A Life Worth Living

[Diana]

She had walked down this bridge thousands of times. It was a two lane bridge that went over a deep river. People liked to fish there, as some were doing today further up stream. That was probably why someone was shouting behind her now threatening to call the police if she didn't climb back on to the road.

Hannah hadn't planned to do this. To climb over the railings on to the edge and stare down at the dark murky waters below. This was her route home, the same one she walked everyday. Today she just... wasn't thinking.

Or maybe she was thinking. A little bit too much. Her head was swimming with her lifetime's worth of problems. It wasn't that she had a terrible life. Not compared to other people. But that was just another reason for her to hate herself so much. She shouldn't feel this way. She didn't deserve to be upset.

Hannah held a foot out over the edge, kicking her foot a bit until her shoe fell off and dropped below. The fall was long. She didn't even hear the splash of her shoe hitting the water, it was so high. Switching feet, she did the same with her other, and kicked off her second shoe.

She wasn't going to need them when she jumped.

 

[Karaan]

Matthew's hand pass in his black short hair, before passing on his unshaven chin. He sighs and looks around, waiting for his day to end once again. He loves his job, but sometime thing can be boring. He moves back on his police's car, throwing the finish smoke on the ground, crushing it under his foot. He could still hear the voice of other, telling him that smoking was bad, but he just smoke when he is nervous, an old habit of when he was in High school. Most persons from this time of his life wouldn't believe that he is a police officer and one of the good one, sure he isn't the best or first of class, but he is an hardworking one, always trying to do right around him, to help population the best he can. He chuckles, giving a quick glance in his mirror, remembering about this sad time, but all this was behind him. He uses Muay Thai to focus his anger issue and releases the tension from it, letting him able to study and be calm on any situation.


"We have a women on the bridge." Matthew heard it from the radio in his car. The young officer sighs and answers the call, since he was the nearest of them all. He shakes his head and chases away those thought about his past, he had to be back on his job. "I hope this isn't another junkie or gambler." He frowns and press on the acceleration and starts flashing the light and the siren so the others would move aside when will pass. When he arrived at destination, the "leeches", how he loves to call them, were already there. The people who comes when they hear about something happening, getting entertain by the sadness of an incident, leeching on the victim's life for their own entertainment.


He shouts them to move aside, some are already betting on the outcome of the event, other are taking picture or filming it with their cellphone. Matthew's lips curls into a even wider frown when he moves near the bridge railing. He blinks a little, studying the feature of the women standing on it. "No..it most be a mistake." The women was looking like an older version of his favorite teacher, the one who believe in him and help him pass through difficult time. He moves next to her, but leave her two feet so she doesn't feel threaten by him. He offers a soft and genuinely smile. "I'm officer Matthew Desjardin, May I inquires your name, Miss?" He sits on the railing keeping his green irises on her. "Can you sit, Miss, please...I just want you to sit for the moment." He waits for her to answer, hoping that she was just someone looking like her and not her.

 

[Diana]

Hannah could hear people buzzing around behind her. It was almost embarrassing. Almost made her second guess what she wanted to do. But if she tipped over the edge and died, was it really going to matter what they saw and what they thought about her?

Someone stepped out with her. She started easing away from him, but when he paused without getting any closer, she stayed put. Hannah shook her head. The wind up on the bridge had her hair loose from it's clip and tumbling around her shoulders.

She didn't look at the man. If she did she was going to see pity or something like it. Hannah didn't want that to be the last thing she saw.

"I'm not going to tell you my name...." she mumbled. It was probably barely audible. It didn't matter if the police had her name or not, there wasn't anyone waiting for her or someone looking for her. He was sitting down, and she felt obligated to sit too. Awkwardly she lowered herself to be seated, warily casting him a glance from the corner of her eye. He wouldn't talk her out of jumping, but she didn't want him to fall in the process of trying to stop her.

"Go back. I can jump if I want to and you're probably going to fall."

 

[Karaan]

Matthew release a soft sigh from his lips when she sits, sure she didn't give him her name, but at least she had sits on the railing, it was a first step, he will take those steps with her, slowly. " He glances around him, at the crowd, at the river under the bridge before smiling to her. "I'm sorry, but I won't move my seat for now. Can we have a discussion, Miss, don't bother looking at those around you, just you and I. I just want to talk a little, maybe you could answer some of my question?" He says softly, while keeping his eyes on her. She didn't give him her name, but he could find out about her if she decided to answer some of his question. "Are you living or working near, Miss?" He inquires first, he wanted to know if she was from around the city. "If you are working, what are you doing for life?" He asks his second question, hoping that she wasn't a teacher, because that would strengthen the feeling that he knows her. His green eyes seem to plead for her to answer his question, but if she looks in her direction, she doesn't pity in it, mostly a strange curiosity glancing like a small fire inside his eyes, something was bothering him about her and she could see it.

