Aperture Reincarnate

portals? Cubes? What is this place? After a few moments of thinking, I said. "Fine..try me." My voice sounded ready, but inside I was far from it. I knew this whole place was evil, just by the looks and, of course, the strange computer. I had a feeling like something was bound to come out of nowhere if I didn't stay sharp, so I stood tall and aware waiting for the bot's first 'test'. "this better not be a trick, you machine." I muttered, only taking a quick moment to glance up at the ceiling, after listening to the voice for a while and tracking it upwards.
 
{GLaDOS}

"Query:Acceptance. Response:Very well. As we said,these are simple tests,so don't expect anything remotely close to complicated. Please proceed quickly through the Chamber Lock to the first of the Preliminary Tests.",I said to him,moving the standard Cube-on-the-Button test to the other side of the door which I then opened.
 
I stood there for a moment as the computer rambled on. I admit it- I jumped when the door opened. I looked over at the ceiling again, then carefully 'proceeded to the door'. I stopped and peeked through it cautiously, then I inched through staring around the new room, before my eyes rested on the strange thing in front of Me. guess this is what it meant by 'cubes' ....
 
{GLaDOS}

I snickered and continued,"Behold,an Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube.",sending a 'Ta-da!' trumpet refrain through the speakers,"Cube and button-based testing is the foundation of Aperture Science. If cube and button-based tesing has caused any form of social,economical,or environmental collapse,do not worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim. Please solve this exceedingly simple test and proceed quickly to the Chamber Lock.".
 
well, it shouldn't be too hard. It's just a cube. I stood and climbed on top of the cube. Carefully running my hands over it, I tried to find any way to open it by the sides. Nope. Then I started to search for buttons. Nada. Annoyance flickered in my brain as I continued to try to open the damned thing when I found some dented in parts of it. Out of curiosity, I started to play with those and soon heard a noise from the other side. Running around to it, I peeked in to find a laser pointed straight at my face. With a shout, I scrambled away before it hit me. I started to check my self like crazy, carefully patting my clothes for burnt parts. Touching my face I sighed. Jumping to my feet I yelled up at the ceiling. "You stupid computer!! You almost ruined my face!!" I seemed more angered that his face was almost burnt rather then almost getting killed.
 
{GLaDOS}

"Query: Annoyance at okay forget that. The laser was just a targeting system for the turret that was inside the cube. The lasers that actually hurt don't come until later. Also,you weren't supposed to open the cube,that one was just leftover from...something. There's a box,there's a button,I thought your course of action was clear.",I said to him in annoyance,dropping the act. Curse you human-caused rash decisions. As an afterthought,i added in mock calmness,"And if you ever take that tone with me,or call me that again, I will drag you behind the wall and torture you until your ears bleed from the sounds of your own screams. Have a nice day.".
 
"Uh, uh..." I stuttered my eye twitching. When did this thing become human?! It was just a computer! Plus, how was I supposed to know what to do with a button and a cube. I'm not a machine... I took a few steps backwards, wondering if I should beat it. it doesn't exactly sound happy with me...​ I stood for a moment, pondering, then turned tail and ran for it.
 
The small turret human laid on the ground for the while, as if it-I mean she, didn't know she could get back up. Soon, she grew tired of sitting on the ground... Waiting. It was probably all this waiting, that all turrets had to endure, that caused them to make wonderful such pieces of musical art. What else did they have to do? But without other turrets to sing with, that hardly seemed like a fun activity for her to do at the moment. So, completely ignoring the fact she had legs, and that just a moment ago she was walking on them, she called out for, "Help!" ... No reply. Then she did what any good turret does when it grows bored, "Nap time." She closed her eyes, pulled in her legs and assumed fetal position.

Something seemed to tire of her lethargy and decided to take action. A robotic clamp (much like one seen it a claw game where you try to get the stuffed bear but then the damn thing slips out of the claws grasp because the game is rigged) came out of the roof and picked up the sleeping turret girl. She woke up with a start and began to squiggle around. "Hey. Please put me down!" The claw did as asked, and plopped her down, straight into a portal. At the other end she ended up landing on a button that made a noise, like a door opening when she feel on it.

It was most curious, so this time, the girl actually got on her feet to 'see' what was up. She ended up bumping into walls. Lots of walls. Some times even the same wall. She stepped on the button several times in the process, every time hearing the hiss of a door opening. So, with the great powers of her human mind, she figured that pressing the button opened the door! But obviously, it closed once the pressure was take off. That was the part that puzzled her. Then by dumb luck, and clumsiness, she tripped over a cube. She fell to the ground face first, and the box slid away. Once she was back on her feet she had to search the room for the cube, and this time stubbing her toe on it. "Ow." But at last she had the cube in her possession, and knew what to do with it. She walked around the room till she stepped on the button on again. A smile crawled across her face as she knew she had just solved the puzzle.

