Aliens and Apple Crumble

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... Well, no, the thought of snowboarding down an erupting volcano had never even occurred to her. At the very least it wasn't some barbaric place, but still, she couldn't imagine what possible 'safety' things they could put in place for such a thing. The trivia was interesting, yet at the same time, it only served to remind her what she was getting into. In truth, she had never really considered herself to be a 'thrill seeker', but the fact that she was willing to go this far said differently. What might Uncle DeJanole say? He might say she's crazy, maybe even slap her in the face for good measure, or perhaps he might want to join in, she wasn't sure about how much of a thrill seeker he might have been.

She wasn't of what else she could do other than wait for what might come next. Sitting down on a couch, she wondered when they'd get there anyways. Sure, they were going the speed of light, but she hoped that this wouldn't feel like it was taking all day, "So, how far are we anyways? To gettin' there?"
 
Andrew froze for a brief moment, his mind brimming with numbers and calculations, until he remembered that he had installed a map into the dashboard. He tapped it, calling up a hologram, and he tapped out a few symbols into the display.
"Let's see... We're about twenty-million light years away, so that's roughly twenty million years. However, if I actually shift it into a gear that isn't used to control speed when parking in multi-galaxy-sized ship parking areas, we'll be there in just enough time for you to grab a drink. Seriously, try the liquidised Glistarnian sun fish. It's like mango juice, only more... sunny? I think that's the word. It tastes bright and mango-y."
While his nonsense words made little sense, any explanation he would attempt to make of the gear system on his ship would make even less. In this light, he did not make any conversation regarding that part of his vehicle, instead opting for trying to describe an alien drink that had given an annoying poodle the runs. What would be even harder to explain, was that he had now dusted off the auto-translator, which would translate all languages heard to the primary language of the being hearing it. For example, someone who spoke French as their primary language would hear any other language as French. Someone who spoke English would hear English, and so on. Only a few races had not contributed their language(s) since the invention of the device, but they were small and insignificant. Andrew snickered a little as he shifted gears, hoping the translator would surprise Alena as much as it had a previous companion.
 
"... Um, yeah, do that, as long as it doesn't explode the ship or anything." Alina said, trying to process what he said in his rambling. She ultimately decided to not take her chances with drinking a 'liquidised Glistarnian sun fish', but the thought of a 'multi-galaxy-sized ship parking area' made her snicker. It was just that sort of thing seemed like the stuff you'd see in a movie or any other type of fiction, but things beyond her wildest imagination might exist. Part of her found this all very whimsical, awaiting what might come next, but there was a voice in the back of her head that was questioning every moment. Things beyond H. P. Lovecraft's wildest imagination could be out there.

Well, it's too late to turn back now, she reminded herself. It'd be pointless to fill herself with dread, she got herself into this, and she might as well enjoy the ride, right?

"Is goin' to other planets like goin' to other countries on Earth? Any papers I hafta' out?" she said, the question just occuring to her.
 
"Now, that is a very good question, to which I have an excellent answer. It's a simple little thing - psychic paper. Computer, if you'd kindly tell my new travel buddy about said item, that no self-respecting traveller wanted by at least sixty percent of the universe as of two-double oh-nine AD should go without."
At Andrew's command, a computerised voice sounded, the same one that incessantly addressed Andrew, about matters he was fully aware of, or ones that did not matter to him in the slightest. He was currently doing something far more necessary than explaining psychic paper to the uninitiated - calibrating, configuring, all sorts of technical stuff that would make gearheads have a fit.

Psychic Paper: A tool commonly used by agents working undercover. The user controls what others see on the paper, by imagining onto it. Depending on the strength of the paper, and the strength of the target's mind, the paper may or may not work. Baker is currently carrying grade three paper - able to fool civilians, and most figures of authority and/or law enforcement.

With the sudden burst of speed needed to get going now available, Andrew had the stabilisers stabilise, and his thrusters were now being told to thrust. On the outside, the ship would appear to distort, due to the assortment of exhaust fumes given off. The distinct mechanical sound only a vehicle like it could make would sound - impossible to hear in space, due to the sound waves being unable to go anywhere - and the cockpit would begin to glow. Finally, the ship would vanish, shooting off at a speed incomprehensible to humans, and a velocity motorheads only wished their primitive little tin boxes could go at. Yet, to Andrew, it was a trip to a tourist destination, that would take all of two minutes.
 
