A Wolf Among The Sheep

At his confession, Luana choked on her breath. It left her to cough abruptly, body straightening as she pressed a hand to her chest, massaging the area lightly. Eventually she was capable of leaning back against the wall before she had to recognise her legs felt too weak to hold her up, so she slid down the wall until she stopped at the floor.

It had been everything she wanted to hear. She wanted to hear him say those three words again ever since she left two years ago, never mind since she returned. However panic was as clear as anything across his face, and Luana dropped her gaze to her lap, subconsciously giving herself an even harder scratch against her arm. His sharp cut off, the alarmed expression, the silence that filled the void between them... it didn't hold much promise, and Luana was certain that he was regretting uttering such words.

He had looked so happy with Leah when she arrived, when she reintroduced herself into the equation (of course unknowing to the situation) and complicated things. Everything bad that he had been through had been because of her. None of that happened with Leah at his side. She could leave at the end of the week and they could back to being as they were. They could even think about... starting a family.

Her legs drew into her at the heart-breaking thought, knees coming up to her chest and pining her arms between them. She briefly looked up at him as he finally spoke, only to fall silent again, clearly in disarray with his thoughts and confused on what to do.

"I'd never... move on with some other guy, Tate. I-- I wouldn't..." Luana trailed off, eyes staring down at her hands but not really seeing what she was doing, otherwise she would have physically stopped the pinching that she had moved on to. Nails caught the skin and squeezed until the area just felt numb, from there she would move on, trying to focus on what to do or say. "I-- You don't have to say these things, Tate. I can... I can leave this hut an' pretend you never said anythin'. I never meant to make things hard for you, I never meant to hurt you. Wha's'important to me is that you're happy an'-- I saw how happy you were with... Leah. I know you weren't with me, not at the end, before I left."

Her lower lip began to tremble and tears soon made her vision blurry and wobbly. "T-the soulmate thing... it don't have to matter. Your happiness does; it means the world to me. I don't... want you to regret choosing-- I want you to choose what will make you happy, bond or not."
 
The confession might have lifted a heavy weight from his chest (one he hadn't really acknowledged as existing there until he realised he still had feelings for the other) but it didn't necessarily make him feel emotionally any better; not when he was confessing his love for a woman that he wasn't actually dating. For all his flaws (and there were plenty), Tate had always deemed himself a decent person who tried his best to uphold his behaviour according to a decent set of moral codes passed down to him from his parents.

He highly doubted that confessing his love for Luana whilst still dating Leah aligned with that moral compass and thus, guilt immediately set in. He didn't necessarily regret what he had said when the words felt natural and right leaving his lips, but he did regret the timing of them when he wasn't in a position to start proclaiming his love for someone he wasn't dating.

Even if Luana was his bonded mate and the person chosen by fate itself to be at his side, she wasn't his girlfriend; Leah was. Going behind the latter's back and admitting to Luana he cared this much for her wasn't morally correct, even if the emotional situation he was currently involved in, with all of its hurried confessions, left him little choice other than to blurt out his feelings.

And he couldn't regret it - not when he knew he was prepared to compound his words through action and really consolidate just how in the wrong he was.

Between the anxiety and emotional agony displayed, there wasn't much more Tate could observe without wanting to just take her close and ease her concerns; reassure her that he meant every word and as difficult as things might be to get back on track, he was ready to work at what they had, make a return to the blissful relationship he had once treasured at her side. He didn't manage to do any of that when there was another urge at the forefront of his mind instead; one that occupied his thoughts and sent his heart racing the more he considered it irrespective of the consequences that might arise for his reputation in the pack should anyone discover what had happened.

But it was a risk he decided was worth taking and so, after a few seconds of reluctant reservation, he broke through his hesitance and leaned in to kiss her. After two years of absence and experiencing all of the pain and longing that came with that, the kiss ordinarily would have been emblematic of that; passionate and hungry, though Tate managed to somehow hold back and offer something more gentle. When they were both in such an emotional state, something more gentle and soft seemed to be more suited, offer comfort above all else.
 
Luana wanted to stop the kiss. She really did. She knew it was wrong when he was with Leah. She knew it wasn't right when he was clearly trying to get to grips with his emotion. She knew it wouldn't be fair to accept the second chance she was hesitantly being offered when the pack would detest her... and maybe even him, if they were to know. She was all too aware of the tears that stained both their lips, another reason why she wanted to stop it. It was another reminder that the tears weren't of joy and relief and happiness, but a result of the emotional battle and scarring they had just undergone. It was pain and hurt and emotional anguish that had built up over two years and longer.

However, she couldn't pull herself away. It was like she had been dying of thirst and he was the water she needed. The longer it happened, the more Luana forgot. Her hands, wavering as they pulled away from her lap and began to reach up, hesitated as began to reach out for his shoulders. But as soon as they landed there, it felt like everything slotted into place as one slipped into the hair on the nape of his neck and the other slid down the other side to rest between his shoulder blades. She drank him in, gratefully, unapologetically, as a handful more tears escaped her closed eyes.

Her one hand moved from the back of his neck to gently touch his cheek, grazing over the beard that had grown there over the time she had been gone. It was at the touch of the wiry hair on his face that Luana forced herself to break the kiss. The young woman pulled back, but kept her hands where they were as she looked at him. Simply looked at him. The fingers of her one hand gently massaged against the beard as she breathed in his scent, eyes closing again for a minute as she worked up the strength to pull back completely.

