A New Use for the Twilight series

Enjoy your icy cold, passionless vampire sex.
 
Vampire sex is just unappealing. How in the world does a male vampire get his dick up? And wouldn't the females have the coldest, dustiest vajayjays?
 
Enjoy your icy cold, passionless vampire sex.

Vampire sex is just unappealing. How in the world does a male vampire get his dick up? And wouldn't the females have the coldest, dustiest vajayjays?
Let us not all forget there are various different iterations of vampires, and I believe the bitch Stephanie Meyer set out to create a live iteration.

There are live iterations and undead iterations. A classical western vampire, ie The fictional iteration of Count Dracula of Romania, is an undead iteration. Their skin burns in the sun, and they feed on blood and their cattle turns into more vampires.

There are also iterations which are alive and burn in the sun, but require blood for sustenance, and can only bring the vampiric curse to another via will, or they must breed as humans do. There are some live iterations where the vampyr is simply irritated by the sun, and has a reversed biological clock, and must drink blood for sustenance, as their own lacks natural plasma-producing capabilities. Some have enhanced lifespans, and some are immortal, but age to full maturity.

Stephanie Meyer's irritating iteration is, to my knowledge, a living vampire who drinks blood for sustenance, and can transmit the curse by will, and do not age at all ever never never so if you become one when you're 7 say goodbye to puberty, asshole. So really Bella's baby is going to be an annoying fetus its entire fucking life christ how horrifying abort it abort it

But the worst part

They sparkle in the sun
 
Actually no, they're dead and icy. Nice try though.

But the magical Sue Baby is not dead or icy and is basically like a werewolf only not a werewolf because lolol chromosomes.
 
MY MARY SUE VAMPIRES ARE BETTER.
 
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE A TALENT FOR MAKING MARY SUES BEARABLE.
 
I AM THE MARY SUE QUUUUEEEEEEEN! 8D
 
It's adorable that you're proud of that.
 
I never claimed to know shit. I've never read the books myself, but I know the trailers of the movies irritate the living fuck out of me.
 
I fail to see how anyone can find any aspect of those books titillating. I'd swear she purposefully sets out to make the sex scenes (if they can be called that) as sexless as possible.

Unless you count her fucking Lestat with her pen on every page he graces.

Could be worse. We could be reading Laurel K Hamilton's works.
 
to answer you question fluffy, KY yours and mine
 
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This just in
Rosemary Lalonde discovers that Twilight is terrible.

Gothstucks everywhere burn pages of the sorry excuse for literature in commemoration.