Are YOU a Bully?

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Gwazi Magnum, Jun 22, 2016.


Are/Can you be a Bully?

  1. Yea, I pick on people quite a bit.

  2. Yea, I can be a dick to someone at times.

  3. Yea, I do bully people. But they have to be doing it first.

  4. No, if I don't like someone I just keep it to myself.

  5. No, if I have a problem with someone I try to communicate respectfully about it.

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  1. Everyone here knows the Internet isn't always the nicest place, so it got me thinking about the topic.

    And I didn't want to just make a 'Talk about it' thread, cause quite frankly they're overused. Instead I wanted to try tackling it from a perspective most people don't often tackle it from which is if they think they themselves are a bully? Or at least could be at certain times.

    Now I'm also going to ask two things of everyone posting here.

    1. Don't harass others for saying yes and sharing said stories... The reasons as to why should be self apparent.
    2. If you find someone here saying they don't, but you personally disagree? Don't start an argument here, please. If you really want to take it out with them in PM's. But the point of this thread is for self reflection, not finger pointing.

    Also to clarify, I am not counting friendly trolling or crude language among friends. If you're just generally rough with friends in a mutual affection that's just a certain chemistry. What I'm getting at here is consciously choosing to pick a fight with someone or putting someone down, where the goal is usually to inflict pain, assert some level of dominance and/or establish some moral/logical superiority.
  2. Yeah, I can be a bit of a dick. Especially when people start saying shit about me, or just if I'm having a bad day. I say mean shit, I don't really mean it, but let's just say I can be a tad too 'sensitive'. I'm stubborn, so it's just a pain to deal with me. I appreciate people who understand that though, that's the best thing about friends when they can let go of it all c:

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  3. Ehhhh I'm kind of torn between the last two poll options -- because I don't always try to directly communicate with the person in question, but, I don't always keep to myself, either. I have a bit of a habit of venting about people behind their backs -- usually in PM's with another member -- but it's never with the intention of spreading gossip or anything. Usually it's just "this person bothers me for X, Y, Z reasons", not out of an attempt to make them look bad, but just an attempt at me venting and sorting out my own thoughts and feelings. :/ And, sometimes, this sort of thing leads to me working up the nerve to actually try to contact the person in question and respectfully work things out. But, not always. Sometimes I just stick with being more-or-less silent and still venting about things behind their back. >_>

    I'd still never go out of my way to bully or harass a particular member just because I don't like them, though. The absolute worst I can see myself doing is saying some things I might regret in the middle of an argument or debate, or leaving some vague but passive-aggressive messages on my own profile or something. I admit there have been times when I feel like I've been a bit cold to people just interacting with them on the forums, but I think that's more akin to just not being super-friendly upon crossing paths with someone you don't like, rather than going out of your way to bully them.

    Oh, and there was the time I kind of messed with a member I had kicked out of one of my RP's, who then came back as an alt to harass me via PM's. I thought her attempt at getting back at me was kind of hilarious, so I admit I kind of goaded her on and trolled her for a while instead of just reporting her right away like I should have (though I planned on reporting her once I was done playing around, which I did). Still, I later realized that I had kind of taken it too far. So... I guess that sort of puts me in the third category, as well? Still, such instances are rare. It's not every day someone comes at you with a pathetically obvious alt, going full-rage in your inbox. >_> In terms of members around here in GC that can act like decent people? I certainly don't see myself doing such a thing to any of them.
  4. I don't think I am. I mean, I try my level best not to be. If I find something is bothering me, I usually change the subject or I just leave the topic. If it really bothers me, then I'll talk about it with a friend. Sometimes I may get overly emotional, but I don't think I've ever consciously picked on someone. I just find it's not worth it, and I hate making others feel bad.
  5. For those reading through note I was a part of this one too.
  6. I'm a mean, lean super aggressive machine. Bully all the things.

    I hate confrontation and I would usually rather eat cardboard than make anyone feel even a little bad about themselves. It's something I have worked on a lot because I deal with conflicts and I choose to deal with conflict resolution like an adult.
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  7. I don't really like confronting people even if I... dislike them. In the first place, it is not very easy to make me dislike or upset with someone. There must be a valid reason, or they must be doing something that is clearly indecent and inconsiderate to other people. Yes, I can find people annoying at times, but that's natural, and I'm not going to give them hell for that. It's better to try and get along with other people, or just keep quiet about it.

    Except in cases when I think their behavior or actions have to be pointed out to them, that is. When I do confront them, I try to be objective about what they have done/are like. It's not easy, but I try to negotiate with them - granted if I'm not blinded with anger at first. I try not to let it get to that point, though.

    Whatever helps you sleep at night, babe. :P
  8. I think this post is superfluous at this point but, ignoring the vast difference between being a dick sometimes and being a bully, I'm a dick on occasion. Why? A lack of patience and a mean streak of humour. I try not to be too much of a dick in people their faces most of the times but yeah.. 'Most.'
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  9. That was bad wording at my part. It's meant to fall under being a bully on occasion.
    I'd fix it, but the poll answers are locked in at this point.
  10. Being a dick is to act with disregard for someone else's feelings. Being a bully is to act with the intention to make someone feel worse.
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  11. Like I said, bad wording.
  12. I'm definitely not a bully, was bullied a lot when I was younger (smallest girl in my class and a bookworm, made straight A's, I was simply a bully's favorite toy) up until high school.
    I no longer take crap from people because of this and I can be a real bitch if you push me, but I would never hurt someone just because I could.
  13. I don't pick on people. But I don't always word things delicately. When emotions run high I can say some regretful things. But I'm not trying to hurt anyone. Even when I say something in anger if it's text, chances are I've rewritten it once or twice. The first draft is full of my feelings that I'd never send. Then I delete it and start again. It's not in my control to determine how my words are interpreted. So no, I'm not a bully. An asshole? Maybe at times, depends on your interpretation of me. But never a bully.
  14. Worse than a bully.

