A Tale of Two Maniacs (Hellsing x League of Legends Crossover)

A

Archmage Jeremiah

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Original poster
Piltover

The beautiful city of progress.
​
It's evenings were brightly lit by the city's energy-efficient lighting while advent party-goers were littered about enjoying themselves, and people drove quietly through the streets on the way to their night-jobs. For the city's police force, they were enjoying what relative calm they were experiencing. It had been weeks since the last prison break or bank robbery, and months since Jinx's last visit. Sure, they still had the occasional murder or break-in, but their sheriff could clean those up with one arm tied behind her back. But for the sheriff, Caitlyn was her name, she wasn't sure to be happy during the calm, or afraid. Sure, on one hand it could mean Jinx had finally hidden her ugly mug away for good, but she had this sneaking suspicion that she was plotting her next master plan.

Little did she know, that Jinx was already setting such a plan into action. With a new colleague, no less...
​
Crank

"Haha, so, this ain't your first time buddy?"

Crank

Jinx grinned while she twisted the pin that powered the countdown timer she held in her pale hands. She chuckled darkly once she set it down on the winding pipe her and her friend stood across from.

Ten...

The timer looked like a digital clock. It counted down very latently, and announced the random numbers it displayed with a droning digitalized voice.

Sixty-seven...

"You remember your part of the plan?"

Twenty...


​
 
Rip stood next to her new ally, her musket slung over her shoulder as she hummed a little tune
"Och, of courze I remember my part of ze plan"
Her thick German accent and singsong voice almost made the words chillingly calm

She leveled her musket at the sky and cocked the hammer back
"I run circles around ze cops vhile you grab vhat ve came for..."
latest


"Nozing I can't handle, Fraulein Jinx"

The hammer came down and her bullet took into the air, whipping about like a crazy blue firefly

​
 
Jinx giggled with an impossible cheeriness, watching the bullet dart along the black sky.

Five...

"I love the way your bullets fly around like that! Haha!" Jinx spoke excitedly; the anticipation simply killing her.

Eighty-two...

Jinx perked up and quickly rushed to haul her rocket launcher Fishbones off her back and fold it under her arm, quickly flipping a few switches on the side of it. "Ooh! Ooh! It's almost time, c'mon!"

Three...

Jinx pressed her launcher's metal jaws against the wet marsh ground, and out of them fire began to spew.

Forty-one!

Jinx latched onto it for dear life, but not without passing Rip a little farewell wave.

Nine, and-

Behind them, the explosives she had randomly planted across the marsh began to detonate, sending bits of ground flying into the air, along with shredded pieces of pipe and the giblets of the various wildlife.

Liftoff!!

Jinx was thrown up into the air as Fishbones carried her towards the city. Her joyful screams could be faintly heard while she flew farther and farther away.​
 
Rip was camped out not too far from the crater, her bullet flying in a wide circle in the middle of the giant hole as she loaded a second shot into her musket, getting ready to do what she'd been asked to

That Sherrif prided herself on her skill with a rifle...they'd soon see what true skill was

As she sat she began to hum her most favorite song, Der Freischütz

She couldn't help but grin widely as her gentle humming formed into her favorite tune, and even though she was meant to be laying low, she couldn't help herself...

She stood and started to twirl her musket around, singing and dancing with the rifle as the song progressed slowly in her mind​
 
The explosions shook the entire city, and at that instant Caitlyn knew. She swiftly dispatched every unit she could before forcing Vi awake and dragging her out into the night. Before the sound of siren shrieking ensued, they could hear Jinx's morally devoid cackling, and see the fiery streak she was making through the air. Caitlyn didn't need to speak a word, Vi knew exactly why she was woken up.

Jinx, however, still had a plan. She removed another trigger from her back pocket and pressed her thumb down on it, causing a barrage of fireworks to spring into the air around her and disguise her amongst the dazzling pyrotechnics. But amidst the crackling of coloured flame, the enforcers could hear her shout one thing.

