Age gaps in friendships

[FireHeart]

What do you guys think about age gaps in friendships, and how big is too big, both on the younger side and the older side. Personally, while most of my friends have been the same age as me, I recently ended up making friends with a boy quite a bit younger than myself, as in ten years difference(I'm 17, he's 7). I don't really see anything wrong with it myself, and plus we actually have a lot of the same interests, and in general we get along really well.

So for you guys, do you currently have or used to have a friend who was either a lot younger or a lot older than yourself?

Anyways, it'd be interesting to hear where others stand on this subject ^_^

 

[thatguyinthestore]

What do you guys think about age gaps in friendships, and how big is too big, both on the younger side and the older side. Personally, while most of my friends have been the same age as me, I recently ended up making friends with a boy quite a bit younger than myself, as in ten years difference(I'm 17, he's 7). I don't really see anything wrong with it myself, and plus we actually have a lot of the same interests, and in general we get along really well.

So for you guys, do you currently have or used to have a friend who was either a lot younger or a lot older than yourself?

Anyways, it'd be interesting to hear where others stand on this subject ^_^

Not exactly, though my girlfriend is two years younger than me if that counts for anything lol

 

[Elle Joyner]

I think age gaps can be tricky... but only because a lot of times, lines get blurred. Particularly where the younger person is concerned - It's complicated, too, because there are a lot of strange stigmas (for instance, it tends to be less... uncomfortable for people if a younger girl and older woman hang out than a younger boy and older man).

And when genders are mixed, it can also get a bit odd, because often times there are concerns that one party might develop more than platonic feelings for the other.

I think in situations of mentorship - where there is a general atmosphere or environment of safety, and other people are around, it's fine. But otherwise, I tend to be very cautious.

 

[Kagayours]

As long as the older person isn't being a pedophile, or an abuser, I don't see an issue.

Basically, the older person just has to be responsible about it. But as long as they're not being a creep, I don't think it'll be a problem. And I think it's good to have friendships between people of different ages.

 

[Vars]

I personally don't see an issue with it in theory. But in practice, I can't deal with the disgusted looks from judgmental people assuming the wrong things. So I avoid being friends with people who look significantly younger or older than myself now.

Unless it's an older woman, in which case apparently it's fine. =/

edit: wtf is the buttercorn rating supposed to mean

 

[An Otaku]

Sucks that the world's like this, older and younger people (specifically guys) getting disturbingly type-casted. Sucks even more that sometimes it's true...

As for me, I had an older friend who was like 7 or so years my senior. This was a little while ago when the two of us were roughly 12 and 19 respectively. Remember thinking of him as this totally wise and experienced, unrelated brother/uncle figure. Bit of a nerd. He definitely encouraged some of my present animé/gaming habits but we sort of always had the same general likes and stuff.

I still think of him as the coolest friend I've ever had, even though we're like thousands of miles apart now, and I've only ever had like two or three friends... He's still cool.

 

[Razilin]

At the Parkour gym I train at, I'm one of the older guys there.

As a result, I end up befriending a lot of teens and twenty-somethings. I think the youngest in our group of friends is 12, which is a 20 year age gap between us.

In general, a lot of them see me as an older brother.

A few of the older twenty-somethings see me as an equal.

The gym owner, who is 48, appreciates having another adult around.

Overall, our gym is like a second family for most of us, so it's never unusual for age gaps in friendships

 

[Sidhe]

I personally feel kind of uneasy about it. I think there's a big difference between being friendly with someone much younger than you and being friends. Also, like with romantic relationships, this changes depending on the age groups.

I can't imagine really being friends with a teenager at this point in my life. I feel like I would have nothing in common with them. When I find out someone I've been talking to is a teenager, it really changes how I view them. It also makes me feel pretty uncomfortable, and makes me reflect on all the things I had previously discussed with them; was it inappropriate? How did they interpret it? Have I influenced them negatively? I've had past instances of young teenagers latching onto me and it makes me feel like I have way too much responsibility towards them.

A mentor relationship is fine, but I'm just super wary/uncomfortable about becoming friends with someone that much younger than me.

Likewise I'm not about to become friends with someone thirty+ years older than me. Acquaintances, yes, but not friends. But perhaps I'm the wrong kind of person to ask, because I'm so wary about making friends with anyone, lmao.

But yeah, I do generally think it's strange for someone my age (mid twenties) to make 'close friends' with someone in their young teens. But perhaps I am kind of misinterpreting the definition of friendship. Like I mentioned before, I distinguish between 'mentor' relationships and friendship. And I'm just struggling to understand why someone my age would want to go and hang out with a fourteen year old like they would other friends.

I hope I haven't upset anyone with this, it's just my thoughts on the matter :( I'm also a paranoid motherfucker so lol take what you will.

 

[Dipper]

It's fine, until it hits the fifteen year mark. Even ten years is kind of strange, and twenty? Why can't you find friends among your own generation? It's all good because it's your life. Just don't get upset when I assume your older friend is your parent.

 

[Razilin]

Part II of my generation gap friendship circle!

Professionally, I have a lot of friends who are 10-30 years older than me.

At 32, I'm on the younger end of the scale of attending physicians; the veterans at our hospital tend to fall in the 55+ category, with three of them working in their 70s because they're too damn old school to consider retirement.

Given that we all see the same patients from the community, and due to the physicians generally treating medical students as "babies" (the average age of a 4th year medical student is 26), residents as "teenagers" (average age 31), and attending physicians as "equals," the concept of age-based generational gaps is rendered less important than your current placement in your training.

Thus, my professional friends tend to be a lot older than me, yet treat me as an equal.

