A Drafting Table Named "Ashton" has stolen my heart...

Hydronine

The Murrstress
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This is Ashton....

He's long, hard, wooden, has slots for my supplies and lets me lay on top of him all the time.

He can bend to face me better, and he's understanding of my AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME art work.

He's the perfect size for me...

Everything just fit PERFECTLY.

And let me tell you, I've already used him once.... and it blew my mind....

So... I'm sorry Jesse.... I'm marrying my drafting table... we're engaged and getting married in the summer... because if we do it in spring, if he gets any rain on him, he'll swell up and get disfigured....

Oh, and I need people to be the brides maids, best men, and a wedding planner and a cake maker.

I was thinking of using a kind of gothic-y style... like... a black wedding dress and red roses, and steak knifes on the tables being covered in blood, and having the reception in the C-box....
 
A

Ampoule

Guest
Oh my god. . .

*secretly covets drafting table!*

CONGRADULATIONS, JULEZ ;_; YOU'LL MAKE A FINE COUPLE!

I will help you in any way I can. . .
 

Hydronine

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And you shall be a bridesmaid!
 
D

Darkness

Guest
Can I go to the party and fuck one of the bridesmaids or something?
 

Hydronine

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Yes, Darkness, yes you can.... but only if Ashton and I can watch the said act of fucking.
 
A

Arsenal XA4

Guest
*A Global Hawk UAV flies overhead and takes multiple pictures of the table.*
 

Hydronine

The Murrstress
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*Whimpers* I hope I wasn't too hard on him when I said you were better than him, Ashton...

*The table is silent*

Yeah.... love you too.
 
A

Arsenal XA4

Guest
*A 155mm Inert round lands nearby.*

Warning shot complete. Withdrawing field arty.

*Carl and an M-122 Sledgehammer howitzer withdraw.*
 

Hydronine

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*Whimers more and covers Ashton with her body*

I WON'T LET THEM HURT YOU! I LOVE YOU!

*Again, the table is silent*

.....Y...you'd... you'd rather be attacked by a rogue woodchipper than leave me?....R-really?
 

Hydronine

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*Julez is wheeled away, riding on top of Ashton*
 
A

Arsenal XA4

Guest
*A phone lands on Ashton.*

Yew canno' run. Yew canno' reason. Yew canno' stop us.

An' Ah won' stop comin' until yer deid...
 
C

Captain Nic

Guest
I think Ashton is a pretty cool guy.

I'd design my dream house with him any day.
 

Hydronine

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YES! DARKNESS! YES! FUCK THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! But we watch.

*Pats Ashton's shelf*

Ooooo! What a naughty boy! Your shelf is already halfway out!
 

Hydronine

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Thank you Patty! And Darkness, suck a fat one. I love Ashton! He makes me feel smarter!
 
D

Darkness

Guest
I'm not saying anything against the table.

It's against old school architecture.