That hand remained at his cheek, however, despite the distance she put between them. Her staggered pull-backs helping her do so without too much pain being caused.

"I don't want you to regret that... an'-- an' I'm sure you have some thinkin' to do." Luana finally breathed, eyes having opened again to watch him, anxious for his reaction. He had experienced panic at confessing he still loved her, she didn't want him to do the same at the kiss. "I-- I want you to do what you think is best... for you... for the pack. Please just... go with whatever makes you happy. I'll understand, Tate, I will. I just want that for you."

Her words were honest and sincere, genuine love laced within every word as she held his gaze. Luana stood, knowing she would have to leave now. She would look a state, but at least that could be blamed on the crying. She lingered there for a moment before eventually being unable to help herself and reach out to cup his cheek one last time. Then she pulled away for good and took a step towards the door.

"I won't... tell anyone. No one ever needs to know. I'll... keep out of the way, somehow, so you ain't... worryin'."
 
The romantic reciprocation wasn't something he had held doubt over when Luana had made it clear since her return to the pack that her feelings had remained intact during her absence; she always had the plan of returning to Tate's side, after all. He, however, didn't have that knowledge. As far as he was concerned, Luana had disappeared for good and rather than spend the rest of his life alone, tormenting himself with questions on why she had left him, he had found happiness in someone else.

And he didn't feel guilty about that, not when he had no way of knowing she would return. What he did harbour guilt over was the way they had chosen to reunite, knowing that this wasn't the right way to do things. If he wanted to stay with Leah, if he ended up choosing her in spite of his admissions, then he couldn't allow his current feelings to get in the way of that. Conversely, if he wanted to follow everything his heart and head told him to do, then he had to at least be officially single before doing so.

As hurt as he knew Leah would be by the end of their relationship, that was ultimately the right way to proceed; letting her down gently, explain his reasoning as carefully as he could, before even thinking of repairing his and Luana's bond and focusing his attention on the love he held for her.

No matter his choice, he couldn't continue to kiss her and certainly couldn't run the risk of allowing it to go any further than that - at least, not yet.

The faint groan that he expelled was purely out of annoyance with himself for getting carried away enough to kiss Luana, her distance from him allowing him to gain a little control back of his mind that had admittedly been clouded by the longing between them. He didn't regret kissing Luana -in fact, he wanted to hold her in his arms and keep her in that embrace- but she seemed to know as much as he did that he couldn't kiss her when he was already taken; that it was wrong, however right it felt.

Her words, however, seemed to indicate that she held no hope for the future of their relationship, that she had already determined the outcome of his decision and placed no hope in their future together as lovers. That caused him to raise his head from his hands, confusion flickering over his features and his head slightly tilted the side in that bewilderment.

"You-- you'd understand? Lu, don't-- I want you, it's not a case of me spendin' time deliberating who I want to spend my life with. I want you, it ain't... even a close call. I just-- need to think, yeah. How to... let Leah down, how to make sure she don't hate me too much. But-- keep quiet about the kiss, yeah? I don't regret it, I just... don't need anyone thinkin' negatively of us, y'know? Gossipin' about if more than a kiss happened, I just-- you don't desevre that shit. Leah doesn't either," he smiled weakly from the table, breathing out as slowly as he could to regain a little composure, and prevent his mind from racing as fast as it currently was.

"...I'll skip the fishin', I ain't in the mindset. I'll speak to Tala later, too. Explain that you ain't the bad guy, alrigh'? I can't have her thinkin' of you like that. An'... I'll talk to Leah if-- if you want? If there's a future for me and you, I should talk to Leah; break it off? I-- I don't wanna drag her along if I have feelings for you, Lu. I ain't fair on 'er."
 
Hovering awkwardly in front of the door, her hands rubbed together as she found difficulty in processing his words. It was everything she wanted to hear, it was what she wanted the moment she returned to the pack. However, a lot had happened since then, and she worried if it was something he really wanted after everything that had transpired between them. He said he didn't need time deliberating, and she wanted nothing more than to be back with him, but even after his words and his kiss... she couldn't help but remain anxious. He had hated her, or he said he hated what she had done, and what she had seen in his eyes wasn't easy to forget.

It was simply a case of her not wanting him to make a decision based on what the bond made them feel for each other. She would hate to think he made the decision to try again with her only to, in a few years time, regret it and begin to hate her again.

"I... I don't want you to rush into this, Tate." Luana finally began to explain, dropping her gaze to her hands, "I only mean that... you need some space an' time to think clearly... maybe. You're... you're feelin' the effects of the bond, right now, an' I don't want you to regret your decisions when I've left an' you're left to yourself again, s'all."

She exhaled at the mention of Tala, raising a hand to rub her face exasperatedly, "Don't worry about Tala... it ain't the first time she's thought I'm the bad guy." Luana murmured, shrugging meekly. That was the truth, as it was with any toddler. When she didn't get dessert, when she didn't get the playtime she wanted, or the toy... but while she acted certain, Luana wasn't entirely convinced on how true it was. This was about Tate, who was her father, and someone she wanted very desperately to be around.

Reluctantly she looked to her former mate, hand dropping down to hold her arm at the elbow as the other hung down by her side. Her gaze flickered over his appearance and she lightly bit at her lower lip in consideration.