She heard the door open, and knew which direction it was in. She turned to face it and... Threw the cube in that direction. She jumped off the button and began to run after it. The next thing she heard was a thud and a crush, and the sound of the door malfunctioning, but not of it closing. The cube had stopped the door. The girl squeezed in though the opening and made sure to bring the cube with her, hugging it tight.
 
{GLaDOS}

I switched my gaze to the Blind Turret girl out o boredom and found her sleeping. "Sleeping? In my facility? I guess I'll have to up the adrenal vapor...",I said to myself,and then I remembered the Develoement Core and said,"...Or lower is.". I picked her up with a claw and dropped her through a portal into the first test,then watched as she proceeded to bump into more walls. "Definitely should have fixed her vision..",I muttered to myself,but continued to watch nonetheless. She stepped on the button...moved off...stepped on...moved off...and did this a few more times before realization dawned on her face. She began walked off the button again,and purely by chance stumbled over the Cube. She picked it up...walked it over to the button...stepped on...I held my breath in anticipation...And then she threw it at the door. It landed perfectly between the two halves and kept them open as she ran toward it,jumped over the cube into the hallway beyond,then yanked the cube through after her. "Well. One of the more...unconventional ways to solve the test,but solve it you did. I'm going to skip the train wreck that would be the second test and just deposit you in the lobby.",I told her,bringing the elevator to her level and opening it,"Please proceed through the door and into the elevator.".
 
"Things to disassemble! Fun! Excitement!" exclaimed the former Hyperactive core at a volume which would leave most humans deaf, and was definetely not pleasant for GLaDOS to hear. He then promptly started singing his favourite song as loudly and obnoxiously as he could, then he started solving the puzzle. However, as he started moving the cubes, he realised that he was short a few cubes to actually solve it, so he started re-assembling them. Unfortunately for him, even though he had disassembled several of them, he did not memorise the way they were constructed, so upon reassembly, he ended up with something that looked like an infinite fractal resembling a diamond. How he managed to do that with finite material was beyond him, but the point was that their weight could still press the buttons down.

When all buttons were pushed, the puzzle was finally solved, and so Xun went dashing through one of the doors... and almost fell to his death, just stopping short of a seemingly bottomless pit. Oh right, he forgot about those even though the facility was practicall full of the things because of the constantly moving platforms and panels. They made the Aperture Science Facility look as if it was some sort of a death trap, which it was according to some, but for Xun, they just added to the atmosphere. With wide, open eyes, the former Hyperactive Core looked into the abyss to stare into it as if he could see the bottom of it. He never saw the bottom of these pits, so now he was going to definitely see them, even if it cost something as silly as this human body!

Within seconds, he was yanked back by a mechanical arm.

"Hey!" Shouted Xun at GLaDOS. "I was really enjoying the view there, you meanie!" he said, pouting, then he realised that one of the doors was marked. Of course, he should have thought about that, but he was just so excited by the prospect of taking everything apart that he could not help it. Realising what awaited him, Xun just locked out the words of GLaDOS and skipped towards the next chamber with happy, long skips.
 
{GLaDOS}

Just in time,I switched my attention to the Hyperactive Core and stopped him from jumping into a bottomless pit. And I do mean bottomless. Two self-contained portals linked the bottom of the pit and the rim,creating a literal bottomless pit. I sighed and mentally steeled myself for what I was about to do - puzzle out how he created an infinite diamond fractal from a set amount of materials. I started thinking about it and...huh...this actually wasn't that ba-

{Jason}

I jumped as a far-off something exploded,and the female I heard before came on an intercom system. "Two plus two equals fish! With knowledge comes protein. Don't make lemonade,get mad!",she babbled,and I raised an eyebrow at the ceiling before going back to what I was doing before. Happily disassembling the furniture. "I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay,I sleep all night and I work all day.",I sang cheerily as I worked.
 
"Phew. If the laser didn't kill me, it would have." I carefully started to wander the hallways, peeking through every door. "Nope. Boring. Nope, nope, nope..." I'm not sure what I was actually looking for, I guess something interesting (and not deadly). As I continued to walk, I kept looking around me in case any one was watching, practically forgetting all about the computer with human feelings and such..
 
