Asmo Posts for Idiots!

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Blind Hemingway

Big "WHAT?!"
BENEFACTOR
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
Slow As Molasses
My Usual Online Time
NEVER
Writing Levels
Adept, Douche
Genders You Prefer Playing
Primarily Prefer Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
SCREW THIS. I'M CHAOTIC STUPID. I LOWER MY TROUSERS AND WIZZ ON THE KING.
Favorite Genres
Surrealism, Surreal Horror (Think Tim Burton), Steampunk, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Spaghetti Westerns, Mercenaries, Dieselpunk, Cyberpunk, Historical fantasies
Genre You DON'T Like
Yaoi or Furrisms, DnD, High Fantasy, romance. Straight up Horror.
#1
Have you ever wondered how Asmo's epic posts would look if they were written for idiots?

Well this link will allow you to!


Here's the original post!

Now here it is for idiots!

AWFUL JUST AWFUL SADE MR GRAEZR AS HA CLENCHED HIS CIGAR BTWEN HIS TETH LIGHTNG IT WIT IMPATEINT PUFS!1111 WTF LOL AV3N AN IDIOT CUD TEL U DIDNT WRIET TAHT SPECH FOR HIM!!111!11! OMG WTF LOL WTH W3RA U THINKNG DAYNE
ON?!!!!? OMG TEH OTH3R SIED OF TEH SMAL SMOKNG ROM MINISTER DAYNA SWIRLED HIS GLAS OF SH3RY WATCHNG TEH LIGHT FROM DA FIERPLAEC CATCH ON TEH RICH COLOUR!11!!111 LOL COM3 NOW MR GRAEZR ANSWARED HIS SILKAN VOIEC IT WAS DA BOYS FIRST ADRES 2 HIS PAOPLE!1!!1!! OMG LOL HOW CUD MAH MINISTRY DENY HIM TEH CHANCA 2 WRIET HIS OWN WORDS

GRAEZR?!??? WTF SAT BAK IN HIS CHARE FLIKNG DISDANEFULY THROUGH TEH TRANSCRIPT OF DA HIGH PREISTS ADRES!1!111 OMG WA R FIGHTNG DA FIGHT FOR TEH WHOLE WORLD 2 SAEV PFT!!!!!1! OMG WTF LOL HE FLUNG DOWN DA TRANSCRIPT AND PUFED AGANE ON HIS CIGAR THE FARM-BOY CANT AVAN STRNG A SENT3NC3 2GETHAR!1!111 OMG WTF LOL HAS AN IMBCIEL

THADEUS!!!!! OMG DAYNA CHUKLAD AS HA LAANT FORWARD AND PLAECD HIS DRINK ON TEH FIERPLAEC TABL3 HIS CYBRNATIC FNGER WHINNG SOFTLEY!!11!!1 WTF LOL EVEN IN TEH FLIKERNG SHADOWS HIS AY3S AND TETH SEM3D 2 GLAM WHIET AC3NTUATNG HIS HANDSOME F3ATUR3S!11!!1!! OMG LOL AV3N HIS LAUGH WAS BAUTIFUL A PARF3CTLEY CRAFT3D DISPLAY 2 WIN TEH H3ART AND MIND!!!!1!!!1 LOL MY D3AR MR GRAEZR FOR ONE WHO HAS BEN IN POLITIS AS LONG AS U IT SADENS M3 TAHT I MUST 3DUCAET U!111!111! OMG WTF DA OPOSIET CHARE GRAEZR PAUESD MID-DRAG TEH EY3S OF TEH OLD STAETSMEN NAROWNG!!!1!!11! LOL BFORE DAYNES TIEM NO ONA WUD HAEV DAERD 2 SP3AK IN SUCH A WAY 2 A MINIST3R OF TEH FATEH!111!111 OMG LOL BUT JUST LIEK DA FARM BOY WHO NOW H3LD TEH OFIEC OF HIGH PREIST DAYN3 WAS A U UPSTART WHO WAS NOT AFRADE 2 RUFL3 F3ATH3RS

