Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by SacredWarrior, Oct 26, 2015.

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  1. What is everyone's thoughts on abstinence/celibacy and are you following it yourself?

    I'm 20 and when I was in middle school, I made a decision to remain abstinent till marriage (a decision I'm still keeping to this day).

    Society is definitely lose-lose when it comes to sex. If you're open and confident in your sexuality, you're labeled as a slut/whore (moreso for women than men from what I've seen) and if you decide to be more conservative, you're labeled as a judgmental prude (which I've gotten before and even had morons try to talk me out of my decision with absolutely dumb and overused arguments).

    So much for this day and age being "sexually liberated".
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  2. This just in: Everyone's got an opinion and an asshole, and the two often act at the same time.

    Seriously though, concerning sexuality, just do whatever feels most comfortable and "right" to you. Everything else is irrelevant. Unless it's rape, then you know, don't do that.
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  3. I'm laughing at the rape mention XD
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  4. I don't see anything wrong with abstinence or being sexually open.
    That is assuming it's the personal choice of the individual and they aren't persuaded into it.

    Abstinent because some Priest said God would hate you cause of it? Nu-uh, that's someone scaring/intimidating you into it.
    Abstinent because you personally want to save sex for the right person? Yup, totally valid.

    As for if I follow it?
    Kind of but not really.

    I'm not Abstinent in the "Wait until Marriage" way.
    I used to be, but that's something I changed my mind on around the time I became an atheist (the two were unrelated, I was changing my position on a ton of things in that time), well actually slightly before that.
    Rather I'm Abstinent in the "I don't want to have sex with just anyone, I want it with someone special" deal.
    Basically, you have to be someone I have strong feelings for before sex goes on the table (if ya get what I mean, eh? eh? :P).
    But seriously, I'm picky about it but I personally don't make marriage a requirement.
  5. I'm 28, a virgin, and waiting for my future husband should I ever be lucky enough to have one.
    Yes I'm a Christian and my faith was a factor when I made that choice, but I assure you it was my choice.
    (if you want to know the why/how I came to that decision I'd be happy to tell you, but it's something I'd rather discuss via PM)

    In general I've found that people who pressure for sex are assholes and it is far better to walk away. If they can't respect your decision they won't respect you and no one needs to keep company with people who can't/won't respect them based on a decision they made for their own body.
    Similar goes for people who try to shame you because you didn't/did take a particular path. Friends build each other up, they don't tear each other down.

    Always choose for your own well being, not because it's the popular opinion.
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  6. It depends on how you view sex. Within a relationship I view it as an expression. As such, someone all about celibacy probably wouldn't be for me. I don't think it should be treated as something holy, or as some kind of reward, because ultimately it is one of the most human things we do. I don't view sex within a relationship as getting your fix, I view it as a very intimate moment of sharing.

    That said, I am not you.

    If you are uncomfortable or afraid, or basically in any way really look up to it, ultimately it's your body. If you have a strong moral belief regarding what scripture tells you, I mean I may not agree with you, but I'm not going to tell you what to do. As long as you do not wield sex as a weapon to get something (funny thing about the original use of abstinence), you just have to make sure you and your partner are on the same wavelength and respect each other's views and feelings.
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  7. Dawned on me from other replies I should be clarifying this bit.
    I wasn't suggesting religious motivations weren't valid.
    Just that someone using Religion to force/intimidate you into it isn't a good reason.

    If you looked at the religion yourself, and made the choice of abstinence on your own?
    That is completely fine.
  8. It doesn't matter what society or anyone else says. When it comes to sex the decision is up to the person deciding to either engage or not. I am in a committed relationship where we both decided if we were going to have sex we wanted to do so with each other. I didn't plan to wait until marriage because frankly I don't want to get married, however, I did abstain until I found the person I am with now.
    All in all do what is in your best interest. Don't let anyone pressure you into making a decision you don't want to make or make you feel any less.
  9. Always been of the mind that that ones sexuality is ones own. There is nothing prudish or wrong with waiting, just as there is nothing wrong with indulging yourself in a safe and responsible manner. I lost my v-card early to the general story of nervous youth. I have friends who are still virgins becouse they havn't found anyone who attracted them. I know a guy who simply "havn't had time", he to absorbed with his work. Everyone is different. Simple as that!
  10. I'm not "waiting till marriage" cuz I don't know if I ever really want to get married in the first place, but I do want to wait for someone I have a real connection with. I just haven't found someone like that yet.

    And this is probably the best explanation of why I haven't found someone like that yet. XD

    In the end, though, the choice is up to the individual -- the above is my rationale, but, you know, that's just me.
  11. The most appropriate decision regarding sex or abstinence is whatever seems right to you after you have given it due consideration. If you have chosen to wait, then that decision is right for you. If you decide not to wait, then that is also the right decision, as long as you think about it.
  12. Personally, I'm 26 and a virgin because I just don't give anywhere near enough of a fuck to go out looking for someone to fuck. I've got high standards but low patience with people, and I have no interest in dealing with most of the relationship nonsense that would come with dating someone and also no interest in cruising bars to try for one night stands. If something comes along that works for me then cool, I'll go for it, I'm not like intentionally trying to remain celibate or anything. If it never does, whatever, I'll live, I don't have any real desire to have children and physical pleasure can be attained other ways, ain't no big deal to me.

