Sounds fair! I'll give my very best. :) Also, apologies, I've forgotten and I can't seem to find it in the magic article right now - Do Avians only posses air, Pyrans fire and so on? Or is it possible for a Terran to have, say, fire magic?
It's actually linked with persuasion. So it's typically wands/fire, cups/water, etc. It CAN vary though, it's not a hard rule.
 
Sounds fair! I'll give my very best. :) Also, apologies, I've forgotten and I can't seem to find it in the magic article right now - Do Avians only posses air, Pyrans fire and so on? Or is it possible for a Terran to have, say, fire magic?

They're much more likely to have those elements, but having "non-matching" elements isn't super rare. So yeah, a fire Terran is totally possible. ^^
 
It's actually linked with persuasion. So it's typically wands/fire, cups/water, etc. It CAN vary though, it's not a hard rule.

Each Demi-human correlates with a particular persuasion AND element. But, exceptions to either are possible, yeah.
 
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Okay, here she is! I tried to keep it concise, but some fluff might've snuck in. :c Anyways, looking forward to wether you think she works or not. I'd be happy to adjust, of course. :)

[BG=#6b6964][BG=#e5dec9]
Name: Palia Paeperis
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Race: Avian-human
Persuasion: Wands
Element: Fire
Zodiac sign: Libra

Appearance: Palia is, by human standards, haggard and disheveled. Her hair is thin, a little oily, and usually messy, even when cut short. More often than not, strands of hairs fall into her face. Its desaturated shade of black contrasts starkly with her pale skin.

Palia's eyes are wide and give her an alert expression by default. Her nose is as narrow and curved as her mother's, but lacks the long, beak-like form. She has full lips and high cheek bones, which curve inward, giving her hollowed out cheeks.

Her limbs are long, and her elongated fingers further her lanky appearance. Her fingernails transition smoothly into her finger's skin, undefined and inbetween soft and hardened. Her spine pokes through her lower back's skin, as do her hip bones. Further up, small wings with wan feathers cover her shoulder blades.

Weapons/Combat Abilities:
Clawish fingers/None

Biography:
Palia is the bastard child of an Avian mother and a human father. Having fallen on hard times, Palia's mother turned to prostitution to hold herself afloat. Having deduced the social stigma as irrational, and the demand of Avian "company" to be sizable, especially by human males, she overcame her reluctance and layed with strangers to earn a living. One of her punters accidentally fathered Palia. All throughout the pregnancy, Palia's mother, a woman proud of her heritage, was appaled by the thought of raising a hybrid child. Threatening the man to reveal to the town that he fathered a hybrid, she convinced him to raise it in her stead. Palia was born in secrecy and her father took her in under the guise of being an orphan left on his doorstep.

Dissimulation played a big part in Palia's childhood. She was urged to always wear clothes that would hide her wings, to downplay her talon-like hands as a simple medical condition, and to insist that her family had a history of tall men and women. Riddled with subpar health, Palia lived a sad life, one that went against her nature, and felt an outcast. She grew to dislike humans for teasing her for her abnormities, and envied the fullblood Avians for their appreciation by humans and their wings. Due to her comparatively brittle body and her lack of friends, she instead took to studying. Gifted with an above average intelligence, though far from the average Avian genius, she attained widespride - and often trivial - knowledge of things most people would never even dream to research, let alone those of her age. However, because of this, her alienation deepened. Instead of socializing normaly, Palia took on certain ticks to cope with her disconnect to other people. She persued humor in order to be liked, and began to behave extremely flirtatious, despite being a minor, and did so indiscriminantly of gender. She mimmicked the Aquans and the human men who would pick up girls in town, and though her surroundings reacting largely negative, she was sure she simply had to improve rather than change the behavior itself.

