In an effort to demonstrate how my natural charisma and charm translates over into real life, I wrote down everything that I said at work today. Enjoy. Morning. (to the cleaner) Sorry. (stepping over the cleaner's hoover) Morning. (to the boss) Oooookay, so you want me out there? Right, no problem. Are you okay with that? Yeah, just about, yeah that's fine. Yes please. (someone offering me tea) Oh, you've got it. (realising Gill had my phone) No, Gill had it. (telling someone that Gill had my phone) Any messages? Okay, thanks. Grandkids, TV and a brass band. (explaining to my boss why I had to shout down the phone at a customer) Okay. Oh balls! (when I entered the wrong thing into the database) No thanks. (someone offering me tea) Oh balls! (when I opened the wrong document) Is the printer dead? Oh, no... Thanks. (at this point, 4 hours had passed and so I took my lunch break) Okay. Okay, thanks. Thanks. Hedjaaaaar! (me saying a customer's name in a cockney accent for no particular reason) Ah. Oh for fuck's sake! (can't remember why I said this) Yeah, you'll need the MOT even if you are changing vehicles, because you still need to get to the centre. (this sentence almost exhausted my social faculties) Yes please. (someone offering me tea) Thank you. You got a moment, Paul? There's a GP asking about static visual field defects. Way beyond me. Thanks. (I had to make eye contact for 5 whole seconds while saying this) Cheers. Frost! Frost! Frrrrrost! Frrrrrrrrrrrrrost! (me practicing a customer's name before calling him) Any more referrals out here? Hmm, okay. Wassup? Oh yeah, that's for rebooking. Just make sure "Mid-March" is scrawled all over it. Cool. (I pretended to be really cheerful when I said this) Okay. Yes, thank you. Yes, you too. Goodnight. Right, have a good weekend. Goodnight. Goodnight. You too. (It was now 5 o'clock and I went home, having said an average of only 20 words per hour to other human beings) And yes, I'm very aware that it does read like a porn script. Except for all the offers of tea.