DAYNA!!1!1! SAT BAK AGANE ADJUSTNG DA FOLDS OF HIS BLAK ROB HIS ARMS SERVO-MO2RS WHIRNG SOFTLEY!1!!! OMG WTF U R QUIET RIGHT TEH BOY DOAS INDED HAEV A WO3FUL GRASP OF SPECH WRITNG!!1!!1!1 LOL SAYNG TAHT HE WIL ALTER TEH PROJ3CTS OF HIS FATHAR TAHT HA WIL NOT REMOVE ANY LIEBRTEIS WHILST DEFENDNG US FROM TARORISTS!11!!1 OMG WTF LOL SAYNG TAHT W3 SHUD B P3AECFUL AND YAT UPHOLD OUR REVOLUTION!!!11!!! LOL THASA R AL DA MISTAEKS TAHT A CHILD WUD MAEK.!!1!1!!!11!1!11!!1!1 OMG WTF LOL BUT THAY R GOD ONES I ASUR3 U!1!11!! OMG WTF LOL WHEN DA RAPERCUSIONS OF THES SPECH R FELT.!1!1!!1!!!!1! LOL WHEN DA MEDIA ASK HIM QU3STIONS TAHT H3 CANOT ANSWAR.!1!1!!11!11!1!!11!!!! OMG WTF WH3N MINISTERS QUESTION DA DATALE AND DA SAMANTIS.!11!1!1!1!1111!11!!1!!1! OMG WTF WHEN H3 SI HELD 2 ACOUNT FOR HIS OWN CONTRACTIONS.!!!!1!1!1!1!111!!1 OMG WTF LOL THAN THES NU HIGH PREIST WIL R3ALIES HOW MUCH H3 NEDS U!!1!!1!! OMG HAD BT3R B RIGHT DAYN3 MUTER3D GRAEZR RUNNG A HAND THROUGH HIS PAEL WHIET HARE AND SHIFTNG IN HIS S3AT

D3PENDENCY!!11! OMG LOL SI DA GRAAETST FORCE OF NATUR3 CONTINUAD DAYNA PIKNG UP HIS GLAS AGANE AND SIPNG D3LICAETLEY!11111 WTF LOL IT MAEKS SUCH MAN AS 2BIAS ABANDON THEYRE EGO AND THEYRE CHILDISH CONC3PTIONS AND MAEKS THEM FAL IN LIEN WIT DA GR38R MACHANISM OF STAET AND HIS2RY!!!1!! OMG FOR WE TEH CHURCH HAEV OUTLAST3D A BILION FARM-BOYS SUCH AS HE AND THROUGH TAHT WE HAEV A WISDOM TAHT HE CUD NOT BGIN 2 CONCAIEV OF!11!1111! OMG LOL IN TIEM HA WIL L3ARN THIS AND W3 SHAL BGIN SHAPNG THES IMBCIEL IN2 TEH COR3CT INSTRUM3NT TAHT HIS2RY REQUIERS

GRAEZR!!!!11 OMG WTF LOKAD AWAY STARNG AT DA FIER!1!!1! OMG WTF H3 LIEK OTHAR MINISTERS OF FATEH HAD CAUGHT ON QUIKLEY TAHT THEIR WAS NO UES IN ARGUNG WIT THADEUS DAYN3!!1!! WTF DA MINISTER OF PUBLIC INFORMATION WAS FOR BTER OR WORSE TEH TRUA POW3R BHIND DA NATION FOR IT WAS DAYN3 WHO CONTROLED DA RECORD OF HIS2RY DA INTERPRETATION OF EVENTS AND TEH IEDAS OF TEH P3OPLE!!!!1111 WTF HA CUD ON A WHIM LIFT A VERY MANS AXISTENCA OUT OF AL LIVNG M3MORY CHANG3 FOLS 2 KNGS AND HEROES 2 VILANES!!1!!!1 LOL IN TH3S3 DAYS AND TIEMS INFORMATION WAS AL

THE!1!!! WTF TIMNG SI AL WRONG DA OLD MAN MUTERAD FIRST LAOPOLD DEIS AND THEN
DA GANESIS PROJACT COMES 2 FRUITION!!1!1!1! OMG HOW CAN W3 TRUST TEH FARM BOY 2 CONTROL TEH MASIAH PROP3RLEY

THADEUS?!!!???!? OMG DAYNA PULED BAK A STRAND OF HIS GOLDEN HARE BFOR3 DRANENG HIS GLAS!!!11!11! OMG LOL AND TH3N 2 HIS CH3RUBIC FAEC THEYRE CM3 A SMIEL SER3NE AND OVERPOW3RNG

L3AEV!!!1!!11 TAHT 2 ME MR GRAEZR!11!1!!1 LOL LEAEV TAHT 2 ME!!!1!1!!1
 

Darkness

I CAN HUG A SHITLOAD OF CATS
#2
You know that kind of jokes that are only funny once?

Yeah, this is one of them.
 
A

Ampoule

Guest
#3
Darkness ought to know.

He's one of them too.
 

Asmodeus

Gazorpazorpdeus
Posting Speed
Speed of Light
#4
We all are, Ampoule.