"Look, you-- you know... you've known from the start where I stand. I wanna... I want us to try again. I want us to be together again. You've done and said some shitty things, but so've I. Neither of us are perfect. I-- I don't want you to regret or be miserable, an' that's why I want you to make sure you're goin' make the right decision about what you want." Her gaze dropped before raising back to him, shifting from foot to foot, "S'why I'm offering to just.. get out of your space for a bit, before you make that choice. I-- I love you, an' I always will. But Leah loves you too. I only want you to... decide what'll be best for you, not what fate's told you to do, y'know?"

Clearing her throat, Luana reached behind her for the door handle and finally offered him a small smile, "Just think. I'll be... ready for whatever you choose." She murmured, taking in one final look of him before pulling the door open and slipping out of the hut.
 
Despite wanting to throw caution to the wind and just follow the urges he felt overwhelmed with at the moment, or at the very least just agree there and then that he wanted to be back with her, that that was all he felt he currently needed in his life, he also understood the reservations. Rushing right back into what they had after everything that had gone on perhaps wasn't... the best course of action. This was the first time they had really sat down together and shared a conversation they both had contributed honestly to, and as a result, it was perhaps inevitable that the bond between them would strengthen and ignite all the feelings for Luana that Tate had managed to push down since her departure.

Acting on the current emphasis of their bond only to find that the feelings weren't nearly as strong for her outside of its intensity was something he needed to avoid for the sake of not just himself, but for everyone close to him. If he was certain that what he had with Luana in the past was something he wanted once more then some distance from her, some time to think away from the bond they had, wouldn't dismantle that; it would only prove that his feelings were genuine and existed even outside of the bond that drew him to her.

Contrarily, that distance and contemplation might prove that his sudden outburst of romantic declarations were influenced by their bond and that alone. Before he went and acted rashly by breaking things off with Leah, he had to know if what he felt for Luana was as strong as he was claiming it to be - or people would just get hurt, perhaps unnecessarily so.

And so, however weak it was, the alpha nodded his head in agreement and remained in his chair as his former girlfriend slipped out from the hut to give him that time to himself that he would need to wrap his head around all the feelings that had hit him like a sledgehammer.

Having first watched her brother storm angrily into his home and then witnessed Luana call out and disappear into the hut after him, Daisy, like the rest of the pack, was certain that an argument was proceeding within those four walls. She had clung to the hope that Tate's newfound joy in being a father would allow him to start afresh with Luana - not necessarily in a romantic manner, but at least platonically; get along and discover a friendship outside of romance for Tala's sake.

That hope seemed dashed by the two storming into the hut and when Luana eventually exited it, looking far too emotional for Daisy's liking.

The healer abandoned her breakfast immediately to head across to her friend, determined to offer her some support before inevitable gossip erupted about her, with those responsible seemingly not caring if she overheard their whispers.

"...Are you okay? Do you... want to talk about it? We can go for a quick walk if you wanted? I mean-- get out of the pack for ten minutes, so Tala doesn't see you-- like this," she smiled gently as her eyes wandered across Luana's features, holding back the urge to see Tate herself and reprimand him, inevitably assuming he had said or done something vicious. It was only during that observation that she noticed the slight swelling left around Luana's eye that had yet to heal sufficiently, her mouth falling open a little in the shock.

"Lu, your eye-- I mean, you-- why didn't you tell me? It looks like it's healing but that means you've had the injury for hours, overnight at the very least. I-- I think we should go for that walk, yeah?"
 
It was always going to be difficult, exiting the hut after the way she entered it. It was one of the things she found hard about being in a pack sometimes, that there was just no privacy. She couldn't go to Daisy or Anders outside her own hut because she would be whispered about if her eyes were red or something like that that gave her true emotions away. She didn't know whether to walk out with her head held high or keep her head bowed to avoid the stares she would undoubtedly receive.

In the end, she had kept her head up, but her eyes didn't focus on any face in particular, either keeping to the skies or the ground just in front of her. Her ears picked up on each whisper that came from those who had been so obviously waiting for one of them to come out of the hut, and it felt like, because it was her, they didn't care as much about hiding it. She tried to drown it all out, but she felt awkward, uncertain. She didn't know what to do with her hands, what position she ought to adapt. She didn't want to appear weak in front of these people, some of them already thought the worst after the incident last night.

Luana raised her eyes as she noticed feet walking towards her as she herself moved back towards her hut, unsure as to if that ought to be the place where she went. Tala may have calmed down by now, but would the toddler's behaviour just flare up again when she returned?

"What? Oh-- oh... uh... yeah... sure. That ain't a bad idea." She mumbled back quietly, head partially turning to finally meet the gazes of some of those who were watching on and murmuring to each other.

She continued on her way, not wanting to linger a moment longer in a group of people that wanted to gossip, a hand having gently taken hold of Daisy's arm to bring the girl with her, "C-can you just go in there an' tell Ronan an' Anders? I don't want them to worry. Tell them they can go fishin' without me, I can catch them up." She asked once they were a more comfortable distance away from the pack gathering.

"My eye? That-- yeah, no, that's... it's fine, Daisy. I used the paste, it's fine. Don't worry about it." Luana attempted to reassure her, a smile wavering on her lips but the woman simply to exhausted and drained to get it to meet her eyes, "Let's just go, yeah? I... I might not be much fun though, just warnin' ya."
 