"You'll never catch me, Fat-Hands!~"

Vi and Caitlyn quickly hurried off into the city, barely noticing the lights waning around them through their rage and frustration. Little did they know they would instead encounter a new foe...and that they had left the doors to the police station wide open.

Idiots
 
As if on cue, her final note was met with the explosion of rockets

She smiled as her bullet whistled through the air, trailing through the fireworks before arcing down and smashing up the street between the pair

She stepped out onto the roof and leveled her musket at the pair, a wicked grin spreading across her face as she pulled the trigger, the magical silver bullet ripping through the air toward the police officers

She didn't have to kill them yet...

She just had to keep them busy...make sure they didn't notice the real intention behind the attacks

"Yoo-hoo!" she taunts with a slight bow, making sure they knew exactly where she was, the bullet circling her in the air, only a few feet above her, like a blue halo of sorts​
 
The duo came to a halt once some invisible force began to shred through the stone they stood on, and quickly began to search their surroundings for who fired at them. They found nothing until the second shot, causing Vi to twitch and activate her energy shield, and it gave up just enough resistance to stop the bullet before the shield dissipated. Caitlyn swiftly aimed her rifle towards the rooftops, barely able to keep her sights on the aggressor's glimmering grin underneath the dimming lights and flashing fireworks. It took a moment for Vi to find the target, but clenched her fists reflexively upon finding her.

"Freeze, and lower your weapon! Don't make any sudden movements." Caitlyn ordered, her quasi-British accent only speaking of annoyance.

Meanwhile...

Jinx had crash-landed just outside the station that was just abandoned in search for her. The very thought of it made her giggle without end.

"They didn't even bother to arm any of their alarms before they left. Heehee..."

She waltzed right in, swinging her twin braids around like a lasso while taking unnecessarily long strides in her steps like she owned the place. While she strolled by the various desks, drawers and cabinets open, she took out a large can of hot pink spray paint and shook it violently. The mad-woman then swung open every compartment she could find and began drenching every single document in her "art", but she wasn't about to stop there.
 
Rip's smile only grew as her rifle clattered down onto the roof as she dropped it "Whoops" she teases, placing her hand over her mouth and giggling like a young girl

They didn't know she didn't need the rifle, her magic bullet was still airborne and she could strike them both down in an instant with it

"So, to who do I ave ze pleasure of speakink?" she asks, her eyes shining behind her glasses as she gazes down at the pair "A little girl vis a rifle unt her ham-fisted lover?"

She giggles again and waits for their introductions, knowing she could stall them purely with chat for now​
 
Caitlyn scoffed as the woman above them dropped her rifle with a giggle. Someone who managed to come off more sadistic than Jinx? Absurd. The duo was clearly ticked off by what insults Rip threw their way, and even led Vi to whisper "Why does everyone think we're in love?" Caitlyn had no time to muse her partner, as she was too caught up in the job at hand.

"You're speaking to the Sheriff of Piltover, missy. My colleague here is my second in command. Please tell me you aren't another one of Jinx's cronies."

Both of them kept their respective weapons armed, ready for anything she could throw at them.

Well...nearly anything.

Meanwhile!

Anything and everything on Jinx had been ruined by the crazed criminal herself, delighted by her crude handiwork as usual. Now that her job was done, it was time to have some fun. She moved onto the floors of the office, shaking up her paint can again and pressing her finger against the trigger, spraying a caricature of both Vi and Caitlyn in hot pink, labeling them both F4t-H4nDs and H4t-L4dY respectively. But the walls still looked so empty...
 
"Crony?" she asks with a growing smirk "I vouldn't say zat"
Her bullet whizzed past them both, circling them menacingly and getting closer by the second, before keeping it's distance, a short while away from the shield she had seen

"Now, if it is okay vis you, I vould like just a moment of your time" she says with a slight chuckle, twirling her parasol for a second

"Just to ask a few qvestions"​
 
Caitlyn only glanced at the bullet circling her, keeping her focus mainly on Rip between her multiple crosshairs. Vi, on the other hand, attempted to swat it away like a fly. It was a strange sight; Vi moved her huge gauntlets as if they were her own two hands. They didn't lumber, or stumble, and they were surprisingly deft. Though they seemed somehow connected to a device planted on her back...