As she inched towards maturity, Palia felt more and more discontent with her situation. She continously dreamt of flying, soaring even, just like the Avians she would see in town. She grew sick of downplaying her identity, and though she knew society would largely reject her, she planned to simply do as she pleased in the near future. Her first plan of independence was to try and fly, unashamed. However, upon doing so, she fell, hurt herself, and was consequently seen by the people of her town. Perception changed on the spot, and the animosity extended to her father as well. Realizing his business and his personal reputation to be in danger, he kicked her out, effectively making her homeless. This has lead to Palia straying around and journying to somewhere else, just like Atvance.
[/BG][/BG]
 
Suddenly people are making really fancy looking character sheets. Is there a guide or something for that I could get a link to?
 
Okay, here she is! I tried to keep it concise, but some fluff might've snuck in. :c Anyways, looking forward to wether you think she works or not. I'd be happy to adjust, of course. :)

[BG=#6b6964][BG=#e5dec9]
Name: Palia Paeperis
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Race: Avian-human
Persuasion: Wands
Element: Fire
Zodiac sign: Libra

Appearance: Palia is, by human standards, haggard and disheveled. Her hair is thin, a little oily, and usually messy, even when cut short. More often than not, strands of hairs fall into her face. Its desaturated shade of black contrasts starkly with her pale skin.

Palia's eyes are wide and give her an alert expression by default. Her nose is as narrow and curved as her mother's, but lacks the long, beak-like form. She has full lips and high cheek bones, which curve inward, giving her hollowed out cheeks.

Her limbs are long, and her elongated fingers further her lanky appearance. Her fingernails transition smoothly into her finger's skin, undefined and inbetween soft and hardened. Her spine pokes through her lower back's skin, as do her hip bones. Further up, small wings with wan feathers cover her shoulder blades.

Weapons/Combat Abilities:
Clawish fingers/None

Biography:
Palia is the bastard child of an Avian mother and a human father. Having fallen on hard times, Palia's mother turned to prostitution to hold herself afloat. Having deduced the social stigma as irrational, and the demand of Avian "company" to be sizable, especially by human males, she overcame her reluctance and layed with strangers to earn a living. One of her punters accidentally fathered Palia. All throughout the pregnancy, Palia's mother, a woman proud of her heritage, was appaled by the thought of raising a hybrid child. Threatening the man to reveal to the town that he fathered a hybrid, she convinced him to raise it in her stead. Palia was born in secrecy and her father took her in under the guise of being an orphan left on his doorstep.

Dissimulation played a big part in Palia's childhood. She was urged to always wear clothes that would hide her wings, to downplay her talon-like hands as a simple medical condition, and to insist that her family had a history of tall men and women. Riddled with subpar health, Palia lived a sad life, one that went against her nature, and felt an outcast. She grew to dislike humans for teasing her for her abnormities, and envied the fullblood Avians for their appreciation by humans and their wings. Due to her comparatively brittle body and her lack of friends, she instead took to studying. Gifted with an above average intelligence, though far from the average Avian genius, she attained widespride - and often trivial - knowledge of things most people would never even dream to research, let alone those of her age. However, because of this, her alienation deepened. Instead of socializing normaly, Palia took on certain ticks to cope with her disconnect to other people. She persued humor in order to be liked, and began to behave extremely flirtatious, despite being a minor, and did so indiscriminantly of gender. She mimmicked the Aquans and the human men who would pick up girls in town, and though her surroundings reacting largely negative, she was sure she simply had to improve rather than change the behavior itself.

As she inched towards maturity, Palia felt more and more discontent with her situation. She continously dreamt of flying, soaring even, just like the Avians she would see in town. She grew sick of downplaying her identity, and though she knew society would largely reject her, she planned to simply do as she pleased in the near future. Her first plan of independence was to try and fly, unashamed. However, upon doing so, she fell, hurt herself, and was consequently seen by the people of her town. Perception changed on the spot, and the animosity extended to her father as well. Realizing his business and his personal reputation to be in danger, he kicked her out, effectively making her homeless. This has lead to Palia straying around and journying to somewhere else, just like Atvance.