 

[Diana]

She remained silent for a long, agonizing moment, and it seemed like she wasn't going to reply. Her hands were gripping the edge, with her feet dangling off the side. Hannah leaned a bit to look down, but she wasn't moving to take a leap yet. There was an oddly sad look on her face. The look of someone who was completely resigned to their fate.

"I used to teach. I haven't in a long time. Who knew trying to find a job again would be so hard...?" she finally mumbled. After the statement came a small, shaky laugh followed by a sudden sniffling. Hannah was trying hard to hold back the tears. There was no point in crying about anything any more. "He said a woman wasn't supposed to work. Of course, when you get divorced, replaced by another girl, and thrown out of your own house, that doesn't give you many options."

Why was she even telling him? That was a year ago and it didn't matter anymore. There were women who were beaten by their husbands, or worse. The man had never hit her, at least. And the entire thing was only the cherry on top of her long, ill conceived life.

Hannah glanced at the man again. A cop from the looks of his uniform. He was staring at her rather intensely and it threw her off guard. It wasn't the saccharine expression she was expecting. She shifted a bit where she was seated, assuming that he must be plotting on the best ways to more forcefully get her off the edge.

"I know what you're doing. You want me to talk about my life so you can tell me why I'm wrong and why there's plenty to live for. You'll make me go over my life story to distract me and then someone will sneak up to snatch me." Hannah was glancing over her shoulder now at all the people lingering nearby to see if someone was already on the move.

 

[Karaan]

He blinks once again at her, when she said that she was a teacher, but no longer. The curiosity inside his irises grow bigger. He closes his eyes and tries to stay professional, at any cost he had to try to help her, even if she wasn't her.A lot of women are teacher, so it could someone else. He listens to her words, hearing what she had to say about someone else, an ex-husband, if he understand who force her to stop working and after that divorce and left her alone. He frowns at her words, trying stay calm, but one part of him was wanting to find that bastard and punches right in the nose.


He tilts his head on the right, while brushing the back of his neck, an old quirk that he had when he was pondering about something. " No, Miss..nobody else will come near you...only you and me. And I'm really not in the good seat to say something like that." He chuckles and gives her an honest smile."We will talk as long as you feel you need and I will listen to you, but you had to...promise me to listen to my words too, please don't do any rashly." He stops and removes his colt from his side, putting it on the ground, removes his handcuff , letting them drops next to the gun. "What kind of discipline where you teaching before you stop and in which school did you attend." He inquires again, trying to talk with her, create a link of trust. He chuckles inside his mind, him trying to build trust with a stranger, his old teachers who laugh at this situation. "And you can ask me question too, don't be shy, we have all day..." He glares at the crowd that were still around them, behind the security line made by other police officers."Don't listen to the other, just talk with me, Miss.."

 

[Diana]

"It isn't rash... I have thought about this for a long time." As long as she could remember. But she was always too afraid of pain, too afraid of death. It was sad that in her entire life, the only reason she wanted to stay alive was because she was too afraid not to.

Hannah watched him put aside his gun and cuffs. Talking was the last thing she wanted to do. Her chest ached from trying to suppress tears and her throat burned. A hand reached up to wipe an errant tear off her cheek with her palm, before rubbing her hands against her pants.

He seemed determined to stay, though. And as long as he was sitting there, she didn't want to jump and risk having him fall too.

"I was studying English. I wanted to be a Professor eventually. During the day I interned as a Teacher's assistant and at night I would go to my classes. I even finished my first degree, before he asked me to stop. That was a long time ago..." When she thought about it, it may have been the last and only time she was genuinely happy. Growing up was rough, but learning and teaching was something she had been excited about.

A sniffle almost slipped out and she had to brush the tears away with the back of her hand quickly. "But it's about all that. You think I'm crazy. Everyone thinks I'm crazy."