Psychic paper? And she thought a 'multi-galaxy-sized ship parking area' sounded sort of silly. Would it magically guess what number you were thinking? But as the computer soon explained, apparently it'd show what the user imagined on the paper, and while she didn't want to doubt herself, she hoped that her mind was strong enough for it to work. She didn't want to end up in some space jail, and speaking of jail, what was that about being wanted by sixty percent of the universe? He might have been speaking hypothetically, but she never realized that she might have been travelling with a fugitive wanted by over half of the universe, which was a pretty huge number. ... Still, it was either this or having her brain turned to mush, and she didn't want to risk anything.

She could feel some vibrations, and she hoped that this guy knew what he was doing, and little did she know that she barely felt the speed that they were really going at.
 
"And, we're off! Estimated journey time is two minutes, destination is Tah'Clenneish. Please keep hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, management is not responsible for any loss of limbs, various appendages, and/or life. Thank you for choosing Fugitive Air, we hope you have a pleasant journey."
Two minutes, to cross a distance no individual human on record had crossed before. Already, Alena was being whisked through the black depths of the universe, dodging scanners and law enforcement, and looping around a few interesting planets on the way - something to register in the databases for future reference, in the case that Alena would survive this trip. Andrew's companions tended to either die horribly, die heroically, or just leave him. He'd tried to leave a few, but usually, they just came right back, without even questioning themselves as to why. Though not able to be seen by Alena, a wistful look crossed Baker's face as he allowed himself to reminiscence, his head in his hands as the ship steered itself to the planet. From a distance, it looked like a glowing red spot. Viewing it properly, as Andrew was doing now, from the cockpit, one could see it was a ball of lava roughly the size of Saturn, with perfectly-square blocks of igneous rock anchored in it, as if they were rafts. Upon landing, one would see there were buildings there. And on the other side?
Well, the ever-flowing volcanoes impressed a few people. Always flowing - never erupting.
 
Alena chuckled at his announcement, at least until she realized that any of the things that he mentioned might have happened before... or maybe it was just another one of his ramblings. It was sort of hard to tell. But along with everything else she questioned, she wondered about who might have traveled with him before, but it was obvious to say that she couldn't have been the first, "Just outa' curiosity, what about the people that went with ya' before? You can't tell me that I'm the first." she said.

Almost immediately after asking that question did she realize that she couldn't feel anymore vibrations or movements that told her that they were, well, moving, "Also, have we either got there, or has something horribly screwed up and you're not tellin' me 'bout it?" she said, of course hoping that it was the first assumption, though with Andrew it might not be that he was hiding anything, but rather, that she hadn't gotten to questioning it.
 
Andrew froze at being asked about previous travelling companions. He'd had many, all of whom he still wished to see. They had been his friends, and him theirs. But nobody stayed forever.
"Oh, there's been a few," he responded, his usual breezy manner slipping slowly into something more sadly wistful, "They come, they go. I'm sure they're all happy, wherever they are. I guess they just didn't fancy sticking around a daft old codger like me, huh?"
Andrew didn't like thinking bout his past partners. The guilt they made him feel, at leading them to their demise, or leaving them so far away from home, always got to him. No matter how many times he travelled alone, there was always something, whether he tried to save them, or whether they thought he needed saving. Irrespective of his previous encounters, he had noticed that they had arrived in the parking area - he simply waited now, humming something, no particular tune in mind. "Yep, we've arrived. Take a look on the visualiser on the wall, you'll see the planet as I'm seeing it right now."
Andrew talked, but he was doing something else - namely, sorting out the credentials for him and Alena. The psychic paper helped while he was having a form of identification scanned, but he needed to put on a convincing act if he was to pretend he was the chairman of a small company, on a trip with a client to discuss the prospect of setting up a branch on the planet.
 
Alena hadn't quite expected the sudden change of tone, or that she'd accidentally touch a nerve. It was obvious from his tone of voice that he must have gotten close to them, if anything, she couldn't help but be reminded of when DeJanole left for retirement on the Galapagos Islands. Other than a few postcards, she didn't have much contact with the man who served as a replacement father figure for her, she wasn't even sure about if he even stayed on the Galapagos Islands now, "I kind of know 'bout how you feel, but that's life for ya'. People come, people go, and you gotta' move on."

Looking up at the visualizer that she had only noticed once Andrew mentioned it, she saw the ball of lava, and then leaning closer could see the igneous rock on top of the lava. From a first glance, she couldn't fathom how this could be a tourist location, let alone a place where anyone could actually survive. There had be some sort of suit that she had to put on first or maybe a gas mask, since there had to be some sort of dangerous fumes out there. It wouldn't surprise her if the lava just dripped off the planet.
 