{GLaDOS}

"Emergency Paradox Backup initiated. Please stand by.",the Announcer said,but I wasn't paying attention. No,my brain was currently being fried by the possibility of building something infinite from finite materials. Then everything went dark for a second before my sight came back. "Backup complete. In the future,please refrain from thinking about paradoxes.",the Announcer chastised me,then went silent. I growled at him under my breath and checked on everybody. The Development Core had started singing,the Hyperactive Core was skipping through the second test (kinda creepy,really),the Bipolar Core was wandering the corridors,and the Blind Turret was just standing there,nuzzling her Cube. ...Figures the only test subjects I had were either invalids or insane.

{Jason}

"He's a lumberjack and he's okay,he sleeps all night and he works all day.",I sang,switching to a deep voice for the chorus.
 
I put my ear to the wall and smiled. I could hear someone on the other side. "Heh heh, thin wall, eh?" I smirked deviously, but the happiness left pretty quickly. except theres nothing to break it with! I frowned and started back along the hallways with slumped shoulders. As i went back, i stopped dead. There was a door i hadnt opened yet. Gripping the knob, i twisted it and looked inside, soon picking up a crowbar, and smacking it against my hand. "This'll work."
 
{Jason}

I finished cutting the leather of the second chair and put it under the piece of the counter with the first one. I swept all the fluff into a pile,then opened the third chair and pried the board off. I hit the nails out and started gutting the poor piece of proffered plush upholstery.
 
I came to the wall like a killer with its victim. My hand pressed along the smooth surface and soon found a weak spot. Lifting the bar up, I swung it at the poor place and the wall opened into a tiny hole. Flipping the crowbar around, I started to pull off pieces of it until it was big enough for me to slip through. I placed one leg in and followed with the other. I smiled, and, even though I thought the computer couldn't hear me, said "how's that for a test?"
 
Xun skipped into the next test chamber, only to discover that the floor was made out of acid. Well, a part of the floor was made out of acid to be more correct, but still, the strange-coloured liquid gave the former Hyperactive Core pause even if he specialised in not paying attention to anything for a long amount of time. Acid was something to consider, not to mention that it was something he could not take apart, and when he arrived at that realisation, Xun just shook his head and started looking around the room for things to take apart. His sights immediately fell onto the dispenser at the far end of the acid pool, then to the bridge which was currently standing upright, and was made out of nothing but weak-looking metal sheets.

At the sight of such a nice thing, he immediately lost sight of the acid and rushed towards the bridge, which was when a Weighted Storage Cube came flying out of nowhere and smacked him away, making him fly like a bird. He could barely avoid landing in the acid, hanging onto the ledge of the platform, only barely pulling himself up, however, the facility was not safe from him yet. That is, because the next second, he noticed the Weighted Storage Cube transport tunnels above him, from which the one that hit him probably came, so he quickly started panning the room. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that he must press a button to lower the bridge, so he walked over to the nearest button and pressed it, making the bridge descend for a few seconds.

He quickly ran through the bridge and ended up at the dispenser, but then, the bridge retracted behind him and the wall panels in front of him opened up, leading him to an exit.
"Aww," he said, looking at the dispenser as he tried to think of a way to take it apart. He quickly realised that it was too tall for him to reach, unless he could climb up the walls, so his gate fell onto the walls. Fortunately for him, this section of the Aperture Science Facility was build a bit shoddily, so they were not completely even. Noticing the small cracks between the panels, Xun tried to fit his fingers into them desperately in an attempt to lodge them loose and make some sort of a ladder that would lead up to the dispenser.
 
{Jason}

I heard a sort of thumping sound and looked up from my work with the chair. A hole was opening in the wall,and as soon as it was wide enough a boy with a crowbar climbed through. He yelled,"How's that for a test?",at the ceiling,and I tilted my head curiously.

{GLaDOS}

I chuckled. The Bipolar Core probably thought I couldn't hear him. "Very good. You have arrived in the lobby.",I said to him,quickly replacing the fake wall with the real,reinforced section I had cut out earlier,"Please stay here until the others have joined you.". I switched my attention to the Hyperactive Core and noticed him trying to pry apart the panels. I activated the Excursion Funnel on the other side of the wall for a split second,pushing him away,then realigned the panels. "Please proceed to the next test.",I told him firmly.
 
I almost jumped out of my skin when the ceiling replied to me. "It can hear everything?" I muttered to myself. I didn't notice Jason, but I sure notices the remains of the lobby. "Woah, what the.." I picked up a broken piece of wood and looked it over. "Did a tornado come in here or something?"
 
{Jason}

I smiled at the comparison,then said,"Flattering,but nothing so destructive. You can thank me for this controlled chaos.",plunging my hand back into the chair and pulling out the rest of the stuffing. I picked up the leg and,once again,wedged it into the space between pieces of the frame while saying,"I got bored and decided to build a fort. Haven't started yet,just about to.".