As disheartened as Daisy was by the distracted responses (if only because there was clearly a reason for them and she could only assume her eldest brother was somehow at fault), now wasn't the time to pester Luana for answers; not when the pack sat eating their breakfast nearby would no doubt be listening in, eavesdropping in order to fuel their gossip even further.

It was horrible to see how little they seemed to care for Luana these days when she had once been someone they respected immensely; someone they once saw as equal in their eyes as Tate. The deterioration of that respect and good-feeling was sharp, plummeting down to the lowly depths it now resided at, with seemingly no way of Luana ever regaining it.

So the last thing Daisy wanted was to fuel their dislike of the former alpha by giving them personal information to fund their gossiping. Instead, the younger girl kept quiet as they made their distance from the pack, her only proceeding action being to nod in agreement with the request. The fact Luana was willing to momentarily postpone fishing with her daughter was all the evidence Daisy needed to know something monumental had occurred with Tate - and naturally, she didn't presume it to be positive in the slightest.

Once explaining her decision to Anders and Ronan, and reassuring the former especially that Luana would be alright after a walk, Daisy reappeared with a faint smile and proceeded to move out of the pack's settlement and into the woods proper, a sigh escaping at how relieving it automatically was to be out of a community that had increasingly irked her over the last few days. It wasn't the community she loved nor full of the people she had come to know and appreciate. Instead, she felt trapped amongst bitterness and cruelty, the tension resting over them never seeming to cease.

So the walk in the woods was as much for her as it was for Luana.

"You gonna tell me what happened or are we just gonna walk? 'Cos I'm fine with that, we don't have to discuss anythin' but-- but if Tate said or did somethin'... Lu, he ain't omnipotent. He can't treat 'ya like crap an' think he can get away with it. You got me, Anders, Ronan... Hell, Gio and Sasha too; you ain't alone here, even if it... feels like it," she reassured after a moment of respectful silence - even if it was only because she wasn't sure how to broach what could be a difficult topic. Yet, she liked to think their friendship was strong enough to be able to approach these subjects and have a conversation about it: she wanted to support Luana and there wasn't a way for her to do that as effectively if she didn't know what she was supporting her against.

"I just wanna help. He's my brother but you're-- just as important to me so... you can speak to me about him, I ain't gonna just take his side 'cos he's family. You're family too, you always will be, so I... I'm not against 'ya, Lu. I'm with you, if anything."
 
"S'nothin', Daisy, really." Luana glanced briefly to the younger girl before turning her gaze back onto the forest surrounding them. It was immediately a lot more peaceful, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders now she could no longer hear the whispers and feel eyes on her. Not to mention, she was with Daisy, she doubted anyone from the pack would try to repeat last night's events when she was with someone from their own pack, let alone the alpha's sister.

She took in a deep breath of the cool forest air, pushing her hands deep into her pockets as they meandered slowly together. She was certain she could almost fool herself into believing that everything was normal. That Tate was the one back with Tala, looking after her, while she and Daisy just had a friendly catch-up. But she would be immensely surprised if that ever happened again. His belief that she had already accepted defeat, as it were, was true. She had seen how happy Leah had made him, had learned how much the other woman had helped him through, and seen how the pack responded to her former mate's new love.

Given his reaction and response from the moment she had returned, Luana found it difficult to believe that he would continue to feel that care and love he claimed he had for her when she wasn't in his presence. She was certain he was just responding to the effects of the bond, and she didn't want that to be the base of any rekindled relationship, not if he would go back to hating her the moment she left the room again. Regret. That was the one emotion she wanted to avoid him feeling. Besides, there was also the pack. Luana wasn't sure she would could handle the pack hating Tate for taking her back. She would rather continue to live in misery if it meant him being happy.

"Was just the final straw, that's all. Not even the third day an' I'm already losin' my shit." She snorted, the sound lacking in amusement, "Thing's were actually goin' alrigh' this mornin'... but then he just accused me an' Ronan of bein' an item because I wanted him to come fishin' too an'... it... it just made me lose my shit 'cause I've not thought of anyone but him the last two years."

Luana shrugged, eyes moving to the floor to watch the wild grass jostle and sway as they walked through it, "I lost my temper for a split second, tried to carry on as normal an' then he said some spiteful shit an' left. I just... saw red, 'specially after Tala said she didn't want me after I was mean to her Pa... an' everyone else knows the rest. I followed him, we had it out, an' that's it."

As promised, she would keep the events within the hut to herself. She hated keeping secrets from those who cared for her, even after all she had done to them. But she owed Tate, massively. Besides, she also didn't want to get anyone's hopes up if they knew that Tate confessed to still feeling something for her. It was bad enough getting her to think realistically about it all, let alone listen to someone try to make her optimistic.
 
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Daisy had the feeling that she wasn't being told everything, that there were some elements to the story that she was being kept in the dark about for whatever reason, but she also knew she couldn't force such things out of her friend. She trusted Luana enough to feel that they were close enough to tell one another anything and everything that played on their minds, so if there was anything she was holding back, there had to be a reason for it - and Daisy, however strongly she felt about being party to that news and helping Luana with it, realised that this was one instance where she wouldn't get the full truth.

There was a good reason for her to remain oblivious and she was mature enough to respect it without casting doubts on her friendship to Luana. Her holding a secret from her didn't diminish the friendship she felt they had, not in the slightest. She regretted not being able to fully help her with whatever plagued her mind but their bond was one that she treasured. She wasn't about to put it in jeopardy just because Luana felt she had a reason to withhold personal information from her; Daisy wasn't that childish to demand to be told everything Luana was going through.

