a MESSSSSSS

Northern_lightz22

dead but pretty
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Idefk at this point
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  1. Male
  2. Female
Hey guys! Uh, little awkward, but I guess I'm kinda back?? I never left the site, I just RP'd with like one or two people for like months, and I still am LOL I just felt like venting out the past 5 months, talk about life, what the future has in store for me, etc. If you are nosey like me and LOVE reading about peoples personal lives, spilling the tea, giving advice, then read on! BUT if you're just here to look at one tag specifically, I'll color code each paragraph LOL

Advice Wanted-
So, I know I'm not the most popular user on Iwaku, but advice would sure be lovely lol I just graduated high school like...2 weeks ago XD and I really don't feel any different besides blocking a lot of people from my school and working lol It felt really good though to block people on social media, it felt good knowing the next day they wouldn't walk up to me and ask why I blocked them..Because they can't cause we are done with school and probably won't see each other ever again XD (Never mind I will probably see alot of my old class mates cause I live in a small town and I see at least 3 people from school every where I go) I'm honestly just waiting for my brain to finally process that this is not a drill and that the day that I thought would never come finally came, that I graduated and I'm done with public school! I love my house and I love my city, its small but not in the back woods, it's cozy and has a lot of history, but sadly I'm moving in likea couple of weeks...And it breaks my heart. I was born in this city, but we moved when I was about 9 cause my dad's job transferred him, but then Me, my brother and my mom moved back when I was 11 after my parents divorced. We lived with my grandparents because my mother couldn't afford to get a house just yet, but then about 6 months of living with my grandparents, we moved down the street from them, and have been living here for almost 7 years..And the fact that we are leaving really hit's home. This place was my refuge after the divorce, my safe place, my haven. Its a super tiny house but it's cozy and sweet, theres no creepy long hall ways or scary back rooms. Sure some creepy shit has happened here, and there are lots of memories of me contemplating alot of things and being sad...But it's where I got my drivers license in the mail, where I learned to play violin, where I learned to draw, where I brought my first boyfriend home, where many other boys have picked me up from to go on dates, where my best friend of over 6 years always came over to, where I realized who I was and who I want to become. This is my home and the fact that I have to leave it behind hurts my soul..I just need advice on how to deal with all of this. I've moved alot, but the other times never hurt this much..

Advice Wanted
Another thing that I suck at and need advice on is my love life. HEY HEY. I can already hear you Red stars, you elder and wise red stars talking down to a little blue star like me saying "YoU DOnT NeeD LOvE U R Toooooo YOUng" And I get that. I really do. I don't need it. I've been single for almost a year and a half and honest to god it's been the best year and a half of my life! I am more independent, I feel free to do as I wish, I am going to college soon, life is good. BUT I get lonely. I miss being wanted, I miss being smiled at, being held, being kissed, being some ones whole world. I have a soul mate, my best friend. She completes me in ways that no one ever has, but we both know what I mean when I say I miss those things. My problem is when I do find some one. Within this year and a half, I have gone on I guess a couple 'dates' with three guys, and two guys lived far away but we talked. But for all those guys I just...Blocked myself off. It's like the first two weeks I was all in, 100%, head over heels, excited, happy, eager to see what was next..But then It was like my brain just flipped a switch. The next day I DESPISED them. When they'd text I'd get nauseous, when they tried to call I'd hesitate. My brain would pick out their flaws and magnify it by 1000, and ultimately make me hate them. Ex. "Oh yeah I work full time at -fast food restaurant- I don't drive, and I want to go to college but I don't know what I want to major in." But to my brain that meant "I work fast food, I have no desire to get my license and have that responsiblity, and I have no ambition to better my mind and get a degree, meaning I don't want to become more mature and live a better life, and I'll end up a dead beat who is lazy" LIKE ISNT THAT FUCKED UP??? AND THATS MY BRAIN AND I FUCKING SUCK LIKE A WHOLLLLEE LOT. I hate myself for what I do. I try to fight it, its a mental battle all the time. It's like my head and my heart are just on ends with each other. One wants to accept peoples flaws and under stand them , but my brain wants to be logical and picky. I just need help identifying what is wrong with me. My best friend says that maybe my brain is spotting there are things wrong with the guys I meet and is trying to save me the heart ache later on, but my heart is taking it personally...I just don't know. I know this one will probably get lots of negative advice, like I'm shallow or that I'm just picky and can't accept those and think I'm above them...But I'm hoping some one will understand what I'm feeling and give me and answer that can make sense but won't spare feelings. If it helps I was madly in love with some one for 2 years of my life, it was long distance but I connected with him on a emotional and mental level, and we broke up pretty brutally, and I think I am still getting over it...If that helps ya'll with answering.