We all are.
 

Blind Hemingway

Big "WHAT?!"
BENEFACTOR
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
Slow As Molasses
My Usual Online Time
NEVER
Writing Levels
Adept, Douche
Genders You Prefer Playing
Primarily Prefer Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
SCREW THIS. I'M CHAOTIC STUPID. I LOWER MY TROUSERS AND WIZZ ON THE KING.
Favorite Genres
Surrealism, Surreal Horror (Think Tim Burton), Steampunk, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Spaghetti Westerns, Mercenaries, Dieselpunk, Cyberpunk, Historical fantasies
Genre You DON'T Like
Yaoi or Furrisms, DnD, High Fantasy, romance. Straight up Horror.
#5
Everyone except for CoffeeCakeSadist. Mostly because he only makes sense to a few. :(
 
P

Paorou-sama

Guest
#6
This made me snicker for the first paragraph.

Then my eyes started to shudder umineko no naku koro ni style.

It made me angry and sad.
 

Blind Hemingway

Big "WHAT?!"
BENEFACTOR
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
Slow As Molasses
My Usual Online Time
NEVER
Writing Levels
Adept, Douche
Genders You Prefer Playing
Primarily Prefer Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
SCREW THIS. I'M CHAOTIC STUPID. I LOWER MY TROUSERS AND WIZZ ON THE KING.
Favorite Genres
Surrealism, Surreal Horror (Think Tim Burton), Steampunk, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Spaghetti Westerns, Mercenaries, Dieselpunk, Cyberpunk, Historical fantasies
Genre You DON'T Like
Yaoi or Furrisms, DnD, High Fantasy, romance. Straight up Horror.
#7
Then it served it's purpose.
 
P

Paorou-sama

Guest
#8
MAKING PAOROU ANGRY AND SAD IS WHAT EVERYONE (HUMANITY) DOES ON A DAILY BASIS.
 
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
A Few Posts a Week, One Post a Week
My Usual Online Time
6 PM and Midnight M-F, varying on weekends
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Adept, Adaptable
Genders You Prefer Playing
Male, Female, Primarily Prefer Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
I'm a switch
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Modern
Genre You DON'T Like
Yaoi and Furry
#9
Then we obviously serve our purposes...

I'VE SERVED MY PURPOSE! *Commits Sepuku*
 

Blind Hemingway

Big "WHAT?!"
BENEFACTOR
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
Slow As Molasses
My Usual Online Time
NEVER
Writing Levels
Adept, Douche
Genders You Prefer Playing
Primarily Prefer Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
SCREW THIS. I'M CHAOTIC STUPID. I LOWER MY TROUSERS AND WIZZ ON THE KING.
Favorite Genres
Surrealism, Surreal Horror (Think Tim Burton), Steampunk, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Spaghetti Westerns, Mercenaries, Dieselpunk, Cyberpunk, Historical fantasies
Genre You DON'T Like
Yaoi or Furrisms, DnD, High Fantasy, romance. Straight up Horror.
#10
We lose many great writers due to that Sepuku. :(
 

Hydronine

The Murrstress
Roleplay Invitations
One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
Several Posts a Day, A Few Posts A Day
Writing Levels
Adept, Advanced, Prestige, Douche, Adaptable
Genders You Prefer Playing
No Preferences
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
I'm fine with doing both, but it depends on the situation and how comfortable I am with the RP, plot, or subject matter of the RP.
Favorite Genres
Scifi, Fantasy, Modern, Magical, Horror, Noir, apocalyptic, Grimdark, yaoi, yuri, anything really.
Genre You DON'T Like
Uhhh..... That's hard.
#11
.......*Trembles*

I'm scared.....
 
A

Ampoule

Guest
#12
BUT I MAKE YOU HAPPY, RIGHT? RIGHT PAOROU-SAMA, RIGHT? *giant sparkling eyes*


Instead of the second...I want to be the FIRST for everyone's seppuku! *gets out butterknife*
 
P

Paorou-sama

Guest
#13
WRITERS WHO COMMIT SEPPUKU ARE BABIES!

RONIN WHO SURVIVE WITHOUT AID FROM ANY LORD/S ARE MUCH MORE AWESOME-ER.
 
Favorite Genres
Magical, Fantasy, Supernatural, Sci Fi, Steam Punk, Noir, HORROR, and I'm willing to try Romance.
#14
And poor...let's not forget the crushing poverty.
 

MiraMirror

She's baaaaaack~
#15
*Eye twitch followed by a seizure on the ground*

Just as I predicted. Excellent.