Asmo's Christmas Message

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Asmodeus, Dec 24, 2012.

  1. Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the forum
    The members were working, with flair and decorum
    The roleplays were paused till the end of December,
    Resuming next year, should their players remember.

    The Cboxers nestled all snug in their chat,
    While Smut roleplay perverts believed they weren't fat.
    And mods in the staff room, and I with my tea,
    Had just settled down for a nice Christmas Eve.

    When in New Arrivals there came such a newb,
    With manners like rapists who never use lube.
    "My faith is all lost!" the newcomer cried,
    "I got permabanned from the last place I tried!"

    He called himself None, for no name could he fathom
    Although even retards and animals have 'em
    No more of himself would the stranger disclose
    Except that his mind was in negative throes.

    With character forged twelve years in the making,
    I knew in a moment this boy wasn't faking
    A roleplayer bold and with talent a-plenty
    His attitude screamed "I'm no older than twenty!"

    Thus saying with pride he cared not for his fellows
    The one known as None spurned all greetings and hellos
    "I'm just here to roleplay!" he said with a sneer
    As if conversation was something to fear

    Then out to the Mentor Request Thread went he
    To claim that his weakness was "assholery"
    And kindly accepting came Space Butler Ib
    Whose mentorship would be entirely short-lived

    For lo, in a twinkling, Asmo had arrived
    Discerning None's entrance as cruelly contrived
    And with snarky comments designed as a test
    Endeavored to change None's despair into jest

    "A wonderful place, this Iwaku," I said
    "With members as varied as painkilling meds."
    "Just give it a chance and you'll surely prevail,
    An asshole with talent will always be hailed."

    "Yet if you commit to be callous and glum,
    Your days will be trolled and your efforts undone."
    Thus with this shit sandwich I offered a hand
    In hopes None would warm to our roleplaying band.

    And as an addendum - an end to my jig
    I made mention of my Adventure Time sig
    The grumpy balloon in the midst of glad friends
    Would be perfect symbol to usher amends

    But all of my efforts would come unto nought
    When new member None made his edgy retort.
    "I could not care less for your striving to know me,
    Adventure Time sucks! And your angel can blow me!"

    And with this grave insult he shrugged me aside
    With thoughts that his stay here would surely abide
    But Asmo the Mod had no time for this grouch
    And banned his account with a click of a mouse

    So all were reminded upon Christmas Day
    This site's not for angsting but only roleplay
    To all who would take themselves so seriously
    I bid you fuck off or we'll ban your IP.


    Merry Christmas
  2. *Claps*

  3. Well played!
  4. *applauds*
  5. And NotGod bless us, everyone.
  6. *head smack*
  7. Asmo you make this place quite interesting. I hope you continue to do so for all the time I spend here.
  8. Truly, this has made my Chrismas day. Thank you, Asmo.
  9. Mmmmm...this takes me back to my days as a mod for some reason. Maybe it's the "Okay, the fuckwad just painted a banhammer target on his back" feeling. Maybe it's seeing Asmo snark at the bastard. All I know is that these nostalgic feelings make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. I don't get that feeling much lately.

    So I give unto you my thanks, Asmo. You've inadvertently given me my first gift this Christmas Day.
  10. I love this. Asshole deserved it.
  11. I am not sure if I should applaud, laugh, or cry. Maybe I will do all three at the same time and add a bit of facepalm to it.
  12. This is awesome :P Thanks Asmo
  13. ... Someone needs to do one of them Dramatic Readingfor this.
  14. Guess I better not piss off asmo or he'll write a poem about me...
  15. I think i just developed a brain boner for Asmodeus' talent. I pride myself on my skill and intellect but after THIS and the story of greg/ can write in my book anytime Asmodeus
  16. Only douche with staffers once you get to know them, and never rub them the wrong way with your rp-peens :]