Besides, what she was told was more than enough to occupy her thoughts, her eyes widening slightly at her elder brother's apparent belief that Ronan was, in some way, romantically involved with Luana. Even if she didn't know the truth of who he was actually in love with, it would still bewilder her.

She doubted Luana would ever move on when for two years, she had always assumed she would return and resume her relationship. Why would she move on with such a belief in mind?

"Ronan? That's... ridiculous. It's a shame Anders won't tell anyone just yet; it would cut Tate's stupid assumptions before they start blossoming, 'ya know? But-- I suppose Anders will tell everyone in his own time, there's no reason for him to push himself to do so if he ain't ready," she reasoned as she cast a glance at the view of the sky she could get from beyond the trees above her, faintly smiling to herself at the thought of at least one couple reuniting and getting along. She had harboured that hope for Tate and Luana, but from all she had been told of arguments and bitterness, it was hard to see that happening anytime soon.

"I'd love to go fishin' with you all, that sounds like fun, but-- you know, I can't leave the pack. Someone could hurt themselves an' I ain't got an apprentice to teach up just yet so it's all me right now, an'... I gotta stay put, make sure I'm here if they need my help. Which sucks 'cos I'd love to spend time with Tala, get to know 'er, but, uh... another time, maybe," she smiled quietly in an attempt to shift the focus of the conversation; an attempt that ultimately only left her feeling sorry for herself which hadn't quite been the intention. She did, however, augh quickly to assure the other she was fine, waiving it aside with apparent ease.

"I'll 'ave to just start recruiting an apprentice or two, make sure I got some help 'round here. It's a fun job sometimes! Like, I-- I helped deliver Sasha's baby, y'know? That was the best experience; it ain't a bad lil' job. Just-- I guess most folks in the pack don't wanna take orders from someone my age, or those my age don't fancy the hard work. I dunno."
 
"Wait... you... you know?" Luana paused in her step, looking at the younger girl for a moment. With everything that had been going on, Ronan hadn't had a moment to inform Luana that Daisy was well aware of the situation now too. Between Tate being in the hut for Tala, Luana having been hurt and then needing to be careful what was said around Tala, it wasn't as if there was much time to tell the woman that Daisy was also now in on the secret.

She cleared her throat softly, glancing behind them as if to make sure no one was following, and began to walk again, "Who... told you? Were you not... angry at Anders for not tellin' you? 'Cause I-- I mean he had his reasons, like I'm sure you know." Luana hurriedly started to defend the pair, despite knowing she didn't really need to. Daisy was probably single-handedly the most understanding person in the pack. Luana didn't believe for a second that the youngster would have gotten upset with her brother, but there had been a lot of secrets lately, and Luana was simply worried about which one might break the young girl.

"You'll... you'll just have to spend time with her here, then, in the pack. Tate can bring her out to see you, that way she can... in'ermingle with those she'll end up leadin' one day an'..." Luana trailed off, hiding her discomfort at the idea of her daughter being in the presence of those that harmed her. However, she was sure she could make it clear she only wanted those she trusted around Tala for the time being if she was at the firepit. Sasha, Daisy, Anders... even Gio.

As they came up to a collection of rocks and boulders, Luana motioned for them to sit, which she did. The young woman perched on rock herself, smothering the wince at the pull of skin the scraps on her back caused. "There's gotta be someone, surely." She responded, propping her foot up on one stone nearby, knee bending to allow her an area to rest her elbow, "Maybe get someone younger than your age, get them interested in the subject... more of an apprentice type role, perhaps?"
 
Having simply assumed that Luana was up to date and knew that she knew, the blurt of surprise caught Daisy off guard. She didn't blame Luana for having other things on her mind, nor did she expect Ronan and Anders to update her as though Daisy's knowledge of the matter was somehow monumental, ground-breaking news when it wasn't at all - not in comparison to other events that had gone on in the pack over the last few days, at least.

Daisy knowing about her brother's relationship really wasn't something that needed a huge conversation when other matters, like the pack's animosity to Luana and Anders' anxiety over revealing his relationship to them were easily far more deserving of attention.

"...Ronan told me. Anders explained in the hut a night or two ago that you already knew; that you've known for a while now. Which is-- I'm glad someone knows. At least Ronan had you at his side for two years helping him through being apart from Anders, I just-- wish he'd have told me so I could do the same for him. I get why he didn't, I ain't sayin' he ought to have forced himself to, but... I dunno. The thought of him spending two years without Ronan, sufferin' in silence, just.... it hurts me. I'm his little sister, but I've always looked out for 'im, protected him. Y'know what he's like, he ain't... he needs someone to support him, he ain't so good at doing it for himself," she finally whispered after a moment or two of silently contemplating Luana's words, evidently a defence of the couple in case Daisy did come out with criticisms at being kept in the dark.

Ultimately, she had no arguments against it; she had no divine right to know what was going on in Anders' personal life. That didn't mean she felt comfortable knowing he had been suffering for two years with the knowledge that he was missing his mate when just opening up to her could have helped relieve him of some of that emotional pain and hurt. She wasn't judging him for keeping quiet -nor would she ever judge him for such choices- but on reflection, she could remember and recall instances where Anders had appeared not quite himself for those two years.

She had pinned it down to him missing Luana - but now she knew, with hindsight, that the pain was compounded by Ronan's absence too.

