CRITIQUE REQUEST Aeia

Discussion in 'SHOWCASING' started by Wolk, Apr 30, 2016.

  1. The Red Flagon
    12th Darmond, 1204

    Shadows stretched slowly after the sun had reached its peak, still yielding a hot late-summer day. Thousands of people traversed the streets of Eradon in various matters: merchants looking for profit, craftsmen ordering more material, farmers selling their harvest, parents looking after their playing children and ordinary people who were perhaps visiting a friend or buying general supplies. As the capital of the Kingdom of Eradonia it was one of the busiest cities of Aeia, a city of trade, produce and focal point of international attention. Indeed it was commonly called the melting pot of the continent, combining several cultures and species in just one city, even more so than the rest of the kingdom, but I am getting ahead of myself.

    In one of the houses was Katharina, who had just finished dressing herself for work. With a quick glance in the mirror she confirmed that she was happy with her appearance and took way to The Red Flagon in a couple minutes' distance. Though the street was fairly packed, it was easy for her to find the way, but she remembered how hard it was to find the way when she was still a child, like walking through moving thicket. They would even complain if she tried running between them, as if she would break something each and every time she did it. Granted, some cabbages have been spilled and some oranges smashed, but that only happened sometimes, not every time! Nowadays she could overlook most people's heads, which made things considerably easier, and usually there was no reason for her to run.

    Old Text

    Few minutes passed by as she dressed herself for work, quickly acknowledging her good looks in the mirror before leaving the house. Hundreds of people were travelling the streets to all manner of destinations, among which were merchants, craftsmen, farmers from outside the city and more – needless to say the air was quite saturated with their noise and smell, though the street was still easily traversable.

    The way to The Red Flagon was not a long one, though it lend itself to a stroll in thoughts, spurred by all the stimuli a living city such as Eradon provided. She wondered about what her work would be like and about what she needed to buy for the next few days, but ultimately ended up thinking about her parents. Two weeks had gone by since her parents disappeared without notice, leaving nothing but a bag of coins covering costs for perhaps a few weeks and a hastily written letter which essentially said “Dear, we have to leave for some time. Please do not worry about us, it won't be long. We love you.”
    Needless to say it didn't exactly help to reassure her, as it left so much in uncertainty. Though she could deduce from the handwriting and wording that it was her mother who wrote it, several other questions remained: Why did they have to leave, why didn't they tell her about it, where did they go and why were they in such a hurry? Concerns grew over time as no answers could be found, and without any lead towards her parents' stay or someone who would take care of the house, it was impossible for her to search for them, as she would've liked to do.
    Sudden laughter teared her out of abstraction. A sigh escaped her lips. She had reached the inn without noticing it, possibly standing on the same spot for several minutes.
    I need to stop worrying about them. They've always put up with any challenge, I just have to do the same.


    Older Text

    Soothingly the moon adorned the starlit heaven of a quiet night, in which most people have already fled the streets. Inside one of the town's thousands of homes was Katharina, dressing herself for work.
    She looked in a mirror, making sure everything sat correctly and combing her black, slightly curly hair which reached to her shoulders. Overall she could confidently say that she looked beautiful; Somewhat tall even for a Saeldryn, feminine stature, almond shaped, emerald green eyes and nicely curved lips, but she rarely focused on her own looks.

    Two weeks had gone by since her parents disappeared without notice, leaving nothing but a bag of coins covering costs for perhaps a few weeks and a hastily written letter which essentially said “Dear, we have to leave for some time. Please do not worry about us, it won't be long. We love you.”
    Needless to say it didn't exactly help to reassure her and she would much prefer to search for them, but there was nothing for her to go on and no one who would look after the house in the meantime. As much as she hated it, she had to hope her parents were alright and, now that the summer vacation was over, see to getting some money in, as the bag would only last a few more weeks. Luckily, she had already talked with Throvis last Sondar, who was in need of a tavern wench and would compensate her quite nicely for the work if she decided to do it. Certainly not what the Snowelf had in mind when she finished school, but there was not much else she could or would do. With Throvis she could at least be sure of having an employer she liked, as he always was a friend of the Redwyns.

    Once more she adjusted her clothing before leaving her room and house, setting out to “The Red Flagon" just a few minutes away. Like in most nights, there were fewer guards keeping watch than at daytime, though the streets were still relatively safe, except for the back-alleys which should be avoided by those who don't know how to fare in them. However, it wasn't much of a detour to walk the streets and so Katharina arrived at the inn without much delay.



    [To be Continued]
     
    #1 Wolk, Apr 30, 2016
    Last edited: May 9, 2016