[/BG][/BG]
Well, the first thing that stands out to me is that the image really just doesn't work. :/ Her hair doesn't look all that messy or disheveled. It just looks... wind blown, in that particular image. Her expression doesn't seem all that "alert", either -- she seems rather relaxed. And I'm certainly not seeing any "hollowed-out cheeks". Her face looks as round and full as that of any healthy human. The image just doesn't seem fitting for a deformed hybrid -- it looks more like... Disney's Snow White. :/

GRANTED, I did stop and think, "well, the computer monitor I'm using at the moment is absolute dogshit, so maybe that's part of the problem", but she actually looks even more like a Disney princess on my phone, so... yeah. >_>

Also, what about feathers? I'm assuming she'd have to have at least some feathers on her wings... otherwise they would look even worse, and she'd certainly never be able to fly with them. O_O I suggested that human/Avian hybrids would likely have thin, mangy feathers covering pretty much their whole bodies, and while I guess you could get away with her not having feathers on any parts of her body that aren't typically covered by clothes, I think it's a point that's at least worth mentioning in the CS.

Other than that, everything else looks good! The image is really the most glaring problem in this. But, if you just remove the image, I think that part'll be fine. I can't think of a single thing the image provides that wasn't already touched on in the description. As it currently stands, all the image does is contradict the description. O_O So uh... yeah.

And once that's changed, all you'd really have to do is mention feathers in her description and it'll probably be ready to accept. ^^
 
Suddenly people are making really fancy looking character sheets. Is there a guide or something for that I could get a link to?
I feel I should mention that you don't have to make a fancy character sheet. I know I plan on going relatively simple. o_o
 
Suddenly people are making really fancy looking character sheets. Is there a guide or something for that I could get a link to?
Yeah, it's a guide called:

Making Luma feel like they're missing out on something 101

Good read....goooood read~
 
Yeah, it's a guide called:

Making Luma feel like they're missing out on something 101

Good read....goooood read~
Thanks, I feel so enlightened now.

I feel I should mention that you don't have to make a fancy character sheet. I know I plan on going relatively simple. o_o
Simple is nice I suppose. I have the basic idea fleshed out, I just need to come up with the name, bio and appearance...unfortunately those are the longest things to write.
 
Well, the first thing that stands out to me is that the image really just doesn't work. :/ Her hair doesn't look all that messy or disheveled. It just looks... wind blown, in that particular image. Her expression doesn't seem all that "alert", either -- she seems rather relaxed. And I'm certainly not seeing any "hollowed-out cheeks". Her face looks as round and full as that of any healthy human. The image just doesn't seem fitting for a deformed hybrid -- it looks more like... Disney's Snow White. :/

GRANTED, I did stop and think, "well, the computer monitor I'm using at the moment is absolute dogshit, so maybe that's part of the problem", but she actually looks even more like a Disney princess on my phone, so... yeah. >_>

Also, what about feathers? I'm assuming she'd have to have at least some feathers on her wings... otherwise they would look even worse, and she'd certainly never be able to fly with them. O_O I suggested that human/Avian hybrids would likely have thin, mangy feathers covering pretty much their whole bodies, and while I guess you could get away with her not having feathers on any parts of her body that aren't typically covered by clothes, I think it's a point that's at least worth mentioning in the CS.

Other than that, everything else looks good! The image is really the most glaring problem in this. But, if you just remove the image, I think that part'll be fine. I can't think of a single thing the image provides that wasn't already touched on in the description. As it currently stands, all the image does is contradict the description. O_O So uh... yeah.