The chance to focus instead on the conundrum of a possible assistant was one she immediately seized. It might not be the happiest of conversations when she was resigned to the fact she would be stuck doing a difficult job alone for the rest of her life (and thereby leaving the pack with no efficient healer after her eventual passing) but it was easier to discuss than her brother's hurt and anxiety.

"...I guess I could, but Lu, there ain't nobody interested. Trust me, I've tried to convince some of the younger teens that it's a great job an' better than hangin' about doing nothing all day but... nah, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not the most charismatic, charmin' type to draw 'em in, make 'em feel like it's worth their time to help out and learn a trade. Am I that boring, huh?"
 
Luana studied Daisy for a moment, feeling nothing but sympathy towards the other girl as they spoke about her desire for help but not receiving any. It irked her to know that the young girl was baring all this responsibility and no one was willing to step forward and help, it made her wonder why Tate hadn't done something about it yet. Surely he would see what Daisy saw, a gap in their pack in which she wasn't enough to fill. Of course she knew the girl was capable, and was definitely making a dent, but there was definitely a need for another to help her.

"Hey... come on now." She said softly, momentarily forgetting all of her own troubles and focusing solely on Daisy, "You know that ain't true. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a mentor or a support, y'know that really, right?" She leaned forward to gently take the girl's hands, watching her closely, "Dase... I said it before I left and I said it again when I got here... you have more heart and strength than anyone out in that pack. Hell-- than all your brothers put together! Just... don't tell Anders I said that." Luana teased lightly.

The woman gave her friend's hands a squeeze, not enjoying the self-berating that was going on. Daisy was like a younger sister to her, and Luana wasn't willing to sit there and allow such words to be spoken.

"Maybe... maybe this is something you need to speak to Tate about, once I've... gone back and things have settled down again. You can't carry on with no one to help you or without anyone bein' there to relieve you of your duties. You're so young... you can't be expected to carry this role all by yourself."

Luana's thumbs stroked back and forth against Daisy's knuckles, a small smile flickering at her lips, "I don't wanna ever hear you say anythin' bad about yourself again, alrigh'? This pack... I don't know what they'd do without you there to help look after them. But it's time you spoke to Tate about it, you deserve a life outside of your duties too, just like everyone else."
 
Daisy's remarks were mostly made from a point of self-deprecation, but even within most of the humorous comments she made about herself there was always that note of truth. She could laugh and promise those that were concerned that she was verbally beating herself down that she was simply enjoying a little self-deprecation and there was no need to worry - but she also couldn't help but believe the words she uttered.

It wasn't absurd in her eyes to assume she was boring when all evidence pointed towards that being the case. She didn't have much of a life outside of her work given the intensity of its demands upon her, and when nobody saw fit to take her up on her offers for a role under her guidance nor even offer to just lend her a hand when she needed it badly, how could she assume she was anything other than boring?

She had friends and family members who would argue otherwise -just as Luana graciously was doing now- but it didn't ease Daisy's concerns when she had yet to make a life for herself she truly felt... happy enough with. She adored her role in the pack but she didn't want it to consume her entirely and that be the only description others could have for her.

She wanted a life beyond that - but it was looking less likely as time was going by. Hell, just ten minutes chatting with Luana was all she could spare, knowing she had to be back at her hut crushing up some herbs or it would never get done.

"You're joking, ain't 'ya? Me, talk to Tate? Nah, not gonna happen. Nope. He'll just tell me to stop whinging, Lu. Like, he's the most supportive of me when it comes to my job, says I remind him of our Ma, but he still sees me as a kid - he won't accept me comin' to him complaining that I ain't got time to do fun stuff. He's so dedicated to being alpha that he ain't gonna understand that... I want some time to myself 'cos he sure as hell is happy constantly working. He won't get it; he's fuckin' stubborn, always has been. I don't need to tell you that though, huh?" She snorted, resting her head back to examine the clouds through the canopies once more, finding the sight at least calmed the internal anxieties she hadn't fully acknowledged existed as strongly as they did.

"Nah, I'm fine, don't go worryin' about me. You got other more important shit to focus on, Lu. I'm just-- whingin', like Tate would say. Just getting up in my feelings. I dunno, just-- everyone's pairing off, finding their mates, and it... sucks, that's all. Anders was my age when he found Ronan, Gio and Sasha were younger than I am when they started datin'. I just-- I guess I won't ever have that, but s'cool. My work's my life, tha's... tha's fine."
 
"Maybe you ought to go on strike, tell 'im you ain't doin' anythin' else for the pack until they all realise how much work is in it an' that you need help." Luana answered, a small smirk on her face at the prospect. She couldn't imagine Daisy doing anything of the like, but still, if it helped get a point across... "All I'm sayin' is that if you stopped offerin' your help in that role even for a day they'll realise just how much goes into it. People'll be askin' where thin's are kept when they realise you ain't doin' anything that day. People'll be asking what to do an' how long for... it wouldn't be long before they appreciated everythin' you did for 'em."

Luana didn't like the sound of how things had become for Daisy. It felt as though she had let yet another person down. If she had stayed, just dealt with the fight with Tate and just... gone with what he had wanted, then perhaps she would have been that extra hand Daisy needed. Or she would have at least been the voice of support the younger girl needed when it came to demanding more help.

