- Posting Speed
- Slow As Molasses
- Online Availability
- NEVER
- Writing Levels
- Adept
- Douche
- Preferred Character Gender
- Primarily Prefer Female
- Genres
- Surrealism, Surreal Horror (Think Tim Burton), Steampunk, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Spaghetti Westerns, Mercenaries, Dieselpunk, Cyberpunk, Historical fantasies
"They say I'm in this jail because I'm crazy. And sure, I could see why people would assume I have issues. After the cops dug through all my belongings and found my stash of funta manga I was as good as dead by that point.
So I should probably introduce myself. I'm Carson but my friends call me Chopsticks because…Well I have no fucking idea why. It's not like I'm a fucking psychic…
Anyways. I am in this jail because I killed my best friend named Asmodeus. Now that I look back at it, I don't know why I even hung out with him. Always punching me and trying to stab me with his twin blades. I mean where the fuck does a Brit get a sword in these parts…They have all these anti-gun laws but nothing about swords.
Now, to get to my point. I killed my best friend because he was turned into a tentacle raping son of a bitch by a bunch of fucking Swedish douche bags.
We were just sitting around minding our own business when all of the sudden some blonde haired panzy with long hair calling him Imperial Edgecrusher jumped off the stage and all the suddenly started a fire.
I stumbled out of the burning wreckage, only to see Asmodeus being frisked away by two Viking looking dudes and a…Well, I'm going to guess the last guy was Mexican…I think. I have no idea. Anyways, from here on out I'm going to tell this story from the third person because it's a better way of telling a story…"
So I should probably introduce myself. I'm Carson but my friends call me Chopsticks because…Well I have no fucking idea why. It's not like I'm a fucking psychic…
Anyways. I am in this jail because I killed my best friend named Asmodeus. Now that I look back at it, I don't know why I even hung out with him. Always punching me and trying to stab me with his twin blades. I mean where the fuck does a Brit get a sword in these parts…They have all these anti-gun laws but nothing about swords.
Now, to get to my point. I killed my best friend because he was turned into a tentacle raping son of a bitch by a bunch of fucking Swedish douche bags.
We were just sitting around minding our own business when all of the sudden some blonde haired panzy with long hair calling him Imperial Edgecrusher jumped off the stage and all the suddenly started a fire.
I stumbled out of the burning wreckage, only to see Asmodeus being frisked away by two Viking looking dudes and a…Well, I'm going to guess the last guy was Mexican…I think. I have no idea. Anyways, from here on out I'm going to tell this story from the third person because it's a better way of telling a story…"