And once that's changed, all you'd really have to do is mention feathers in her description and it'll probably be ready to accept. ^^

It was more of a "this is what she looks like as a base and now I'll elaborate and add" kinda thing. I usually use the written discription to add stuff I couldn't find as pictures, so, in this case, I added the cheeks and emphasized the hair. (alert, totally correct, but... uh... license photo was taking long, and the Altera DMV is terribly boring, so... *runsaway* I can take it out entirely if you'd rather. (I'll probably photoshop it later, like the tryhard scum I am :D)

And yeah, I think... I think I accidentally deleted the feathers part when I thinned out the text. I swear it was in there before. :I
 
It was more of a "this is what she looks like as a base and now I'll elaborate and add" kinda thing. I usually use the written discription to add stuff I couldn't find as pictures, so, in this case, I added the cheeks and emphasized the hair. (alert, totally correct, but... uh... license photo was taking long, and the Altera DMV is terribly boring, so... *runsaway* I can take it out entirely if you'd rather. (I'll probably photoshop it later, like the tryhard scum I am :D)

And yeah, I think... I think I accidentally deleted the feathers part when I thinned out the text. I swear it was in there before. :I

Yeah, at this point, the image doesn't add anything and just contradicts the written part, so it's better to just take it out entirely.

And then, yeah, you can re-add the part with feathers. Then, let me know when you're finished editing so that I can take another look at it. ^^
 

Raymond Seagate

ca7018e461.jpg


22 | Male | Human | Cup | Water | Aquarius
Raymond stands about one and three-quarters meters tall. His charcoal-black hair is often tousled, but kept without knots. He often has a smile on his face, especially when playing with the town children. A bit of facial hair is visible on his chin from time to time. As a result of his time at the blacksmith's forge, he has a strong build, but is not overly muscular.

Raymond's favorite color is green, and this is reflected in his clothing choices. More often than not, he will wear a flowing cape over a light cuirass and tunic. Additionally, he keeps wrappings twined on his left forearm to help focus his magical power.
01534d3179.png
Smith's Mask (armor: faceplate)
This fuschia, metallic frontal mask offers basic facial protection against light attacks, such as arrows. There are magical gems in the mask's eye sockets, allowing for enhanced low-light vision. The color scheme matches Raymond's gauntlet and forearm wrappings; it's good to be stylish. The mask is fairly unique, so it's not good at all for stealth or roguelike operations. However, as Raymond has never before been party to any such dealings, the mask is perfect.
Shielding Wristguard (armor: gauntlet)
The gauntlet appears to be of a bronze alloy, and is inlaid with magical designs for light protection. This item was originally found near an abandoned campsite, not far from Atvance. After submitting it to the temple for careful magical inspection, Raymond was permitted to claim, repair and paint it. The gauntlet was then refitted with gemstones and a minor warding spell, courtesy of the priests of Atvance. It now gives its wearer the strength to repel the strikes of many basic weapons as if it were a small shield.
Nightbane (weapon: sword)
Every fighter needs a trusty blade. Raymond's is smithed of cold steel, and edged with silver. Additionally, after careful study and as a magical prowess test, Raymond inscribed water runes onto the blade. The test was successful, and the blade was able to cut keener and smoother than before. As for the sword's metallic components, steel provides the underlying power of most attacks, and silver may prove to have some effect on evil creatures.
Raymond is a young human male. He is 22 years old, and has lived in Atvance for his entire life. Raymond was born under the sign of Aquarius, which may have some deeper connection to his personality and elemental magic, but it is unknown how closely the properties are related. At the age of 5, Raymond's mother succumbed to a deadly illness. After this event, his father apprenticed him to Atvance's master blacksmith, and subsequently left the town for reasons unknown.

As a child, Raymond would often wander the town at night, sometimes stargazing, at other times watching the wind blow gently through the trees. While nobody in town actually kept their distance from him, there was nobody that really took him in, either. While the Seagates were not a prominent family during their time in Atvance, neither were they known to be quite 'normal' - Raymond's father could at times be quite eccentric in his behavior.

Only Raymond's master, the blacksmith, gave him anything close to familial attention and care. This has left Raymond free to drift as a leaf on the wind, so to speak. This has its downsides though... with no real emotional bonds to anyone in Atvance, or possibly in the world, this also means he has nobody to share his dreams and ambitions with. Perhaps this has contributed toward his behavior as well; he seems to be a child at heart, and can take delight in the smallest joys.