"Don't ever let him tell you you're whinin'. Whinin' is when a kid's ma asks them to get wood for the fire in their hut but the kid wants to keep playin' instead of takin' five minutes to do that job. You ain't ever whinin', Dase. You're entitled to this opinion. It's shit of them to expect you to do this without any help."

She shook her head, finally releasing Daisy's hands with a soft sigh, "You deserve to have a life outside of your role, that goes without sayin'. Just cause he's a workaholic, that don't mean everyone else is. If he don't see it then I'm surprised Leah ain't said anythin' to him." She murmured, rubbing the back of her neck. The movement slowed and then paused, fingers tracing over the slightly puckered scar there.

Eventually she focused back onto Daisy, frowning lightly, "Don't ever say I have more important thin's. You are important to me Dase, I don't like the idea of you being sad here an' not talkin' to anyone about it. Does Anders know this is how you feel? Or Gio or Sasha? I-- I don't like the idea of leavin' you knowin' this is what's goin' on in your head." Luana paused and leaned forward again.

"Dase, it ain't a secret that you're like a little sister to me. You're Tala's godmother an' I love ya more than anythin'. I want you to be happy an'... an' he might not react well to it, but I can't not say anythin' to Tate." She studied the other girl for a moment, "An' you'll be visitin' me know, like it or not, at the other pack. Who knows, maybe your mate is there too."
 
If Daisy found the idea of going on strike humorous (if only because she knew she couldn't, in all good conscience, willingly do such a thing), then she found the prospect of meeting her mate hilarious. She wasn't like Tate in having resigned herself to never having a mate at her side, always holding out hope that someone in her pack who she had never really noticed before would suddenly step out from the shadows and catch her eye - and when she was still young, with plenty of years ahead of her to find that special someone, she knew deep down that she oughtn't spend so much of her time worrying about such a thing.

...But she couldn't help herself; not when all her friends had already begun dating, one or two even solidifying their relationship through a bond, and all her brothers had someone at their side. Even the twins had women in their lives they were interested in and their emotions becoming more serious; their desires focused on settling down as their elder brothers (and Anders) had done. Being the only sibling not to have anyone at her side wasn't easy, even if she had to lie to herself and pretend as though it wasn't as big of a deal as she was told it was.

Finding that mate she believed she would have one day just appeared such a slim prospect when she barely had enough time to keep up with her friends and family. Her life was her work - how would she ever find the time to dedicate to a relationship? Hell, even if her mate wasn't in the pack (Anders and Ronan proved that sometimes someone's mate lived beyond their own one), she wouldn't get the chance to head to Luana's home to find that out.

How could she leave her pack for a few days when there was no other healer left behind to cover her absence?

"Nah, I am whinin' a bit, I just want to vent I guess. I don't get a chance to; Anders listens to me but he's been all-- y'know, he wants to spend time with you an' Ronan, which I get. He ain't got much time for me right now but I ain't complainin'. Just-- I do need to vent to someone sometimes an' I'm sorry you got the short end of the straw, Lu; I'm borin' the hell outta 'ya," she laughed humorously, giving the other's hand a final squeeze before easing herself up from the boulder she had taken a seat on. With a faint sigh in contentment once stretching out her arms, she offered a smile across to her friend.

"Come on, you gotta get back an' take Tala fishing, yeah? Don't let me keep 'ya too long; I gotta get back to work anyway but-- listen, Tate... he'll come around, Lu. I know he's stubborn an' all but he's got a soft spot for 'ya, that ain't gonna ever change. Give him the day, he'll be calmer when you guys get back from fishin', I know he will."
 
"If you say you're borin' one more time, I'm throwin' you in the nearest lake possible." Luana growled playfully, shaking her head in exasperation as she watched Daisy stand. It was frustrating for her to listen to the younger woman talk about herself in such a way. Luana knew she was probably biased, but to her, anyone would be lucky to have Daisy in their life. She sure as hell was glad to meet her that first day she got dragged into the pack. Even before the girl had been so understanding of Luana's two-year disappearance, Luana knew she owed Daisy a lot.

Her smile slowly faded as the issues between her and Tate were once more touched upon, head bowing slightly as she looked down at her hands. Luana gently scratched the back of her one hand before clasping them together, shrugging awkwardly, "Look I-- I appreciate you tryin' make me feel better an' all but... let's not keep talkin' about him, 'mkay? I just... ever since I got here I feel like that's all we've ever talked about an' you guys must be gettin' sick of it," she laughed it off, shrugging with apparent nonchalance.

Eventually, she stood and mirrored Daisy's actions from a few minutes before. She stretched out her arms, back arching slightly as her head rolled back to complete the full motion of movement. Exhaling deeply, she rolled her shoulders as she settled back into a normal position.

"An' you guys don't need to keep tryin' make me feel better about it. I'd rather not get my hopes up, y'know? The soft spot's cause of the bond an' I'd rather that weren't the reason why he has it. I don't need him... feelin' nice towards me one minute an' then hatin' himself for those emotions the next once I'm out of the room. It ain't fair to anyone."

The explanation was a little better this time, since she had had the opportunity to think of how to articulate herself better.

Quickly, Luana forced a smile on her face and stepped forward to throw an arm over Daisy's shoulder, intending to walk back in that embrace, "Besides, I'd much prefer to focus on your problems. While they might feel big and daunting, they still seem like a much easier fix than mine." She laughed again, patting Daisy's shoulder as they walked.
 
