The biggest problem I have with
Fifty Shades of Grey is that is glorifies domestic violence and shows people everywhere that this is the kind of relationship they should strive for. Based on everything I've heard about the book and movie, including
this review I read, Grey is a disgusting human, and Anastasia is your typical abuse victim (albeit much less complex) who tells herself lies to justify her staying.
I think that, much like
Twilight,
50 Shades of Grey was written as a wish fulfillment sort of story. The author had this misguided fantasy in her head about what it was like to be involved in a BDSM relationship, was turned on by it, wrote it down, and some idiot who also had no idea what the real BDSM community is like and who has some intense misogyny and/or only wanted to make bank picked it up for publishing... and then a movie...
As far as fanfic goes, the characters seem - based on what I hear - to be pretty on point. You've got your controlling, stalkery douche who won't take responsibility for his own reactions, thus blaming them on the woman he claims to care for, and you have the woman who has no real identity outside the context of their co-dependent, abusive relationship. I read the
Twilight books to be informed. I probably won't read 50SoG because I've suffered enough at the hands of bad writing, but when the movie comes out to either cheaply rent or to stream, I might watch it to be informed. It's only like... two hours, right? I might end up turning it off before it's over, but I like to be informed... even about badly written pieces of trash.
But back to the main problem. Here's an anecdote. When I was young, I used to find the creepy, bad boys super hot. The more possessive, the better. Then, I entered into an emotionally abusive relationship. It sucked. I was never happy, but I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me. I'd never really seen anything else to let me know that I deserved better because almost every kind of relationship I ever saw was like this, including the one between my mom and her husband (in which she was the abuser, and because he couldn't stand up to her, he took it out on my older brother and me). Even after he dumped me, he kept coming back, and I kept going right back.
I didn't realize I deserved better until I found better (queue current boyfriend), but because he didn't treat me like dirt, I didn't think I wanted him at first. I almost missed out on an amazingly healthy, loving relationship because I didn't realize that was what I should aspire to have. I'd never been shown on TV, in movies, or in books that healthy relationships are the best. I always wanted the possessive, jealous, controlling asshole, and that would have left me involved in a lot more shitty relationships in my lifetime. Representation of healthy relationships in the media is so, so important. If people are going to portray abuse on screen, it should generally come with the caveat that it's not portrayed as something romantic or something to aspire to. Even if the rest of 50SoG was exactly the same, just having an ominous musical score could have given it the slant that tells people, "This man is not a dreamboat; he's a monster."
I've never been able to go back since I found out how wonderful a truly healthy relationship is. When the love interest is stalked for "her/his protection," it creeps me the hell out now, just as it should. I've learned to recognize when a person acts entitled toward their "love" instead of treating them like an equal, but it's still so incredibly rare to see a healthy relationship that I kind of cling hard to them when I find them. Rosalie and Munroe from
Grimm come to mind. They're the pinnacle of health and communication and understanding. Healthy relationships are generally boring, but even the slow burn with many mountains to traverse can be portrayed in a healthy way. Just look at Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen in
Arrow. They've had ups and downs - currently experiencing a downward descent - but they still respect one another, and their communication with one another is so fantastic. They have chemistry, but Ollie doesn't feel entitled to her just because he wants to do the bam-a-lam. He respects her wishes and doesn't stalk her all creepy-like or try to sabotage her chances at finding true happiness just because he wants her.
However, in things like
Twilight and 50SoG, you've got leading men who do their damndest to isolate their lady-loves from their friends and family, who won't listen to what they want, who stalk them, and who blame their lovers if they can't control their penises when around them, and that's a pretty typical way to portray a desirable romance in movies and the like, and it
has to stop. Ever see the movie
Fear with Reese Witherspoon and Mark Wahlberg?
That is the appropriate tone to set for a dude who's getting possessive (from what I remember after watching it many years ago), not this romance-y aspire-for-this-people tone. Ugh...