Rant-
You know whats crazy to me? The fact that I can't find a job I am passionate about. I'm still a teen, I know, and my options are thin because I don't have work experience or cause I'm not qualified, BUT WHY DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO WORK AT A SHITTY HARD WARE STORE/ FAST FOOD/ RETAIL???? It's like I am told to branch out and look into jobs that won't make me have a mental break down, but when I apply, I get that dreaded ; "Hello Mindy! We were so happy to have received your application and interest in our company, but sadly, you do not meet the criteria, being -" And that's when they fill in with all the shit I as a teen ager can not fulfill because I haven't been alive as long as others or cause they don't think I can handle their shit. NEWS FLASH OLIVE GARDEN I DONT NEED AN ASSOCIATES DEGREE AND TO BE OVER 18 TO WALK PEOPLE TO A TABLE, HAND THEM MENUS, AND SAY " Enjoy your meal!" LIKE ?????? I just don't get it. And I'm starting college in the fall and I have no fucking clue what I'm doing, no one in my family has been to college so I can't go to any one with questions, and I feel so alone and in the dark about everything. I'm trying to save up money but I love it so much, so I got a jar and super glued the top on it, cut a super skinny hole at the top so when I put money in it I can't get it back out, which is INSANE of me to do that I have such little self control but I HAVE TO DO IT IM OUT OF CONTROL AND WILL SAY ITS AN EMERGENCY BITPQDJDCBOQIWDCQ0WPH I dont even know, I'm just splurging.

Wait....You actually read it all??? NO YOU DIDNT YOU LITTLE LIAR YOU SKIMMED IT AT BEST!...Wait seriously? If only I could give hugs through computers XDDD If you really read all of that I am v proud of you, and I thank you for taking the time out of your day to stop by and read about my problems LOL I hope only the best for every one on this site, spread love and hope, not hate, and hope you all have a great day <3
 
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I don't have much advice on the first, I've moved around a lot in my life and I don't have a strong attachment to any of the homes that I've lived in.

As to the second, however, I don't think you're being overly shallow. I think that this is an important step in figuring out what you like about people, what values you hold in highest esteem, and overall what you're looking for in a partner. You're under no obligation to like everyone or anyone. This process of finding out what you're looking for in a person (at this stage of your life! this might change!) is something that I think a lot of people go through when they're learning about themselves. Afterall, these traits that you are judging seem to align with things about you - you're looking forward to college and want the same from a datemate, which I would guess means that you value education and are looking for someone who feels the same way. My advice here is to enjoy the intial fluttery crushy feelings (because they're nice) and use the critical thoughts after to consider what you value most in a potential partner.

I also think that you might want to look at whether you're going to college nearby or not (possibly why you're moving?). Long distance relationships are doable but difficult and in addition to that, college will throw classes and a mass of new people at you for you to meet and get to know. It's a good place to find people who also value education and have similar ambitions to you (though some of them will be there because they feel obligated, want to party, etc. too). It's rough feeling lonely and it's nice to feel desired but my oldperson advice to you is not to settle for someone who doesn't fit you because you're feeling lonely.
 
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I don't have any advice for you on the moving thing--I've never moved, heh. The most I can probably do is give you a hug because that sounds like it sucks D:

I've also only ever been in one relationship, and it's the one I'm in now, so I don't know how qualified I am to give advice on the second point--but I do know that everybody has flaws, and recognizing them is good, but it's also important to recognize the good in people. I guess, in the end, it's up to you to decide what you're looking for, and...well, I think you'll find that guy eventually, heh. Your previous breakup is probably affecting you there...maybe it's a defense mechanism, like you were thinking. Those things take a lot of time and care to heal, but they can heal.

Most other people probably have better advice than I do, so I'm just gonna leave it at that and send you lots of internet hugs as you figure things out.
 
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Hello :)

My advice for moving, as I have moved quite a bit, but always become quite attached is that... It's gonna suck. It's gonna suck and you'll hate it and all the people. You'll find any reason to despise the new place and desperately want to go back...

Until you don't. Slowly or quickly (depending on how much you immerse yourself in the area), you'll find a new favorite restaurant or little shop that has lots of puppies. You'll meet new people-some good, some bad, and some people. You'll learn so many things. That ache will still be there, but once you come to terms with the fact that nothing is being replaced and this place is another step on your journey through life, the world opens up just a bit more.

Hold your previous home in your heart, but don't lose hope. Adventure is out there.

As for romantic relationships, idk. I'm in a long term relationship with my cat. Depending on your philosophy on dating, not everyone is going to be the "one" nor will you be able to determine who that "one" is at first glance. Having standards are definitely important, but don't let nitpicky things like not know what they want to major in stop you from pursuing S good person. Everyone is at a different stage in life, and maybe that person will discover their true passion after a little more life experience. As a college student, having too firm of plans for the future sometimes causes a little heartache. I had an absolute plan set, but once I realized how unhappy this plan actually made me, I still didn't change it right away, because I couldn't reconcile those feelings of disappointment and uncertainty. I'm not alone in this experience.

Tl:dr- your life is just beginning and some of the problems that you experience just requires a little more experience for them to be resolved. You can tell yourself (or get advice here on) xyz, but it might take time to feel it. You have an amazing future ahead. The unknown is scary, but it can be a little less scary if you focus on keeping an open mind.
 
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