While Raymond doesn't remember much of his mother, at times she will appear in his dreams as a hazy image that he can never quite seem to see clearly. He misses her, and their short time together will always remain in his heart. As for Raymond's father, he was always quite an odd person to begin with. Raymond doesn't hold anything against him for leaving Atvance, but he wishes they could one day reunite.

Raymond carries himself confidently, but doesn't stride around carelessly. He prefers to remain away from whoever the focus of attention is on, and stay in the background as much as possible. Raymond spends much of his time in his small workshop, behind the blacksmith's larger one. He divides the rest of the day between browsing market stalls, playing with children after school, and tending to a small, personal patch of vegetables in the common planting grounds.

In the free time he has between his work for the master and town patrol duty, he likes to tinker with metals, gems and rare materials found in caves and other places in the surrounding countryside. Sometimes, a monster will be carrying an item of particular rarity. Raymond's faceplate and gauntlet, worn mostly in the wild, are products of such a find. In search of treasures like these, Raymond will often go out and explore the nearby wilderness.

As he has grown older, training his skills and testing his strength, Raymond has become a valuable member of the community. However, in the 17th year since his father left, mysterious times darken upon the horizon. Each day is a new adventure for Raymond, and he would do well to keep in mind his strengths, and weaknesses, as his story unfolds...
 
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** So I want to post this now and make sure all the lore and current background info is acceptable before I write the history. Please be as critical as possible! Also, if words are hard to see, I've probably messed up the color formatting; please let me know if this is the case. **
a2a62bf96d.png


Neo Seagate[/hr]


[stabs=bright|620x200]
{slide=Quick Bio|center}Neo is a young human male. He is 22 years old, and has lived in Atvance for his entire life. At the age of 5, his mother succumbed to a deadly illness. After this event, Neo's father apprenticed him to Atvance's master blacksmith, and subsequently left the town for reasons unknown. As he grew older, training his skills and testing his strength, Neo has become a valuable member of the community. But... will he be able to survive the coming of an age?{/slide}{slide=Raw CS} Name: Neo
Age: 22
Gender: male
Race: human
Persuasion: cup
Element: water
Zodiac sign: pisces{/slide}
{slide=Items & Spells}{/slide}
  • Smith's Mask
  • Shielding Wristguard
  • Nightbane (Runic)
{slide=Miscellaneous}{/slide}
[/stabs]
"Honestly, I don't care much for village life. It's quiet, and dull. To go out into the world, poke around a little bit, find some treasures perhaps... that's my idea of living. But the people here make it worthwhile. So I guess it's enjoyable, for now."


[fieldbox="Appearance, white, solid"]Neo stands about one and three-quarters meters tall. His charcoal-black hair is often tousled, but kept without knots. He often has a smile on his face, especially when playing with the town children. A bit of facial hair is visible on his chin from time to time. As a result of his time at the blacksmith's forge, he has a strong build, but is not overly muscular.

Neo's favorite color is green, and this is reflected in his clothing choices. More often than not, he will wear a flowing cape over a light cuirass and tunic. Additionally, he keeps wrappings twined on his left forearm to help focus his magical power.[/fieldbox][fieldbox="Behavior, white, solid"]Neo carries himself confidently, but doesn't stride around carelessly. He prefers to remain away from whoever the focus of attention is on, and stay in the background as much as possible. Neo spends much of his time in his small workshop, behind the blacksmith's larger one. He divides the rest of the day between browsing market stalls, playing with children after school, and tending to a small, personal patch of vegetables in the common planting grounds.