"Sir, the trans-mat beam is ready for use. Would you like to be transported to reception with your client now?"
"Give us a moment, we need to discuss one or two things first."
"Yes, sir."
The voice coming over the receiver halted, until further notice, leaving Andrew with ample time to tell Alena a bit about the planet they were going to be on. He himself went down to see her, stretching his arms as he did so - purely out of sheer boredom. upon entry, a playful smirk was on his face - in his experience, there was always some sort of shock or awe on humans' faces when he took them to alien planets like this one. He hoped Alena would be the same, seeing as how he loved such an expression.
"Hello there. Just thought I'd pop by, and tell you a few things about where you're going today. Now, on the other side of the planet, is the ski resort, and the skiing place. Namely, a volcano that never erupts, but is always letting lava flow out of it. When we're transported to the reception, don't worry about breathing, or the smell - I've sent off breathing requirements for both of us. I can't say that the smell of burning will be gone everywhere, but they do at least provide you with a complimentary nose clip if things get too much. Oh, and before I forget, my name for now is John Smith, and you... Well, nobody knows who you are, so you can still be Alena. I'm the chairman of a small fast food chain, and you're a client whose interested in investing in me setting up on this planet. I'll do all the talking, so just look serious and businesslike."
 
Upon hearing footsteps, Alena turned her head to see Andrew coming down, noticing his smirk, and in response raised one of her eyebrows. She couldn't help it, she wasn't sure about what he was planning in that head of his.

She listened to him explain a few things about the planet. At least the breathing part was taken care of, she could even put on a nose clip if the smell of burnt cooking got too much for her. She nodded at what Andrew- Or John as he was known as for now- said, since it seemed like he knew what he was doing, but then again, for all she knew, this probably wasn't even half of what he was planning. She didn't have to do much, just look serious and enjoy the sights. She remembered a few business people going by her stand sometimes, some of them ordered things on the go, and others just had this serious look on their face with their noses held high, as if they were trying to hide that they had a huge stick up their butt.

She imitated their look, stiffening her posture and holding her head up at a higher angle, "How's this?"
 
"Excellent! The more stuck-up and obnoxious you look, the more convincing. Now then, you should probably prepare yourself - the trans-mat beam's always a little disorienting for first-time users. It'll wear off in about half a minute, so just try and stay on your feet."

Incoming transmission from: Volcano Resort

"Wonderful. Accept transmission."
"Sir, would you like to be transported now?"
"Yes we would, my dear fellow. Fire the beams, if you please."
"Very well. Please brace yourself, sir."
In the next few moments, two burning orange beams would descend upon the pair, no thicker than pencil. However, the beams were capable of re-arranging someone, and then re-assembling them at the destination point. No detrimental effects had been found while it worked properly, apart from the odd person feeling slightly dizzy for a short period after use. The destination point was the reception. Forged from what looked like red-orange marble, the desk was a substance similar to obsidian, though far stronger. All sorts of aliens wandered the halls, from vaguely humanoid slimes, to multiple-limbed reptiles scolding their children for running around. This was a normal sight for Andrew, but he always enjoyed it when people experienced this kind of thing for the first time, to see how just a small part of the universe was bigger than people had thought galaxies could be.
 
Alena braced herself, although another thought said that this might only make the dizzy-side-effect worse, but it was better than having your brain turned to mush. However, soon enough it felt like her brain was turning to mush, with the sight changing from the cluttered ship to what was apparently the reception. She stumbled back, partly from that dizzy-side-effect, and partly from seeing all of what she assumed to aliens wandering about. It was like that time they shot some alien movie near her stand, but instead of being amused by all the people wandering around in costumes (and also admiring the amount of detail), these were actual, living aliens. In fact, what if that movie shoot was really a cover-up for something else... Combined with how dizzy she felt, it was all very overwhelming.

She felt something bump into her and looking down she saw a multiple-armed reptile... person, or apparently child, since a larger version came over and scooped the child up, saying something that she couldn't repeat because, well, she really couldn't.

Remembering that they had a facade to maintain she tried to look 'serious and business like', but couldn't help but feel pretentious for doing so, considering that now she definitely knew that there wasn't just life on Earth.
 
Andrew's translator was a wonderful piece of technology, but unfortunately, it didn't assist anyone when they couldn't make out what the creature in question was saying in the first place. Irrespective of this, it would begin to take effect as soon as Alena managed to gather herself - all the while, Andrew was taking in the sights, seeming to have more than a fleeting glance at the security officers. He'd angered his fair share of galaxies, and he wasn't particularly sure which ones they were any more.
"We've arrived, Miss DeJanole. You should sit down for a moment, you'll be all right soon."
Through years of practise, Andrew had perfected the art of changing his posture and whatnot for disguise purposes, and had managed to adopt a convincing air of a businessman. Even with how Alena was feeling, none of the other clients gave her a second look. Had they known that a human being there was more than slightly odd, maybe this would not have been. Instead, they just assumed her to be someone from a planet they didn't care about.
 