Daisy knew that bringing Tate up probably wouldn't go down too well when things appeared fraught between the two at the moment, but she felt obligated to try and bring some comfort to her friend after all the reassurances and encouragement she had just bestowed to her. The younger woman couldn't accept the support without trying to at least offer some of her own, even if that support was politely rejected to prevent getting hopes up.

It would only leave Luana more disappointed and hurt if she started to believe in something that Tate ultimately failed to give her. Daisy might want to offer that hope but she knew that in Luana's position, she might do the same just to spare herself the worst of the heartache if what she wanted didn't actually materialise.

And so, despite feeling obligated to encourage Luana and cheer her up, the healer smiled understandingly and began to make the walk back to pack; something she wasn't all that enthused about after her confessions when it just emphasised how much she was missing out on. To see her friends able to do their roles around camp but also find time to relax and socialise in that setting, knowing she couldn't join in, would be difficult, but she had to do what she had done since taking on the role.

Put on a smile and act as though everything was fine. She was more like her eldest brother than she really knew: the two would plaster on a smile and act as though everything was fine until they were in the privacy of their huts or in the company of someone they trusted to open up to. And for both her and Tate, that person seemed to be Luana.

"...I guess my problems aren't that big, huh? All I gotta do is say to Tate 'give me a break' an'... that's all I need, really. A little break, time to do other stuff," she agreed with a casual shrug, now adopting Luana's philosophy in not allowing herself to get her hopes up - she knew she wouldn't be discussing anything with Tate, so looking forward to time off that would never arrive was a recipe for future upset.

"Ah, s'all fine. Today should be a slower day anyway, unless someone hurts themselves. I just gotta collect some herbs, crush 'em down... it won't be so bad. An' hey, you're going fishing so you'll have a fun day too. Just, ah... make sure Anders doesn't try to be brave an' give fishing a go, alright? He ain't made for it, never has been."
 
"You're problems are big 'cause they're big to you. Never let anyone make you feel like they're invalid just because they claim to be dealin' with somethin' worse." Luana murmured softly, glancing across to Daisy as they walked, "Don't ever think you can't come to me with anythin', alrigh'? S'what I'm here for, especially if I can help."

While Luana knew it was all well and good saying that, she wouldn't be here for a lot of the times Daisy may need her. She didn't expect things to swing in her favour with Tate, even after their moment in his cabin. Perhaps she was turning a little pessimistic or cynical during her time at the pack, but after everything that had happened, she was hardly going to be an optimist. Despite the kiss they shared and the words he spoke, Luana had to put it down to the bond. Everything, everything that involved him caring for her, she would expect to be the influence of the bond, not because he actually wanted to feel that way towards her.

Of course it was easy to argue that the bond was what brought them together in the first place and had them love one another, realise they were soulmates, in the first place. But there was a clear difference between loving someone because you wanted to, and loving someone because you're forced to.

Luana didn't want a form a new relationship with Tate if it was going to be based on the latter.

"You should just try tellin' him that though. Maybe... with everythin' that's happened... he might understand needing a break a bit better than before." Luana then continued, dropping her arm from Daisy's shoulder and looking forward again, "No one can be expected to be in their role all day every day. Maybe him, but that's different."

She then hesitated at the idea of fishing, remembering Tala's words that caused her to storm after Tate. "A fun day depends on if Tala's forgiven me yet." She muttered, fingers reaching up to tentatively press against the swelling near her eye to see how bad it still was, "She wasn't too keen to be goin' anywhere with her mean Mumma after my last exchange with Tate."
 
"He's stubborn, Lu - and he won't accept that I ain't able to dedicate myself entirely to a job for most of the hours of the day. He can but-- he's different, ain't he? He never fuckin' rests. You know he was like this when we were kids? Always unable to relax, followin' our Pa around like he was his shadow, determined to learn the ropes. He's always been a workaholic. I just... need some relaxation time, I ain't Tate. But there's more chance of squeezing blood from a damn stone than him seein' that an' you know it, Lu. You know what he's like." Daisy continued with a quiet glance across to her friend, not necessarily wanting to continue to think so negatively but there also wasn't a point in setting her hopes up for them to inevitably come crashing down later on.

She had spent 18 years with Tate; the entirety of her life knowing him and what he was like. He wouldn't accept her just taking time off from her duty when her role was as important as it was and without anyone to cover her potential absence from the post. If she were a cook or a hunter, there was more leeway to be had given the ability for anyone to lend a hand with the cooking and the dedicated numbers of hunters within the pack - whereas she was the only healer; the only one trained to understand the body and how to naturally help its recovery.

She couldn't leave for a few hours into the forest for some 'me time' when she would leave behind a pack ultimately clueless in the ways of the healer.

"...Anyway, I won't worry about being alone all my life if you don't worry about Tala calling 'ya a few names. She's a toddler; don't they all have little tantrums? I know I wasn't an angel at that age," she snorted, stopping just at the periphery of the pack as if in hesitation to re-enter it. She knew she had no choice but to do so, but the ten minutes she spent away from it having a little time to herself without anyone being aware of it had been... everything she needed.

And she was reluctant to throw herself back into it all when this was the most relaxed she had been in a while, irrespective of the emotional confessional conversations.

"Tate will have a word if she still kicks up a fuss, y'know? He ain't gonna turn her against you or anythin' - he seems like he really... wants to be a Dad to her. I never thought I'd see the day where he'd have a kid and he'd actually like being a father but... guess it goes to show anything can happen, huh?"
 
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