"Get to talking then. We don't have all night." Caitlyn scoffed, putting the entirety of her willpower towards keeping herself from pulling the trigger.
 
"First off, I vould like to ask exactly vhere I am..." she states with a hand on her hip
Jinx was a little...hectic...and didn't seem to understand what rip meant by the question
"Vhat country are ve in?" she asks further, resting a foot on her musket for a moment, before resting the other under it.
The bullet dancing between Vi's fingers almost as if at the speed of light itself as she giggles a little
"I vouldn't touch zat, my dear"​
 
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Caitlyn raised one brow curiously. She didn't know where she was, and she still had the nerve to assist Jinx? Perhaps this woman was a bigger threat. "You're in the city-state of Piltover, missy." Caitlyn answered, giving the Nazi a scowl. "We've been going through quite the rise in crime lately."

Meanwhile!

Jinx giggled delightedly as she whipped out her entire spray-paint collection, the briefcase swinging wildly open to reveal an assortment of different colours, pulling out the colours black and white to begin, holding one can in each hand. Jinx laughed while she ruined the walls with Rip's toothy grin, literally waltzing around the room while she plastered her crude beautiful artwork across every wall that surrounded her. She soon found the cans empty, so she casually threw them aside and instead picked up a can of pink and blue, beginning again by painting her own face on every wall as well.
 
"Piltover" Rip coos "I can't recall hearing zat name before..."
She fiddles idly with the rifle in her feet, continuing
"Is zis place somewhere in America?" she taps a foot on the musket idly for a moment before nodding slowly
"It matters not..."

Her toothy grin flashed across her face for a moment as the musket span into the air, a distraction, of course.
The real attack came from the magic bullet that flew toward the Sheriff's back​
 
Caitlyn pulled herself away from her scopes to ogle at Rip quizzically. "America...?" she repeated, confused. This woman had to be out of her mind. Caitlyn was quickly broke out of her stupor once she noticed Rip fling her musket into the air, diving back behind the scope and readying to pull the trigger.

Vi, on the other hand, was still watching the bullet circling them intently, occasionally beating her fists together. She glanced at Rip once her musket floated into the air, but looked back in time to notice the bullet flying towards her partner. "Caitlyn, get down!" she barked, panicking and swiftly pushing her Sheriff away. The good news was that she had effectively saved her partner from a slow, painful end. On the flipside, the bullet had managed to rip through the thinner shielding around her gauntlets and drive through the steel, pushing itself right through her hand before it was finally stopped at its thick plating. She snarled in pain while she clenched her injured hand into a fist. Caitlyn took the opportunity and raised her rifle again to take the second shot at Rip.

...

Until the skyscraper she sat beside was blown apart.

The explosion nearly blew the Sheriff's top-hat right off, though the quick swipe of a pale hand swept it right off her head anyway. Once Caitlyn looked up to see who it was, she went red with hate.

"Hey hey hey, Hat-Lady.~" Jinx teased, dangling the Sheriff's hat limply inside her right hand while her left rudely gestured at her. Looking over at Vi in pain made her laugh. "Awww, did someone's wittle hand get hurt? Heeheehahaha!" she asked with a fake concern. Vi looked at her in the same way Caitlyn did, and raised her fists at the snap of a finger. Jinx stopped her just as quickly, raising an index finger and wagging it about. "Ah, ah, ah!" She dug both her hands into her pockets, retrieving a pair of hot-pink fuzzy cuffs, and a shining gold police badge with the name Vi engraved into it proudly. Both officers' eyes widened at the sight of their respective items, and they quickly glanced at each other for Vi to blurt out: "I thought you were joking when you said you had those!"

"Catch!" Jinx giggled, throwing both of them far over their heads, completely distracting them. She laughed again and turned away, looking up at Rip on the rooftop with a wink, and a gesture to come down and join her during her stroll along the city road.
 