All the unrepeatable noises that she heard around her began to make sense, slowly turning from whatever language they were speaking in to the familiar sound of understandable English. She didn't realize it at first, but it was rather strange that they were all suddenly speaking the same language, and in English no less. Did Andrew have some sort of translator on him or something? She wasn't in the mood to actually question him, though, "Uh, um, yeah, sure..." Alena said, taking his advice and sitting in a chair that was hopefully as normal as it looked.

As more of her senses were beginning to get straightened out, she finally noticed that there seemed to be a different... air around Andrew, like he wasn't exactly himself. Granted, she only just met the guy awhile ago, but still, it was much different from how eccentric he usually seemed to be. She could only guess that this guy was a good actor, though she couldn't say the same for herself. She must have been as convincing as a sheet ghost, though thankfully she didn't even get a strange look or two.
 
"So, first impressions of the planet?"
A question that, to any passer-by, would simply sound like something about business. Nothing to be concerned about, keep on walking. Or slithering. Basically, moving in the intended direction. However, Andrew intended for Alena to see through this, and realise ti was just a question that anyone would ask to make small talk. It was a banal question nonetheless, but every other human he'd take on his journeys had always given incredulous responses. He was always amused by how they reacted - but he always hoped for someone with a stronger will, who would at least make it look as if they were not shocked or amazed at all. Someone had almost pulled it off, until they saw something split itself in two 'because their skin was uncomfortable.'
 
"Well..." Alena said, trying to think of answer, since at first it was a bit hard to put her feelings into exact words, "It's sort'of... different than Earth." she said, her response being an understatement of her actual feelings, partly because she remembered that she was supposed to act like the client, but every so often her eyes would follow another citizen that seemed stranger than the last, and her eyebrows would jump up in surprise at an even stranger sight.

"I guess I'm experiencing some culture shock, since I've never really seen so many aliens in one place before." she said, trying to sound casual, but some of her actual surprise and shock were evident.
 
"You know, you're actually acting calmer than most of the companions I've had in the past. And I only took them to the fields of Halpereon. What's so shocking about rainbow grass and rabbits as big as horses?"
Obviously, the two had different definitions of normal. However, Andrew still had a vague idea of what Alena's was, and he intended to show her as many abnormal things as he could ever show her. Abruptly, he rose, and strolled purposefully over to the counter at the front, and began speaking to the alien there. Appearing to be an anthropomorphic alligtor, except with scarlet scales and a black uniform, it began the usual, bored discussion - booking, rental, all of that.

Meanwhile, a droid resembling a fist-sized helicopter flitted about the area, observing what it could. Most would assume it to be a normal security droid, having more important things to focus on. The discerning among them would have noticed that security droids would have a serial number stamped on the bottom.
This one didn't.
 
Alena would have guessed that the others had more of a reaction, much more expressive ones, but she didn't see the point in making a big fuss, even if it would be justified. Of course, she still felt shock, but explicitly showing it would only get multiple pairs of eyes staring at her, though it was sort of hard to keep a completely straight face through all this.

Before she could say anything else, Andrew went up, going over to the counter and speaking with what looked like some sort of human-like alligator with red-colored scales, and compared to everything else, they were one of the more 'normal' sights according to her. She sighed, sitting back in her seat. How long was it going to take before they moved on? Understandably, there was probably some other paperwork he might have to fill out, but wasn't there the 'psychic paper'? She entertained herself by looking at all the various aliens walking about, at least until one of them managed to disturb her a bit, so much so that she had to look away, only remembering distinctly that they had multiple arms and one eye, and she didn't want to recall much more.

Her eyes looked up, perhaps not wanting to risk another disturbing sight, noticing what appeared to be a small helicopter, like one of those remote controlled ones back on earth. She assumed that from everyone else's non-reaction that this wasn't anything to worry about, if anything it might just be some alien-child's toy or something.
 
After he flashed his psychic paper, Andrew returned, a newly-found spring in his step. The transporters to the slopes were just around the corner, so he had been told - he'd produced an identity which would probably allow him to pass with Alena, and the credit stick he carried with him held an infinitesimal amount of credits, usable in at least fifty other galaxies. It had been a simple trick to hack into it, to him, but he never told anyone else - he was pushing it as it was, and he'd have no money, otherwise.
"Come on, let's go, transporters are just around the bend. Let's-"
Upon seeing the machine, Andrew froze. Not out of fear, but vague suspicion. He knew the make - it wasn't anything a civilian, or normal law enforcement, should have. He didn't know who it belonged to, but he gathered that it was something he shouldn't trifle with, lest it see him. "Let's go. Now."
 
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