 

[Karaan]

He listens to her words again, watching her carefully, trying to see if she was going to make a move toward the edge of the bridge." You say that you have thought of all this..." He glances at the river bellow the bridge and shivers."I won't move from my spot, so please don't move from yours." He didn't want for her to fall. He nods slowly, taking a moment to ponder the information that she just gave him. He glares at the crowd of "leeches", before talking again. "If you are crazy, well most of people looking at us are too. I can assure you, I don't think that you are crazy." He wasn't sure, she could be another intern, but she was looking like his old teacher's assistant, the one who help him pass through his own hard time. He had to take a chance, he had to give it a try, if she was really her, this could help to make a link between them, break some barrier. He smiles genuinely at her. "I must ask another question, is your name Hannah?" He inquires slowly, hoping to be her. "I have to know because you look and sound like someone I met when I was in High school." He chuckles and pass his hand in his bushy hair, before brushing his unshaven chin. "But sorry for the interruption, I want to know more about all this...what happen next, Miss?" He inquires slowly, offering her another smile.

 

[Diana]

"I'm Hannah." It was the first thing he said that stunned her enough to look sharply at him. How did he know her name? He looked too young for someone that she went to school with. Had he been a student she worked with? Hannah was examining his face more intently now. If he was, he didn't look familiar now. It had been too many years. He was a grown man and she could not seem to think about anything besides herself and her own selfish problems.

Hannah's arms curled around to hug herself. She shook her head. Refusing again to speak. When silence became too unbearable, she let out a soft huff and gave in.

"Have you ever had that feeling that you're just floating through life like a ghost? That everything you do doesn't really mean anything? What if your whole life was like that? Where every year things pass and go, and all that's left is you standing there wondering why you tried."

She cast a look over her shoulder at the people behind them. It was clear on her face that even she thought she sounded crazy. "I could tell you every thing about me, but it wouldn't matter. Honestly, what do I have to be so sad about? Being a troubled kid and then a troubled housewife? There are better people that really do need help. You should be catching thieves and finding lost babies, not talking to a crazy woman on a bridge."

 

[Karaan]

His green eyes stays on her, not moving from his spot, not glancing anywhere else, his two emerald irises rests on her while he was listening. Inside of him, he couldn't believe that she was her, but it seems she didn't remember him. It was normal, he wouldn't think that someone who were a teacher or an intern would remember every kids she tutors. His lips curls into soft smile. "Catching thieves...finding lost babies.." He repeats those words slowly. "If I can't try saving the life of one person..." He glances his eyes toward the river. "well this isn't a life I want to live forth. So don't say that I have better thing to do...I'm here to stay and talk, sorry Miss." He shakes his head and returns his attention on her. "And for answer your question, Miss Hannah, yes I know how it feels to be a ghost in the middle of population. I used too, I drag most of my life like that, wondering why I was even trying to stay. I even think about the bridge." He sighs." It seems I should share a bit of my own story, to explain all this." He chuckles. "I was consider a drop-out by most people, even my family thought I was just good to do bad. Most of my teachers in high school lost hope in me and left me alone, I could wander in the school not caring that I don't do my homework or even try to pass the exam."


He smiles at her. "I could even smoke in the class sometime...most people didn't care if I wasn't bothering the rest of the real group." He sighs. "I say most of them, because one year, I had an intern in my English class." He glances toward her, his green eyes looking at her, waiting for any reaction. "She was interesting.." He stops and ponders a short instant before continuing talking with his soft voice. "She was stubborn , well I think she was, and didn't decide to do like everyone else. She helps me, force me to do thing, even give me advice about every class." He chuckles." By the end of that semester, I was back on track. " He closes his eyes for a short instant. "Her name was Hannah, this is why I was wondering about you, Miss?"

 

[Diana]

Hannah studied his face. A little stunned and bewildered. So she did know him, years ago. Back when she was a first year intern. She wasn't much older than the high school students she was teaching, but at the time felt like an old lady trying to wrangle cats. That first year in particular was overwhelming with students that didn't respect young teachers, and she just trying to get a handle on what to do. There were vague memories of people who were problems, and people who were unexpected surprises.

"You were a little jerk..." she mumbled, a few moments coming to mind. It was getting clearer now, sparked by green eyes and his accusation of stubbornness.

Hannah almost smiled. But the situation was so strange and awkward. She hugged herself again, shaking her head gently. "I remember, because you made me so mad, sitting in the back of class refusing to do anything. You could have done anything, but you didn't ever try."

"I suppose you finally went somewhere, after all." A weak smile slipped out, but it vanished just as quickly. "Of course now you're going to tell me there's a lesson there. I have to try, there's so much to live for. But I am really so very tired of trying... it's different."