Conversely, I mentor residents who are in their late thirties and even early 40s who treat me with the reverence one would give to a parent -- and some of them could be a decade older than me as well

 

[Mu]

10-15 seems alright for me if it's just friends. Dating wise... 3 years maximum.

 

[Greenie]

To be honest, almost all my friends are younger than me. Wait, let me correct myself: All of my friends are younger than me. From just a year or two younger to sometimes more than ten. My closest friend is eleven years younger than me, and we've been friends since he was sixteen. Although I guess you could say he's more like a little brother. I never saw it as a big deal, although I can see why people may find it weird or strange.

Then again, all my friends are online which is weird in itself. I feel as long as people remain appropriate, there's nothing wrong. Sometimes it's hard to find people your own age to connect with. I can truly say that before coming to Iwaku, there was literally no one I knew around my age that I was friendly with. ^_^'

 

[junebug]

I'm an adult now and my opinion on age gaps in friendships have never waived. I have always felt uncomfortable befriending someone younger than me because they are, generally-speaking, less mature and I've always preferred to converse with adults, instead of people around my age. The outlook is a little different now, knowing that I am an adult. I don't mind people who are drinking age (21) or a couple years above that.

With that being said, I think actually befriending a 30 year old is a little off the charts, so I'm a bit wary befriending people who are much older than me and don't really look to befriend those younger than me.

Another reason for that is the same as what Opal expressed, I don't feel like I have anything in common with teenagers. I'm not sure I'd really consider my dad's friends my friends or acquaintances, it's a little difficult to explain on my part, but I have connections and my dad has some pretty great friends. :)

 

[Bambi!!]

Every single one of my friends are older than me, and the person I'm together with is as well, and I personally don't find it uncomfortable at all, and neither do they. Without meaning to make their views sound invalid, I think that the adults who refuse to make friends with people younger than them hugely underestimate the maturity of a lot of teenagers.

 

[Laya]

I don't mind wide age gaps, and think the maturity issue is really dependent on the individual. For me, most of my friends are around the same age as me or older, with a few being maybe a year younger. Oldest for me would be my ex who is 17 years older.

Obviously, I couldn't be bothered to care about age as long as it fits with what's legal, which doesn't affect me much because I just don't like younger people in general.

As with anything, exercising caution without allowing it to inhibit life is important, especially for the older person with today's stereotypes.

 

[PoetLore]

In our society, age in years and age in awareness and maturity are two totally different issues. I have friends all over the spectrum. Some are much younger than me, some are my age and some are MUCH older than me. I LOVE talking to those whoa re in their 70's and 80's and even 90's. They have seen and experienced SO much, and their perspective is enriching and educational. One of my best and dearest friends at the moment is and 89 year old at my church named Juna. She is such a dear soul and her views on life and society make me laugh most of the time. She is sharp as a whip and I expect she may outlive me, to be honest.

If I count my grandchildren then I have friends whoa re only 2 years old. But that's a different thing as well.

Still, I agree with @Elle Joyner in that having friends outside your age group is tricky and dangerous, and not only for them but for you as well. It's sad that you have to wonder what a young person could do to your life if you upset them and they choose to destroy you on social media by posting something that is not true. Because sadly, they WILL BE BELIEVED. it's just not a simple thing anymore, and that is indeed sad.

 

[Pahn]

When I was in high school, I had friends much younger than me, and much older as well. I rarely felt like I fitted right with people my age. Now I'm 25, and I have friends from 15 to 50 and I don't see a problem with it. I make a very clear distinction in my mind about dating / friends, so I don't have that issue of confusing feelings I guess o__o

But yeah after I moved out and got to college, all my friends have always been older than me. The only younger friends I have now are online. Well, most if not all my friends are online now XD

 

[God]

I don't see a problem with it because we're talking friendship here. If you click the topic over to dating and/or sexual relationships, it's going to be different.

Sticking to the theme of friendship... it's just going to depend on the people. I know older people that are immature and younger people that seem to have themselves together. Personality, interests, and life experience will come into play; everyone is unique and has a story to tell. Personally I keep a limited number of friends, but they range from 19-60. As a member of the LGBT I unfortunately know how shallow, superficial, and often toxic gay men can be towards each other so I'm extremely hesitant when it comes to meeting new people in the community.

TL;DR: Look past the number and focus on the person and you may find life to be more rewarding.

 

[Kitti]

Just with friends, I think that there are many different kinds of friendships and many different levels of closeness. I can be friends with kids and bond on what are, for me, fairly superficial levels about games/animals/family friendly topics and be there for them as someone with a different perspective. The same goes for my teenage siblings - I try to be a good influence for my sister and offer her a fairly nonjudgemental point of view on her problems/frustrations. At this point in life, though, this is pretty one-sided because she doesn't have experience with many of the things I would complain about, etc.

I think age gaps are much more forgiving once you reach adulthood. From there, experience and maturity has so much more room to be different. A ninteen-year-old single mother working two jobs to support her kid while dealing with custody arrangements might have more to relate to a forty-year-old recently divorced housewife who is now re-entering the workforce than another nineteen-year-old first year university student who is partying all weekend, etc. and so forth.

 

[Shiri]

There's not a problem with it in my eyes. Friends are friends. If other people see a platonic relationship as perverted then who is the real pervert here? lol

On a personal note I do have a hard time keeping up with newer fads and thus it puts a gap between me and younger people. But it's okay. I can still have a polite conversation about weather, movies, books, so whatever. The thing I don't like is the emotional differences. I've aged to be rather chill and anyone who tries to shake this state of zen, through angsty teen/young adult drama, will quickly find the door. I don't do emotional tug-of-wars with any age.

I haven't had a friend yet who is too much older than me. The opportunity doesn't really present itself as my day-to-day routine is pretty linear. Well there was a forty year old farmer I knew once, but he moved so that ended that.