Acqua's Writing Thread

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Acquariana, Feb 1, 2010.

  1. To start this thread off, I'll put up a poem I thought of when I was thinking of wanting spring to come >3<. I always liked rain in the spring and summer.

    Spring Shower

    Arms outstretched, face to the sky,
    Whispered to me, a distant lullaby,
    On the tepid wind, a calming song,
    The now falling rain, singing along,​

    It was liquid silver,
    Making the world shimmer,
    The rain's water falling,
    Lonely voices singing,​

    The grey clouds soon part,
    And then drift slowly apart,
    I stared in delight and awe,
    Seven colors, without flaw,​

    Please, tell me what you think! :O Comments and critique help a person to become better! :]
  2. I love the cadence of it all! Good work!
  3. Aqua! I love the idea and imagery you have going here! However, for me there is way too much rhyme, it seems very strict and I think you can expound on this to make it even more beautiful. Remember poetry doesn't always have to rhyme and it doesn't have to be in AABB rhyme scheme either :]]

    Keep writing! I want to read more of your work!
  4. :P If'chu say so, Tuxe. I was thinkin' of puttin' up another one, now ;]. This is more free verse-ish, XD. And so, I present another poem that shows my desperation for the cold weather to end. Also, to Tuxe and Trance, thank you two for commenting :3.

    Seaside Spring​

    The waves crash softly,
    The salty air tepidly flowing,
    Hustle and bustle fills the streets,
    As the Spring wind plays its lively song,​

    The sun shines bright,
    Making the land and sea shimmer,
    The loud call of the seagulls' sounds,
    As their white wings pull them skyward,​

    The sun soon sets,
    As a warm palette fills the sky,
    The sky and sea are lit beautifully aflame,
    As the warming day's curtain slowly closes in.​
  5. 3; I wanted to post something else and I don't think I should put two works in the same post so . . . >3<. 3; For this one, I couldn't think of a title, so please feel free to suggest one >_<.<!


    To the clouds we fly,
    As the wind flows beneath us,
    To the sky we seek,
    As the scenery shrinks beneath us,​

    Flying together,
    Agile in the sky,
    Dancing together,
    Graceful in the air,​

    We dance to the Zephyr's song,
    Above coasts and mountains,
    Drifting on his whim,
    Imitating his voice,​

    In an ocean of air,
    We soar,​
  6. For Seaside Spring your stanzas are beautifully crafted to the eye and fit well with each other. The title is appropriate as well as the numerous amounts of alliteration namely all of the "S" words.
    It paints a very nice picture and I have no trouble imaging it, Seaside Spring flows much smoother and I enjoyed reading it very much!

    Untitled namely sometimes it's difficult to come up with titles to poems or songs for that matter. If I were to recommend one I would say the first line of the poem. "To The Clouds We Fly" I think it fits well.
    Untitled is very free moving and gives a feeling of joy and unlimited bounds. There is nothing that can with hold us or place fetters on our limbs. Anything is possible :]]
  7. Thank you for commenting, Tuxedo Mask! >.< I'm so sorry I haven't been on in so long, but my cable (subsequently including internet, house phone, and cable since we bundle) went out until today. I've been waiting to post a little since then, so here it is. 3; Eternal Meadow. I wasn't all that sure about the title, but I thought it sort of fit.

    -Eternal Meadow-

    A floral scent filled the air,
    As pink petals filled the blue sky,
    Dancing in a skyward spiral,
    Joining the butterflies,
    In a graceful dance,

    A peaceful feeling came,
    As the grass swayed with the wind,
    The sun made the land shimmer,
    As the lark sang her song,
    In an entransing voice,

    Everything was singing,
    Creating seemingly eternal beauty,
    As the world seemed at peace,
    Take me away on the wind,
    Oh eternal meadow,
  8. Ah! Double post of doom! >.< I decided to go with a descriptive poem and then have you all respond with what you think I'm describing and what you think would be an appropriate title ;]. By the way, what I'm describing is the last line, so I'm leaving that out until somebody guesses it right! >:] Also, comments/critiques are appreciated.