In the free time he has between his work for the master and town patrol duty, he likes to tinker with metals, gems and rare materials found in the mines and the surrounding countryside. Sometimes, a monster will be carrying an item of particular rarity. Neo's faceplate and gauntlet, worn mostly in the wild, are products of such a find. In search of treasures like these, Neo will often go out and explore the nearby wilderness.[/fieldbox]

[fieldbox="Equipment, white, solid"][stabs=bcenter|1000x175]{slide=Faceplate|center}Smith's Mask
This fuschia, metallic frontal mask offers basic facial protection against light attacks, such as arrows. There are magical gems in the mask's eye sockets, allowing for enhanced low-light vision. The color scheme matches Neo's gauntlet and forearm wrappings. It's good to be stylish. The mask is fairly unique, so it's not good at all for stealth or roguelike operations. However, as Neo has never before been party to any such dealings, the mask is perfect.
{/slide}{slide=Gauntlet|center}Shielding Wristguard
The gauntlet appears to be of a bronze alloy, and is inlaid with magical designs for light protection. This item was originally found near an abandoned campsite, not far from Atvance. After careful magical inspection, Neo was permitted to purchase, repair and paint it. The gauntlet was then refitted with gemstones and a minor warding spell, courtesy of the priests of Atvance. It now gives its wearer the strength to repel the strikes of many basic weapons as if it were a small shield.
{/slide}{slide=Silver Sword|center}Nightbane (Runic)
Every fighter needs a trusty blade. Neo's is smithed of cold steel, and edged with silver. Additionally, after careful study and as a magical prowess test, Neo inscribed water runes onto the blade. The test was successful, and the blade was able to cut keener and smoother than before. As for the sword's metallic components, steel provides the underlying power of most attacks, and silver may prove to have some effect on evil creatures.{/slide}
[/stabs][/fieldbox]

[fieldbox="Historical, white, solid"]- extended biography coming soon -[/fieldbox]

o_o May I ask that you please not use the marquee text like that, especially if it's just to essentially say "please look over my CS and tell me what's wrong with it"? It would be one thing if you were using it for a fancy quote or something to put in the CS, but... otherwise? It's just kind of annoying to read like that. >_>

Anyway, before I get into the nitty-gritty of the info -- yes, I see quite a few formatting errors here. Some of them might only be issues on mobile (which I'm using now), and while I can look on a PC to see if they're still there, I might not be the only mobile user here, so I might as well bring them up anyway:

The titles on the first set of tabs are totally invisible, and I don't even see anything different come up when I try to click on them (except for one small thing, but I'll get to that in a second). Also, I'm not sure if this is intentional or not, but the tabs are positioned right on top of one of the images, covering a lot of the guy's face. (And it looks kind of artsy, which is why I thought it might've been intentional, but... it also means we aren't getting a ton of info from the image, so...)

Second thing is that there's something wrong with the fancy quote thing. There's a glitchy mess of text right before the sentence "I don't care much for village life". It looks like several words layered on top of each other. :/ This is the thing that changes when I click on the tabs I talked about earlier, by the way. It looks like, whatever extra text is showing up on top of the other text, it changes based on which of the earlier tabs are open.

When I look at the 2nd set of tabs -- the ones under 'equipment' -- the text cuts off very early. Clicking each tab only gives me about three words of text before the box cuts the rest of it off. :/ Thankfully I can at least read the titles of them this time, though.

I'm going to look at this CS on a PC later and see if any of these problems still persist. That being said, I still want to make sure everyone's CS's are still readable on mobile -- not just for my sake but also for any other mobile users here, especially since not all of us are mobile users by choice...

Needless to say, though, there's not much I can say about the actual content of the CS until it becomes readable. O_O
 
Ok, I'm online from a PC now.

The CS looks much better, formatting-wise. And, seeing what the CS is supposed to look like, it's really not surprising at all that it looks so wonky on mobile. O_O I'll have to take some screencaps later and show you what a mess the mobile version is.

And, while this CS does look very... nice, it might have to be simplified for the sake of mobile viewers. (Come to think of it, with all the fancy CS's coming in, I might have to make a larger announcement about that sort of thing in general...)

