver than ever.
"Yeah." He said, trying to push some confidence into his voice. "I'm okay." He looked up at her, trying to put on a smile. "So uh.. Who's.. Leon? Or Murphy? And what - or who? Is Lucky J? I was very confused by that."
Chuckling softly, dryly, Delilah shook her head, "Well, to start, they're all different people. Murph, I worked for. He… he helped me out when I left the home. Gave me a place to stay, and I just… well, I owed him, you know? So I did some work for him. I was a runner… and that's where Leon comes in. He was the dealer. Our go between… And Lucky J, well… he was another dealer Murphy used sometimes, just to kind of piss Leon off, when he was being a smartass about prices."
"Oh." Came Fisher's uncertain response. "So.. this.. Murphy." He said quietly, trying to remove any sort of disdain from his voice. "He just.. How did he.. How did you find him? Did you know him from any of the homes?"
Her eyes canting over to him, Delilah smiled, shaking her head, "He found me. When… when I got out, I had nowhere to go. I ended up…" The smile faded as she looked away, biting the tip of her tongue to consider how best to put it. It was hard to put it out there, knowing how prone Fisher was to blame himself, "...I ended up on the street. There were shelters, but I guess after everything that happened, I just… I was too scared to wind up in more crap, you know? I think I just thought I was better on my own."
With a sigh, she shifted, staring at her hands, "I got sick.. Early in the winter, and ended up in pretty bad shape. Murphy's gang, they ran the area where I was living, and one of his boys found me passed out in the back of an alley. I guess Murphy… he took pity. Brought me in. I mean, it wasn't entirely a selfless move. He liked girls… for running. I guess cause it's not what the police typically look for. Took me a few weeks to recover, but after that, he told me I could stay, if I worked for him. And I didn't really have a reason to say no, you know?"
As she spoke he lost the strength to look her in the eye. He never imagined… that she had suffered so much. And he couldn't help it when his eyes began to water, and he began to get sniffly. She had nearly died. She had nearly died and he was off running around in tights and fixing cars. And before she nearly died she was on the streets, and after she'd nearly died she was peddling drugs.. And he'd left her for it all.
"I'm so sorry," He rasped. "I left you and all that happened and I could've.. I could've been there for you. We were supposed to age out together. I ruined it. We could've stayed together." He buried his face in his hands. "I never imagined.. I started working the moment I got transfered, I never thought you would… I'm.. I'm so sorry."
"Hey…" Blinking, Delilah shifted, turning to him. She reached out and wrapped her hands around his, shaking her head, "Fish, no… Listen. I… Trust me, if I could change it, I would. But I'm not sorry I went through it. And it's not your fault. You hear me? I could've done things differently… but I made those choices. Not you. Please, don't blame yourself… I never did. I was mad at you… for leaving, but I never blamed you for the life I had, Fish. Not ever."
"But you didn't have a choice!" He insisted, voice cracking. "If I had just.. If I had looked for you after I got out.. I could have supported both of us. Somehow. I could've done it." He desperately shook his head. "I know.. I know that you're.. Okay with it. But I'm not. I should've done something and I never did. I left you in the dust."
"Fisher… Don't do this to yourself." Squeezing his hands, she tipped her head down, to meet his eyes, "You did what you needed, to survive. And so did I. We were lost… and scared. We were kids, and we got shoved into a situation no kid ever should. And maybe it wasn't perfect, and maybe it could've been different, but who knows what might've happened if it had been? What we have here, right now… I wouldn't change that. Not for anything."
Taking a deep sigh, Fisher relinquished the battle. He knew Delilah wouldn't let him go until he admitted defeat.. But she would never spare him the guilt that weighed on his chest, the guilt of the times that he could have lessened her suffering.
"You're even more perfect than I ever imagined you to be." He mumbled, pulling her into a hug.
As he pulled her in, she laughed softly, wrapping her arms around his waist to lay her head against his chest, "Sweetie, if you think I'm perfect, you and I have a very different definition of that word." With a soft sigh, she turned herself until she could lay her head back on his lap, her legs hanging over the arm of the couch, and looking up at him, she brushed back the hair from his forehead, "Someday, Fish… we're gonna get the life we should've had back then. We're gonna figure all of this out, and we're gonna have it."
Fish felt his heart swell a little at the new nickname. He loved the way it rolled off herr tongue and couldn't help but wait to hear it again. He chuckled almost sadly, stroking locks of her hair away from her face. "Maybe someday." He sighed. "Right after we pick up some anaesthetic from your old drug dealer and kidnap our old foster parents to save them from our psycho foster brother." He teased. "Am I supposed to wait around the bend in my truck for you or something?"
Chuckling, she nodded, "Sounds good to me. I mean… what better time to retire from a life of crap, then after we stop Sol and sort everything else out?" As he continued, she shook her head, "You can come with me. Not like I'm hiding you, and besides… if Leon tries to get fancy… overcharge us, you can flex and freak him out." With a smirk, she poked his chest, a brow quirked, "Didn't have those when we were kids."
As Lilah only continued to stroke his ego, a grin fell upon his face. "Well thanks for finally noticing!" He announced, laughing a little. "Aren't you glad I didn't stay scrawny forever?"
The smirk remained, and she shrugged, eyes holding a teasing glint, "I mean, I noticed, but I wasn't exactly in a position to say anything, before. Definitely not complaining, though. Not at all."
Fisher's eyes glimmered, and the softest of smiles stayed on his lips. "I'd hope not.." He beamed. "And I guess I wouldn't mind scaring off your past with my future."
Her expression softened at his words, a brow lifting. She knew what he meant… knew he was talking about the situation with Leon, but there was something so beautiful about the way he said it. Something he couldn't have known meant everything to her. She had meant what she said… she didn't hate the person her past had made her into, but the idea of a better future…
Especially a future with Fisher.
Pressing up on her elbows, then onto the palms of her hands, she straightened just enough to press a delicate kiss to the corner of his mouth, "...I like the sound of that.."
Redness fell to his cheeks as she planted a kiss on the edge of his lips, and he turned his head to meet her again, kiss her deeper this time. "Glad you think so, sweetie." Fisher hummed, twirling a lock of her hair around his finger.
Maintaining her proximity, she shook her head with a small grin, "Hm. You're absolutely sure we don't have a way to contact Solomon? Ask him to hold off maybe just a few hours?"
Rolling his eyes, Fisher groaned. "Well, you could try 666 again, but I'm inclined to believe you might want to try Purgatory instead." He nestled himself into the couch, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't have Purgatory's number." He said defeatedly.
Shifting, so she could rest her head against his chest, she sighed, "Guess we'll just have to take him down fast. Because I like this, Fish. I like this probably more than I should. I know I shouldn't… because I keep telling myself it's not right to be… to be this happy. But I am. Or at least, I know I will be. And I want that, so much…"
He understood what she meant. With all that was surrounding them.. It felt to wrong to feel right. "I want it too." He sighed. "I want to lay with you forever.. And not worry about who's coming to kill us next. But we'll finish this, Lil." He said firmly. "We'll finish this and we'll be free. We could lay like this forever. It's going to be over soon."
Sitting up, almost too quickly, Delilah rose and holding out her hands, she nodded, "Then let's go. Let's finish this. Cause I'm ready for some good, Fish. For both of us."
He smiled and took her hands pulling himself upwards to stand with her. "For both us."He echoed, cupping her chin in the palm of his hand, brushing his thumb against her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. "We'll do it together."