    -Untitled 2-
    Sing me a sweet song,
    with your chirping crickets,
    Illuminate yourself,
    dainty fireflies,

    Wrap around me,
    with your slow breeze,
    Leave me in awe,
    orange sunset,

    Make me at peace,
    with your grassy scent,
    Sing on sweetly,
    . . . .<!​

  9. I love how you phrased your words, like how you used the imagery of a song with crickets and fireflies and how you gave personification to the breeze!
  10. Hmm is the answer Mother Earth?
    I think Untitled 2 flows well until the "orange sunset" part seems to just distort the flow at least for me. Otherwise I like it :DD
  11. D'oh, why'd'chu have to get it right on the first try?@Tuxe

    Thank you for commenting@TK ;]
  12. I'm sorry? lol I've written poems all my life so I can read them and their meaning pretty well :P
  13. o3o I got shamelessly advertised!

    Okay, if I must ;P. Hahah, just kidding. I like writing for you all.@TK

    Maybe I can redeem myself with the first poem that lacked a decent flow >3< with this one!

    Rainy Day
    The pitter-patter comforts me,
    As the drops land on my skin,
    I splash in the puddles,
    making water bound,

    That warm air breezed along,
    While the liquid silver fell,
    The shower soon passed,
    Unveiling the sun.

  14. Update time >.>. I'm considering putting up a series from another site up on here, but I'm not sure whether that would constitute for a new thread or not so for now, I shall give you all another untitled poem ;p.

    -Untitled 3-​

    The world is silent,
    as your eyes close.
    You take your last glimpse,
    At the material, now ephemeral,​

    You enter the dream,
    an Alice in your own right,
    Sweet and innocent emotions,
    begin to cloud your judgement,​

    The dream soured,
    causing fear to emerge,
    Personal demons came out,
    as Fate foretold of misfortune,​

    Your eyes open,
    a cold sweat upon you,
    And so the nightmare galloped away,
    Its neigh echoing an ominous forecast,​

    EDIT: I decided to see if I could get all crazy with the repetition of the letter 's' xD. ​

    -Summer Approaching-​

    The rain stopped,
    as the clouds parted,
    being soon replaced,
    by the sound of waves,​

    Don't worry about anything,
    just relax and ease in,
    Like that sultry summer breeze,​

    See the wind change colors,
    and sing a softer song,
    That climbing heat,
    taking small steps,​

    Let's stare at that sunset,
    as it blazes brightly,
    dying the land with warmth,​

    Embrace this moment,
    while the seasons change,
    That wind's song,
    bathed in light.​
  15. You have beautiful imagery and there is a lot working for all these poems. Have you submitted anything for contests or anthologies?
  16. I haven't, surprisingly. I dunno, I always think my subject matter's a bit trite for something like a contest.

    EDIT (4-17-2010): I have come up with another poem. I was randomly thinking of stuff and I was like "why haven't I done a poem on here about opposites?" And that's how this little fella' came to be. Please comment and critique! :]

    Opposite Land

    That cool rainfall,
    that warm sunlight,
    that violent gale,
    that gentle breeze,
    all colliding.

    That free bird flew,
    above an earth-bound lover,
    who looked with envy,
    her heart aching


    That trapped lover stood,
    below that singing, free bird,
    who looked with pity,
    his body rising,


    That trapped lover,
    That flying bird,
    That lovelessness,
    That happiness,
    all beautiful.
  17. And so, Acqua updated her poetry thread once more. Yet another one that I couldn't think of a title for. Hopefully, I'll be able to think of one at a later point, but I'd love suggestions.

    -Untitled 4-

    Just step out onto the dancefloor,
    and feel that beat blaring speech out,
    Dance, break it down, do whatever,
    and burst out from the star-struck crowd.

    That lustful melody seduced
    the intoxicated dancers.
    And now she wants your youthful glow,
    stealing it with electric sounds.

    I gave in to the neon light,
    And became a crazed animal.
    Instinct defeated my judgment,
    as I indulged in her music.