 

[Karaan]

He couldn't resist to let a soft laugh escapes his lip. "A jerk I was..." He says remembering his high school moment. He glances toward the rivers, under them, wondering why every moment she seems to have enough of this life and want to end it. He frowns and shakes his head again, refuting her theory. "I'm not here to give you any lesson, Miss Hannah." He rubs the back of his neck, his old quirk. "I'm here to talk with you or even just tell you thank you for what you did... your stubbornness help me pass through a rough time." He glances at himself for a short moment before putting his emerald irises on her. "And now I'm doing better, so it is only normal to try to do the same thing with you, Miss Hannah." He chuckles. "I could go with the classic boring speech : There is always a solution, everyone have their hard moment..you know." He tilts his head and laughs softly again. " But since I don't believe in all those ready-to-serve speech, I will just tell you to give at least one look at what you have done in your life. I'm technically the result of your action..." He shyly smiles at her, brushing his unshaven chin for a short moment. "And I consider myself not that bad...well I hope I'm not that bad." He glances at the population around them, behind the security line, most of them seem to have left the area, only the more hardcore people were still looking at them.


For the first time, Matthew moves his hand toward her slowly, but if he sees a fear reaction will retract it. He studies her feature again, remembering all the trouble he gave her in her first year, but he also remembers all the good thing she did to him. He had to try to help, he doesn't want her to die before he could pay his debt to her.

 

[Diana]

Hannah wanted to say that she didn't believe in people's good intentions anymore. Once upon a time she saw the good in everyone, really honestly believed that people had it deep down inside. Now, she was jaded and didn't have much hope left.

Still, she didn't want break his hope. He was sitting on the edge of a bridge trying to make a difference with someone. Her life was hopeless, but how could she not admire a literal stepping out on a ledge for a relative stranger?

She didn't shirk away from his reached out hand, but she made no motion to accept it. Just kept her arms wrapped around herself. Hannah cast another look over her shoulder at the lingering people and frowned.

"I can't go back now. They are probably going to lock me up in the hospital."

 

[Karaan]

He follows her gaze toward the crowd, a small frown on his lips for a short instant, his hand still next to him. He doesn't move more then that, he doesn't want to enter her private sphere, he is waiting for her to do the same on her side, to move her hand near him when she will be ready to do so. He shakes his head at her words once again. "No, you can go back." He expels a long sigh from his lips. "You are the one who will decide if you can...and I hope you will follow me back into the road. For right now, you are on the side, but with the help of someone, I'm sure you can be back on track. " His green eyes returns on her, smiling softly at her. "And they won't lock you in an hospital, don't worry. I can explain you what will happen if you decide to come back with me on the bridge, sure they will check on you, but after that short examination, I will invite you to drink a coffee at a small cafe where we could continue our discussion about all this, maybe will could eat something too." He isn't inviting her on a date, even he couldn't forget that he had a crush on her when he was in high school. Sure most of the boys in his class had a crush on the young intern who was in the English class, but him had real crush, but he never had the courage to tell her, because well he knew it would be stupid to do so. His emerald irises seem to plea for her to accept his offer. "So...are you interested in this offer, Miss Hannah?" Inside of him, he was hoping she would accept to continue this discussion somewhere else after all this, He knows that she needed help, but not the help that you find an hospital, she just need someone that she could trust for once, that would be there to help her and since she helped him when he was in the dark, it was his turn to keep the lantern and light her path back to the surface. " A coffee and a donuts..so we don't break a stereotype.." He repeats his offer, expelling a soft chuckle at the same time while he brushes his unshaven chin, his gaze glancing between her and the river.

 

[Diana]

Hannah laughed softly about the donuts. It was a silly thing, and she wasn't sure if that lifted her spirits or not. But she did feel a little bit lighter. Less like she wanted to tumble head first down in to the river, and more like she wanted to curl up somewhere warm and out of sight. Even if she didn't believe him that things would be fine, she did want to get away from the prying eyes of overly curious people.

"Okay. We can go have coffee." She shifted a bit in her seat, frowning as she tried to figure out the best way to get up without falling. And since she kicked her shoes right off the bridge, she was going to be going without them. Hannah hadn't thought she'd leave the bridge the way she came, now she was regretting letting the shoes go first.