The only other formatting thing that stands out to me right now is that there's nothing under the "miscellaneous" tab, but that could very well be intentional. If it is intentional, though, then it might make more sense to just put down "none" or "N/A" or to just leave that tab out completely.

I'll be back in a second to take a closer look at all the actual content.
 
*Looks at the newest CS* Huh. This might prove problematic O_O.

Also, I should really stop procrastinating and start working on a CS (and posts for other RPs), but that's another story altogether >_>.
 
o_o May I ask that you please not use the marquee text like that, especially if it's just to essentially say "please look over my CS and tell me what's wrong with it"? It would be one thing if you were using it for a fancy quote or something to put in the CS, but... otherwise? It's just kind of annoying to read like that. >_>

Anyway, before I get into the nitty-gritty of the info -- yes, I see quite a few formatting errors here. Some of them might only be issues on mobile (which I'm using now), and while I can look on a PC to see if they're still there, I might not be the only mobile user here, so I might as well bring them up anyway:

The titles on the first set of tabs are totally invisible, and I don't even see anything different come up when I try to click on them (except for one small thing, but I'll get to that in a second). Also, I'm not sure if this is intentional or not, but the tabs are positioned right on top of one of the images, covering a lot of the guy's face. (And it looks kind of artsy, which is why I thought it might've been intentional, but... it also means we aren't getting a ton of info from the image, so...)

Second thing is that there's something wrong with the fancy quote thing. There's a glitchy mess of text right before the sentence "I don't care much for village life". It looks like several words layered on top of each other. :/ This is the thing that changes when I click on the tabs I talked about earlier, by the way. It looks like, whatever extra text is showing up on top of the other text, it changes based on which of the earlier tabs are open.

When I look at the 2nd set of tabs -- the ones under 'equipment' -- the text cuts off very early. Clicking each tab only gives me about three words of text before the box cuts the rest of it off. :/ Thankfully I can at least read the titles of them this time, though.

I'm going to look at this CS on a PC later and see if any of these problems still persist. That being said, I still want to make sure everyone's CS's are still readable on mobile -- not just for my sake but also for any other mobile users here, especially since not all of us are mobile users by choice...

Needless to say, though, there's not much I can say about the actual content of the CS until it becomes readable. O_O
Ok, I'm online from a PC now.

The CS looks much better, formatting-wise. And, seeing what the CS is supposed to look like, it's really not surprising at all that it looks so wonky on mobile. O_O I'll have to take some screencaps later and show you what a mess the mobile version is.

And, while this CS does look very... nice, it might have to be simplified for the sake of mobile viewers. (Come to think of it, with all the fancy CS's coming in, I might have to make a larger announcement about that sort of thing in general...)

The only other formatting thing that stands out to me right now is that there's nothing under the "miscellaneous" tab, but that could very well be intentional. If it is intentional, though, then it might make more sense to just put down "none" or "N/A" or to just leave that tab out completely.

I'll be back in a second to take a closer look at all the actual content.
Hoooooooooly Magikarp. @_@
Um. Wow. So I hadn't taken into consideration that the display on mobile would likely be significantly different than on a PC, which is what I used to format it. I just checked on my phone and tablet, and I see what you're talking about. So, I have absolutely no issue in re-formatting it into a simpler edition. As a matter of fact, I'm in the process of doing so right now. No biggie, just give me a minute to fix everything. ^^

And yeah, then, it might be worth it to say up front to keep things simple... no sense in wasting hours making everything look pretty ;-;
 
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  • Smith's Mask
  • Shielding Wristguard
  • Nightbane (Runic)
I'd like a bit more detail on each of these "items and spells". I mean, the "Smith's Mask" is fairly self-explanatory, but, as for the others -- I'm not even sure if "shielding wristguard" is supposed to be an item or a spell. And in either case, I'd like a bit more detail about what it is or what it's supposed to do. As for "Nightbane (Runic)"? I'm assuming it's a spell, but I'd still like to know what it does. (Edit: Having read further, I now see that you did elaborate, but... the fact that I had to read so much further down to piece this together is a problem in and of itself. More about that further down.)

