A Very Insane Christmas

K

Karsikan the Berzerker

Guest
For this [Insert hoiday Here] I give one free get out of painfeulexecution for heresy free card!
 

Vay

The Empress
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Female
Genres
Mostly Fantasy and Sci-fi, though I’ll do anything if the plot is good.
To be replaced with a swift deathbybolterroundtothehead GMK?

Those cards always have fineprint*
 

Hydronine

The Murrstress
Invitation Status
Posting Speed
Multiple posts per day, 1-3 posts per day
Writing Levels
Adept, Advanced, Prestige, Douche, Adaptable
Preferred Character Gender
No Preferences
Genres
Scifi, Fantasy, Modern, Magical, Horror, Noir, apocalyptic, Grimdark, yaoi, yuri, anything really.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
 
O

Ochalla

Guest
Santa forgot to bring me my dick... and the person attached to it! Damn you Grumpy! *cries*
 
F

Fel of the Eternal Forest

Guest
Nothing good comes from it, Ocha, nothing good.
 
K

Karsikan the Berzerker

Guest


Vay, blow my cover one more time and it's ninja star to the forehead.
 
K

Karsikan the Berzerker

Guest
Pao

Sweep,
Up, down, left, right, High Kick.
 

Asmodeus

Gazorpazorpdeus
Posting Speed
Speed of Light
The singing of Christmas related Carols, Songs and Hymns at this time of year, whilst traditional, highlight some real Health and Safety and equality issues. Please read the following guidelines and ensure you are compliant in all areas:



The Rocking Song

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:


Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.



Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way


A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.



While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around


The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.

Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.



Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load


The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.



We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star


Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.



Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.


You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.
 
P

Paorou-sama

Guest
CLEVER... CLEVER INDEED.





BUT I'VE YET TO SEE ANYONE OUTSMART BULLET.
 

Tegan

Hopeful Monster
*IGNORES*

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P

Paorou-sama

Guest
TEGAN IS THREE MONTHS LATE

YOU CAN HAVE BABIES TOO IF YOU BELIEVE