    For other people's personal choices on sex, whatever, do what you feel is right so long as you're not breaking any laws to do it. Wanna save yourself for marriage because of religious reasons? Go for it. Wanna avoid sex because you're deathly afraid of the nasty diseases and such? Alright, I don't care. Have no interest in sex whatsoever due to being a sex-repulsed asexual? Cool, you do you. Oh, and on the flip side: wanna go fuck as many people as humanly possible? Have fun, use protection. My lack of fucks to give for sex most certainly extends to other people, as you can see.

    The one point where I have a firm stance on anything abstinence related is that it shouldn't be taught as the only form of sex education because that's dumb and causes problems. I won't go in depth on that because it's kind of a side issue than really staying on point with the thread topic, so I'll leave it at that.
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  13. I believe you can have sex when you're good and ready to have sex, whether it's 16 with the hottie you managed to bag or waiting until you get married! The important part is being well educated not just about sex safety but how you yourself feel about you and what sex means to you!

    I waited to have sex until I met someone I was comfortable taking that next step. As it turns out, I was 24 by the time that happened, and he ended up being the ONLY one I've ever had sex with and the guy I eventually married. XD

    If he dies before me, though, I will be the hottest cougar slut that ever was. >:[ No man will be safe. I'll have a harem of men doing my bidding.
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  14. Reiterating that there's no one way that everyone should follow; do what seems right and makes sense to you.

    I took an abstinance vow when I was fourteen, which I broke eight years later and felt fine about.

    My reasons for having sex before marriage (in or out of a committed relationship) are:

    • It's healthy for a mature relationship
      (not that not having sex is UNhealthy, but honestly a good sex life does not hurt a relationship at all)
    • It teaches you about yourself
      Not only in terms of kinks and what you like/dislike in the sack, actual sex teaches you about your own body and identity in a way that 'self-love' (winkwinknudgenudge) just can't compete with
    • If/when I do get married, I want to have a good sex life
      Honestly even beyond the 'your wedding night is going to be awkward and terrible' schtick, sex seems to me like a terrible thing to keep as a mystery; what if my husband's kinks and mine don't match up int he slightest? (ie; he's really really almost exclusively into some kink that just makes me dryer than a hemmingway novel, or is absolutely vanilla and none of my kinks work for him?) "terrible sex" may sound like a really shallow reason for a relationship not to work, but honestly if there's going to be sex in a lasting relationship, it needs to be good sex.
    • Honestly it's great stress relief
    • It's enjoyable!

    • It's my body and I get to decide what I do with it.
      This one is separated from the others because it's VERY SPECIFIC AND PERSONAL TO *MY* REASONS. I took my abstinence oath when I was a teenager as a religious act in the belief that it was what God wanted me to do, and breaking it would be disobeying. I didn't rush right out and have crazy monkey sex with every person I was interested in after I left my religion - I still wanted it to be meaningful, and part of a lasting relationship and to be with someone important (which I now realise has more to do with being demisexual than religious), and I got that. The man I lost my v-card to was very kind and patient and understanding that this was an important decision that I needed to be fully comfortable with. We ended up dating for just over five years, but even if we hadn't been together that long I woudln't have regretted it.

    IDK, like I said, do you, and do what feels right, I just feel like there's a lot of unfair fear-culture around premarital sex when people are teaching abstinence, so I want to put myself out there and say that in my experience, and the experience of everyone I've ever talked to about his who's had premarital sex:

    • It does not make you worth any less
    • It does not make you a slut/whore
    • You don't necessarily regret it
    • You can have it before marriage and it can still be meaningful and important
    • There are men (and women) who will respect your decision to wait until you're comfortable, whether that means a ring or some other level of commitment.
    • There are benefits to it
    • You can have as much premarital sex as you want and still be disease-free with 0 unwanted pregnancies on your wedding day, you just have to be smart and use protection / get checked regularly.
    • Having previous partners does not taint sex with your husband/wife
      (I used to get told a lot that if you've had sex with other people you will be 'comparing' or 'seeing thier faces' when you're in bed with your spouse. Honestly if that happens it's not just because you had sex with other people before them, there's other issues that's bringing them to your mind, but having sex with womeone does not mean they're now always going to automatically be in your head when you're having sex.)
    #14 Minibit, Oct 27, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2015
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  15. I totally understand. I made the same vow and I fight with it quite frequently. I do want to make that connection with someone, but I also want to know that my significant other respects me enough to accept my decision to abstain and not dump me for it (until marriage). I've questioned my decision, on account that "What if I don't know if that person is right for me unless we try?" and such things as that. What I find happens to me a majority of the time is that, when I tell people I'm still a virgin, they don't believe me. I don't really understand why. =3
  16. Maybe they find you too attractive to have not met someone you like enough yet?
  17. I suppose. I've never considered that.
  18. That's totally fair. As I said in my post though, this isn't as rare a quality as you might have been led to believe. Someone who respects you and wants something serious with you will wait as long as it takes. I personally didn't need a ring before I was satisfied the person would still respect me and stay with me in a healthy relationship after, but everyone's different.

  19. People wait for a variety of reasons and choosing to do so does not necessarily imply they have trust issues.
    I sincerely hope that anyone contemplating marriage trusts and respects their partner regardless of whether they waited or not.
  20. I wasn't trying to imply anyone had trust issues O.O I just said exactly what you did; establishing trust is a different level for everyone
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