"Oh my..." Rip murmured upon seeing the handcuffs "Zose are qvite suggestive..." she adds as she raises a leg high into the air, almost at a 180 degree angle from her standing leg, before she did a cartwheel, her parasol appearing from nowhere as she dives off the roof and opens it, slowing her descent as if by magic
"Such a lovely night..." she comments as she drifts down to the ground slowly "I hope our plan vent off vizout a hitch?" she asks Jinx as she approaches her

"Och, who am I kidding? Of course if vent as planned, ve spent more zan enough time plotting unt checking our plans..." she says with a smile​
 
Jinx giggled at her partner's observation, watching as she floated down from the roofs with her parasol. She gasped Rip's free hand with one of her own and began to swing their arms around like a child would do with her mother. "Well, duh! Of course the plan went perfectly!" she confirmed cheerily. "It actually went better than expected, I didn't even need to blow their doors open. They left them wide open for me!" Jinx giggled nefariously. "So, I left a little explosive surprise waiting for them instead.~"

Jinx whipped out Fishbones again and planted him on her left shoulder and began to fire into the air. The rockets whistled while they flew up into the black sky, and lit it up with colourful explosions once again. Jinx grinned and continued to fire, having a seemingly endless supply of fireworks. One had to ask, where did she get them all from? 'Probably stole them...then how could Fishbones hold them all? Underneath the fiery sky, Jinx turned her head over to smile at Rip, the expression more genuine than her general assortment of grins and smirks. Her flat-white skin practically changed colour with each new firework.
 
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"Ooooh..." Rip cooed happily as she held onto Jinx's hand, smiling as she imagined the pair walking into the station and being blown apart, of course, the images were needlessly bloody, with gore sent flying in all directions...

"I bet zey'll love it!" she proclaims with a smile of her own "Almost as much as zey'll love ze art you drew for zem..." she adds with a giggle "I've been here a short vhile, unt I already love it here!"
She looks up at the rockets with an almost fascination, watching their different colors with her mouth slightly open, like a child, amazed by them
Of course, she'd seen them before, but she loved explosions, of all kinds, small ones, big ones, loud ones quiet ones
Cherry bomb or Megaton Class Nuclear bomb, it didn't matter, it was an explosion, and Rip loved them!

"Zose are qvite fantastic!" she coos in delight "How do you fit so many inside such a small veapon?" she asks, a little unsure how it worked
Then again, she fired silver bullets that she could control through the air...which was a little more amazing when she thought about it
"Must be magic" she mutters after a few moments of consideration
Nevertheless, the it was still impressive to see so many rockets come from such a weapon​
 
Jinx giggled and shrugged at the mention of Fishbones. "I don't know, I don't care! It's just awesome!" she shouted. "Ain't that right Fishbones?" Jinx asked her own rocket launcher. She flipped the weapon's jaws open and closed and mimicked a response. "Actually, I can give a full explanation why-" Jinx quickly cut herself off by doing her impression of a buzzer. "Ehhhh! Wrong answer, Fishbones! C'mon, this is the tenth time in a row, you need to wise up!" dissed Jinx, knocking the launcher back into it's compact form.

The only thing it took for Jinx to smile again was to look at Rip. She couldn't contain herself for much longer, and flat-out threw her skinny arms around Rip, lifting her off her feet in a hug.

"Welcome to Valoran, buddy!"​
 
Rip giggles maniacally, hugging her new friend back in return "It's good to be here"
She looks around her as they spin and gives her partner a warm smile
It was good to work with someone who could appreciate her talents, and not someone who would throw her life away as if it were nothing
"So..." She begins with a wide smile "Vhat next, Fraulein Jinx?"

Rip was excited to see what kind of fun antics her and her newfound partner would get up to in this new land of Valoran
She could barely contain her excitement, the smile on her face and her manic laughter on a fraction of the joy she felt inside
She'd finally be able to have a little fun, with no stupid Major or Schrodinger around to stop her or tell her to get back to work!
She was in an entirely different universe, after all...​
 
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