In the free time he has between his work for the master and town patrol duty, he likes to tinker with metals, gems and rare materials found in the mines and the surrounding countryside.
Ehhh. "Mines"? I don't recall mentioning that Atvance had mines...

Granted, saying that Neo likes to find rare gems and things just out-and-about is fairly plausible, but making Atvance into a mining town might not work so well.

This item was originally found near an abandoned campsite, not far from Atvance. After careful magical inspection, Neo was permitted to purchase, repair and paint it.
Wait... saying it was "found near an abandoned campsite", and particularly the word found, paints the mental image of him just coming across it out in the wilderness. But saying he was able to "purchase" it makes it sound like it had a previous owner that he had to buy it from, which is a bit confusing. o_o Care to elaborate on how exactly he got the wristguard?

ALSO, holy jeez, I just noticed that these are the three things that were listed earlier in the CS... however, one of the reasons I probably didn't notice this is that A) just listing the items earlier without saying "see more under equipment" or something just makes it look like there is no elaboration anywhere else, which is confusing. o_o And B) the titles for the tabs list completely different things... o_o I mean, not completely. I understand that the "Smith's Mask" is a "Faceplate", and so forth, but... having multiple names just makes things, again, confusing. It would be easier to label the tabs just based on the fancier names of the items, and then elaborate on what they are. So, overall, I'd say this part needs some re-organizing in order to flow better. :/

ALSO, YES, THE NAME MIGHT BE AN ISSUE. @Neobullseye, a close friend of mine and loyal RPer whom I expect won't be leaving the RP anytime soon, is usually referred to as "Neo"... so having "Neo" be both an RPer whose name may very well come up in important RP-related discussions, as well as the name of a character who isn't even played by the other Neo... yeah, that could get confusing really easily.

It feels weird to dictate what people can name their characters just based on circumstances like these, especially since we don't know which members will stick around long-term and which nicknames will stick, but, in this particular case... I urge you to reconsider. o_o

Oh and, I'm assuming he won't be the only blacksmith around...? I had planned on Atvance's (main) blacksmith being an NPC, and I really don't think he can up and leave the city, so uh, yeah -- just making sure there are no major conflicts on that front. ^^"
 
@Kagayours I've simplified the formatting. Hopefully it works a tad better now...?
Yes, the edited CS looks much better on mobile! ^^

The only thing that stands out to me now is the fact that the spoiler titled "appearance" describes a lot more than just that. o.o So, maybe it would be better to re-name that field, or just organize the information differently?

The edited version also fixes a lot of the things that I harped on in my first read-through. ^^" Looks like the only things that still need to be addressed now are the bit about the mines and the origin of the wristguard. ...Aaaand maybe also the name.
 
Yes, the edited CS looks much better on mobile! ^^

The only thing that stands out to me now is the fact that the spoiler titled "appearance" describes a lot more than just that. o.o So, maybe it would be better to re-name that field, or just organize the information differently?

The edited version also fixes a lot of the things that I harped on in my first read-through. ^^" Looks like the only things that still need to be addressed now are the bit about the mines and the origin of the wristguard. ...Aaaand maybe also the name.
Okayyy... I nested another spoiler, "Behavior" into the "Appearance" spoiler, and should have fixed the other action items appropriately. Also, name changed: Neo -> "Nathaniel" (will be "Nathan" for short). I changed mines to 'caves' (presumably there's caves in the wild?) and tweaked the wristguard (the idea is that as a latently magical item, it could be dangerous; thus the priests took it in before Nathan could finally claim it).

I'm not sure whether I can add any effects to any of the items, but if so, I'd just add simple things like "boosts armor protection" to the armor pieces and "increased attack at night" or somesuch. This isn't necessary of course, so the descriptions could just end up being flavor, which I'm perfectly fine with.