 

[Karaan]

He smiles at her when she accepted his offer of a coffee. Mathew chuckles and slowly moves off the edge. He nods at the others officers who seem relieve that thing ended well. The overly curious crowd keep their eyes on them, they don't want to miss a minute of this strange thriller, wondering if she would use the short moment the officer wasn't near her to slip through his fingers and jumps off. The young officer moves next to her and offers his arm as a support so she could come back on the good side of the road. He keep his emerald irises on her, glancing around them shortly to make sure that nobody would say or try anything against her. He had to help her, this is for sure, but he had to make sure that she isn't ostracize by the population because of all this. Mathew knows that once you are ostracize by someone, it is more difficult to go back on the track. He pass his arm around her waist and puts her arm around his neck." When you are ready, I will help.." He says softly, looking at her. A small blush appears on his cheek now that he is near her, she was an high school crush, and she was still beautiful.

 

[Diana]

Hannah accepted his help, despite the fact that being in physical contact seemed to make her a little bit wary and uncomfortable. This was a very strange response from a woman who used to have no problem invading someone's physical space to pat on the head or shoulders, or to warmly give hugs. Using him as a stationary pillar, she climbed over the rails and back on to the correct side of the road. From there, there was no easy way to turn around and leap off the bridge. She was committed to what she promised.

Hannah pulled her arms from him to raise her hands and shield her face from the snapping of curious cameras and stares of people. There was a lot of shouted questions, though the police were keeping it all under control. Hannah supposed her face was probably going to be all over the evening news and everyone that used to know her was going to have endless gossip to ponder about.

"There's too many people. I don't know if I can do this..!" She hated this feeling of being helpless and not knowing what to do or where to turn to, and at the moment Matthew was her only life-raft. Hannah struggled not to give in to a lost panic, and the thoughts that maybe she made a huge mistake coming off the bridge. And stayed close to him as he led the way.

 

[Karaan]

Mathew offers her a warm smile when she decided to come back with him on the road. He frowns at the crowd, trying to hide her feature the best he can with his body, covering her with his coat, so she couldn't be bother with all those pestering "leeches". He shakes his head and tilts his head on the left, glancing in her direction. "Yes you can..." He whispers to her slowly, his voice is calm and honest. "If you could keep jerk like myself in place in class, those curious pricks are nothing for you. You are a strong person, Miss Hannah, because you decided to continue on the hard path and doesn't give up yet." Instinctively, he pulls her closer to him by passing his arm around her waist, using himself as a shield, putting himself between her and the panic she slowly feeling "I know a place where we could talk alone, without people pestering us..." He chuckles softly. "And don't worry, I'm not dragging you in my apartment. I'll go buy to coffee and I will show you a place where we won't be bother by anyone." He slowly opens his car door and smiles. "One last step and we will be out of here." His emerald irises stays on her. "The hardest part is behind you, Miss Hannah. I can assure you..." He bites his lower lip and returns his attention rapidly on the other officers, nodding to their silent question. Most of them understand what was going on and where Mathew is going with her. Mathew's hand brushes her side gently to give her courage and shows her that she isn't alone for now.

 

[Diana]

"Coffee actually sounds good..." she admitted. Hannah slid in to the car seat and settled. With the door closed after her, all sounds from outside were sealed away, just leaving the quiet, still atmosphere of the vehicle. It was then she realized just how exhausted she was. The whole experience had been draining.

Hannah fussed with the hem of her shirt, avoiding eye-contact with anyone outside of the vehicle. She held her breath while Matt spoke with his fellow officers to let them know what was going on. Likely making excuses for her, which she was eternally grateful for. Maybe when the day was over it wouldn't seem nearly as bad? There had to be more interesting news than a crazy exschool teacher on a bridge.

 

[Karaan]

The young officers chats with the other officers for a few minutes, explaining the situation to them and what he is about to do. He keeps himself away from the crowd of curious who are still near the scene. He smiles and thanks the others officer, giving them the promise to keep an eye on her for the rest of the day and even more. He walks back to his car and enters in it, giving another encouraging smile to her. "I promise you a coffee, Miss Hannah, so a coffee it will be." He chuckles and starts the engine of his police car, exiting the scene for once for all. His eyes move on the road, but every stops or red light, the young man glances toward her making sure that she is still doing alright. He doesn't want to look over-protecting, but he has to make sure that she is alright. At a longer red light, he breaks the long silence. "Do you have anyone that you wish to contact?" He inquires, turning his gaze on her. "Anyone that could help you right now." He rubs the back of his neck for a short moment and returns his attention on the road.


He stops at a small coffee shop, turning his attention once again on her. "So how do you take your coffee?" He smiles and exits after hearing her answer. "Stays here and don't worry, nobody will bother you in this car." He winks at her without thinking and closes the door entering the coffee shop to order the two coffees and some donuts too, so they can have something to eat too if she get a little hungry.