    I have injected four whole illegal marijuanas.
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  15. I never intentionally try to talk down to anyone or insult them (there are exceptions... rarely), but I can be rather snarky. That's less me trying to harass someone than to poke fun at a comment.

    If I have legitimate problems with someone, I'll tell them what's up. I'd rather get along with everybody, but the only way to discourage certain behaviour is to let the party in question know and ask politely if they can tone it down or whatever.

    Yes I'll bully people. I often make crude, rude, mean, sometimes cruel jokes. I'll crack humour and make criticisms considered highly inappropriate about race, sex, gender, terrorism, feminism, religion, LGBT, MGTOW's, and any other group that contains an overly sensitive loud mouthed minority. If you have a sacred cow, I'll notice, and I'll relentlessly attack it at every given opportunity. Here's a couple: How many whites does it take to create an original musical? About as many blacks. What does every Muslim fear? A premature detonation.

    Which, I'm sure, makes me an asshole for doing this. It does, really, no need to hide that. Though, I do have a couple rules. An "asshole code of honour" sort to speak.
    1. I don't pick on people who are obviously emotionally distraught. I'm an asshole, not heartless. I'll put aside the asshole in me if a friend is in pain.
    2. I will remember to switch targets from time to time so that no one person gets the brunt of it all 24/7. If I have British friends, I'll make British jokes and fling British insults on occasion to give the feminist pinata a rest. UKIP certainly never runs out of fodder for jokes, I swear on me mum (and Nigel Farage's thinly veiled fear for brown people.)
    3. An individual is more than the sum of their parts. Meaning a person who is a feminist is not responsible for the actions of every feminist, a person who is a Muslim is not responsible for the actions of every Muslim, et cetera. I can think that an ideology is dumb without then thinking that everyone who follows all or part of that ideology is necessarily stupid by extension. A person can think differently from me and not be a bad person. If anything, that person has keys to understanding the universe I don't have, and I should be trying to learn more about the way they think, even if I think it's ridiculous.
    4. If it touches on a personally, demonstrably traumatic point, I'll avoid making such remarks around said people. (ex: If someone is a victim of rape, I'll refrain from making rape jokes around that person. I don't need to make them relive their trauma 24/7 with shitty jokes. Ties into the first point, about the difference between an asshole and being plain heartless, but I figured it could use mentioning.)
    What is the purpose of being such an asshole one might ask?
    1. I weed out the weak. I don't need to spend my entire life walking on eggshells around people who are so, incredibly, overly sensitive, that a single terrible piece of humour or criticism can completely ruin their lives. Those who can laugh at themselves in a mirror from time to time, or at least tolerate others disliking or criticizing what they care about or believe in, are the kinds of strong, intelligent people I want in my life.
    2. I ensure no cow is too sacred not to be tipped and questioned. The status quo should always be under scrutiny to see how it can be improved, that is one of my core beliefs. One of the most effective ways of doing that is to tip a cow and see people's reactions. See what happens when something someone considers sacrosanct is questioned, mocked, or criticized.
    Plus, well, sometimes, the best way to learn something is to have someone smack you over the head with a frying pan and tell you how much of a fucking idiot you are. I know some of my most vital and important lessons were learned from unkind--but not necessarily malevolently cruel--experiences. There are some things you can't learn until you piss someone off enough that they refuse to back down and tell you off, plain and simple. Even if that lesson might be something like "this sacred cow is especially holy, and you should be more careful when tipping it in the future."
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  17. By publishing the results of the vote, you are highlighting any individual who thinks differently from you as different; and because of the lexical choices of the Original post, it is clear that in this context a 'bully' is a bad thing...

    ...So I posit that the original question is, in itself, an act of bullying; as you are targeting individuals who think differently from the collective and putting their atypical behavior patterns on display.
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  18. Is it bullying if I like to tease whenever I can? If you do something dumb once like not being able to spell tractor then I'll bring it up occasionally.

    Actually the more I like a person, the more vicious I am towards them. I'll never insult a person with anything of substance like you're a wh*re or f*g, but I do like employing the use of "I hate yous", "why do I even hang out with you", and backhand compliments. Omg I love backhand compliments, or even compliments that seem really out of place.

    Like after you do something stupid, I will say (as sincerely as possible) "I love how smart you are" . It really fucks with people. That said, if you're dull or "pure" and uncomfortable with my comments, then I probably won't talk to you for long anyways.

    All in all, its a great way of finding the sort of people that I specifically would like to hang around.

    To shorten things: I BULLY YOU BECAUSE I LIKE YOU. (Like the elementary school kid picking on his crush, but with friends too).
    And if you return the flavor, then we can all be happy.

    No matter what I say, I will never (intentionally) hurt you through my actions. I'm like that kid who mocks your shirt then shares ice cream with you afterwards.

    I also don't bully or tease the people I don't like.

    TL;DR ...I'm a bro...I guess
  19. I keep to myself. Online I can be a bit of a dick, but only if someone pushes my buttons. The only time I say anything to anyone I don't like is if they talk to or mess with my kids. I've had my husband's ex's asking to meet my kids, and I've told them straight out to go fuck themselves. That's the only time you'll hear anything nasty from me.
  20. That's if you view the highlighting of a different behaviour in itself as being bullying, which really depends on your personal philosophy. And if we're going by the definition I gave in the OP, bullying is for the intent of causing harm to someone else, which is actually the opposite objective of this. The objective is to try to get some self awareness going and I expressively warned people against harassing others for what they vote for.
    #20 Gwazi Magnum, Jun 22, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2016
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